See the Stars

By: ioanhoratio

A.N. This is based on season 6 spoilers. Turn away now if you don't want to know!

I know I already wrote a story about this but I had been speculating on a few different reactions to what is supposed to happen and thanks to a comment from afrozenheart412 I was inspired to write this. So this story is dedicated to her and Brichen86 (You are awesome girl!)

Also this was a crazy busy weekend and I didn't get a chance to reply to those who reviewed Bringing Sexy Back but I will! And I typed this in the wee hours of the morning (as I am prone to do it seems) so there are probably several grammatical errors. I do apologize!

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When it's dark enough you can see the stars

-Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Danny was pissed.

He was angry.

He was frustrated.

He was disappointed.

He was scared.

And he was desperate to do nothing about it.

He looked down at Lucy who lay in his lap staring up at him. He gently ran a finger over the soft wisps of dirty blonde hair; well what little hair she had. Lindsay had some how glued a little tiny red bow to her nearly bald head. He watched as she tugged her strawberry covered jumper up over her face and tried to chew on it.

Danny laughed at her and asked, "Are ya hungry baby? Or just desperate for a chew toy?"

Lucy's response was to kick her legs out and throw her little fists in the air.

Danny let his fingers dance over her belly and tickle her. Lucy's laugh sounded more like a choked gasp at this stage but it was still the best sound Danny had ever heard. Lucy quickly lost interest in her devoted fan and turned her attention to her fist. She swatted herself in the face a few times before she finally got it into her mouth and began sucking.

"I guess you are hungry, huh?" Danny chuckled. Lucy definitely wasn't close to talking but that didn't stop Danny from knowing what she was telling him. In just the two months since her birth Danny had learned so much about her and he knew when she was telling him she was hungry, "We're gonna hafta wake up Momma though."

Danny looked over to the cot that the nurses had set up in his room. Lindsay lay on her side facing him. Her eyes were closed in slumber and her face was relaxed. Danny hated the idea of waking her. She had spent so much time worrying about him and their life for the foreseeable future, not to mention taking care of a newborn practically all on her own for the past week and a half that sleep seemed to be at the bottom of her priorities. The decision was taken out of his hands however as Lucy let out a wail of disappointment, realizing her fist was not going to meet her current need.

Lindsay's eyes shot open as her exhausted body immediately responded to the cries of her daughter.

"Everything o.k.?" Lindsay mumbled.

"She's hungry," Danny answered sheepishly, "I would feed her but...ya know." Danny joked.

Lindsay gave a sleepy chuckle as she pulled her weary body up and stumbled over to his hospital bed, "Yeah, I know. Daddy's not equipped for this particular need huh Lucy?" Lindsay teased as she scooped up her daughter, "Scoot over," she commanded Danny.

He used his hands to pull him closer to the edge of the bed and then used his hands to pick up each leg and pull them over. Lindsay gave him a questioning look to which he responded, "I think that's the best I can do right now."

Lindsay nodded and squeezed herself onto the bed next to him allowing the railing on the bed to keep her in place. Danny awkwardly put his arm around his wife and did his best to pull her close. After a bit of squirming they finally found a comfortable position by which time Lucy's fussing had turned into a fit of tears.

"Alright baby girl," Lindsay scolded softly as she unhooked the strap on her nursing bra and settled Lucy at her breast, "Calm down. Geeze you get so impatient, little thing. You get that from Daddy."

"Hey," Danny cried indignant, "I'm sittin' right here."

Lindsay threw him a look to which Danny responded, "Fine, but I can't help the fact that I like your boobs so much."

Lindsay let out a bark of laughter, "I was talking about her being impatient to eat; not to get to my boob you pervert."

"Pervert?" Danny demanded, "Ha! You and I have been so far from doing anything perverted in months that I am starting to forget where everything goes."

Lindsay just rolled her eyes.

"What?" Danny asked, "Between your big-o pregnant belly, then healin' from the birth, and now this," he waved his hands over his stationary legs, "we haven't exactly been able to rekindle the romance."

"Well thank goodness," Lindsay cried triumphantly.

"Excuse me?" Danny asked in disbelief.

