I felt like writing something very depressing XD I'm too happy right now, so I need something to even up my mood!

Eventually, it'll KaRe, though there are some hints in this chapter. I tried to put in a slight touch of humour, and I mostly likely failed. In Kai's POV.

In italics are Rei's thoughts.

I don't own. Enjoy!

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Desperation

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Grieving

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I could only stare from across the room at my dearest friend as he lied on the couch, an activity he had been doing very often for the last few weeks. He wasn't doing anything special, he wasn't reading a book, watching television or playing videogames, he was just doing... nothing. Just staring at the wall in front of him. His eyes were red and swollen from all the crying he had been doing lately.

I would lean against the doorway to the living room and stare at Rei. He would spend most of his days lying on the couch, or on his bed, covered with a blanket, crying. I couldn't bring myself to say something, the others couldn't either. I felt it was my job to help him; I was the leader after all. But I had no idea what to do.

Rei is one of my best friends. He's an incredibly kind, intelligent and giving person. He understood me better than anybody else. He was one of the rare people I could actually have a conversation with.

Now, he just wasn't the same anymore...

2 months ago, Rei lost his mother.

She had been struggling most of her life with depression. Ultimately, she took her own life. From what I was told by the people at her funeral, she was an incredible person also; Rei got his amazing qualities from her.

The whole Bladebreakers team went to the funeral in China. We all went to support Rei in this difficult process. That day, we all saw that something was broken in him. He didn't cry or say a word during the whole funeral, the ceremony and the burial. He had a blank expression on his face. I haven't seen his beautiful, radiant smile since the day before he got the grim news and I must say I miss it very much.

A few days after the burial, we all came back to Japan to train for the next world championships, but it simply wasn't the same anymore. Rei didn't want to train, he wouldn't cook for us like he used to, he wouldn't even want to get out of bed some days. He had no energy at all. All he would do is cry, in total silence. It was like Rei insisted on keeping his immense suffering to himself.

He almost stopped eating and lost a lot a weight. He looked like a ghost of himself.

Every time I would look at him, it broke my heart. Our team members tried talking to him, but he wouldn't answer. They thought he didn't listen, but I'm sure he did. Tyson was starting to be very mean to him. He would tell him things like "Get over yourself", "Life goes on", "You're just being dramatic", "Stop crying like a child". And I thought Tyson, out of all people, would understand what Rei was going through. Tyson had lost his mother as well, but he was very young when it happened and he probably doesn't remember. When he would be mean to Rei, I felt like grabbing him by his collar and punching him straight in the face.

Yeah, that's me, Kai. I talk with my fists. I couldn't find the skills, and, honestly, the strength, to talk. Just talk to him. Tell him how I feel. Help him...

So, I would just look while Rei was slowly destroying himself.

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It was dinner time and Hillary had cooked a meal for us. Her cooking wasn't nearly as good as Rei's, but nobody else would cook. Everybody but Rei was sitting around the table and eating in silence. After I ate my plate without much interest, I went to the kitchen to prepare an extra plate. I then walked back out into the dining room.

"He's not gonna eat it." Tyson said, with his loud, obnoxious, know-it-all voice.

"Maybe, but I'm still going to try." I answered, holding in the rage that idiot was giving me.

"I swear, he's anorexic! He looks like a skeleton!" Tyson chuckled.

"... It's not funny Tyson." Max said. "It's very serious."

"No, it's not Max. I'm sure all Rei wants is some attention and for people to notice him!"

"Just shut up, Tyson." I said, forcing myself yet again to not hit him as hard as I can.

I just walked on, ignoring Tyson's detestable voice and ignorant comments. Soon enough, I was standing in the living room. Rei was still there, lying on the couch, wrapped in a blanket. He hadn't moved from the couch since this morning. He was in the foetal position, so there was room on the couch for me to sit.

"Hi Rei." I said. "Hillary made stew. It's... actually decent. Do you want some?"

He simply shook his head, no. I looked down at the plate, resting on my lap. From what I know, he hasn't eaten in two days. Looking back at him, I felt helpless. His gaze hadn't left the same spot on the wall for quite some time. He seemed incredibly sad.

Hesitantly, I moved my hand towards him and put it on his shoulder. Lazily, Rei moved his shoulder away from my touch and I took back my hand.

