Alright so I got a request for an angsty ShunsuixNanao piece and I was totally for it. The first part of this fic was already bouncing in my head since I caught up on the manga and decided that Shunsui and Lisa were totally together.

This takes place after the Winter War

Numbness was the wrong word.

Numbness implied that one had lost feeling, that they were not standing there willing their limbs to remain strong. Numb was supposed to be the absence, it was not supposed to be the overload of everything, every fiber, every heartbeat, every receptor, everything that made you what you thought you were. Standing in the middle of what she was sure had, at one point, been a false world, Lisa Yadomaru was certain that just because she could not name what she was feeling, it was not the same thing as being numb. If anything, she found she wished that he was numb instead of so terribly confused.

Forcing herself to focus she whipped her Zanpakuto around and slid it into its sheath, a flick of her wist banishing her mask. The movements felt alien, like someone else was performing them. The smooth, cold surface of her Zanpakuto and the slightly chalky feeling of her mask were all familiar sensations but it was as if her fingertips were not the ones brushed or grasped or did any of that sort. Perhaps they were not. Perhaps just like so many others, Lisa Yadomaru was a casualty of the Winter War. Maybe it was just her body left, some last vestige of a life that had once burned bright. But no more No, not after what had happened. Maybe she had done what she had simply been delaying time and time again, perhaps she had died.

"Lisa."

The weary voice, the impossibly weary voice, it seemed strange that it would belong to Shunsui Kyoraku. But it did. She supposed watching comrades you thought would be there forever die was a enough to damper even him. God knew she felt like she could sleep for the rest of eternity and still be tired. She turned her head to see him standing there, the remnants of his sash being used as a makeshift bandage for his shoulder. He was damn lucky his entire arm hadn't been cleaved off, even if it just hung listlessly down. One of Katen Kyokotsu's blades was out of its shikai form, shoved into the belt of his hamaka. The other was still manifested, though the sword was a cane rather than a blade at the moment. His opponent had managed to disable both his arm and his leg but she doubted they had survived long past that. The fool probably killed them when they managed to cut half his ponytail off.

He limped forward, each step echoing agony. Lisa wanted to run and help him, however out of character it might be for her, but she couldn't seem to get her legs to move. Instead she watched as he limped towards her, more blood spilling as the tears in his his haori turned the garment into little more than a memory. Her grip on the sword tightened further as she watched him approach until finally he made it to her. His head was lowered but when he raised it, despite the infinite sadness in his eyes his lips still managed to twist into a faint smile. It did little to erase the weariness that seemed to exist in his eyes but it was something, at the very least, and lisa felt a bit of the knot in her chest loosen.

"Always make me work for a victory, eh Lisa?" he said.

"It keeps you on your toes," she snapped in return.

He gave a nod and looked out at the damage that spread around them. For a moment he was silent, pensive, and then he looked back at her. She could read him, just as easily as she always had. He was trying to see what her plans were. Soul Society was never going to allow her back, she was hardly sure she wanted to go back either. The numbness was still in her, that distant feeling she could only identify as shock--though pride kept her from admitting it. She met his gaze steadily, her eyes unwavering. The world had ended inside this sphere but she was thankful her glasses had survived. It would have been worse if she couldn't see at least the world in front of her clearly. The rest, the rest was blurry.

The rest had always been blurry.

"You need to go see a healer," she told him, but the moment the words left her lips she wished they hadn't. A flash of pain that had nothing to do with injury sparked in his eyes, "I--"

"Its fine," he cut in, his voice oddly tight, "its over," he added, as if that somehow was true.

She nodded, letting his words be the lead. If nothing else she could give him that. It seemed like everyone who had survived this long was doing something to help, making an effort to be, if not nice then certainly less violent than usual.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Kensei walking, though how he was standing was beyond her. But what caused her throat to burn was the sight of Mashiro cradled in his arms as he carried her towards the narrow gateway. He wasn't taking her to the living world, he was taking her to Soul Society. She knew that there were too few healers, too many dying. they wouldn't get help there. She knew that he was taking her away from the dying, away from the blood and the pain and the debris. She would die, he would as well probably but they would die far from there. As he reached the opening he turned his head to look at her. She raised her hand in a wave and he nodded, a simple action but one that she knew he wouldn't have done if they hadn't gone through everything. Then he stepped through the barrier, his grip on Mashiro tightening as he took her far far away.

"You all got close then," Shunsui said finally.

"Yes," she replied, "we--" she stopped at the tightness in her throat, "we had to, to survive."

