a/n: hey guys! or gals. yeah. anyway, this idea just popped into my head one day while i was watching reruns of full house. haha, full house is the best :D anyway, this is a humoristical oneshot! well, humorful in my head. haha, tell me what you think, okay?
disclaimer: i don't own SWAC, i only own the plot :D
Life Is Full Of Jealousy
A Sonny/Chad OneShot
by mindless scribbles
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Jealousy.
noun. plural jel⋅ous⋅ies
1. jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.2. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3. vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
4. a jealous feeling, disposition, state, or mood.
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Present Time
6:16 PM: Worst Plan Ever
-
So here was the deal. I, in an attempt to make Sonny jealous, was fake-dating Sonny, while trying to make it seem like I was trying to make Portlyn, not Sonny, jealous instead. Are you with me?
Good.
Moving on. It was supposed to work, right? Because fake-dating Chad Dylan Cooper usually meant that he was trying to make someone else jealous, not you. And even though you felt honored that he would pick you to fake-date, you still felt jealous because he wasn't really dating you. And when the girl he was trying to make jealous actually became jealous, he would 'dump' you, and everything will fall apart.
Still with me? Great.
Trouble is, Sonny didn't seem the least bit upset.
Looking at the pretty brunette next to me, who was texting on her cow-phone, I almost puked at the thought of this not working. I glanced over at Portlyn, who was looking at us with a confused expression. I caught her gaze and shrugged, mentally stating the fact that this plan wasn't working. She pointed at Sonny and mouthed something that I couldn't understand. I stared at her and tried to mouth What? back, but she couldn't read lips either.
"What are you doing?" Sonny asked, looking up at me.
"Er, what do you mean?" I replied, putting my arm around her.
"You were mouthing stuff to someone." She said, leaning against me comfortably. Then, the fake (although not fake to her) plan in her head again, she asked, "Is it working?"
I stared at her, unable to hear the words coming out of her mouth. When I realized she was looking at me and waiting for an answer, I, in the most nonchalant way, asked, "What did you say?"
She sighed, sitting up straight again. My side felt cold without her leaning against me. Stupid brain. Why was I thinking that? It was bad enough I already thought she was cute. Stupid cute.
Stupid. Cute.
S. C.
S is for Sonny, C is for Chad.
Sonny and Chad.
Shad?
Shod?
Chadny?
Chonny?
Channy?
Channy!
"Hello?" Her voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I smiled sheepishly at the thought of me trying to come up with a celebrity couple name for us. Because unfortunately, this make-Sonny-jealous-while-trying-to-make-it-seem-like-I-was-trying-to-make-Portlyn-jealous thing wasn't working out. If anything, it was making me jealous. Who was she texting? Was it a boy? Which boy? It wasn't James Conroy was it? And it definitely wouldn't be Hayden, the guy who she kissed before she kissed me, right? It couldn't be Nico, or that other Random. Because Sonny didn't go well with any of these guys. She went well with me.
Me.
Chad Dylan Cooper. Sonny Munroe was perfect with Chad Dylan Cooper.
Yes.
She was.
Hey, I wasn't the only one who thought so. Portlyn agreed; in fact, she was the one who came up with this idea. Believe it or not, she was actually a pretty smart girl. Except for this plan.
And then there was Tawni, who supposedly always thought that Sonny and I liked each other. Not to mention Zora, who apparently also thought so too, and who was probably hiding in a vent, spying on us somehow. And then there was the whole, oh, I don't know, five million people who read Tween Weekly who thought so too.
Yes, Tween Weekly did a whole four-page article about the possibility of us being together. So what now!?
"Chad? Are you okay? You seem kind of... out of it." Sonny said, poking my arm.
"Huh?" I looked at her and said, "Oh yeah, of course. You know me, Chad Dylan Cooper is never out of it!"
She smirked (in that stupid cute way) and said in a teasing voice, "Is it because of Portlyn?"
