Author's Notes:
The first chapter has been rewritten to make it easier to read and the rewritten second chapter should be up soon. If you have read this before I do recommend that you read it again as I have added quite a lot.
Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, Knight of the Old Republic or Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords.
Dedicated to Vshard.
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Chapter One: Endings, Beginnings and Other.
A small fleet waited over Malachor V. On board its the largest ship, General Anna Kai closed the door to her small quarters and flung herself to the opposite wall as though physical pain would be enough to distract her from the raging emotions that she could not centre. She didn't attempt to meditate, but instead paced the small room from one wall to the other thinking, raging, and despairing all at once.
She had not felt so overwhelmed since the aftermath of Dxun, her first battle on the jungle moon of Onderon. There she had shaken so violently as she watched the survivors board the rescue ships that many of her men had whispered and pointed. They'd laughed at her too when she'd first arrived to help. Help, her? A girl who may have Force powers but certainly no military training. She had no life ever experience outside the Jedi Enclaves where, physically at least, she was always protected, always safe.
The two most respected Jedi soldiers, Malak and Revan, were both young too - only in their early twenties - but they somehow passed as acting commanders. Anna Kai had always looked younger than her age with wide brown eyes and brown curls. Short and petite, she looked more like a doll than anything else. Everywhere she'd been in during the war, the men had whispered that she would be broken if she even made it through her first battle.
In a sense they were right. She had trembled so violently that everything appeared to dance before her eyes as she'd stood watching Malak and Revan discussing the events that had ensured their latest victory. She'd wanted to scream Which victory? because it wasn't at Dxun. Too many people had died there because their Jedi commanders had been inexperienced, and because the plans, although perfect for Revan's victory, had meant throwing anyone who wasn't a Jedi at the enemy lines until they died. But she couldn't say it so she stood there and shook.
Suddenly, she recognised faces of those about to board the ship, men she had led. These men had been three inseparable friends and the life and soul of any gathering. Now there were only two. She'd turned abruptly from Revan, cutting off the older girl mid-sentence, and made her way over to the two men. They saluted. She waved their salutes away.
"I'm sorry." she'd all but whispered.
The two men looked at each other in bemusement. They were lifers, men who'd joined the Republic forces as soon as they were of age in an attempt to leave their dead-end planet. They'd gone in knowing the risk and yet here was this little commander apologising. These men had also been speaking amongst themselves, both noting that this little girl had proved herself well, but she still lacked the know-how.
One of the men looked at her and gave her a weak smile. What did you say to her? "As long as you learn from your battles, miss, you'll make a fine soldier and commander."
Anna had met his eyes and nodded. That was when she'd began being different from the other Jedi, less cryptic, more militarised. Those under her command revered her for it, but Malak accused her of trying to be like her men rather than accepting the privileges of the Force Sensitive she was.
Revan began to give her more dangerous battles, more suicidal missions as time progressed. Whispers in the ranks wondered if it was because, unlike some Jedi-led battalions, Kai's men would follow her anywhere unquestionably, or if Revan was trying to kill their little general. No one was ever sure. Until now. Now as Anna Kai stood in her quarters, contemplating the fate of Malachor V, she knew why she was the one at this far flung corner of the Republic. She knew why every single soul in this fleet had been chosen for this task instead of others. They were here to die.
Revan had fallen, as had Malak. It was a silent thing, just as the teachers had warned and now the new dark lord intended to cement her new power. The other Jedi with the fleet were all here for their own reasons, not Revan's. Darth Revan knew that once the war was over that they would go back to The Order if they could. If they could not, they would go their own way, not hers. Knowing this, Revan made this last battle murder. She wanted to kill as many people who would not follow her as she was able. What was a better cover for a massacre than battle?
Thus, it fell upon the General that the men knew and trusted, to send them to their deaths. If she refused, Revan would allow the Mandalorians destroy them for her. If they did not battle, every death in the last year, ever since her first battle in the jungles on Dxun, would have been for nothing.
Anna Kai knew how Revan's mind worked. She would need a diversion to hide her fall for a little longer until she had consolidated her power.. The Shadow Mass Field Generator - or whatever the wretched thing was called - would be Revan's tool.
This battle had to be won by Kai's forces. If they lost this battle all Revan had to do was wait. She would not come with the necessary reinforcements in time. Instead she would wait until the general's small force was pinned down by the Mandalorians. It was a simple plan because when that happened Anna would be forced to order that the damn machine be turned on. The advance of the Mandalorians would be stopped, but everyone else on the planet would also die in an instant. Revan would win on all counts and there was nothing the little general could do to stop it. General Anna Kai stood in her quarters, lightsaber in hand, and wept.
