This is totally, one hundred percent, a crack fic. It is dedicated to Kibble Beast.

Summary: Optimus Prime and Megatron can do anything, ya hear? ANYTHING. But one day at the Decepticon base, Blackout uncovers something they CAN'T do, and chaos ensues along with a bet between the Decepticons and Autobots and their leaders.

Note: Jazz, Blackout, Bonecrusher, Frenzy and Scorponok are alive.

"Man, I'm so fragging bored!" Blackout whined, as he was lying on the floor in the Decepticon base. He looked around, and saw that the others were ignoring him, "I said, man! I'm so fragging bored!" Again, no response. He got up, and walked over to where Bonecrusher and Barricade were, "Hey!" He yelled, waving his hand in front of their faces.

"What the fragging Primus do you want?" Bonecrusher snapped, turning towards Blackout.

"I'm bored! There's nothing to do around here!" he whined again.

"Well, find something to entertain yourself with!" He answered, and turned back to Barricade. Blackout huffed, and walked out of the room, Scorponok at his feet. He wandered around the halls, looking in rooms, and saw Megatron at his desk reading something. He peeked in.

"Whatcha doing?" He asked. Megatron looked up.

"Are you blind? What does it look like I'm doing?" he snapped back, and turned back to his paper. Blackout came in the office, and Megatron knew that he wanted something. With a sigh, he placed the paper down, "What do you want?"

"Can I borrow your computer?"

"What about the one in the lounge?"

"Starscream's playing solitaire again, and he's been on it for hours," Megatron picked up his laptop, and tossed it at Blackout.

"Now get out."

Blackout quickly left the office, and went off towards his room. Once there, he sat down on his bed, and began playing games on the computer. He began to get bored with the games, and soon closed them. Blackout sighed again, and tapped on the keyboard. Scorponok crawled over, and chirped, "Of course I'm so fragging bored. There's nothing to do!" He threw his hands up in the air, failing to notice that Scorponok had typed in the website Google. Blackout looked down at the laptop, "What the fragging Primus?" Scorponok buzzed, and began typing with his tail the words 'Optimus Prime and Megatron.' "Why are you searching them up?" Scorponok didn't answer, just clicking on the title 'Optimus Prime and Megatron can do anything.' Blackout frowned, "Are you insulting me?" The other Decepticon hit him with his tail, and pointed at a phrase. Blackout sighed and read it.

"Optimus Prime and Megatron can do anything, exepct bake cookies. Huh," Blackout said, tapping his chin, "What are cookies?" He typed in the word 'cookies', and read.

"Hmm. A small mixture composed of many ingredients, the most common being chocolate chip," Blackout felt a small smile spread across his face, "This should be interesting."

Megatron finished reading his paper, and stretched, his metal creaking. Now all he needed was a good oil bath, shoot pictures of Optimus and go into recharge. He stood up just as Blackout entered the room, "What do you want now?"

"You and Prime, you can't do everything," Blackout said with a small smile."

"Yes we can."

"No you can't."

"Yes, we can!"

"No, you can't! I found something you can't do! You can't bake cookies!" Blackout said triumphantly.

"What is the meaning of this blasphemy?" Megatron demanded. Blackout handed him his laptop, and Megatron read the line. His optics went wide, then he shut his laptop, "We're leaving."

"Huh? Where?" Megatron stormed out of the room, "Megatron! Wait up!"

In the Autobot base, the few humans in contact with them were relaxing in the lounge, the tv turned on and various bags of chips opened, "I don't know about you guys, but I'm glad there's been no action," Lennox said, grabbing a bag of sour cream and onion. Sam nodded, his girlfriend Mikaela stroking his hand.

"Ironhide's been going crazy though," Epps said, his hand in the bag of barbeque, "It would make him happy if they just showed up."

"Megatron! Wait up!" Everyone looked at each other, "Slow down!" As if on cue, Megatron and the Decepticons entered the room. Epps dropped the bag.

"Where's Prime?" Megatron demanded, his red optics scanning the room.

"Uh...?" He stormed out, the Decepticons following him. Everyone got up, and followed them.

In another room, Jazz, the twins and Bumblebee were listening to the radio. Jazz decided to show off some new dance moves. He brought his arms up to his chest, and began moving them in and out, along with his body, "This is called 'crumping'. I learned it yesterday," The twins, Mudflap and Skids, got up and began 'crumping' as well. Bumblebee changed the song.

That's not my name
That's not my name
They call me Stacey
That's not my name

Megatron burst in, and Bumblebee changed the song.

Run away, run away
He'll attack
Run away, run away
He'll chase you 'round

They stopped and turned. The twins shrieked, and Skids jumped into Mudflap's arms. Jazz ran and hid behind Bumblebee, "Where's Prime?" They said nothing, exepct Bumblebee.

They taped over our mouths
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies

Megatron stormed out, and soon they began following as well.

Meanwhile, Optimus was having a very relaxing conversation with Ratchet and Ironhide, for once the discussion not about blowing things up. Ironhide stretched, "Well, it seems the Decepticons are gone, which is good," The other two mechs nodded. Ratchet opened his mouth to speak when the door was blown off its hinges. Megatron stormed in, a large group following him.

