This is mainly my way of venting my frustration at my coursework.

I don't own Pride & Prej. or any of the characters found here, although the mysterious author of the letters if very much my own person. ;)

It is a truth universally acknowledged that any schoolgirl in possession of a copy of Pride and Prejudice, must be in want of a match with which to see all her problems go up in smoke.

However little known the feelings or views of the characters in that book, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the students that they find themselves running out of rooms screaming if people so much as mention 'Elizabeth Bennet'.

And it was down to this truth that somehow, breaking all previous conceptions about the laws of space, time and fictional universes, Elizabeth Bennet found a note upon her desk. It was printed in a uniformed script upon some of the whitest paper she had ever laid eyes upon, and, because she had nothing better to do, she began to read.

Dear Miss Elizabeth Bennet

Before I begin I would just like to say that I respect you. Really, I do, I believe you to be a remarkable woman – ahead of your time in many ways – and I greatly admire your wit and astuteness. This is not to say that I like you.

Miss Elizabeth Bennet, as high regard I have for your humour I simply cannot abide you. Perhaps I can better explain the root of my problem:

I am currently on holiday. It is half past five and it is 30ºC. I ought to be bathing in the glorious sunlight, or lounging on a sun bed reading a relaxing book. But I'm not. And you, Miss Bennet, are the cause of this. I am currently in my room, with my laptop, searching through that terrible pre 1914 prose for evidence of you being unconventional. If, perhaps, your father hadn't bothered to confide in you, or picked you out at the end of chapter one, maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe if you'd just married Mr Collins, like you should have done, it would all be fine. Possibly if you had provided no witty repartee and merely stood and giggled I would be out enjoying my holiday.

Of course, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. You're about to have a dance at some ghastly place, no doubt, unaware of how your life is being followed carefully by millions around the world.

You will meet a very rich man who is going to refer to you a 'tolerable'. I would have hit him, if I were in your place. Perhaps a well aimed kick where it hurts ought to do the trick. Huh – that would teach him.

Also, I would like to request that you put a double 'T' at the end of your surname. My Spell-check refuses to recognise 'Bennet' spelt with only one 'T' therefore I have had to use up valuable space on the hard drive adding your surname to the dictionary.

I shall continue our correspondence at a later date.

Yours &c

P.S. What is it with people who keep writing you letters ending them with 'yours &c'? It's sheer laziness. I suggest you give them all a slap around the face.

Miss Elizabeth Bennet read the letter again to ensure she had fully understood quite what it told her. Indeed, she was going to a dance... how peculiar.

I would very much appreciate any views on this, and I do have plans for further letters, but if there is anything anyone would like dear Miss Bennet to know about, do leave a review with the details, and I shall ensure she receives it.