What Might Have Been

By Misha

Disclaimer- Not mine. I'm not making any money off this story, it's purely for entertainment basis.

A.N- I intended "Letting Go of Someday" to be a one-shot but then I kept thinking about it and decided I had to write Ranger's PoV, which is a little harder for me. After all, he keeps so much to himself that who knows what's going on in his head. But here I give it a shot. The dialogue is the same as in "Letting Go of Someday", but told from Ranger's PoV and with different flashbacks. Hopefully y'all enjoy it as much as you did the first part.

Pairing- Babe, some Cupcake

Spoilers- Up to Finger Lickin' Fifteen.

Rating- PG-13

I didn't have to be told she was back in town, I knew she would be. I'd heard about Edna Mazur's death because I still kept tabs on the Plum family, just for old times' sake.

I'd considered stopping by the funeral home to pay my respects, but I decided against it. It wasn't my place. Besides, that wasn't how I wanted to see her again, surrounded by her family. I didn't need to see how much her life had changed.

I did send flowers though. Partially, because of the relationship I'd once had with her granddaughter and partially, because I really did like the old lady. She scared the Hell out of me, but she was spunky and lively.

She reminded me a lot of her granddaughter, the woman I had once loved. The woman a part of me still loved. I accepted a long time ago that I'd always love her, but time had changed the nature of that love. Once she'd been the most important person in my world, now she was just a fond memory and a reminder of the constraints of the life I'd chosen for myself.

If things had been different, if I had been different, I would have married her and had children with her, but that life wasn't in the cards for me and ten years ago she'd become another man's wife.

I hadn't seen her since just before her wedding, but as soon as I heard about her grandmother, some gut instinct told me that was about to change. Somehow, even though we'd never run into each other on any of her visits to town, I knew that this time would be different.

Maybe it was because her grandmother had been a tie to that old life, the crazy side of Stephanie, the one she'd left behind when she got married and moved away from Trenton.

So, I wasn't all that surprised when I got the call from one of my men that an unknown woman had pulled up to the Bonds office, or what used to be the Bonds office. It was just an empty building now.

I'd bought it years ago when Vinnie sold the business. I'd moved all the bond collecting over to Rangeman and just left the building as it was, since I had no real use for it. I monitored it though and kept it, even though I had no real purpose for it, because of what it represented. That was why I had bought it in the first place, because some of the happiest moments of my life had occurred there. Those sweet stolen moments that I'd had with her…

/I've got a job for you," I told her as I pulled her out into the alley, "a distraction."

I had other women I could call to help if I needed it, but I preferred to ask Stephanie. I knew she could always use the extra cash and it meant I could keep an eye on her, so I'd know she was safe.

Plus, it gave me an excuse to see her. And get my hands down her shirt, which was a little pathetic. I was a grown man, one who'd never had any problem getting women into bed, but this woman turned me into a teenage boy, happy for the smallest amount of action.

"Slutty, sporty or classy?" She asked with an easy smile.

"Business casual," I replied, "though you can dress slutty for me any time you like."

She laughed. "Is that so?" She asked, moving a little closer to me. She'd been bolder lately, playing with fire. Normally, she made it clear that there was a line, but these days the line was getting blurry. I pulled her against me.

"You know it, Babe." Then I kissed her, savouring the taste of her. Sometimes, I thought I lived for these little moments…/

Even though Stephanie had moved on, I was sure the memories were still fond ones for her. Or at least I hoped they were.

When I pulled up to the bonds office, I found her standing in our alley and I knew that I had been right. Even after all these years, the memories still had some pull over her.

We stared at each other for a moment. It was strange, seeing her as she was and at the same time, picturing her as she had been. For a moment, in my mind there was a strange meld of the past and the present.

She'd changed in ten years, of course. She was a little plumper and there was some gray in her curly hair. The changes were natural, she was now in her early 40s, but time had been kind and she was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. But she wasn't my Stephanie, that woman belonged to the past.

"Stephanie." I said quietly. Her name felt weird on my lips, but my old name for her didn't feel right either. She'd stopped being my "Babe" the day she'd agreed to marry Morelli.

"Ranger," she whispered and I could see all the emotions in her beautiful blue eyes. The same emotions that were running through me. "Long time no see."