Do you see what I mean? She doesn't even seem the least bit upset that I wasn't really dating her (though, as if you've probably figured out, I'd really like to.) I wrinkled my brow in confusion. How the heck was she not noticing that I'd been trying to get her jealous this whole time!?
"You know," She continued, thoughtfully playing with her phone, "I've never noticed it before, but you two make a really good couple."
I groaned in frustration and slapped my forehead. She patted my head, then reached to mess up my perfect hair, as if she were an adult that was giving me girl advice. "Don't worry," She said, playfully slapping my back, "It'll all work out eventually."
I narrowed my eyes at her. "You'd better hope so, Sonny."
-
Two Days Ago
2:45 PM: Fake-Date
-
"And you," Portlyn said, tapping the paper that was being held in front of my face, "Will 'fake flirt' with her the whole time, eventually making her jealous."
"Portlyn, I don't know if this is going to work," I said, eyeing her warily. My hair was a mess, and my eyelids were drooping. We'd been at this for hours- and I was the only one left. Three hours ago, the rest of the Mackenzie Falls cast claimed that they needed a coffee break- and had disappeared ever since. Even Tawni had managed to sneak away.
What was going on?, you ask. Let me fill you in on the details.
The Mackenzie Falls cast, along with Tawni, who had somehow became friends with Portlyn during a random party, had 'brilliantly' come up with a plan involving me, Portlyn, Sonny and whole boatload full of jealousy.
So? What was the problem?
The problem? The problem was that Portlyn wouldn't stop talking. All she did this whole day was blabber on and on about how cute Sonny and I were going to look once we were finally together (which, I really shouldn't complain about... my Chadness took up, like 60% of the cuteness), how 'this plan was going to be totally awesome!', and about how her complexion had cleared up ever since she started using that whatever-the-name-is face scrub.
It was agonizing.
"Do you understand the situation we are in?" Portlyn demanded, hands on hips.
I stared up at her and sighed, "Yes. I understand. Now will you go away and let Chad," I gestured to myself, "Have some Chad time? And that means no one, except Chad in this room. And you're not Chad, so just go and leave Chad in peace."
She stared dumbly at me. "Why do you talk in third person sometimes? It just makes this whole conversation more confusing and non-understandable!"
"Hey guys," A new voice greeted. The body of the voice strolled into the room. "Whoa," She said, her eyes widening, "What's going on in here?" She pointed toward Portlyn and me.
My eyes, which were once half closed, burst open and I stared at her. It was sick how cute she looked- cute hair, which was slightly curly, cute outfit, which brought out her cute eyes, and cute smile, which was looking back and forth at us as if she knew something we didn't.
"Oh, no." I quickly said, standing up, "There's nothing going on between us."
Portlyn stomped her foot and stared at me, her eyes just giving me that dark look that told me ask her! Ask her now if she'll go on a fake-date with you so you can make it seem like you're trying to make me jealous, but in reality you're making her jealous!
"Well," Portlyn said sweetly, heading for the door, "I've gotta go..." She smiled at us and hopped out.
"Well?" Sonny teased, punching me in the shoulder, "What's going on between you two?"
I gulped and rubbed the spot where she punched me. For a 'playful' punch, it sure hurt. "Sonny," I began.
"There's no sun outside," She replied, pointing out the window.
I rolled my eyes and continued on, "Can you do me a favor?" Then, deciding that it didn't sound egotistical enough, I added, "Actually, you don't really have a choice. You'll do me a favor. See, I guess there is something going on between me and Portlyn."
It was her turn to roll her eyes. "Portlyn and me." She corrected.
I waved it off, "Chad Dylan Cooper doesn't care about grammar."
She stared expectantly, blinking furiously when her bangs accidentally fell into her eyes. Stupid cute.
"She's not exactly taking the hint, because well, she's kind of... stupid if you haven't noticed." I said, acting out the 'script' in an amazing way. You see? I really was the best actor of our generation. "So my plan is, you'll go out on a fake-date with me, make her jealous, have her fall in love with me, and we'll all live happily ever after." I stared at her and she blinked. "So will you do it?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"That's the spirit!" I said, trying to think of a place to have our fake-date, "I already have a place booked, so just meet me here at my dressing room on Saturday. At 5."
