IF YOU HAVENT READ 'HOW IT STARTS' THIS WONT MAKE SENSE SO GO BACK AND READ IT :)

Hello all! Sorry for the mass wait, been busy. But I finally got it up! You proud?

So anyway, it's a short one, sort of like a prologue.

Hope you enjoy.

-000-

"Jake! Haha…oh my god, stop! Ahaha stop!" I heard Nessie squeal. Jakes deep haughty laugh followed and echoed up the stairs.

Him and Nessie have really kicked it off since their first date after meeting at McDonalds.

I'm happy for them, really.

I just feel sorry for Nessie, the poor girl is being tickled to death.

When I was younger, and even now still, sometimes Jake would just get me back via tickling. He never liked punching me like I did to him, he thought I would break or something.

I told him to get stuffed.

I'm still coming to terms with what I'm planning to do. I'm kinda scared…no…anxious to see how I feel afterwards.

But I guess no matter how much I think I can prepare myself for it, the feeling will still catch me by surprise…

And when the walls start coming down I'll be there in the front seat yelling run the red light run the red light run it…

My phone went off just as I made the decision to go back to sleep.

Yeah, I know, a ring tone change. I think this one is better for the situation I'm in.

I lifted my head from my pillow to see who was calling. Its like the afternoon but I'm not in the mood for anything but bed right now.

I looked at the caller id, Rose.

I sighed. Trying to ignore all other life forms hasn't really effectively stopped them from trying to contact me. In the last however many weeks since I last saw Edward free of handcuffs, I have had 283 missed calls and 413 unread messages that probably wont ever be read.

Its been hard not talking to my best friends. I mean, they were with me through everything and since jess' party, well its seems like a year has gone by, but I just haven't been able to be the same.

I contemplated letting my phone ring out…

But I felt like I needed to hear a friendly voice.

I answered but didn't say anything.

"Bella? Oh my god! She answered!" I heard rose exclaim.

"Bella, you there? Bella?"

I groaned a response that was meant to sound something like 'yeah' but in my state right now it sounded anything but English.

"She's there!"

I laughed inwardly at her, how could I not?

"Okay, don't hang up!"

I listened; my head face down on my pillow.

"Okay Bella, we're warning you. We're coming over and if you refuse to see us, we're breaking down the door or coming though your window. So just be a good girl and let us come in without damaging your house, okay?"

I smiled into my pillow.

Rose sighed, "We want to see you Bella. It's been 4 months since…that… and since we have spoken to you."

When she put it that way, I sort of felt bad for cutting them out all this time.

But I couldn't face them. I mean could you imagine what they would do if they knew what I was planning?

I didn't want them to see me like this. So miserable, so caught up in everything revolving around him.

"Don't come." I said into the phone although it came out a bit muffled because of the pillow.

"We're coming."

"No, please don't." I begged, "I love you and Alice, you know I do, but don't come and see me."

"We're coming Bella. Right now. I don't care what you say. We're not just letting you go dig yourself a grave and just lay down and die in it."

My head snapped up and I sat up in my bed, "I'm not suicidal."

"Figure of speech Bella."

I sighed and put my head in my hands, "just…I just don't want you to have to see me like this."

"Like what Bella?"

"This."

"You know what Bella? I don't give a shit what you think. Alice and I are coming over and fixing you up straight!"

"Don-"

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

The longest car honk I had ever heard interrupted my refusal. Even Jake and Nessie stopped making a racket downstairs.

"What the hell was that?" I heard Jake shout.

"Oh, we're here. See you in a minute." Then rose hung up.

I quickly jumped out of bed and ran to the mirror. Shit. I didn't know they were right here, like now.

I looked at my reflection and almost jumped at what I saw. I really did look horrible. My hair was… well I wouldn't call it hair, it looked like an electrocuted possum. And I had massive bags under my eyes and my skin was really pale. My eyes were deep-set below eyebrows that seemed to be stuck in the 'frown' position.

I quickly tied up my hair as neat as I could; it made the possum look a bit less electrified. I quickly rubbed some moisturiser on my face in an attempt to make myself a bit more human looking with some natural tones.

I don't think it helped much, well I didn't get a chance to see how little it might of because there were a series of really loud bangs from the door downstairs.