"I heard you were back in Trenton," I said quietly, "I'm sorry about your grandmother. It's hard to believe she's done. I honestly thought she'd live forever, terrorizing men everywhere."

Edna Mazur had been a spitfire for sure, just like her granddaughter. Stephanie laughed, obviously remembering some of her grandmother's antics.

"You look good," she said softly, once she'd stopped laughing. She looked me over for a long moment, taking in the changes. There had been a few, because not even I can fight time. Still, from the look on her face, she didn't mind the grey in my hair and the few wrinkles on my face. For a moment, she looked at me like she used to, but that moment passed quickly and then she looked at me as if she wasn't sure what to make of me. I think she was also seeing someone who was no longer there and trying to reconcile the memory with the reality. It was a strange situation we were in.

"So do you." I told her, giving her a warm, appreciative look. The changes hadn't made her any less beautiful, though they had made it clear that she was no longer the woman who had left me behind so many years ago.

Time had changed us both, in more ways than just physical appearance. As we stood there, staring at one another, it felt obvious. We were strangers now; strangers who had once been lovers and I don't think either of us was quite sure what to say or how to bridge the gap that was now there between us.

Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long, long time
I've got a good life now, and I've moved on
So when you cross my mind...

"Do you ever think about the days?" She asked me after a long moment, breaking the silence.

"Yes." I told her simply.

Of course I did, it would be impossible not to. My short time with her was a very special chapter in my life. I didn't let myself remember all that often, because the memories were still more bitter than sweet. The time with her had been precious and I didn't regret it, but remembering those days always made me think of what might have been and that wasn't as pleasant. Besides, I'd never been a man to dwell on the past, even a past as wonderful as the one I'd shared with Stephanie.

"Do you?" I asked after a moment, my voice taking on a wistful quality that surprised even myself. I didn't usually do emotion and I was rarely wistful, I prefer to be a man of action, but… Stephanie had always been special, had always made me and feel things that I'd thought were impossible.

She froze, looking surprised by my question. She bit her lip and her eyes got a faraway look in them and I knew that she was remembering the old days. Remembering how it had been between us, after barrier had fallen away. Remembering those few, precious months where she had been mine as much as she'd been Morelli's…

/"You're already up." Stephanie commented sleepily, opening her eyes and looking over to the doorway where I was standing.

"Early morning meeting." I told her, leaning against the door frame. "I've already been and come back."

She smiled and sat up, the blanket falling down around her waist, exposing her naked breasts.

I couldn't take my eyes off the sight of a sleepy, happy Stephanie, casually lounging in my bed. It was a scene I'd fantasized about since I met her. I'd waited so long for this and I knew it wouldn't last forever. It couldn't, no matter how much I would like it too.

"That must mean you can come back to bed." She said seductively.

That was an invitation I wasn't about to refuse and I quickly cross the room and joined her in my bed, quickly discarding my shirt and belt on my way. I gathered her warm, naked body in my arms and kissed her deeply. She responded eagerly and soon I was once again lost in the magic of being with Stephanie…/

I might dwell on them, but I treasured those memories. My memories of what it was like to wake up and fall asleep next to her. Of sharing meals and thoughts. We'd both known it would never be permanent, but for a little we'd had something special. It was more than I'd expected to have, honestly, since we'd both been afraid of getting too involved. But we had gotten involved and for those months, she'd really and truly been mine.

"Every once in a while." She said after a moment, answering my question. "But it's been a long time and I find it's not productive to waste thoughts and energy on what might have been, you know?"

"Yeah," I answered, my eyes not leaving her face. Part of me couldn't believe that she was really there, standing right in front of me after all these years. For ten years all I'd had were memories, but now she was here with me.

I reached out and pushed a stray hair out of her face, unable to resist the urge to touch her again. "I know."

I did know and it didn't surprise me that she felt the same way I did. The memories of what we had brought so many other thoughts with them. It was impossible to remember our time together and not think about how things could have been different. But those were dangerous thoughts. There was nothing good in wondering if things could have been different, after all we'd never know.

I kept my hand on her face, soaking in the feel of her. A part of me wanted to push her up against the wall and kiss her senseless like I used to, but only a small part.

Back then, she hadn't been committed to Morelli, not completely and she'd always belonged to me in a way, even before she'd come to my bed and given us a real chance. Now though, she was his wife and I had no claim to her. She'd come a long way from the woman I'd once loved. Stephanie Plum had been the love of my life, but it wasn't Stephanie Plum standing in front of me, it was Stephanie Morelli and she was a stranger to me.

