A/N: READ CLOSELY! Now... this is round 4. And this is the worst fic I've ever written. Goddamn this couple, I can't write anything with Byakuya! So there you go. I hate this fic but today is the deadline and I have no choice EXCEPT to publish something. Sorry.
AND NO FLAMERS!
Once upon a time, in Sereitei, a kingdom far, far away, there lived a valiant prince named Kuchiki Byakuya, who had very close friends in the hairpins and hair conditioner industry. He was such a handsome and mighty warrior that it was no wonder that the women in his kingdom voted him as the "royal member we desire to release a photo book for" and sent a professional spy-photographer (Kon) to get as many and as clothes-devoid pictures as possible. A few days after that poor Kon had to leave the country with a broken camera, none of the hugs his clients had promised him and a restraining order.
Byakuya had no interest in the women from Sereitei, for they did not possess what he searched for in a lady. The reflection of his desires was plain and simple and yet no one seemed to have discovered it so far. If only they knew how he spent his free time reading magnificent comic-books about large-breasted girls from the royal library... they would, without doubt, understand everything.
In those lands there spread the legend of a fair princess, as gorgeous as the sun and with the largest breasts the world had ever seen! The story told about how she had been bewitched by the evil flat-chested sorceress Rukia who envied her beauty and how the poor innocent girl had been cruelly turned into a frog.
Prince Byakuya had read tons of comic books about that princess. He knew all the details about the magic that had doomed her and the exact way she could be saved. And, being the glorious and almighty price he was, he was very much willing to save her... And her bust. The problem was where to find her.
So one day the prince decided to begin a dangerous journey in search for the lady, who was without doubt, the possessor of his somewhat malfunctioning heart. Brave to stupidity, the young man packed some food and clothes and with his royal nose proudly up-tilted, walked minutes and minutes until he reached the mossy pond across the street.
"This ought be it!" Byakuya announced "For I am too great and I cannot be wrong!"
However, that was not the needed pond, so the prince had to walk minutes and minutes more till he reached another pond.
"This ought to be it!" Byakuya said "For I am too great and I cannot be wrong!"
Well... it was one unfortunate day for Kuchiki...
Several hours later: semi-clean
"Dammit" he growled as he strode away from the twenty-seventh pond that afternoon, heading for the next one "This is harder than I thought..."
Byakuya reached his new destination promptly enough and pulled out a rather large bag of hairpins. Taking one of them he stood before the pond and solemnly dropped it into the algae topped water, repeating the action for the umpteenth time that day.
"Oh, no! I just dropped my favorite hairpin in this pond! Whatever shall I do now?" he recited, his face still like stone.
Pause.
"You're really dumb, aren't you?" a voice sounded from somewhere below "Do you really think someone will go fetch your stupid hairpin?"
Byakuya's eyes immediately snapped in the voice's direction, his brows rising ever so slightly as he searched for the source. Very much expectedly, there she was, sitting on one of the stones near the pond, a frog like any other with the only exception being a tiny stylish crown balancing on her stylishly green head.
And she was glaring at him.
Byakuya was being glared at. By a frog.
"You must be the bewitched princess." the prince said, the sides of his lips curving into a smirk "I have come to put an end to your suffering! Come and you shall receive the kiss for your salvation!"
The frog eyed him carefully, then let out a small huff and shook her head.
"I'd rather stay a frog than be kissed by someone who happens to have swallowed a whole box of lemons for breakfast."
Byakuya was at loss.
"You cannot be serious..." he trailed, frowning "A bewitched princess isn't supposed to be so picky."
"I am a member of the organization of protection of the rights of the female frogs."
"There's a feministic frog organization?"
"That was one racist statement you just made."
"Was it?"
"Yes. And it sounds weird, coming from the mouth of a man who puts hairpins in his hair."
Byakuya frowned, involuntarily reaching with one hand to fix the position of the hairpins on his head.
"You are unexpectedly hostile." he pointed out.
"Oh, am I? Well, you did pollute my home, offended my gender and made a racist statement over the span of about a minute, didn't you?"
"Not really."
"Hm! So you are also in denial?"
"...Just come over and give me a goddamn kiss before I've changed my mind!"
"I don't think so. You'll have to do something for me first." the frog demanded, her large mouth twisting into a sort of wicked grin. The prince's frown deepened as he folded his arms in front of his chest.
"And then you'll let me kiss you?"
"Yes."
"Alright." the prince nodded "What do you want?"
"Burn your sexist collection of comic books. And swear not to make one ever again."
Byakuya's eyes widened ever so slightly at the demand before narrowing suspiciously at the amphibian.
"How do you know about that?" he inquired.
"We, frogs, know everything." she proclaimed with a smirk.
"Oh, yeah?" he scoffed "Well, you don't seem to know everything if you asked something of me that I shall never, ever do!"
3minutes later...
"That was the last one." Byakuya murmured as he gazed intensely at the large burning pile of comic books he had created several meters away from the pond. He walked back to the frog and crouched in front of her, his expression one of full determination "I fulfilled my task, now give me my award."
The frog gazed at him for a few seconds then suddenly screaming at the top of her green lungs:
"ORIHIME, COME OUT, YOUR HAIRPIN PRINCE PASSED THE TEST!"
Before Byakuya had time to ask what was happening, another frog emerged from the pond, hairpin in her mouth, and she jumped out of the water.
"You're so mean, Kukaku-chan!" the new frog whined "You always chase the noble princes away with your demands, you should just let me handle it! Hello, there, Byakuya-kun, I am so sorry if we have cost you much trouble. I am the bewitched princess. You may kiss me now."
And so he kissed her and she turned into a beautiful and kind-hearted girl, while the other one, who was still very irritating and very much obsessed with the rights of the female frogs turned out to be the princess' loyal servant and also transformed into a woman, following the castle and annoying the hell out of Byakuya for the rest of his life.