"PRIME! WE NEED TO TALK!"

Why can't we be friends?
Why can't we be friends?

"Ok," Optimus stood up, "About what?"

Let's be more than this

"Have you read this blasphemy?" Megatron shoved the laptop in his face, "It says we can't bake cookies!" Optimus read the line.

"But... we can't."

"We never tried!"

Nothing compares to
A quiet evening along

"Well, we have to prove them wrong!" Megatron tossed the laptop at Blackout, then turned to them, "I bet you myself and Prime can bake... ten dozen cookies!" Optimus' optics went wide. Blackout walked up to Megatron.

"If you do?"

"You Decepticons and Autobots will be servants to myself and Prime for a week," A cry of protest rose up from the Decepticons and Autobots.

"If you don't?"

"Myself and Prime will be servants to the Decepticons and Autobots for a week," Optimus began to protest.

"You got youself a deal."

Oh no, what's this?
A spiderweb and I'm caught in the middle

Optimus frowned, "Not helping Bumblebee."

Used to laugh 'bout everything
Now you're plain boring

"Bumblebee."

You don't really wanna say no

"Fine! If it's a bet you want, then it's a bet you get!" Optimus shouted, "Come Megatron. We must gather out supplies to bake cookies," The two brothers linked arms, and walked out of the room.

Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes than you're no

"This should be interesting," Lennox said.

"So, um..."

"Yeah...I..."

"Um... you know...."

"Yeah...So...."

"I...um...guess....you know...."

"Yeeaahh..."

The Autobot and Decepticon stared at each other, each sitting at the large table in the meeting room across from each other, trying to find the words to say that didn't involve insults, which was very hard for each other. Megatron tapped his fingers on the table while Optimus twiddled his thumbs. Megatron looked around the room.

"It's nice. This room..."

"Oh thanks..."

"New paint?"

"Yeah. Arcee picked it out."

"Oh," Silence. The clock ticked.

"Anything new?"

"Oh, um, not really. Few holes in the walls. That's about it."

"Nice," Silence again. The clock continued to tick, "So...," Optimus said, tapping his fingertips together.

"So."

"We, um, gonna start these cookies?"

"Yeah," Silence again. Optimus opened his mouth, then closed it, "What?"

"Nothing."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, what is it?"

"Do you even know what is in cookies?"

"..."

"You don't."

"..."

"We just lost the bet."

The Autobots and Decepticons stared at the clock, watching the hands slowly move. They were waiting until Prime and Megatron came out of the room and said we give up. Ratchet rolled his optics, "This is ridiculous!" Everyone shushed him, "What? It is!" Ironhide smacked him in the head.

"Shut the frag up Ratch. They're going to cave," The door opened, and Optimus came out. He looked around.

"We need a cook book," Everyone groaned. Optimus walked over to the kitchen, and pulled out various cook books, then went back in the room.

"Frag."

"Ok. Got the books," Optimus placed them on the table, and Megatron picked one up, and started flicking through it, "Maybe we should..."

"I know how to read Prime!" His brother snapped, and continued looking through the book. Optimus fell silent, and began looking through a book as well. The clock ticked, pages were flipped continuously until...

"AHA!" Optimus jumped. Megatron shoved the book in his face, "Recipes for cookies! Thousands upon thousands!" Megatron turned away from his brother, "I, Megatron, have discovered the key to our success!"

"That's great Megatron. Now we ne..."

"To rub this in their faces! Excellent idea Prime!" With that Megatron shot out of the room, and soon his taunts and insults could be heard. Optimus pinched his nasal plasting, and sighed. This was going to be a long day. He heard Ratchet throw something. Correction, make that a very long day.

Megatron returned, rubbing a dent in his helm, "That Ratchet has a very good aim," Optimus rolled his optics.

"Tell me about it," Megatron sat back down, "Now, we need to gather all the necessary ingredients. Let's see...flour..."

"Sugar..."

"Milk..."

"Salt..."

"Baking powder..."

"Baking soda..."

"Margarine or butter..."

"Vanilla extract..."

"Chocolate chips..."

"Sultanas..."

"White chocolate chips..."

"Oatmeal..."

"Butterscotch chocolate chips..."

"Cocoa..."

"M&M's..."

"Raisins..."

"And various bowls and pans. This is going to be easy," Optimus said with a smile. Megatron nodded, "Now we need to gather the ingredients and we can start baking."

"If they bake all those cookies, I'm going to perform interperative dance for my love of Megatron," Ratchet said with sarcasm. The Decepticons looked at each other.

"I'll bet to that!"

"Me too!"

"Ditto!"

"I didn't mean it!" Ratchet said, and sighed. Ironhide patted him on the back.

"It's alright. We know you didn't mean it," Ratchet glared at him.

"You're loving that I'm in this mess right now."

"Oh yeah," Ratchet groaned, "Come on Ratch! It's just a friendly bet!" The others nodded in agreement. Ratchet sighed.

"Why do I get the feeling that this is going to be a very long day?"

And here is the part one of the "Cookies" story! Enjoy!! It's a just a little side thing. I won't forget my other stories.