But it was hard to remember that as I stood there in that alley, looking into her eyes and hearing her voice. It brought back all the memories, the ones I didn't often let myself remember. A lot had changed, but in that moment we were both who we used to be. But just for a moment.

I try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use givin in
And theres no way to know
What might have been

"To be perfectly honest, I try not to think about you, about our time together." She confessed once I'd removed my hand.

She began to fiddle with the piece of hair that I'd touched.

Her words hurt. Some part of me had hoped that the memories would be fond ones for her.

She must have sensed my pain, because she rushed to explain. "Because every time I do, I start thinking about what might have been and those thoughts just about destroy me." She told me and I could hear the pain and regret in her voice.

"Babe." The name slipped out before I could stop myself and I knew that one word conveyed everything I was feeling. That my voice held the same emotions that hers did.

"Did you ever get married?" She asked quietly. "Were you ever able to find your 'someday'?"

I paused, remembering the times that she used to ask if I'd ever be a marriage and family kind of man and I would tell her maybe "someday". For a while, the idea of someday had lingered between us, a fragile hope that we never spoke out loud. But my someday had never come.

"No." I told her, looking deep into her eyes. "I told you Babe, I'm not family material and without you "someday" lost its appeal."

There was no "someday" without her. For a few years, the idea of someday had beckoned like a bright light in the distant future and some days I had truly believed that it would come and then Stephanie had married Morelli and I knew it never would. Without her, I didn't want a someday. I hadn't wanted that life for a long time before I met her and I didn't it after her, it was only when I was with her that I had longed for it…

/"You're back." Stephanie said, greeting me with a relieved smile as I pulled her out of the Bond Office and into our alley.

I'd just come back to Trenton after more than a month of being in the wind.

"Did you miss me?" I asked her.

She smiled wistfully. "Was I allowed to?" "You're allowed anything you want, Babe." I told her, pushing her against the wall and kissing her deeply. "Our relationship doesn't allow for strings, but it does allow for emotion."

She smiled slightly, her arms looped around my neck.

"You free tonight?" I asked her, running my fingers through her curls.

"I am." She told me. She looked up at me and I could see the relief in her eyes and I knew that she'd worried about me the entire time I was gone.

"Will your life always be like this?" She asked me quietly. "I released my hold on her and shrugged. "Maybe. I honestly don't know, Babe. Maybe someday it'll be different."

"Someday huh?" She repeated, a wistful look on her beautiful face. "Am I a part of your someday?"

"Yes." I told her and kissed her again. When the kiss was done I took her face in my hands. "Babe, you're the reason that I hope there is a Someday."

I'd really wanted that someday, had wanted to be able to live a different life, but… I'd made too many wrong choices and gotten myself in too deep, which meant I could never be the man she'd needed me to be.

"You could have changed." She pointed out softly.

"No." I told her flatly. "If I could have changed I have and you wouldn't be married to Morelli, you'd be married to me."

It was something I truly believed. I evaluated the memories of those days, the passion between us, and I was convinced that if I had offered her forever, she would have chosen me. What we'd had was special.

"That sounds an awful lot like a 'what might have been'." She pointed out softly, not denying my words. "And those are dangerous, because there's no way to know what would have happened, what our lives would have been like if we'd done things differently and it's easy to go mad, pining for something that might have been, but never was."

She was right. What might have beens were dangerous, because they could drive you crazy. I knew that all too well and it was why I had spent so much time trying not to think of Stephanie and to remember what we had been to each other.

We can sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past...

"I really did love you, Babe." I told her quietly, needing her to know that.

I'd told her, of course, but I'd always qualified it. I often told her that I loved her "in my own way" because I wanted to make sure that she understood that love didn't mean promises. Now, though, when the time for promises was long gone, I wanted to make sure she understood that the lack of promises didn't mean the love wasn't real. Because it had been. I'd loved her more than I'd thought I was capable of loving another person.

"I know," she told me, giving me a sad little smile. "Sometimes, I wish I didn't, because it would have made it easier."

I looked at her and I saw that, though choosing Morelli had been the only real choice, it hadn't been an easy one for her. A part of her had wanted that someday as much as I had.