I burst out my room and got to the top of the stairs just as Jake was reaching for the door.

"Wait!" I called, running down the stairs.

Nessie had come to see what was happening and was standing in the kitchen, watching.

Jake stopped and looked at me, "what?"

I ran over to him and said, "its Alice and rose…" I bit my lip.

He looked at me understandingly. "Hey Nessie. Lets go on an adventure!"

"Where?"

"To the back door."

He grabbed her hand and led her out the back, she didn't hesitate. She knew things were a little tense with me, so anything involving me she took jakes lead.

"Bella! We seriously weren't joking about knocking down the door."

Before they could do any serious damage to my house I turned the door nob and creaked it open.

I saw my two best friends staring right back at me through the crack in the door.

Rose smiled, "well, that was easier then I expected."

Before I was able to regret my decision of admitting them they had both pushed past me and gone towards the kitchen. My mind took awhile to respond while they translated messages to my limbs that said, 'run'.

But I didn't run.

I needed to have human contact.

Skipping school was great, but it sort of made me a recluse without having any social life whatsoever. And I didn't want to die like that lady in the newspaper who hadn't been outside her house for 18 years.

I shivered and finally shook my head.

I walked into the kitchen where my friends were, expecting to see anger and annoyance for ditching them.

But I was met with sad eyes, full of sympathy and understanding.

Okay, and a little anger and annoyance.

No one spoke. And I didn't say anything to break the silence. For once in our friendship I think we had our first silence that was awkward.

I turned from them and walked up the stairs into my room, shutting the door behind me. There was nothing else to do, I mean seeing them there for me after all this time, just made me… I don't know.

I just lay on my bed and cried.

I cried for everything. I cried for Edward, I cried for being sad, I cried because I couldn't be happy.

I cried because of my friends' devotion, I cried because my brother hasn't stopped supporting me, I cried because so much time of what seems like such a short life has been spent being upset.

I cried because I couldn't do anything about it, and I cried because I was scared about trying.

They weren't all sad tears, that's what got me confused. I would say that it was fifty-fifty happy-sad tears.

I'm seriously messed up.

I heard my door creak open and the soft sound of feet on carpet.

"Bella, we want to help you. We want to help you with whatever we can." Alice placed a hand on my shoulder and softly massaged my arm.

"You don't want to help." I mumbled into my bed.

"We do, Bella."

I lifted myself up to look into the eyes of Alice and rose. "I don't deserve you guys, you know that right? So why the hell are you here wasting your time!" I demanded.

"You don't get it do you Bella?" rose sighed, "its us who don't deserve you."

Rose sat cross-legged on my bed in front of me and grabbed my shoulders, stopping me from slouching and making me look in her eyes.

"Your boyfriend, your friend since primary school, killed someone right in front of you. Yet you still went to see him, showed him hope, obeyed his wishes. You made everyone believe you were okay and put on a brave face until they turned their backs and only then you crawled into a ball."

She shook me again, "none of us could stay sane like you have. I probably would have killed myself."

I scoffed while a sob came up and it sounded like a growl, "you call this sane?" I asked, pointing to myself.

I stood up and walked over to my mirror and yelled angrily, "That is not sane!" I saw my reflection again, myself pointing at the mirror and the mirror image pointing back at me. Seeing yourself so angry with… yourself… felt like getting winded in the gut.

My knees seemed to give way and I fell to the floor. I didn't have control when I fell and I couldn't stop the whiplash of my neck as my head thudded the floor. Alice and rose were both by my side in a second.

I finally found my voice as my friends looked over me with concern. "So you're saying that I don't care…enough… that I am selfish enough… to keep living while he is cut away from me… maybe I should…"

"What the hell has got into you! You are a strong independent woman! We know you are going to fix this!" Alice's voice was menacing and dripped with authority.

"And how… am I going to fix this?"

She sighed, defeated. "We don't know, but we know you're not just going to sit around and wait for something to happen."

I lifted myself from the ground, feeling as if I weighed a hundred more kilograms then I did. It was getting darker outside, twilight as I believe this time of day is called.

I slowly walked towards the window, leaning out so that the slight breeze would blow in my hair. "You're right. I am going to do something. but I don't know how it will work out."

-000-

first chapter down!

Good?