A/N - I am alive! Hopefully people still want to know what's happening with this story. I promise I won't ever abandon it! Thanks to those of you that review, especially mah girls.

Twilight belongs to someone who isn't me.

Chapter 4 - Keeping Secrets

Paul's POV

Stupid wedding.

It had been months since everything but I didn't want to go, didn't want to see their judging glances and most certainly didn't want to witness Sam and Emily marry. I would never be able to marry Rachel, so what the hell was the point?

The best part is that I went because I knew Rachel would have wanted me to. She and I were both supposed to be in the wedding party before everything happened. Why is it that I still want to do things for her even though she's gone? Do I feel more connected to her if I do? Shit, I don't know.

Stupid wedding.

The almost confrontation with Jacob was not unexpected, but I was actually glad the vampires were there to stop him from attacking. The last thing he should be doing is ruining that rented tuxedo by phasing. I honestly didn't blame him for still being pissed with me but there was no way I was going to share details about his sister that were none of his business.

I knew Jasper was surprised when I sat next to him, but I didn't belong sitting with anyone connected with the pack or La Push. His little spiky-haired wife was none too pleased that I sat there, but she was trying to be a good sport about it. The wedding happened, Sam and Emily were married, there was cake - I think. We didn't stay that long. There was a possible lead about what happened to Rachel and I couldn't think of anything else all during the ceremony. I caught a few head nods from Embry and Seth after the bride and groom were pronounced, but I was headed into the woods almost as soon as the last words were spoken.

We ran, as usual. I actually never get tired of running. My body might, but I definitely don't. I knew the vampires were talking but I wasn't paying attention.

Jasper was asking a question that I didn't care about "…Bella so upset?"

"She thinks Jacob is justified in his anger at Paul - sorry man," Edward stated, the last part directed at me. I just made my limbs move faster. I couldn't care less what Bella thought; she had caused so many problems the last year. I know she didn't really try to cause problems, but she did. I had seen Jake go through so much over her only to watch her be turned into a bloodsucker. Then the other ones - the Volturi - had tried to kill us. What sort of messed up rules did the vampires have?

The smell of smoke registered at the same time Edward and Jasper ran ahead of me. In a few short minutes I arrived at my house. Fire. My house was on fire! I phased and was frozen for a second in shock.

"You've gotta be shitting me!" I heard my voice yell and without a conscious thought I was making my way into the house. I had to get that picture. The one of both of us on the beach, laughing. It was quintessential us and I couldn't lose that visual - even if it was burned in my memory. It was hot, but nothing I couldn't handle. I made my way through the burning walls, crackling and groaning wood the only sounds. The picture was hanging in the hallway between the stairs and the living room and I retrieved it quickly before making my way to the kitchen.

I really should have asked Jasper what he noticed in the report because I had no idea what to grab. What if I didn't get the right things? They would be destroyed. I just started throwing whatever I could into a sack and hoped.

"Paul! Hurry up!" I heard Jasper yell a split second before I heard the sirens.

I just started into the cupboards when I felt rather than saw a change in the situation - the house was going to start collapsing. I knew I should feel panic or concern, but I was actually hoping in that moment that the fire would get me. Why should I be suffering when it would be easy to let this set of circumstances end me? Then, as if the house knew what I was thinking, part of the ceiling caved in and a beam crashed through the kitchen table, trapping me against the cupboards. I had no way out.

I saw the vampires briefly through the flames, knowing they couldn't get to me - fire was dangerous to them. A second later I felt myself being pulled through the wall by a cold hand. I felt pain in my shoulder, but the sirens were arriving so the three of us ran into the woods.

Jasper yelled something at me when we were a safe distance away but I didn't hear it. I was yelling back.

"Way to dislocate my shoulder!" The pain was nothing compared to the numbness I had felt in my chest, but it was uncomfortable and I was pissed off.

"Damn - sorry," he replied, the sharp tone of his voice disappearing.

"Whatever, I got what I could from the kitchen," I muttered, wincing as I tried to move my arm. Shit.