"5 in the morning?" She replied in disgust, wrinkling her nose.
I whacked her arm, causing her to glare at me, "No! 5 in the afternoon, smart one."
"Fine." She said, whacking my arm to get revenge.
"Good." I said, punching her shoulder lightly.
"Good." She punched my shoulder.
"Fine." I slapped her cheek.
She stopped and stared at me, her mouth wide. "I can't believe you just did that!"
Guilt washed over me and I automatically started apologizing, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I mean, Chad Dylan Cooper don't usually slap girls that hard! I thought it was just-you know, like a... little, gentle slap! Forgive me!" I was practically begging by now.
She looked at me in silence for a couple of seconds, then burst out laughing, winking and flashing my signature peace sign at me as she walked out the door,saying "Gotcha, sucka!"
-
Three Hours Ago
3:16 PM: Preparations
-
"Chad!" Portlyn hollered.
I groggily sat up and rubbed my eyes. What time was it? Why was Portlyn here? How did I fall asleep in my dressing room? Glancing at the clock, I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw the bright red numbers flashing through the darkness. 3:16 PM. Good, I wasn't late for my fake-date.
"CHAD!" Portlyn yelled again. The lights flickered on and I groaned, covering my eyes with a pillow. Too bright.
"What are you still doing here?" She asked, thumping me on the head.
"Ow!" I sat up, "Did you just thump Chad Dylan Cooper on the head?"
She snickered, "Obviously. Moving on to a more important matter: did you ask Sonny out?"
I sighed, "If you're talking about the fake date, then yes. I did."
She smiled in satisfaction. "Good. Now, we have to prepare!"
I squinted at her, "What?"
Chastity burst through the room, holding a clipboard, a variety of clothes, and a giant grin on her face. "Makeover time for Chad!" She squealed, clapping her hands.
My eyes widened, "You're not going to put-" Grimace. "Makeup on me, are you?"
"Definitely not!" Portlyn said, slapping the side of arm, "What kind of people do you think we are?"
"Stupid ones." I mumbled, trying to get up from the couch. I failed, then just plopped down on it again, willing the two to go away and leave me alone.
"Chad." Portlyn said, pointing at me, "You have less than two hours to get ready for your fake date! How are you going to make Sonny jealous when you don't even look nice?"
"Hey!" I defended myself, "I always look nice! And I'm not a girl- I don't need two hours to make myself look beautiful. I already am beautiful!"
"You and your conceited thoughts..." Portlyn said, shaking her head. "Come on!" She dragged me over to a chair and gestured to Chastity, who began to rip things out of a bag.
"So this," Chastity said, holding up a few clothes, "Is your first outfit choice."
"Great." I replied, grabbing it out of her hands, "I'll just use this one."
"No!" She whined, taking it back quickly, "We've got a dozen more choices! You can't possibly pick the first one you see!"
I stared at her. "I'm. Not. A. Girl."
"Stop being so complicated!" Portlyn ordered, "We're trying to make you the best you can be!"
"I already am the best I can be!"
"Again with those arrogant comments." Chastity sighed, "Port. You know what we've gotta do."
"Fine!" I surrendered, "Fine, just show me what you've got."
They smiled triumphantly and began bombarding me with clothes. After an hour or so, they finally chose one that 'fit perfectly well with the theme of the evening.' And after another half hour, they were done writing out a list of things I was supposed to do- from flirting with Sonny all the way to telling her how I feel about her.
Someone knocked on the door. "Yes!" I grinned, "I'm saved!"
"It's a good thing you dressed before she came." Portlyn said, nodding in satisfaction. Chastity motioned for her to hide- because we were, after all, 'making Portlyn jealous', and she flew behind a curtain.
I opened the door to reveal Sonny, looking as cute as ever, smiling widely with her cow-phone in her hand. "So where are we going?" She asked, stepping into the room.
