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Chapter X — "As I Am"

December 1, 1900

"Why the hell would you let him get away, James?" Victoria yells at me from across the clearing. She's bent forward, ready to pursue the man who loves the soon-to-be newborn. "You kept talking about how you needed to kill her because she was different from the others. We haven't eaten in three weeks and now you're just going to let him get away?"

I nod.

"Why?"

I look over at Victoria and smirk. In the distance, I hear the girl, Alice, writhing in pain, tears unable to fall down her cheeks. She will be one of us one day soon and then maybe I will be able to see her again. Maybe one day, she will be the one by my side.

And then I look at Victoria and all of those thoughts disappear. She is the reason I am who I am today. She has made me stronger. The human hasn't. So why do I think this way? Why do I want her, Alice, when I have already found the one for me?

Victoria growls but gets up and returns to my side. Laurent watches us for a few seconds longer before coming to my left, ready to embark on our next mission. "So, where are we going now, James?"

I smell the air. "I was thinking maybe Missouri."

"The Gateway to the West?" Victoria asks. "I'm in."

Alice
December 3, 1900

I want to remember what it feels like to live.

I want to feel the wind and the sunshine. I want to be able to touch a knife and bleed, to eat food and feel full, to drink water and no longer be thirsty.

I wake up from my drowsiness and look around. I can't remember anything. Everything is a blurry haze. I try to focus on my memories, the reason I am lying on the ground in the middle of a forest. There is blood all around me and my clothes are ripped.

I am thirsty.

Looking around me, I can smell that there is water from a river about a quarter of a mile from where I am sitting now. But, somehow, water is not what I want to drink. My throat is burning – almost like I haven't drunk anything in years – but the smell of water is nearly repulsive.

My head starts to hurt and my hands begin shaking. I remember this process, though I don't know what it means. And then I see it: in this … vision, I see a blond soldier sitting at a diner all alone. I smile brightly at him, though I've never seen him in person before and stroll up to him.

The picture changes and suddenly I see a doctor. "You wanted to talk to me … Alice, Edward said your name was?" I nod. "What can I help you with?" He has a pleasant face and a nice smile, though I can see the confusion across his face.

"I want to be like you, Dr. Cullen," I tell him, "I want to drink blood like your family. I don't want to kill anyone and I've had visions of coming to you so I wouldn't."

I come back to reality and look around me. I am still in the forest with the burning throat, the ripped clothes, and the blood on the ground. Blood … I think and I can feel my throat twitch with anticipation. It occurs to me then … I am a vampire, and I need drink.

I stand and look around. I try to remember why I am here and why I am like this. Vampires … is everyone a vampire? Then why the title? And why does my skin chill at the name? I shake my head. No, I am different from the rest. They do not drink blood to live. I am a monster to them because I will kill them.

"I want to be like you Dr. Cullen. I want to drink blood like your family. I don't want to kill anyone and I've had visions of coming to you so I wouldn't."

I look up to the sky and try to imagine Dr. Cullen in my head. He has blonde hair, like the soldier, but he isn't the soldier. He has honey eyes and ice skin. He is like me, a vampire, but he is much different than any other vampire.

Suddenly, I see him talking and laughing with his family. There is a boy with wavy brown-red hair and golden eyes; he is solid and sturdy but he is laughing at Dr. Cullen. I feel like I know him somehow. And there is a woman he calls his wife with blond-brown hair and the most beautiful smile I have ever seen; he has his arm around her shoulder, squeezing it kindly. There is another there too: a blonde, the most gorgeous woman in the world, a goddess walking; she is smiling at her family but there is something bitter behind her gaze.

And then I see myself with them, smiling and laughing, shaking my hair around and I feel … happy watching myself with them. My eyes are golden and I love them all so much. My non-beating heart swells to the point of explosion.

And I know I have to go there. I must go there because I see it. Because I know that's where I am supposed to be.

April 15, 1924

It took me eighteen years to find the Cullens. I thought it would be easy – after all, I was a vampire and I was, well, inhuman. But it took be a little over eighteen years to finally knock on their door and ask Dr. Cullen to save me.

I had visions have eating animals in the future so I used those to survive. It was hard, very hard, and once or twice I did cave and drink what I always feared: humans. But I never strayed away from my ultimate goal. I never let myself even see what would happen if I became anything other than a Cullen.

That wasn't my future.

When I finally did find them, I was on the point of giving up. I was terrible at tracking and time as a vampire passed quickly. Eighteen years passed and it didn't feel more than eighteen weeks. I had been around the world twice by the time I showed up on their doorstep, soaking wet from the pouring rain.

And they had accepted me gratefully. The girl in my visions – the happy, smiling girl – I became in just a matter of minutes. It was so great to be with family and no longer alone.

The only thing that kept me going when I was alone was this moment. Six years after I had joined the Cullen family, I finally was about to meet him. Jasper, the soldier from my dreams, my visions, was inside of this diner. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream.

When I opened the door, I saw him sitting at the bar stool, contemplating over a beer he could not drink. I wondered then if it gave him comfort, the alcohol, when he was human? His hair was tangled but still beautiful; his eyes were red and terrifying but I did not care.