He nodded in understanding as they lapsed into silence. Immediately Lisa felt an ache somewhere deep inside. Neither of them had ever been good at being quiet. Even if it was just her huffing about something or him cracking a terrible joke, they had been a talkative pair. But not now. Now it seemed like the century of distance was more than that, more than they had ever thought possible. It was a terrible feeling, one that she didn't think she could stand. For a single, irrational moment she wanted to bring Kensei and Mashiro back, to find Shinji and Hiyori and everyone else who was gone and shout at them to argue, to do something to break the silence that was suffocating her. Taking in a deep breath she mentally forced herself to square her shoulders.

"I'm leaving," she said finally, her voice sharp.

"I figured as much," he replied.

"Don't look so sad," she snapped, "I'm sure your little Lieutenant is worrying herself sick over you."

"Nanao tends to do that," he said, his eyes softening in a way Lisa knew they never had for her.

Suddenly she realized, with startling clarity, that the reason there was distance, the reason there was silence, the reason this was so incredibly awkward was because--because--

Because she had been replaced.

The little girl with the big glasses, the one that she had read stories too, the one who had grown to take her job, she had taken more than that. Or maybe being Shunsui Kyoraku's lover was just a prerequisite of being his Lieutenant. Maybe she had just taken on the paper work, the endless hours and the feeling of that stupid stupid pink robe swinging forward to engulf your weary frame. Maybe it was all one big shiny package. Somehow that didn't make her feel any better. Much to her shame she felt tears sting at the corners of her eyes, tears she couldn't really blame on the dust that had already settled. Lisa turned her head, making sure the light flashed off her glasses and made it impossible to see her eyes. It was a low trick, one she knew probably wouldn't work, even before he proved her right.

"Are those tears in your eyes, Lisa?" he asked.

"Don't be stupid," she shot back, furiously checking to make sure none of them had fallen. He could see her tears, she had no problem with that, just as long as he didn't know the cause of them, she'd be alright, "you should go back before you loose your arm," she continued.

"Ah, you're probably right," he said, his voice not as morose as before, but whether it was her or his Lieutenant she wasn't sure, "loosing this much blood probably isn't good."

"No, its not," she replied coldly.

"Well, Lisa, I guess I'll see you when we need saving again," he said, she gave a jerky nod, "or maybe this time when I come looking for you, I'll find you," he added finally.

Her eyes widened, her lips parting as she gaped at him. He looked for her? But she had been a traitor, branded by Soul Society with too much evidence against her for even a trial. If he looked for her, he must have broken so many orders, so many rules--it made her head spin. The smile that had been on his lips moments ago faded as he looked at her, almost sadly once again.

"You thought I wouldn't look for you?" he asked. She shook her head, "I did," he said finally, though he had already made that clear.

"I hope you didn't get yourself into too much trouble," she said finally pushing her glasses up more on the bridge of her nose.

"Oh Lisa," he said, "you know beautiful women always get me into trouble," she stared at him as he turned around, "take care of yourself, Lisa."

"Perhaps if you do the same, Captain Kyoraku, I won't have to," she shot back after him.

"Of course you will," he said turning around and smiling at her as best he could, "how else will I get to see you again?"

She stepped forward to go after him before she stopped herself. He was going to Soul Society, he was going where she had no place in going. When he got to the barrier she saw his feet hesitate at the opening that would take him home. He paused as if he was waiting, waiting for his dead comrades to stand up and tell him this had been nothing more than a terrible dream, waiting for her to come forward and demand to know why he was hesitating when they had so much paperwork to do. Her fists clenched at her side as she willed him forward. If he looked back now, it would be her undoing. There would be nothing to stop her from running to him and begging him to tell her that she hadn't been replaced, that everything could still be how it was.

But then he moved forward.

Lisa breathed a sigh of relief as her pride howled, as her heart broke. She stood and watched as the last shreds of his white haori vanished through the bright opening, leaving her standing where she belonged with the other remnants of a past best forgotten, at least for the moment, while the wound was still raw. Closing her eyes tightly, she swiped at the few tears that managed to slip down her cheeks. A warm hand encased her shoulder and she turned her head to see Love looking at her. His sunglasses had fallen off, revealing his eyes, a sight she rarely saw. He looked terrible and sad and just as miserable as she felt.

"Come on," he said, his voice soft and serious, "Hachi's got a portal for us to get through," He explained.

"Lets go," she said, "there's nothing here anymore,"

He nodded as they moved down towards the portal that would take them onto the next adventure.

Nanao stared at the portal, her fingers laced tightly together. She had seen the endless line of corpses come out, faces she had recognized and others she had not. Each one that came out that wasn't him she felt simultaneous relief and disgust pound through her. Relief that it wasn't him, disgust that she was relieved that someone else had died. She heard the rumors too, the Vizards that had come and saved them. She had gotten to the portal just as Kensei Muguruma stepped out, brushing past healers who wouldn't have been able to save him or his Lieutenant and walking off into Rukongai. She had known what that meant. If they were there, if they had saved them all--

Then Lisa Yadomaru was certainly among them.