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After Malachor V:
Anna Kai would never truly know when she had realised that she had survived Malachor V though she wished she had been there when the news reached Revan and Malak. She remembered the lead technician's voice calling her, his voice laced with agonising pain, until he passed out. She was aware of her surroundings and yet she could not move not even to signal her consciousness. All she could do was lie there and wallow in the emptiness of where the Force had been. No matter how far she reached out she could not feel it.
They both had both lain there for hours, the general and the technician, surrounded by the dead until they were found by Republic forces salvaging the remnants of the battle. (Really nice sentence!)Their rescuers were surprised to find the general down in the depths of the ship rather than on the bridge as would be expected.
The few other survivors aboard the ship told the rescue team of a furious argument between General Kai and Darth Revan in which Kai had stood, threatening the dark lord with every ounce of her being. "Allow me to assure you Revan, if I ever have the misfortune to come across you again I will make you suffer for every death here at Malachor I may order their deaths now, but there will be blood on your hands for all time.".
Later during debriefing, the surviving technicians had pointed out that they were aware of what it would do when they had built it. Anna Kai had demanded to be the one to do it, to switch it on, and to have the blood of millions on her hands. She'd said that since she had ordered it she would be the one to carry out the massacre, no one else. Only Bao-Dur, the technician who had created the shadow generator, was allowed to stay. When the order from Revan had come through the communications link, Anna had given a terse nod to Bao-Dur and he turned it on.
The little general never came back to the bridge. Even after she was physically well enough to travel again she would refuse to step back on board a Republic war ship or on the bridge of any ship.
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She'd healed slowly in a Republic refuge - very slowly for a Jedi - but when she was well again she could feel tinges of the Force again, growing stronger all the time. At least she could until she went before the Jedi Council. Now, some time after her last meeting with the Council, she was no longer sure what she had said. The details were weak even in her strongest dreams, but she remembered the faces, the expressions and everything she didn't say.
As though it would alleviate the guilt of surviving when so many had died, she had wanted to scream at the top of her lungs that she wanted to murder Revan. She wanted to torture her until she died as slow and as agonising a death as possible. She knew that The Council accused her of going to war for personal reasons or bloodlust, but she still believed it was the right thing to do. As they'd questioned her, she'd remained adamant that she had done what she had thought best even if it hadn't worked out the way she'd planned.
In the end, there was nothing she could do but surrendered her lightsaber, and leave. The moment she'd reached exit of the enclave she'd. tossed aside her Jedi robes in favor of the plain clothes that lay beneath. Those nearby gaped in astonishment, but Kai too far lost in herself to notice.
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A few days after Anna's departure, Kavar, her master, stirred from his meditation as he felt the echo of what was left of the once Jedi Knight, now an Exile, slip away and then fade altogether.
When he'd approached the rest of The Council with his concerns, they agreed that their little Anna Kai must have died. There was no other explanation. It was a difficult loss, but in the midst of the deadly Jedi Civil War that had followed the Mandalorian war there was no time to wonder about a lost Exile.
Master Kavar mourned the loss of this Exile much more deeply than he was prepared to admit to himself. They had been close, closer than they ought to have been even as master and apprentice. They had often spent time together simply discussing the ways and changes of the galaxy even if they were not engaged in Anna's training. Realizing this, fellow Council member Master Vrook had taken to issuing subtle warnings to his younger counterpart.
It would not have been the first time that a master or an apprentice felt inappropriate feelings for their teacher or student. The Council had watched vigilantly for signs that something inappropriate was about to happen between the pair. Kavar was beyond besotted; infatuated didn't seem strong enough and even Master Atris had even wondered aloud if Kavar was in love with his student. Anna had not noticed his changing feelings although it seemed quite clear even to the lowest student. Kai merely shrugged away the questioning of other female students, insisting that although she did enjoy spending time with Kavar, he was still her master and she was still his student.
Even now, years since Anna's disappearance, as Kavar worked in the royal palace of Onderon with the young queen Talia, he thought of her often. He remembered with vivid detail the sheer despair that had engulfed him when he had felt her fade away. As these memories flood back in, The Jedi Master paced the main corridor of the politically-embattled halls, ignoring the soldiers patrolling them. Like yesterday, he could recall his Exile telling him that she wanted to go to fight, to protect the Outer Rim worlds from the Mandalorian threat. He had remained silent through it all, but when she had finished speaking and left an awkward silence between them he had done the unforgivable.
He'd kissed her.
They had been standing in the middle of the conclave on Dantooine, surrounded by other people when he grabbed her shoulders, pulled her close and pressed his lips against hers. The entire conclave seemed to have fallen silent in shock as they watched. She'd tasted of mint and strawberries.