"Would you let me set that?" Edward asked me, and I just nodded. I needed it set quickly if it was going to heal right. "Jazz, brace him." He added and Jasper was at my other side. I yelled in pain as Edward set the shoulder but I was a little impressed with his skill. Not that I'd ever tell him as much.

"Thanks," I grumbled and handed Jasper the bag of junk from the kitchen. Remembering I was still naked I put my pants on and folded the picture of Rach and I, putting it in my pocket. I was going to ask about our next move when I heard another one of the blood suckers yell for Jasper. I put my pants on in the nick of time.

"Over here!"

Three of them. Jasper's wife, Bella, and Carlisle. I really had had enough of the damn vampires and their stench, but I knew they were trying to help. My patience was never meant to deal with this crap.

"What happened?" Pixie vamp asked, and I rolled my eyes. I glanced further into the woods, wanting nothing more to go be by myself for a while.

I sort of listened to their conversation until Eddie boy was using me as an excuse about why we went into the house when it was on fire.

"Hey, I would have been fine by myself," I said, irritated.

"I'm sure you would have been, but they did try to help you, regardless," Carlisle spoke calmly, and I replied by rolling my eyes again.

"You're so stupid," Bella said quietly to Edward, which made me smirk. Feeling's mutual, bitch.

"I'm sorry?" He said; amusement on his face... and I think he was laughing at my comment, not Bella's.

"Damn right you're sorry," she said back, smiling. That was it; I officially had enough of them.

"Look, I did what I had to do. You'll let me know about those herbs if you find anything out, right?" I asked, looking at Jasper. He nodded and I felt like I could trust him. I didn't know if he was pulling his mood hocus pocus or if I really felt that way, but I didn't care. Rachel would have liked that I was giving them a chance, she never wanted us to be as unforgiving with each other as we were, even after the fight with the Volturi. The smell of smoke reached my senses again and it really hit me - our house was gone. I needed to go and find some place to crash for a while.

"Did you want to stay with us?" Edward asked next, and I saw Bella narrow her eyes at him. What the hell was her problem with me?

"No thanks. I… I just need space," I said, feeling as though that answer was sufficiently vague.

"Stop by anytime," Carlisle said, and I didn't know what else to say so I just nodded once and headed toward the woods.

"Thanks for the help," I called, trying to be polite because I knew she'd want me to be.

I jogged for a while with no particular direction and thought about my life at the moment. I knew someone was definitely out to make my life a living hell, but I had no idea why. Everything was truly gone now.

Stopping by a creek I took the picture out of my pocket, needing to remember what it was like before. She was such a good woman. I still had no idea why she had agreed to be mine, but I guess that's what imprinting is. After a few moments I heard someone approaching, but I didn't smell vampire, I smelled friendly wolf.

"Paul? What happened?" Seth asked, stepping out of the woods.

"Fire," I replied quietly, tired and not wanting to get into it with him.

"Was it… I mean did you…?" He tried, completely ignoring my eyes.

"Seth. Are you seriously asking me if I burned my own freaking house down?" The rage was back in an instant and I started to shake. He was just a kid, but what he was implying was enough for me to attack him.

"No! I mean, sort of, but just because I don't know what's going on with you anymore and we can't hear you and I miss her too but I know not as much as you and Jake and - I don't know what I'm saying," his words came out quickly and rushed together, and I couldn't help but hug him. I stepped back and locked eyes with him. He really was just trying to deal with things that a teenager shouldn't have to.

"Seth, it's okay. No, I did not burn my house down. My guess is that whoever killed Rachel did. I don't really know why, but the Cullens are working on something that might help us." I realized I was going to say too much as soon as I started talking.

"The Cullens? Do they know something?" He asked, his eyes lighting up.

"Not really. They're just checking something out for me," I replied quietly, and his shoulders slumped slightly.

"Oh."

"Look, I don't want to talk about all this shit. How's school?" I questioned, and he sighed. He picked up some stones and started to skip them across the creek.