"I can't do this," she said suddenly, blinking back tears. "We both know that we could stand here all night, rehashing our time together and wondering what we could have had, but it won't change anything."

I stayed silent. She was right. As good as it was to see Stephanie again, rehashing the past served no purpose except to make us both sad and regretful. We couldn't change the past, so we needed to put it behind us and not focus on what might have been. But it was hard to do when I was standing here with her. It was almost impossible not to think about how it could have been, instead of what was.

"Ranger, we both knew that it was always going to end the way it did. After all, you warned me the start that your life wasn't cut out for relationships." She reminded me softly. "Maybe we both fooled ourselves for a while that it could be different, that we'd have our someday, but things weren't different and someday wasn't in the cards for us."

She made it sound so harsh and that bothered me. Suddenly I wondered if she only had painful memories of our time together, instead of the beautiful ones I treasured. For me those were the ones that made up for the painful ones.

"Was it really so bad back then?" I asked seriously.

"No." She told me, giving me a sad little smile. "Far from it, in fact. Sometimes, I think the best days of my life were the ones I spent with you, but it was a long time ago."

I fought a smile at her words, glad that she remembered the good along with the bad. I knew that those days were the best days of my life. I cherished the time we'd had together and how she'd opened up my world and introduced me to experiences I'd have never chosen for myself.

/"You want to go where?" I asked Stephanie, sure I hadn't heard her right.

"I want to go to Six Flags." She said with a smile. "Ranger, I love going on the rides. Plus there's games and food."

I grimaced at the idea of amusement park food. "And lots of noise and people." I pointed out. It was hard to keep your back to the wall out in the open like that and I liked having my back to the wall.

Besides, in general, amusement parks didn't hold any appeal for me. I didn't like rides and I got more than enough thrills in my real life, I wasn't crazy about noisy crowds and they didn't sell any food that I'd actually eat.

Stephanie gave me her puppy dog face. "Please?" I paused, unable to resist those baby blues.

I loved this woman, more than I could put into words, and I wanted to make her happy. It was a small thing really.

"Fine," I told her, "but Tank and Lester go with us."

Mostly because I knew that they would hate it as much as I would and I didn't want to be the only one suffering. One of the perks of being the boss.

Stephanie beamed, "that's fine, the more the merrier." She threw her arms around me, giving me a big hug, and I knew I'd agree to just about anything to make her happy. I couldn't give her a future, but I'd do everything in my power to give her as many happy memories as I could…/

I'd actually enjoyed myself that day. I'd held Stephanie close on rides, watched her fill herself with disgusting food and I won her a huge stuffed animal. The boy working the stand had been impressed by how quickly I'd been able to do it. Apparently my army skills made me very good at carnival games. It was a memory I'll cherish for the rest of my life and I'll never forget the way she beamed when I handed her that teddy bear.

It was one of my favourite memories of our time together, it represented the joy and fun that Stephanie had brought into my life for a short period of time.

"Those were the best days of my life too Babe." I told her after a moment. "For a moment, with you, I allowed myself to wish things could be different. I've never done that before or since."

I'd never met another woman able to break through my reserve the way Stephanie had. There had been lots of other women over the years, but all meaningless flings who had passed through my life without changing it. Stephanie was the only woman who'd ever touched my heart and the only one who'd ever made me regret the life I'd chosen for myself.

So try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use givin in
And theres no way to know
What might have been

"It would have been amazing," she said after a moment, her voice soft and reflective, "our someday, I mean."

There was a faraway look on her face, as if she was thinking about that someday.

"It already was." I told her sincerely. "Every moment I spent with you was extraordinary."

She blushed, but there was a happy smile on her face. Before I could stop myself, I leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. Once I would have kissed her on the mouth, but as I'd told her years ago, I didn't poach.

Yes, I'd moved in on Stephanie in the old day, but it was because she let me. She hadn't been committed to Morelli then, not really, and all three of us had known that. It was probably the only reason that Morelli and I never rumbled. I'm glad it never came to that, because I always did respect the cop, just not enough to stay away from his girl unless she told me too. But she didn't, so I pushed boundaries, but I did it with her permission.

Things were different now, though. She was Morelli's wife, she'd made that commitment and it meant she was off-limits. Besides, though Stephanie was still a beautiful woman, I didn't feel the old lust. Too much time had passed. She wasn't my Stephanie, not any more, just like I wasn't her Ranger anymore.