This was him.

The one I had been waiting for.

I took a step towards him.

"I've waited a long time for you," I said, looking at him.

He was the only one I remember from my human. Other than him, everything else is blank. I can remember my longing for him, the one I would finally call my own. I was all alone and he was the only thing I lived for. He's the only thing I live for.

He brushed back a piece of his blond hair with his fingers and smiled. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but … have we met each other before?" I shook my head. He smiled a bit and sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Good. I mean, that we haven't met. My mother would have called me rude for not remembering such a … beautiful woman as yourself."

My heart is still, my blood is cold but I can feel everything start to race and to heat under his gaze. I wonder briefly if he thinks I am crazy. He shook his head as if he can hear my thoughts, and then said, "Well, I am Jasper Whitlock … and you are?"

I shook my head, ridding the thoughts, and take his hand. I stare into his bloody eyes and say, "I'm Alice. I can see the future." It was blunt and he was taken by surprise but I keep going. "I've seen you here many times. I can't even tell you how many times." He was the only thing I've ever had a hold of. Through the pain, he has always been there, even though I didn't even know him.

He believed me.

He can see it in my eyes.

"I know what we have to do," I told him. "Please, come with me." I hold out my hand, my heart in my throat. My mind is blank – his decision has not been made yet. He looks down at my hand, pale and breakable, though they are both.

I feel like crying. For what seems like years I've been seeing him. He's flesh and blood I finally get to see. I am not crazy. My visions really do come true. Those months I spent all alone, thinking I was crazy – they were false. I can feel an emotional rush and start to breath heavily.

He looks up at me, concerned. He knows how I am feeling. He can feel the panic, the relief, the sadness, the confusion, the hope. He can feel everything. I suddenly feel calm. He looked into my eyes and lifted his hand slowly. My breath hitched.

He gently picked up a strand of my short hair and brushes it out of my eyes. "I trust you," he said quietly, answering all of my questions. "Take me with you, Alice."

William
June 20, 1901

William Pierce died that night Alice Brandon did.

I did exactly as my passed Grandfather had told me to do. I took my father's name and my mother's maiden name and put them together, creating a brand new person. Just as Alice said, I found the love of my life not long after I left her. Two days after leaving the forest, I stumbled up to her parent's house, dripping wet with an illness.

They had took me in gratefully, accepting me for nothing except myself. One month later I was married to their daughter, Elizabeth, and with child. I was the happiest man on earth and, for some reason, my heart did not pine over Alice. I missed her dearly but I sometimes wonder if she was what was supposed to change me for the person I would end up with.

I sometimes think of her and wonder if she is still alive today. I wonder if she found the blond soldier she always talked about. I hope she did. She deserved someone who would treat her better than I ever did. And he is the closest to be worthy enough for her.

Now, six months later, my child was being born. He was only six months and very, very tiny. I leaned over Elizabeth, who was crying and writhing in pain. "Lizzie," I kept whispering in her ear, kissing her beautiful hair. She was crying so hard.

"My baby, how is he?" she kept saying.

"The doctor is cleaning him up," I told her. "He will be fine. I promise. He was just ready to get out and to see the world. He's just early, Lizzie. Please, don't cry." She looked up at me, her hazel, green eyes searching my very soul. I smiled at her and kissed her hard on the forehead. "You're a mother now, Lizzie," I told her. "We did it. We're going to be parents."

"You're right," she said. "You're always right, Edward. And that's why …" She stares at me with the purest form of innocence, I am almost reminded of a child and even the girl I once loved. "And that's why," she repeated, "that I want to name our baby after you. Edward Junior. Little Edward."

William, I want to tell her my real name. But William is dead.

"And your father's name as the middle name?" I smile at her. She grinned the widest in the world and nodded her head quickly. "What a beautiful name he will have. Edward Ant –"

"Excuse me," someone said. We both turned towards the door. The doctor was standing there, holding the tiniest blanket in the world. He walked over to us and handed us the blanket. Inside was a beautiful baby boy with auburn hair and the brightest green eyes; they looked unreal.

"Will he be alright?" Elizabeth asked, not taking her eyes away from the baby.

The doctor smiled and nodded. "He's very developed for being so young. He will be just fine. From my understanding, he's beautiful and healthy. Congratulations, Edward, Elizabeth." I thank him and he leaves the room quietly.

We stare down at the love of our lives.

"Little Edward," Elizabeth coos.

"He looks like he's ready to take on the world, doesn't he, Lizzie?" I asked, kissing her hair line. She nodded, running her fingers over his open face. His eyes are wide and bright, eager to learn, eager to live, eager to love, eager to be.

Edward Anthony Mason, my son.

What a life he will have.

A/N — Thus concluding Alice's prequel, "Binary." I do hope that all of my readers have enjoyed the last chapter and do review! If you are confused, go back and look at the dates. That should clear it up a bit. =]
Also, great job hisanachan for pretty much figuring out the whole story without meaning. Back at the beginning when you asked if Edward, his father, had anything to do with Edward Mason (Cullen), I was so excited that you figured it out without meaning to. It was amazing. =]
Please check my profile for some news. And I hope everyone has happy holidays!

Please review!

-Liz