"School's fine. Weird."

"How is it weird?" I picked up some stones too, starting a little competition.

"People know I'm different. I don't have time for my friends anymore so we don't really talk. Leah's always picking me up and gets all big sister on me. Oh! But I do have an awesome new English teacher. She's really nice and funny and sort of crazy." I couldn't help but chuckle at him as I continued skipping stones.

"Sounds like you have a crush."

"I do not!"

"Uh-huh."

"Shut up, I do not!" His face was beet red and I decided not to push it.

"Okay, I believe you. Look, I need to go figure out a place to stay and I'm sure the fire department is trying to get a hold of me. I have to act all surprised that I don't have a home anymore."

"You could stay with us," the hesitance in his voice was all I needed to know that we both were aware the idea of me staying with the Clearwaters was not the best option. Leah would never be happy about it, and I didn't know where Sue stood about me.

"I don't think that's the best idea. Your sister…"

"What about me?" Leah's sharp voice interrupted my answer and I jumped. Seth looked amused for a second until worry seemed to take over.

"Hell, woman, how do you do that?" I asked, covering my embarrassment at her taking me by surprise.

"Do what?"

"Sneak up on me like that?" I replied, and she shrugged.

"Hey Seth, it's your turn to patrol tonight and I need to talk to Paul for a minute," she said to her brother, and he groaned.

"Take it easy, Seth," I said kindly and he offered his fist to me.

"Knucks?" He questioned and I hit his fist with mine before he jogged away. "I won, by the way," he called once he had disappeared into the woods. I didn't know why Leah was here, but I assumed she was upset. I sighed and looked at her. Yep, she was pissed off.

"What happened to your house, Paul?"

"Some asshole burned it down and no, it wasn't me so you can take that damn look off your face," I replied, my voice having a hard edge to it.

"Why would anyone…"

"I have no idea! Why would anyone kill Rachel! What in the hell did I do to have someone hate me so much?" I growled at her, and she rubbed her forehead with her hand, trying to understand the situation just like I was.

"Maybe it was the guy that she…"

"Shut your damn mouth," I interrupted her again, my voice steel and Leah took a step back.

"Paul, you can't tell me you haven't thought about this. She wasn't the person everyone thinks she was! Even you!" Her voice pleaded with me to understand, but I couldn't think about it. I had never hit a woman but I was dangerously close to losing it with her.

When I didn't respond she continued, but with renewed carefulness, "If you don't say something about her cheating on you we could miss something very important."

"Shut the fuck up!" I roared at her, seeing red. "It doesn't matter, okay? She didn't want me to say anything and you'd better just drop it! She made a mistake and I won't go against her wishes. Do you know what she said to me right before she died? That it wasn't my fault! She said there was nothing I could have done and I shouldn't blame myself. But I do! Of course I fucking do!"

"Stop being such a baby," Leah's voice was harsh and I grabbed my head with my hands so that I wouldn't hit her.

"I really hope you…" I didn't say anymore before I was interrupted.

"Just stop it. I'm not going to tell you it's not your fault because it won't matter but take your head out of your ass. She made bad choices and we have no idea the consequences of those choices. The only reason I know is because I confronted her about it - you know that. I agreed not to say anything but I swear to Q'wati that if I need to say something I will. I hate keeping this from Jake. She was his sister and he means a hell of a lot more to me than you do."

"I know. But, dammit, she didn't want anyone to know," I said softly. She was protective of the pack and knew her indiscretions might weaken the imprint bonds that existed. I couldn't deny her of privacy because if I was honest with myself it was something that made me question the entire idea of imprinting.

"What if it means catching her murderer?" Leah's voice was soft again.

"It doesn't." I knew it in my bones. Her cheating had nothing to do with her death.

"I hope you're right, but I can't be sure."

I stayed in Embry's garage for a few days, but knew I couldn't stay there long. If the pack knew I was there they'd be unhappy with him. Well, most of the pack. I didn't know who was still upset with me and who was on my side but I wanted to know. I hadn't heard from the vampires yet and I wasn't sure if that was a good sign.