"Uh..." I ransacked my brain, trying to find a good place. After all this preparing, I still hadn't thought of the place we were supposed to go.
"The arcade!" Chastity stepped in.
"Oh," Sonny nodded, "Okay. And uh, Chastity? Not that I'm surprised or anything, but why are you here?"
"I had to drop some stuff off. New script for next week's rehearsal." Chastity replied, slapping my back in a way that I guessed was supposed to be encouraging. "Have fun on your date!"
"Oh, it's fake-" Sonny tried to tell her, but I quickly grabbed her arm and left before she could. Trust me, I knew what she was going to say. She was going to ramble on and on about how fake the date was until she was sure that Chastity believed her- but unfortunately, it would take more than an hour because Chastity was in on the real plan.
"What was that for?" She complained, opening the door to my convertible.
"Oh, I knew you were going to ramble on and on about how fake this date was going to be." I replied, "If I hadn't pulled you out of there, you would've been talking for an hour."
She narrowed her eyes at me, "You're unbelievable."
I smiled to myself, slowly backing out of the parking lot. "That I am."
-
Present Time
6:30 PM: Best Plan Ever
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"Is she looking over here?" Sonny asked, leaning into me again. She smelled like strawberries. "Quick, put your arm around me. She's looking over here."
"You act like you're the one trying to make her jealous." I said, following her directions.
"Well you're not exactly doing anything, so I figured I should take the lead."
"Since when can girls take the lead?" I scoffed.
"Since boys couldn't take the lead, so girls thought that they should take the lead because obviously, someone needs to take the lead! Use your brain, Cooper!" Sonny said, knocking my head.
"Hey! No one can knock Chad Dylan Cooper on the head!"
"I just did!" She quickly argued back, "So what now?"
"Well fine then," I said, making a 'psh' sound, "Then I enjoyed it very much."
"Good."
"Good."
"Good!"
I sighed, "Are we good?"
"We are so good." She said, peering over at Portlyn again.
Frustrated with this whole turnout, I slammed my fist down hard on the table and mumbled, "This isn't working!" I scratched my nose, signaling to Portlyn that the plan wasn't working. We'd figured out a bunch of signals beforehand- a nose scratch meant that theplan wasn't working, a cheek scratch meant the plan was going smoothly, and a head scratch meant Port needed to get her butt over here this instant.
Head scratch. That was it. I scratched my head fiercely and stared at Portlyn, willing her to look over at me. I needed her to get over here!
"Are you okay?" Sonny asked, then backed away, "You don't have lice do you?"
I continued scratching, "Of course not! Chad Dylan Cooper will never have lice. I just have this huge itch- on my head." I stopped scratching as soon as Portlyn got the message. She stood up, and in her 3-inch heels, began sauntering over.
"Hey, guys!" She said, sitting down across from Sonny and me.
"It's working." Sonny whispered, scooting over to cover the space between us.
"No, it's not." I whispered back, thinking of the actual plan.
"What are you talking about?" She said in a normal voice, forgetting that Portlyn was sitting right there, "She saw us, and now she's here, because she's jealous!"
"That wasn't the plan!" My voice cracked, but I kept going anyway. What did I have to lose? "The plan was to make you jealous by pretending to date you while pretending to make Port jealous."
Silence.
She squinted at me, "Huh?"
"The real plan was to make you jealous, not her. I would never date her again!" I motioned to Portlyn.
"Gee, thanks a lot." Portlyn said sarcastically. Then she realized that I was confessing the real plan to Sonny and she started cracking up, covering her mouth with her hand, as if that would make her laughter less noticable.
"So... you were trying to make me jealous..." Sonny stated.
"Yeah... wait." I paused, her words sinking in, "Who told you I was trying to make you jealous?"
She shrugged, "Tawni. Apparently, she spills everything when you tell her how much prettier she is than you are."
We stared at each other for several seconds before I blurted out, "That's why it wasn't working! You weren't even a little bit jealous. In fact, you've been texting on your cow-phone all night." Then, mumbling the next part in a voice I hoped she couldn't hear, "It made me jealous. I mean, who were you even texting?"