Anna's slap had been powerful enough to knock him to the floor. She'd looked down on him with an incomprehensible mix of emotion in those big brown eyes then she simply walked away. They never saw each other privately after that, although the story of that kiss, was being told as far away as Korriban within weeks.. After she was exiled, when they met that last time, Kavar had apologised, but Anna would have none of it.
"One thing I've come to hate in myself and Jedi as a whole is that they hide their emotions even when they shouldn't. I am sorry I slapped you that day, but taken off guard. I'd never seen you as anything more as my friend and master though you've evidently seen more in our -" Anna had paused for a moment, "relationship."
One hand toyed with the black ribbon holding back her dark curls as she struggled for the right words. Master and apprentice had stood there for some time in silence until Anna looked back up at Kavar. "She's fallen, you know. Revan. Malak as well. They aren't going to stop now that the war is over." She'd stood there, dressed in black trousers and a blue shirt, and predicted the future - that Revan and Malak would not stop fighting, that they would come back and do it all again because, like the Jedi, they were too far removed to mourn those lost.
In Kavar's mind Anna was still that war-torn individual standing before him with her convictions, hard eyes and that mark from Malachor V that scored her once perfect face. He had known her for years as an intelligent, doll-like girl, but that was not how he remembered her. Even now he could see her as she had been that day, tired and in pain yet so adamant that she had been right.
He'd admired her more that day than he ever had and found that this change had only increased his desire for her. Even now, when he allowed his thoughts to wander unguarded, he wondered what would have happened if he had kissed her again that day and, if he had, would she have stayed? If she had stayed then what would she be like now? A calling to him returned Kavar to the present situation on Onderon. He pushed all thought of Anna Kai out of his mind and made his way to the throne room.
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Kavar was not the only Council member to remember Anna Kai quietly. Master Vrook also thought of her often. She not been his student but, unlike many, she did appear to understand the reasons behind his attitudes and grumpiness. She had been in the same group, the same class even, as Revan and Malak, despite being quite considerably younger. She had excelled in the organisation and understanding necessary to be a proper Jedi Knight, one who saw without judging. It set her apart from so many of her classmates.
Vrook had believed that Anna, of all people, would not join the war, but she had. She had made a very persuasive argument for it too, one that was much more agreeable than Revan's.. Anna had believed that if the Republic had been able to defeat the Mandalorians on their own, they would have, however the war so far had shown this not to be the case. The Republic, that had protected the Jedi Order at its weakest moment, now needed their help.
Kai felt they had to drive the Mandalorians to a stop before diplomacy could be effective Until then, the Mandalorians. would be unreachable behind their proud wall of warrior prowess, especially if they were winning battles. Even now as Vrook continued to teach students on Dantooine he wondered what would have happened had she had lead the fleet instead of Revan. Would things have turned out as badly?
Vrook strode across the grasslands surrounding the conclave as he continued to contemplate the current situation. The Council's plan was madness. For the first time since he had risen from the rank of padawan he had lost his temper and flown into a rage. He'd roared and shouted that rhese fools had forgotten the Exile's last words to them. She had not been furious, just tired, as she had simply asked that the deaths of her men be enough to stop Revan and Malak before there was another war. The Council had not listened and now the Jedi Civil War was upon them..
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Citadel Station
As her former masters struggled with civil war, Anna Kai found herself leagues away in a part of space that none of the eyes back home had ever seen. It had been a struggle adapting at first.
She had been found in the wreckage of a ship drifting on the outskirts of Citadel space. After being picked up by a turian spectre on the verge of retiring back to Palaven for a quiet life, she had been taken to the turian home planet. The Hierarchy had contacted the Human Systems Alliance with the few details they had been able to gleam from the wreckage. The Alliance was adamant that it didn't exist.
The reaction from the Alliance had caused surprise at the hospital where she was being held in seclusion. There were few on the planet who knew even the rudimentary requirements of human medical care but they all agreed on one point. That she ought to be dead. The Alliance refused to acknowledge her existence. The spectre who found her did not.
He paid for the necessary equipment be brought to Palaven. He was adamant that she was worth the effort. The Hierarchy brought her to the attention of the Citadel Council who offered to place her on a human colony. The human ambassador, Anita Goyle, agreed to the limited information she was given. The Hierarchy refused.
For just over a year she had been kept in hospital receiving only rudimentary care. The turian doctors and surgeons guessed how to repair lightsaber burns, the damage caused by force powers and the human illnesses that plagued her. They did well.
After the year she was as well as could expected, the spectre pulled strings and had her placed in a military training school. There she thrived. She did well by turian standards with exemplary skill in tactics, organization and being in a side-lined role. In spite of the difficult relations between humanity and the turians, she quickly proved herself.