"But yes, if we'd had our chance, I'm sure it would have been… Better than words could ever describe." I told her after a moment.

I watched her carefully, saw the wistful look on her face as she pondered the life we might have had. I couldn't help but think of the same thing. Marriage, children, growing old with Stephanie… It had been my deepest desire once and even after all these years, I can't help but think about it sometimes. I know that it would have been amazing, because the moments I'd spent with Stephanie were the best moments of my life. Especially the ones when I'd actually believed that Someday might come…

/I stood on the edge of the dance floor and watched Stephanie and Julie as they danced to some pop song. Well, if you could call it dancing, it was a lot of bouncing all over the place, but they were both laughing, obviously having a great time.

"So beautiful," my mother said, coming up behind me.

It was my parent's 40th wedding anniversary and as a surprise, I'd flown Julie in from Miami. I'd also brought Stephanie as my date.

I'd thought long and hard before asking her. I still wasn't sure it was wise to get too involved with her, but I knew it was too late for that. For the first time in my life, I was emotionally invested in a woman. Stephanie had gotten under my skin before we ever got involved, taking her to meet my family wouldn't make it any worse and it would give me pleasure, so I ignored caution and chose to enjoy my time with Stephanie. For ever how long it lasted.

"Yes, she is." I said, my eyes glued to Stephanie, though my mother might have been referring to Julie.

"I was so happy to meet your Stephanie," my mother continued, "of all my children, you are the one I worry about the most, Carlos. Not because of your career, though that does give me some sleepless nights, but because of the way you shut yourself off from others. I wondered if you would ever bring a woman home to us."

"Mama…" I began. "I know," she said sadly, "your life is dangerous. I'm just glad that you finally let someone in. Please don't let her go, Carlos."

I didn't respond, because I didn't know what to say. I couldn't make my mother any promises, just like I couldn't make Stephanie any promises. Though she had never asked me for any, which bothered me, even though it shouldn't. Suddenly the music changed to a romantic ballad and I took the opportunity to slip away from Mama and on to the dance floor.

"My turn," I said, taking Stephanie into my arms. She smiled and melted against me. I held her close, remembering my mother's words and wishing desperately for more moments like this. I had never wanted my someday more than I did in that moment. I wanted to be able to keep Stephanie close to me, not just for one night, but for the rest of our lives…/

However, as much as I had wanted it, it hadn't worked out, obviously. My life never changed. It never got any less dangerous. Even now, I walk out my door every day knowing that it could be for the last time. I still disappear for months at a time and I still have a list of enemies a mile long.

It's not a life for a family man. I have Julie, but it's a distant sort of relationship. She has her own life and I'm on the fringes. It's the way it has to be and I've accepted it.

The only time I've ever wanted my life to change was when Stephanie had still been in my life. When I lost her, I'd lost any reason to try and change who I was, much to my mother's despair. She'd stopped bugging me about bringing women though, after Stephanie. I think she knew that if it hadn't worked with Stephanie, it was never going to work with anyone.

"We're taking about what might have been, again." Stephanie said after a moment, her voice shaking with emotion. "I'm not that girl anymore and we'll never really know what might have been."

"True." I agreed, because, of course, she was right. Neither of us was who we were back then, after all ten years was a long time. I shot her a rueful look. "You know, before you, I never looked back," I told her, "I never allowed myself to have regrets and I certainly never wondered about what might have been. You changed that."

Stephanie bit her lip, clearly overwhelmed by my confession. I couldn't blame her, I'd always played my emotions close to my chest, but I just felt like I needed her to know how much she'd meant to me.

"'The saddest words of tongue or pen are simply these, it might have been.'" I quoted softly. "Until you, I never really understood what Whittier meant because I never wasted time on what might have been. Now I understand his words all too well."

"Me too." Stephanie whispered, her beautiful blue eyes filled with tears.

As our eyes met, I knew that once again, we were both thinking about what might have been. About the life we might have if I'd been a different man. It was only natural that our thoughts would turn that direction though. Our memories and those might have beens were all that was left of the people we used to be and the love we'd once shared.

That same old look in your eyes
It's a beautiful night, I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say good bye, and turn and walk away...

We stood in that alley staring at each other for a long time. Long enough for the sky to darken on us, meaning we'd been out there at least an hour. It hadn't felt hat long, but then I'd been caught up in the memories and the old emotion.

