It was the morning of new years eve. Rosie and I had just finished baking the last of our cookies and were wrapping them up to take to her son Helder, along with his lunch like we did everyday. I admit, Helder wasn't bad looking. In a lot of ways he reminded me of the gypsies back at Spence. He was built strong and hard and at times I catch myself wondering what it would be like for him to just touch me once in some forbidden way. I sigh deeply to myself knowing that it will never happen, he only thinks of me like the little sister he never had. It doesn't matter anyways, Kartik is still and always will be the one for me.

"Gemma! Come on! We've got to get going before the streets get too crowded!"

Ah Rosie, always interrupting my thoughts about him, it irritates me but I thank her for doing it. If she didn't then I think I would find myself in a loony bin. I grab my coat and scarf and shove them on as I'm going down the stairs and out the door into the cold crisp morning.

"What were you doing up there Gemma darling? I thought you had already taken off without me!" I laugh silently to myself. She's such a hoot that Rosie of mine.

"I was just thinking that is all" I smile my nervous smile at her and take the bag of lunch from her hands and carry it for her.

"Onward to the docks!" I yell.

Later that night.

The three of us are sitting outside on the sidewalk watching the people walk by as they hurry to get home to loved ones and bars and wherever else these strangers are going. I lay my head back and look up at the sky, I've never seen fireworks before and am rather excited to see these marvelous things. Helder looks at me and laughs as he catches me looking up at the sky again and he nudges my arm.

"You'll know when their up there Gem, you can hear them from miles away."

He grins at me and I almost melt and shrink away from embarrassment. He turns to talk to his mom and I study him, the side of his face, his arms and legs. I scoot closer to him and gently rest my head against his shoulder. He looks at me and smiles and wraps his arm around me and continues to talk to Rosie. And in this moment I feel like I can finally move on from Kartik and I am actually happy for once in the longest time, I'm truly happy. I press my body against his without him noticing too much and I hope that when he looks at me again that he'll notice me as a woman and not a little girl, and that he'll kiss me when it is the new year. I try not to wish for it too much so I don't get my hopes up for I'm only human. Then out of nowhere I hear loud cracks and booms coming from every which way and direction and I look up in the sky and see crazy colors and shapes, and I stare up in amazement.

"Their more beautiful then I imagined." I softly whisper this to myself and then find someone whispering in my ear. "Yes you are."

I turn and see Helder staring at me with passion burning in his eyes and he kisses me, full and hard on the lips. I'm taken back by surprise and pull away to catch my breath and look at him. He's smiling at me and I smile back at him and then the moment is gone. He has this strange, pained look on his face and blood is dripping from his lips.

I shoot up out of bed with tears streaming down my face. I'm shaking and cant stop. I run to the bathroom and turn on the faucet in the bathtub and strip off my clothes and get in. I tuck my knees under my chin and watch the water rise around me. I close my eyes and then see him again. Blood dripping from his mouth, he falls back cries out in pain. He beckons for me and I lay on top of him holding him, trying to bring the warmth back into his body. I fail, and he lays lifeless below me. I start to scream for Rosie or for anyone for that matter to help me. I look across the street and see a man standing there, just watching me scream. I think to myself "Why isn't he helping?" "Why is he just standing there?" And then I realize he was the one that shot him. The man that tried to kill me, has killed the only other person I thought I could love.

"That was two years ago Gemma, get a hold of yourself!" I say outloud to myself, even though it's silly since no one else is in the room.

"If it hadn't have been for that horrible, wretched man I'd still be living in my dream city." I say this in my head, fighting with my own thoughts. " I don't blame Rosie for wanting to leave so she can forget. I mean I could have stayed there if I wanted to, I don't belong to Rosie but I just couldn't let her leave and be by herself..."

I open my eyes and see that the water has slightly started to run over the side of the tub. I turn the water off and stretch out and take a deep breath and lay down under the water and wait for this pained memory to leave me.