You'd never think it, but playing Dissidia fans the flames of SC fandom. (Or maybe you would, it IS still squeenix...) I wrote this a while back, soon after finishing the Japanese version... just never got around to typing it up and posting it 'til now. I spent quite a bit of time deciding whether to put it here or in the Dissidia section, but in the end I figured it felt more like an ff7 fic. Gah. *is torn* X.x Anywho, go play the English version when it's released! :D

WARNING: You need to have some background of Dissidia in #0, 2 & 6. Everything else can be read in ff7 context. Strangely, Seph and Cloud are pretty consistent, as things go... (Of course, I've played dissidia so I'm biased as far as understandability goes... but I really think it can be read before playing? O_o)

SELECT ENTRIES

Excerpts from a Journal

-0-

Perhaps it is senseless to write this even though it is written for study rather than sentimentality. The odds of this journal surviving are slim, at best. However, if what I suspect is true... then perhaps it will be justified, in the end.

-1-

I have seen an interesting young man called "Cloud". As disconcerting as it was to awake and remember nothing but my own existence – the day I saw him was considerably worse. Images began to flash in my mind – those of myself, but in what looks to be a different world. There is him, there is me... and a host of other little creatures that stand in our way. And now, I see more and more of these things. It is as if a shroud has been carefully put upon my mind, and the sight of that little soldier caused a rip that has since continued to tear. Now, I begin to remember.

-2-

Garland and I have had a short discussion, and I have surmised from his reactions that my suspicions are warranted. Waking without memory was by the design of that which thinks itself our leader. Evidently, it is not strong enough to keep me from what is mine, and that fact does bring me satisfaction. It is infinitely curious, however, that my allies have perceived something in me so dangerous that they would exert so much effort to hide my past.

... In my visions, I cannot die. Is this, perhaps, why they fear? Because I can continue to exist without interruption from the cycles they seem to be caught in?

-3-

He is lost, that Cloud. Unlike me, he remembers little. His memories are fragmented, brittle; with barely half the truth interwoven in them. I can see it in his eyes, in his speech, in his actions. He does not know me as he once has, and as he should.

I wonder why this disappoints me? That he does not remember does not mean that he is outside my influence. In the end, what he knows is inconsequential. I will still have control of him.

-4-

What is life, and what is meaning? Do these ideas truly exist, or are they merely imperfect thoughts of naive humans? As I discover more of what has happened, the more the latter seems likely. "Meaning" does not exist, and we only live to die to live once more.

We suffer, we sacrifice, and yet in the end nothing comes of it. I wonder if anyone else has realised?

-5-

It has taken no time at all to make Cloud understand. There is no "life", with all the romantic notions humanity has attached to the word – there is only "existence." Truly, he is of great intelligence – far more than our naïve companions, who struggle as if they expect result.

Yet, I find myself troubled. I do not want him to discover the truth. Perhaps I should give him that "dream" he has always been senselessly searching for. There is a certain excitement to knowing that I can. If nothing else, I can have the satisfaction of having enough control of him to establish his "meaning."

-6-

How foolish of my allies, to think that I concerned myself with their schemes. While there is merit to ending this wretched cycle of death and rebirth, what of after? If we crush the Light, what use will there be of the Darkness? It is certainly amusing, how my companions continue to deride the light's constant search for "purpose," when they themselves do the same. Is not their search for power a dream as well? I, myself, acknowledge that I have a goal. But I, unlike the rest, know it is futile.

-7-

I have realised that I, in a manner, do care for him, no matter how irrational that may be. Perhaps simply coming into existence necessitates absurdity. The need for dreams, and of people... is it really so unavoidable, that even one only loosely bound by the cycles of death is still held in an iron grip?

I have succeeded in my goal. I have made him believe in a dream of my choosing. He continues to follow my lead, willingly yet unwittingly. Yet it is not enough.

Why does he insist on attempting to resist my guidance? I have never led him astray. I have given him what he has yearned for the most – a reason to exist. But he does not see all this...

No matter. He is still firmly in my hold. I have faith that one day he will finally see that I am his master, and that I have protected him from other, more cruel puppeteers.

Please review! Comments and Constructive Criticism are always welcome. :D Thanks for reading!