Don't touch me...

As usual, I did nothing but look at him, as I sighed. I truly felt his pain. I didn't want anything more than to take away the pain.

Don't look at me...

"Rei..." I said. "I..." I didn't know how to say this. "You... You're... not well..."

Don't talk to me...

"I know sometimes I seem a bit cold. But I really am worried about you. I want to help."

Go away.

It was like talking to a wall. He was completely ignoring me, blocking me off. I know he hears me, I just wish he would answer me. "Anyway... If you need someone to talk to, you can come to me. I'd be glad to listen." Still no answer. Sighing, I got up from the couch and walked back to the dining room.

The rest of the team was still there, eating their desert. Tyson had a smartass smirk on his face.

"So... how'd it go?" He said.

"Shut up." I was simply not in the mood for his crap.

"Not very responsive, eh? I swear, he's just like you now."

Yet again, I held him some pretty strong violent urges and continued to the kitchen. I put the stew back with the rest and put the plate in the dish washer. I saw what was left of the desert my companions were having. Brownies. Hillary might be a terrible cook, but she sure can bake. I helped myself to a piece. Smiling, I bit into it. Still warm. There's nothing like a brownie to make your problems disappear.

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After dinner, the boys decided to watch a movie. They all took over the living room, sitting on the armchairs, what was left of the sofa and the flour. Without a word, Rei made himself very small to leave as much room available on the couch. Max sat on the other side, leaving plenty of room between them. I didn't really know which one wanted to be away from the other. Probably a bit of both. I sat between them, right next to Rei.

"I want to watch Dodgeball." Tyson said, like the spoiled child he is.

"Not Dodgeball again..." Hillary whined. "We've seen it like 10 times!"

"So? That movie is awesome!"

"I must admit I'm not the biggest fan of this movie." Kenny said.

"Yeah, Tyson. It's a funny movie, but it gets old after a while..." Max added.

"But I want to watch it again!" Gosh, I want to punch him right now.

"I want to watch Twilight!" Hillary said.

"Hell no." That was from Max, Tyson and me. For once, we agree on something.

Shyly, Max turned to Rei.

"What do you want to watch, Rei?" Max asked.

Suddenly, all the eyes in the room turned to Rei. It was like an event: Somebody asked Rei a question, what is he going to answer? He was still staring straight ahead. Silently, he raised and lowered his shoulders. The room was silent for a moment, as it usually was in this situation. It was like everybody realized at the same time just how unwell their friend was and how they weren't doing anything and couldn't do anything...

"And mister gives us the silent treatment AGAIN." Tyson stated.

"Shut up." My usual response, as always.

After another long moment of awkward silence, I felt Rei shift next to me. Still wrapped in his blanket, he stood up. We all knew where he was going. It was 7 sharp. At 7, Rei goes to bed. He walked away from the living room. As he stepped out, Max spoke.

"Goodnight Rei..." Max said. But he didn't answer.

After Rei left, most of us weren't in the mood to watch a movie anymore. So, Tyson watched his stupid movie alone.

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Kenny, Max, Hillary and I left the living room to go to the dojo, where we all slept. After we came back from China, Rei started going to bed really early and some of us were worried we might bother him by going to bed later. So, he was given the guest room to sleep in. We all felt that he was going to be much better there. The bed is much more comfortable then the floor and he wouldn't be bothered by much noise. But I knew the real reason Rei was moved there, it's because nobody could bare to see him cry at night. Really, we were hypocrites. We had all convinced ourselves that this move was what was best for Rei, but really, it was best for us. Right now, Rei needs his friends more than ever before, and we pushed him away from us.

All four of us sat on our respective futons, yet again in an awkward silence. We all knew what we should be talking about, but none of us could muster the strength to bring it up.

I could see Max was getting very emotional. He cared for Rei very much. We all did but Max looked up to Rei. He was like his big brother to him. The blonde was struggling to hold in tears. He probably knew we didn't really need somebody else crying all the time.

"I'm scared for Rei." He said. Inside, I was glad I didn't have to start this conversation.

"Me too." Hillary said.

"That makes three of us." Kenny added. Okay, we're all worried about Rei, that's great.

"We need to do something about it." I said. Yay me for being constructive.