It was a beautiful night and it would be easy to stay out there all night with her. As we stood there in our alley and I looked at her, it felt as if no time had passed. For a moment, we were who we used to be. However, I knew the moment couldn't last forever. We both had lives to go back to. Lives that the other one had no part of.

"Are you happy?" I asked after a moment.

"I am." She replied instantly without any hesitation.

It made me happy to hear the happiness in her voice. All I'd ever wanted was for her to be happy, even if it wasn't with me.

"I have four children," she continued, "Joe Jr's eight, Anamaria is six, Franklin's three and Sophia, our baby, she's thirteen months."

Wow. Four kids. Over the years, when I'd thought of her, I figured that she probably had a family, but hearing their names… It made it real and it made it clear just how much time had passed.

The woman standing in front of me wasn't the same one I'd known so long ago, the one I'd loved. No, this woman was another man's wife, the mother of his children, she'd made a life that could never include me.

"I bet she's beautiful, just like her ma." I told her quietly. "In fact, I bet all your kids are beautiful, how could they not be with you for a mother?"

She blushed.

"I'm glad you're happy, Babe, that you got everything I always to give you and couldn't." I told her softly. "A good, safe life, a man that loves you, kids… It's everything I always wanted for you… For you to be truly happy."

There was a time when I'd hoped to give her that things, but that hadn't been meant to be and I was glad that someone had been able to give her the life she deserved.

"I am." She assured me. "Ranger, there'll never be a day where I don't love you, that's just not possible, but I really am happy and I have moved on. I have too many good things in my life to waste my time on what might have beens."

I nodded, understanding what she was trying to say. I didn't spend a lot of time dwelling on what might have been either. My life might have been empty by a lot of people's standards, but it was the one I'd chosen and I got a lot of satisfaction out of my work.

I'd only ever once considered giving up that life and that was a long time ago. Would I have been happier with Stephanie? Perhaps, but that road had passed us by a long time ago and every time I thought about it, all I did was drive myself crazy.

If I didn't let myself be weighed down with regrets, then why should Stephanie? Her happiness was all I'd ever wanted, even if it wasn't with me. The knowledge that Morelli loved her and would give her a good life was what made it possible for me to let her go all those years ago.

It hadn't been easy. To this day, it is still the most painful conversation I have ever had.

/"You wanted to see me, Babe?" I asked as I stepped into her apartment.

Stephanie had been avoiding me for a week, then suddenly left a voicemail asking me to come by. I had a pretty good idea of what she was about to tell me and while I had known for a long time that this day would come, I still wasn't ready to face it.

"Joe and I are getting married." She blurted out, biting her lip nervously.

The words were like a dagger to my heart. So the moment had finally come. I'd finally lost her. I stood there for a long moment, fighting for control over my emotions. Usually it was something I prided myself on, but today I was struggling.

"I hope you'll be happy." I said finally, because there was nothing else to say. "I guess you'll be quitting your job?"

I knew Morelli would want her to stay home and I didn't blame him. Her job was dangerous and she was a magnet for trouble. Besides, honestly, as much as I'd loved working with Stephanie these last few years, I couldn't work with her once she married Morelli. I needed a clean break. I couldn't handle seeing Stephanie, working with her and not having her in my bed. She and I could never just be friends and I think we both knew it.

"Actually, we're going to be leaving Trenton." She told me quietly. "Joe was offered a promotion in Chicago and he's going to take it. We're going to take it. We both thinking that starting our life somewhere new is for the best."

Something in her voice made me think that I was part of the reason for that; that like me, she understood that a clean break was best.

"Does he make you happy, Babe?" I asked her after a long moment.

"Yes," she said softly, "he does."

"Good." I told her and then I stepped towards her. "I want you to be happy, Steph. I want you to have a wonderful life filled with love and happiness. It's what you deserve. I just wish I could have been the one to give it to you."

"I guess 'someday' just couldn't come quick enough." She said softly and I saw that there were tears in her beautiful blue eyes.

"No," I agreed, "but I wish it could have." I put my hand on her chin, cradling her beautiful face. "For you wish I wish I could have been a different man."

I wished it with all my heart. I wished that I could have been the kind of man who was able to offer her marriage and children and a life without fear, but… That was never in the cards for us, no matter what I might have tried to convince myself.