"I was texting Tawni." She answered simply, pulling in into a hug.
"Why are you hugging me?"
She smiled, then mumbled, "Because I don't have to pretend anymore."
"Pretend?" I asked, confused about whatever she was talking about, "Pretend what?"
Sitting up, Sonny sighed and began combing her fingers through her pretty hair. "I was pretending like I wasn't jealous of you trying to make Portlyn jealous by fake-dating me. The only reason you didn't know I was jealous was because," a smirk, "I'm the best actress of our generation." When I didn't say anything, she began to get up from the table. "Anyway, I'll see you later."
"Wait!" I called after her. We had both just confessed that we were jealous and she leaves!? "Where are you going?"
"Um... home?"
"I just confessed about the real plan, and you just confessed to me about how jealous you actually were." I pointed out, "And now you're leaving?"
She just stared at me. "What else am I supposed to do?"
I gave her a look, "Um, I don't know? How about you come here and give Chad Dylan Cooper a big kiss?"
Portlyn began laughing hysterically, snorting every once in a while. I glared at her to stop, but she couldn't. "I can't believe-" Snort. "You just said that! No one tells a girl to kiss him!" Laugh, chortle, snicker.
"Chad Dylan Cooper can." I said, shielding my now red cheeks with my hand. I looked at Sonny, who was trying to hide her laughter too. "Well?"
She walked over, shaking her head and bent down. I closed my eyes and then she kissed me.
On the cheek.
"Chad, you're not ready for a real kiss yet." She smirked, sitting back down.
"Why not?" I whined, stomping my foot impatiently. "You kissed me at our last fake date!"
She snorted, "Chad, I already told you- that was a fake kiss."
"But that's not what I put on my blog."
"So? It still doesn't change the fact that it wasn't a real kiss." Her voice rose, taunting me. She pointed toward a guy that she probably thought was cute, "See that guy over there? Now he deserves a real kiss."
I shot her an offended look and she wrapped her arms around me, somehow managing to calm me down before I threw the ketchup and mustard at him.
"Don't worry Chad." She said, "You'll get a real kiss soon." Standing up, she prepared to leave again.
"But wait!" I wailed, pulling her back down. "You know that I like you now. And I know that you like me- well, I mean, I always knew you liked me, but still. We like each other, so...?"
"So?" She asked.
"Just get together and kiss already!" Portlyn interrupted, punching the table. She stood up in a huff and stalked out of the building.
"Sonny, if you don't kiss me, I'll write on my blog that Sonny Munroe just proposed to me, on one knee, with a diamond ring on her palm." I grinned, waiting to see her reaction.
"What?"
"You heard me." I smirked arrogantly.
"But I didn't!" She tried to defend herself, "Please don't write that! It was bad enough when you wrote I really kissed you! I got 50,000 phone calls from tabloids asking about it!
I crossed my arms, then thought of a deal that I was sure she would accept. "Sonny, I'll let you go on that kiss thing."
"But?" She raised her eyebrow, knowing there was some sort of agreement coming next.
"But," I grinned, "You have to agree to be my girlfriend first."
"Psh," She scoffed, "That's easy. I agree."
"You agree?"
"I agree."
I grinned. "Good."
"Good."
"Let's go out on a real date." I suggested, "This fake-dating thing isn't my thing."
"It's not mine either." She said, nodding.
I sighed in satisfaction as we headed out of the arcade. Sure, life is full of jealousy, but Chad Dylan Cooper was fortunate enough to get over it. And now, he was proud to finally be able to call Sonny Munroe his girlfriend.
a/n: does anybody know when sonny and chad first started the 'fine' 'fine' 'good' 'good' thing? it just cracks me up everytime i hear it. i was watching a sonny/chad video on youtube and it made me wonder when they first started saying that.
anywayyyyy, thanks for reading!
sour: you loved it
sweet: you thought it was okay
bitter: you hated it
by the way, i was just wondering if chad and sonny were in character enough. so let me know!
-hayley