She graduated with full honours the same year the spectre who had found her was recalled to the Citadel Station. She was asked to join the Citadel Fleet as the first and only serving human as Lieutenant. She arrived for duty dressed in the specially made uniform of the Hierarchy.
Several battles, very nearly a war and a lot of diplomatic wrangling later, she was now Commandant of the Citadel Station and Acting Admiral of the Citadel Fleet.
Anna Kai, deserter General of the Galactic Republic and exiled Jedi Knight had never felt more at home.
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Echoes of the pulsating music from Flux reverberated through the walls of the C-Sec offices where Executor Venari Pallin and Commandant Anna Kai sat drinking the finest liqueur from Palaven as they discussed the current events of Citadel Space. Together they speculated about the prototype Alliance ship that was meant to dock later that day. It had been designed and built in a joint effort of the Human Systems Alliance and the Turian Hierarchy and was a source of pride for both groups.
Anna had just returned from a trip back to Palaven. She was granted mandatory one week of leave off the station every standard year. Every year she went to Palaven. Every year she brought Venari back a bottle of his favourite liqueur and they would both hide in his office and discuss what she'd missed.
Somehow the conversation turned to the probability of humanity gaining a seat on the Citadel Council, if their arrogant git of an ambassador didn't mess it up first. This brought to light Anna Kai's unique position of being human and yet... not human. She had served in the military forces of the Turian Hierarchy, the Asari Republics, and the Salarian Union as required before taking her current position but never among humans and the humans on the Citadel tended to leave a lot to be desired. Her position as Commandant was only semi-open. It wasn't secret, she just didn't tell anyone her exact rank.
Commandant was the highest rank available in Citadel Space although it was not the position many thought it to be. It effectively meant that she was a pencil pusher or data wrangler, and nothing more. She was also as close to a neutral party as possible which was why she was in charge of the station, The threat of the Commandant taking action held a weight that could quiet particularly radical sects on the Citadel with minimal disruption. It was a threat that no one in Citadel enforcement wanted weakened by excessive revelation of the person behind the position. Considering the overlapping business between Citadel Security and the Commandant, Venari Pallin and Anna Kai were good friends.
"Madam Commandant." greeted one of the younger C-Sec officers as he knocked his superior's door. Though the Commandant was widely a source of speculation, younger officers meeting her in person never looked any further than the coat of her uniform which was currently hung over the back of her chair. They knew that she was human but they'd never be able to pick her out of a group without her uniform.
As the officer and Pallin discussed Fist's transactions with known spice dealers, Commandant Kai allowed her mind to drift. She was happy on the Citadel, happier than she'd ever been. The enclaves had always been vaguely claustrophobic. Fighting the war had been horrific, but now here she was. Anna rolled her tongue across her lips and thought of Kavar and his kiss.. That kiss continued to be her first and only and sometimes she wished she had kissed back. Suddenly she realised that Venari was speaking to her. "Sorry, I wasn't listening."
Pallin threw her an odd look. He had always appreciated her turian-like response of owning up to her own decisions and mistakes but lately she hadn't seemed herself. "What were you thinking of that distracted you so?"
"Something back in the Republic." She ran her hands through her hair, ruffling it. "Kissing my master before I left for war although I suppose he kissed me." She gulped down the rest of the burning liquid in her glass as Venari watched.
"There has been news that the woman I served under, Revan, has been betrayed and killed by her apprentice. I think I'm still trying to figure out if I'm ecstatic that she's dead or furious that I didn't have the opportunity to kill her myself but, please, let us speak no more of it." She didn't like talking about life back in the Republic. She also happened to be a lightweight when it came to drinking and when she was drinking her mouth tended to runaway with her. It made her feel cowardly until she thought of Revan and then she'd feel furious at everyone and everything for no reason whatsoever.
Venari knew better than to pry and allowed her to pull herself from the past before he continued to talk about General Septimus and the Consort's falling out.
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A few hours later and several drinks later, a rather tipsy Anna Kai made her back towards her apartment holding her blue heels alongside a folder of assorted documents. Coming up the steps from C-Sec, she was lost in her thoughts of Revan. when she collided with something. Or rather someone.
Anna fell first. Whoever it was that she'd hit landed on top of her with a large thump, his flailing limbs caught under hers as their heads collided, making them both wince. Anna cursed as the sobering pain cleared her head enough for her to realise that what she had at first registered as extra limbs were in fact crutches.
The man she had collided with was an Alliance soldier, dressed in regulation blues s. Under them were metallic frames. Anna's shoes and folder – which now open and displaying a dozen or so sheets of plastic-modified paper full of top secret details– lay beside a baseball cap a few metres away.