Note: Here's what you get when I need to write funny things to lighten the mood from my fic Lithium.
Death Nuts, best known as 'when xxbeyondxbirthdayxx is cracking up'. Short chapters, pure nonsense, totally AU ^^
Just because I'm an a**hole, I won't take the blame for this fic, you can blame MysticalTears, I got the idea while I was messaging with her.
Just kidding, thank you Rebecca, and consider this a belated (beyond) birthday present!

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Light was sipping his coffee in the trendy bar he liked to go to on saturday afternoons. Because it was crowded, and so there would be enough people admiring his handsomeness to flatter his gigantic ego.
You could almost see his hair sparkling. If Misa looked like a Barbie girl, Light was more than obviously Ken.
Did he have a plastic bulge instead of a dick, no one knew, and certainly not Misa. Maybe L? Who knows what they had done while they were handcuffed?
Misa had fallen for the "Misa, you're so pure to me, we can't do it before we get married!", stupid chick. She never suspected the lie, not even after Light had added: "You know Misa, I don't think you should marry a guy like me, I don't deserve you!"
And L wouldn't tell, so what's in Light's pants will always be a mystery, something people dream they could see, something that is said to be a marvel, and yet no one can prove the existence of it.
Light has named his dick Shangri-la. Coincidence?
I don't think so. The triangle in his bermuda... many things are said to have happened there, but no one came back to talk about it...

So, Light suddenly stood up, walked out of the bar to the huge place in front of it, and stopped in front of the big stone fountain.
He undressed, humming loudly 'You can leave your hat on' and throwing each piece of cloth in the air with wide movements, wagging his butt like a chippendale. He had no hat, so he kept his socks instead. Snoopy socks.
Then, climbing on the fountain's border, he screamed at the top of his lungs: "I am the king of dumbasses!", dived into the fountain, that was not deep enough for such an action, crashed his head at the bottom, and died a few seconds later, tainting the water red.

"Mello, my turn!" Matt whined, trying to pull the Death Note from Mello's hands.
"Who are you gonna choose?" Mello glared at his boyfriend with a sceptical look.
"Takada, that bitch!"

The redhead began to write, the tip of his tongue poking out of his mouth, Mello glancing at the note and barking like a hyena at the sight of Matt's plans for Queen of Sluts.

If you thought that Light with the death note in his hands was bad... XD