"At least I now know for sure you are going to be ok," Lindsay explained, "I mean you were shot in the back 10 days ago, thanks to 3 centimeters and a team of doctors you are alive, you're facing months of hard and intense physical therapy that offers no guarantee that you will regain full mobility, and you are worried about our sex life? Yep Danny Messer is going to be a-ok."

Danny gave a small chuckle then leaned in and placed a lingering kiss in her hair before asking, "What would I do without you?"

Lindsay just smiled at him. They sat in a comfortable silence as they watched their daughter eat. Danny ran a finger up and down her tiny body as Lindsay held onto one of her daughter's tiny hands.

After several minutes Danny whispered, "Lindsay."

She turned to look at him. Her breathe caught in her throat as she saw the look of heartbreak and sadness on his face.

"Lindsay," he continued softly, "I need your help."

Clearing her throat she mimicked his tone and asked, "Do you need me to get you something?"

"I can't...I'm afraid..." he stumbled.

"That's ok baby," she quickly assured him, "I am too."

"No, I don't mean I'm afraid of the future. Well I am but that's not...What I mean is I'm afraid of myself," Danny struggled to explain.

Lindsay's response was cut off by her hiss of pain.

"Ya a'right?" he asked worriedly.

"Yeah, sorry Lucy bit me, well I guess gummed me is a better description," Lindsay answered distractedly. She had startled Lucy when she had jumped slightly and the infant began to fuss.

"Here," Lindsay said as she handed the baby to Danny, "Get her to burp while I grab her blanket. I'm gonna get her to sleep and they you can explain to me what we are talking about."

Danny did as instructed and brought Lucy to his shoulder, calming her as he patted her back and spoke reassuringly to her. Once she had burped Danny gave her kiss and told her goodnight and that he loved her then handed her to Lindsay.

Lindsay tightly swaddled her daughter then began pacing the room, swaying Lucy gently back and forth. After a few minutes of fighting and whining, Lucy finally closed her eyes and immediately dropped to sleep. Lindsay place her in the middle of the cot then turned and climbed back into Danny's hospital bed.

Danny pulled her close and as she snuggled into him, he acknowledged, "You are wonderful at this ya know?"

"At what?" Lindsay murmured against his shoulder.

"Bein' a mom," Danny confessed.

He felt her smile against his skin.

"Thanks," she answered shyly, "Now, you have my full attention. What do you mean you're afraid of yourself?"

Danny ran his fingers through her hair as he equivocated, "I don't know. I guess it is just dumb. We have enough to worry about right now without my useless meanderings."

Lindsay lifted her head off his shoulder and stared him directly in the eyes, "Don't be wimp Danny," she insisted, "and don't expect me to read your mind."

She laid her head back down and the added, "Now talk."

Danny sighed as he laid his own head back against the standard issue hospital pillow. He stared at the unfamiliar ceiling then began speaking, "Ya remember me tellin' ya about why I was taken off the promotion grid?"

Lindsay frowned, confused at his opening questioned but answered, "I remember. It was because of the shoot out where the cop was killed."

"Yeah, except I wasn't taken off because of the shooting. Not really. I was taken off because I had acted impulsively, emotionally and ignored Mac's instructions. I was too wrapped up in what I was feelin' to pay attention to the fact that Mac was lookin' out for me."

"Ok," Lindsay accepted, still a bit uncertain.

"And ya remember when Aiden died?" Danny asked.

"Of course," Lindsay responded.

"I wanted to kill that bastard. I didn't care what kinda trouble I got in. I just wanted punish whoever was responsible. Screw the consequences," Danny admitted.

Lindsay just nodded as she began to understand.

"Then this guy Elgers. I mean he pissed me the hell off and I reacted. I was suspended for two weeks, no pay. I just was so angry I didn't thing about the consequences. Two weeks, no pay is different for a guy with no one depending on him versus a guy with a wife and kid on the way," Danny asserted, his voice full of self-derision.

"Our finances weren't in trouble Dan," Lindsay interjected, trying to reassure him, "Plus we enjoyed those two weeks didn't we?"