But the endless stream of dying was no longer coming and the dead, at least, were silent, but he had not been among them. They said he was talking to someone and she knew who he was talking to. He was talking to Lisa, he was talking to the woman she had succeeded, the woman she had looked up to for most of her life and been envious of for the rest of it. They had both survived, if nothing else she could see past the horrible churn of emotions in her stomach to find joy in that. As the seconds ticked on she realized she didn't care. Whatever they were doing, as long as they weren't dying she didn't care. As long as he wasn't dying she didn't care.

She told him to take care, to be safe, that if he didn't come back she'd find a way to yell at him for it, but her words had been tinged with fear, with an underlying terror that he would disobey her and that she would never see him again. He had laughed and teased her for her unusual attention but his words had held a weight she hadn't heard before, as if he too acknowledged that this could be the time he would disobey her. As he left she had almost, just almost told him she didn't want him to go. But it wouldn't make a difference, he would still go and she would just be standing there looking like a fool. So she had just watched him, not responding when he waved to her for fear her hand would shake far too much.

She wished she had waved.

People were starting to leave now, the relief squads already up to their necks in the injured. The endless stream of bodies seemed to be too much, they had sent reinforcements to help the Captains and Lieutenants already there and she was beginning to wish they hadn't. The endless stream of bodies was too hard for people to see. Knowing they had died to protect what they were sworn too was a meager comfort. But she did not move. Not when Matsumoto came in, nor when Nemu or Yachiru were brought in. She didn't move when Orihime and Urahara's bodies were carried through the portal. Even the tears dripping down Yoruichi's face didn't move her from her spot. She stood there, waiting for him, waiting for the last one to come home. Eventually her heart stopped pounding, her breathing steadied and she managed to collect herself. But she didn't move, she stood waiting for him.

Just when despair began to take hold of her, just when she was sure he wasn't going to come back, he came.

The first thing she saw was the sword that had become his cane followed by his broken, dirtied form. But he was alive. Alive and hobbling through the portal, weariness etched on every inch of him. Her heart stuttered in her chest as she stared at him. He looked worse than she had ever seen him and not just from the injuries. Her hands fell to her sides as he stopped. Around them the remaining Kido workers shouted orders as they closed the portal up but to Nanao the world had gone very still. Slowly his head raised, his brown eyes raising up to meet hers. Horror filled her as she saw him sway slightly on his feet, seemingly unable to take another step. But he did, one foot moving gingerly forward as if he could push himself a few steps farther.

"Captain Kyoraku!" only the pain in her too tight throat let her recognize the cry of his name as coming from her lips.

Then she was running, as fast as her feet could take her. They had created a barrier around the portal and placed it outside the Court in case they made it through. So she ran, her book thrown behind her as her sandals sunk into the mud beneath her feet. She ran before he could take another step. She was sure she ran as fast a she ever had and just as sure that she would never reach him. But she did, eventually she did reach him, barely managing to stop in time before she slammed into him. Even so the hand that gripped his sword streaked out and grabbed her shoulder, steadying her.

"No need to run, Nanao," he said, his voice a mockery of how cheery it used to be, "no sense in you getting--" he froze as she grabbed him tightly, her arms wrapping around him, "--hurt," he finished, staring down at the woman embracing him as if it was the only thing keeping them together, "Nanao?" he questioned, looking down at the crown of her head.

Nanao froze, realizing what she had just done. Her eyes widened as she realized she had hugged him, that she was still hugging him as if their lives depended on it. Furiously she jumped back and realized her mistake the moment he swayed once more. Moving back she grabbed his uninjured arm and pulled it over her shoulders, wrapping her arm around his back. His sword turned back and she grabbed it, shoving it into his sash next to the other one before beginning to move forward, taking on as much of his weight as she could.

"Welcome home, Captain Kyoraku," she muttered, feeling her cheeks burn.

"Oh my Nanao missed me!" he cried, his voice loud and humiliatingly exuberant.

A few people jumped, turning around to see what was going on before realizing it was just the two of them. When they saw that, for some reason, they seemed relieved. Nanao rolled her eyes at his antics as they continued to hobble towards the Fourth Division.

"They seem happy to see you," she pointed out finally.

"No," he said, "they're happy to see us," he looked at her. She sighed and shook her head, "they're happy to see something normal," he said. She looked up at him, "i know the world could end and my Nanao would still be breaking my heart!"

Nanao sighed and shifted his arm slightly as they continued to walk, desperately wishing that she could find a way to speak.

Find a way to tell him that she didn't want to do that anymore.

Alright so I'm thinking of making this into a series of vignettes, rather like Saints & Sinners but all focused on the end of the Winter War and how people deal with it. I've got half finished ones for KenseixMashiro and HitsuHina so that might happen.

Anyway hope you enjoyed the angst!

Please R&R!