"I never wanted you to be different," she said quietly, "I loved you just the way you were." It was the first time she'd ever told me that she loved me. I'd known, of course, but it was nice to hear the words, even under the current circumstances.

"I really did love you, Babe." I told her softly.

"In your own way, right?" She asked with a weak smile, throwing my words back at me.

"In every way I know how." I said huskily, before leaning down to kiss her. It was a passionate kiss, but it was also sad and poignant. This was our last kiss and we both knew it. Our story ended here.

"I'll always love you," she told me softly when we pulled away.

"I know." I told her. I did know that.

In some ways it made this moment harder, because love wasn't our problem. We'd always had love and I knew we'd both carry a piece of the other in our hearts for the rest of our lives, but love wasn't enough for us. "Be happy, Babe."

She nodded sadly.

I leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Goodbye Babe."

"Goodbye Ranger." She whispered. I looked at her one last time, taking in every detail and I turned and walked away./

"I'm glad you are happy." I told her softly after a long moment. "That thought has kept me going all these years, without you. You weren't mine, but at least you were happy. I couldn't ask for more."

The tears were still glistening in Stephanie's eyes and she was obviously at a loss for words. While she tried to figure out what she wanted to say, I leaned down and kissed her.

She didn't push me away, instead she returned my kiss. There was no passion in this kiss, nothing that would make Morelli feel threatened. It wasn't a kiss shared by lovers, but one filled with remembered fondness.

It was a kind of goodbye. Not to our relationship, we'd shared that kiss long ago, but a goodbye to our mutual regrets and all our might have beens.

"For ten years, I've dreaded seeing you again." She confessed when we pulled apart. "But really it was what I needed all along."

"I'm just glad to see that you're happy." I told her again, my hand stand still cupping her face. "I told you that all those years ago and I still mean it. I'm glad you found someone to give you everything I couldn't."

She nodded silently and I knew she was remembering our last conversation. I could see from her face that the memory was as painful for her as it was for me.

"I still love you, I'll always love you." She told me softly, just like she had all those years ago.

Funny how she'd only ever said those words three times, twice as she was leaving me and once years after the fact. I think that said a lot about our relationship, that we could only admit how much it had meant to both of us after it was over.

"It's not the same way I love Morelli, not the way you need to build a life, but love nonetheless." She continued, giving me a sad little smile. "I think I finally understand what you meant about loving me in your own way."

I'd said those words to her years before, long before we'd come lovers. I actually told her that on a regular basis, because I'd needed her to know that I loved her, but that it didn't change things and that I couldn't offer her any promises.

I ran a gentle hand over her face. "It was all I had to give you, but it was yours and it always be."

She wrapped her arms around me and I held her close, both of us over-whelmed by emotions. It felt good to stand there with her in my arms, but it no longer felt right.

The woman I held now was still beautiful and desirable, but she wasn't my woman. She wasn't the woman I'd risked everything to keep safe, the woman who'd managed to get under my skin and make me feel for the first time in years. Those days were long gone.

It was easy to wonder what might have been, but the truth was neither of us would ever know. Maybe we would have had a happy life together or maybe she still would have ended up with Morelli, because maybe she loved him more than she ever loved me. There's no way for us to ever know for sure.

"I need to get going," Stephanie told me finally, pulling out of my embrace. "Joe will be wondering where I am."

With those words, reality intruded, breaking the spell of the evening. I nodded and let her go, something I'd perfect long ago.

"Babe," I said after a moment.

"Yeah?" She asked, turning back to look at me.

"I'm glad you're happy." I told her once more.

"Me too." She and then she turned and walked away.

I stood there for a long time after she'd disappeared, contemplating the ten years without her, the years we'd had together and what might have been.

And try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use givin in
And theres no way to know
What might have been
No we'll never know, what might have been

Tank was waiting for me when I got back to my office. I wasn't surprised to see him, since he also got radio reports and he's a smart guy. I was sure he'd put the pieces together. He's also my best friend and one of the only people who would understand what meeting Stephanie again would be like for me.

"I heard that Marco reported a strange lingering at the bonds office." He said casually, confirming my suspicions. "Was it Steph?"

"Yeah." I answered, picking up some papers from my desk and flipping through them.