"Yeah," Danny admitted, "But that's not the point Linds."

"I know," Lindsay conceded quietly.

"And since we're talkin' about this and I'm already confined to a hospital bed I should go ahead and tell ya I wasn't completely honest about the shooting I was involved in while you were in Montana."

Lindsay closed her eyes for a moment and prepared herself for what he was about to tell her.

"Mac and Don were there but they didn't show up until after I had shot the guy. I had chased him down alone and I wasn't wearing a vest," Danny divulged.

"Danny!" Lindsay scoffed as her head flew up to look at him, "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I know!" he cried, "I don' know, I just did it. When it was over I was overwhelmed with what I had done. I couldn't believe I had been so stupid. I know we have dangerous jobs and getting the bad guy is important but I crossed the line. I couldn't stop shakin' and my mind kept playing it over and over again. The thought of never getting to see you again or to never get to meet our baby scared the shit out of me..."

"Good," Lindsay said forcefully, "and why am I just hearing about this now?"

"It scared me so badly that I convinced myself that telling my heavily pregnant wife who was on the other side of the country of my near demise probably wasn't the best idea," Danny explained.

Lindsay considered that for a moment then punched him in the arm, "Fine, just don't do that ever again. You know I hate us lying to each other about anything."

"I tell you I was nearly killed in a shoot out and you're upset that I didn't tell you the whole truth?" Danny asked sarcastically.

"Oh no I am absolutely upset about that too," Lindsay assured him before she returned her head to its resting place against him.

Danny wisely chose to ignore that comment and continued, "The point is I don't want to be that guy anymore. I can't be that guy. I made you a promise. I just didn't think it would be so hard to change."

"Danny I love you for who you are," Lindsay said.

"I know you do but this change is a good thing. The guy I was before would not make a good husband and would definitely not make a good father. I don't wanna be him anymore. I wanna by myself but the kind of self that is good at those things. Does that make sense?" He asked, his own self-doubt clear.

"Mmhmm," Lindsay answered in the affirmative.

"But right now I am so angry and frustrated I'm afraid of how I am goin' to deal with this. In the past I've pushed you away. I've struck out at those around me and done stupid, almost unforgivable things. I am terrified I'm gonna got back to that. I don't want to Lindsay," his voice became desperate and Lindsay again lifted her head to look at him as he continued, "I'm so afraid I'm gonna let this get me. I wanna hurt the people that did this to me, to us. I don't know how to not feel this way. I don't wanna loose you. I don't...I lay here in this bed and when I'm alone I almost feel like I am drownin' in hate.. I don't wanna be miserable but I don't know how I'm goin' to keep from bein' pulled under. You deserve better. Lucy deserves better and I think that is the only thing keepin' me from goin' off on somebody. Please help me Lindsay...help me to be the guy..." Danny trailed off as he tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. He gave up when he saw a tear glide down Lindsay's face.

"Oh Danny," she sighed as the emotions they had both been desperately avoiding began to manifest themselves. She sat up and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and he clung to her, "You are that guy. You just don't realize it," she whispered into his ear as his tears fell onto her neck, "I don't know what the right response is right now. I just know that Lucy and I will never leave you. You hold on to us. You don't have to fight your battles alone anymore. Do you hear me?" She pulled away from him and cupped his wet cheeks in her small hands and continued, "I love you more than I could I ever hate anybody. Think about that Danny because that includes the man that destroyed my youth and the person that did this to you. Do you understand?"

Danny stared at her then nodded slowly, "I never thought of it that way before."

Lindsay nodded in understanding, "It's probably not something a person should have to think about. I don't know why this stuff happens but I do know that no matter what comes at us we can are much stronger together than apart."

Danny leaned forward and rest her forehead against his, "I thought I knew what it meant to love you," he whispered against her lips before he lightly kiss them.

"But this is so much better," she whispered back, finishing his thought. She leaned forward and again their lips met. The kiss deepened and spoke of renewed promises as they poured their emotions into the connection.

A feeling of peace settled over them even as the storm raged against them. They held tightly to each other as their leap of faith evolved into a sure foundation.

The End

Thanks for reading!!!