"But what? Every time I look at him, I feel so helpless! I don't know what to do!" Max answered, on the verge of tears. "He won't eat, won't sleep, cries all the time and won't talk to us anymore!"

"For starters, we should stop ignoring the problem." I said.

"We're not ignoring it." Hillary argued. "We're very much aware of it!"

"It's one thing to be aware of it. It's another to act on it. We just let him destroy himself. We should stop that. If he doesn't want to eat, then we insist. We don't just give up after one try. Who knows? Maybe, he's just waiting for us to insist a bit, to want to help him. Right now, he probably feels as if we don't really care."

"I see what you mean..." Kenny said. "It is true we don't do much."

"We can't force feed him, though. Or force him out of bed, or to train with us." Max said.

"No, but we can explain why he should eat, or get out of bed. We can express our concern, and maybe he'll understand we all care for him." They all seemed to think about what I just said. "So, do we all agree on this?" I asked.

"Yeah." Max said. "We'll insist now. It will probably be difficult, but it's the least we can do." The other two nodded in agreement.

"Great. Then, I would like to bring up the next order of business." I continued. "Tyson is a douchebag." My last statement created a lot of reaction amongst my friends, they were nodding and voicing their agreement.

"I really don't know why Tyson is so mean to him." Max said. "I don't know if he just doesn't understand the situation, or if he's really trying to be hurtful."

"Sometimes, when Tyson doesn't understand something, he becomes very aggressive." Kenny said. "It's probably just his reaction to not knowing what is wrong with his friend."

"And some of it is probably that Tyson is a complete idiot." Hillary added. I couldn't agree more.

"Anyway, we shouldn't let him say such mean stuff." I said. "I'm the only one telling him to stop and I wouldn't mind a bit of help." The other three nodded and agreed to help me.

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Later on in the evening, we all decided to go to bed, so we could train the next morning. Well, not all of us wanted to sleep. Tyson certainly didn't agree. He wanted to stay up all night and play videogames, but Max managed to convince him to go to sleep. We all got ready for bed and laid down on our futons. 5 minutes later, Tyson was snoring the night away. Judging by the speed he fell asleep, he would've surely been able to stay up all night... Right.

I was laying in my futon, but I couldn't close my eyes. I had some important matter on my mind I couldn't ignore.

Yes, I was thinking about Rei. Seeing him like he is right now is making me realize just how much I appreciate his old self...

He would wake up earlier then everybody else and make us breakfast. He always had the most beautiful smile in the morning. Even if you didn't sleep well, just seeing his smile would make you forget all your troubles. He always encouraged everybody during training. The food he cooked was always heavenly. The conversation we shared were meaningful...

Conversations... I was never really one for conversations. To me they seemed pretty useless. But now I realize just how truly important they were to me.

I miss his smile, the sound of his voice... I miss Rei.

I was experiencing feelings I had never known before. I... was truly sad... over Rei.

I sat up on my bed. I couldn't get Rei out of my head. I looked around the room. All my friends, and Tyson, were sleeping soundly. I stood up and walked out of the dojo, walking on my tiptoes discreetly, as to not wake the sleepers.

In the darkness, I made my way to the guest room. I thought the door might have been locked, but, to my surprise, when I turned the knob, the door opened. As silently as I possibly could, I opened the door and peeked in the room.

I knew Rei wouldn't be sleeping.

The inside of the room was almost covered in darkness, but the moonlight through the window made possible for me to see. Rei was lying on his bed, in the foetal position, covered by a ton of blankets. He was holding his pillow against his face.

He was crying, clenching his fists on his pillow, holding it to his face as hard as he could, as if he wanted to muffle his sobs. His body was shaking with each weep. His legs were moving to the beat of his sobs, losing themselves in the covers. He was moving lower and lower in his bed, under the covers, hiding his face in his pillow.

I want to disappear.

Soon enough, I couldn't see him anymore. All I could see was the small mass crying under the covers. Sometimes it would stop moving, as if he stopped breathing, before catching his breath and panting between sobs.

Slowly, I walked away and closed the door behind me. I leaned against the door for a moment, struggling to catch my breath. Seeing him like this was a very disturbing sight. I walked back to the dojo, trying not to start crying myself.

For the first time in my life, I'll admit I am scared.

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Thank you for reading and please review!!!!!!

Next chapter: PANCAKES!