"It's strange that she'd show up at an empty building." Tank commented. "Hadn't she heard that Vinnie sold it years ago?"

"She knew." I answered, continuing to look through the paper.

Tank was silent, obviously waiting for more.

"She went there for the memories." I said finally, putting the papers back down on my desk. "Same reason I went to check out the call. The memories drew us both there."

"It's been ten years, Ric." Tank pointed out. "Was it worth re-hashing the past?"

"Yes." I answered without hesitation. "I needed to see her, to talk to her, and to let her go. I've carried her with me all these years, carried the regrets about not being able to change for her."

Tank was the only person I'd ever talked to about my feelings for Stephanie and my regrets and even then, her name had only come up once or twice in the last ten years.

"When I heard about her grandmother, somehow I knew it was time to see her again." I told him. "I guess she felt the same way." She hadn't gone back to an empty building for no reason. No, she'd gone for the same reason, I had, because she was drawn by the memories and I think subconsciously she had also known that if she went there, I'd be drawn there too and we'd have our moment.

"Is she happy?" Tank asked, after a moment. He'd always cared for Steph, all my men had, and I knew that they'd all missed her when she married Morelli and left New Jersey for good.

"She is. She's got four kids." I told him. "When I looked at her, I could see traces of the old Stephanie, but they were just traces. She's a different person now. The woman in the alley tonight, she wasn't my Babe."

"No," Tank agreed, "she stopped being your Babe a long time ago." He paused and looked me in the eye. "Do you still have the ring, Ric?"

Only Tank knew that I'd bought Stephanie a ring and that I'd buried it in a drawer as a symbol of Someday, the day I'd be free to give it to her.

"No," I told him, "I got rid of it a long time ago."

I might have held onto the memory of Stephanie all these years, but I'm a realist and I sold the ring when she married Morelli. I couldn't keep it. It mocked me with its very presence, representing the life I would never have. The one that for a brief period of time I'd hoped might be possible…

/"Stephanie's been sleeping over a lot," Tank remarked casually, "some new danger I should know about?"

"Not this time," I answered shortly, not wanting to get into a discussion about my love life.

"Is this the same old dance or is it going somewhere?" Tank asked, obviously deciding not to take the hint.

I stayed silent.

"She still spends some nights at Morelli's." Tank pointed out.

"There's no reason for her not to." I told him. "I can't make her any promises, you know that."

"Do you want to make promises?" Tank asked me quietly, looking me directly in the eye.

I opened up my desk drawer and took out a ring box and threw it at him.

He caught it easily. "Ric, I'm flattered, but it seems so soon," he joked.

I just shot him a look. For a man that had a reputation for being silent, he had no problems being a pain in my ass.

Tank flipped the box open and admired the diamond ring inside. "How long have you had it?"

"Since shortly after Scrogg." I told him. "Stephanie has no idea. My life… It doesn't lend itself to that kind of commitment, you know that."

Tank nodded, the humor gone from his face. He did know, because he'd made the same choices and sacrifices that I had.

"Things could change." He pointed out. "You only have a year left."

"I know." I told him. "And… If Stephanie's still around in the year, then I'm going to try and get out and if I can, I'll give her that ring."

"You could ask her to wait." Tank pointed out.

"No." I told him. "We both know that anything can happen in a year. A mission can go badly, things can happen. Just because I want out, doesn't mean it'll happen. I'm not giving her false hope."/

"It might have been different if you'd told her that you wanted out." Tank pointed out, obviously remembering that long-ago conversation.

"Maybe." I agreed.

It was something I'd thought about often. Stephanie had announced her decision to marry Morelli five months before my contract ran out. Because of that, I'd re-signed. I'd made the decision to stick to the life I knew and ten years later I was in so deep that I couldn't walk away now if I wanted to.

"But she chose Morelli for a reason," I reminded Tank, "and not just because she was tired of waiting for Someday, but because she loved him."

I had to believe that, as much as the idea hurt. Because the alternative hurt even more. There were too many what might have beens with Stephanie. Maybe we could have had a happy ending, but that wasn't our story went.

In the end, our story was predictable. Stephanie married the man who had loved her since childhood and went on to have a normal life, leaving the craziness of her bounty hunting years behind her, and my life stayed the same. It was the logical ending to the story, that's what I kept telling myself.

But every once in a while I couldn't help but think about might what have been.

- The End