I stood across the small parking lot waiting for Seth. I decided that he would talk to me about the state of things with the pack better than anyone else. When I saw him walk out of the building I did our call. His head immediately shot in my direction and he smiled when he saw me. He hurried over, his eyes narrowing slightly when he reached me, questioning.

"Hey, what brings you to school?" He asked, and I laughed. Leave it to Seth to get right to the point.

"Honestly? I want you to tell me who still hates me," I told him with a sigh, and he nodded, rubbing his chin.

"I can do that, but only if you tell me what the Cullens are doing."

Sneaky bastard.

"In the toxicology report about Rachel they noticed some unusual herbs. They're looking into it." His eyes widened at this news.

"You mean she was drugged?" He asked, and I quickly corrected him.

"No! Nothing like that; I got some herbs from the kitchen before the house totally burned for them but I couldn't get everything. We're hoping they can find the source as well as what it means," He relaxed with my explanation and a worried look took over his face.

"You can't be mad at me."

"Why would I be mad at you?" I asked, not liking where this was going.

"I told Leah the Cullens were doing something for you," He replied softly, looking guilty. I wiped my face with my hands. He's just a kid and no one knows what's going on. I tried to keep calm, there was no reason to get upset with him.

"You're mad," He said, his voice remorseful.

"No, it's okay, I just wish you would have kept it to yourself. We don't know anything," I sighed and tried to forget it. "Anyway, your turn to spill your guts."

"Well, I think you know what Jake and my sister think," I nodded and he continued. "Embry and Jared think what happened was unfair. Quil's upset because Jacob is."

I had expected as much. I knew that Embry didn't think I should have been "let go" from the pack as he called it and Jared was with me and Sam for a while before Embry joined us.

"What about Sam?" My voice was soft. What did our alpha think?

"He's been neutral. He hasn't voiced an opinion at all. It's been really strange," Seth scratched his head and silence fell between us as I tried to figure out what it meant. I changed the subject.

"I talked with the fire department and they think it was arson. They don't have any leads, though."

"Paul, are you okay? I mean, losing your house after everything…" I closed my eyes for a split second, not wanting him to know just how bad I really was. I was trying to hold it together and so far was fooling people pretty good.

"Seth!" A female voice called and I tensed for a moment when I thought it might be Leah or Sue, but I didn't recognize the voice. I looked behind him and a young woman was walking towards us. She had dark hair pulled back and large brown eyes. She was definitely Native American but not Quileute. Her clothes were simple but a little dressy. I eyed her questioningly and noticed her blush when she caught my eye. Interesting.

"H-hi Miss Seneca," Seth stammered and I smirked. Must be his crush.

"You forgot your backpack." She handed his bag to him and he blushed also. I guess I was the only one not embarrassed. "Who's your friend?"

"Thanks. Um, this is Paul. Paul, this is Miss Seneca." I thought the kid might kill me with his look. He really didn't want me to say anything about our talk, but I can't help myself.

"English teacher?" I asked, and his jaw locked. He gave me a curt nod, and I smirked again.

"To most of the world I'm known as Malia. Nice to meet you, Paul," She extended her hand and I shook it carefully.

"You too, Malia. Seth really likes your class."

"Is that right?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Paul, Leah's picking me up today," He said through his teeth, and my smile fell.

"Damn, okay. We'll talk later," I said to him. "Give him hell," I said to Malia before jogging in the direction of the forest.

"'Bye!" I heard Seth call through laughter.

I looked around for a place to stay. The best I could do was a small room over a garage rented from an elderly couple on the edge of Quileute land. Since I didn't really have much money they let me work for them as payment. I was getting insurance money from the fire but it would take some time. The living arrangement seemed to work out okay. I didn't tell anyone where I was because I didn't want them to know.

Imagine my surprise when Jasper showed up, his expression serious.

"We found something."

Don't hate me. Or do. Just review please!

Q'wati is the creator of men in the Quileute legends.