A series of babblings inspired by my constant re-running of my IPS Season 1 DVDs. These will be my first works for this fandom, so I suppose you can consider this my introduction work. As if it weren't clear enough, I am a total Marshall X Mary nutter. Do be warned, however, that Brandi, Jinx, and even Raph at times tend to aggravate me (mostly Jinx though after that pisser of a finale for season 1), and my tone when including them is biased towards it. Other then that, I do try and keep them in character. Please enjoy and give me some feedback!

Marshall Mann's Guide to Exotic Animals

Everything You Need to Know on How to Keep One

Chapter One

The Keeper's Assessment and Notes

The key to keeping your exotic animal is assessment. Know when they are happy. Know when they are sad. Know when they are angry. And, above all, know when they are about to eat you and get out of their way. Do all this, as well as manage to keep it safe from the world (or the world safe from it), and you are ready to permanently keep one in your life.

Mary is one such animal. She is as feral as a lioness and capable of being as affectionate as the common tabby, purring and rubbing against his leg (or other such parts of his body) when she pleased. It was enough to give anyone else whiplash, but Marshall Mann had been a Keeper of the exotic Mary Shannon for the better part of 4 years now.

At present, as he assessed the mood surrounding her, she was prowling like a predator, tensed to lunge at any given moment, and pacing a hole in his living room carpet at an impressive pace. He was fortunate to have an old deaf couple as his only neighbors, and the rest were mostly transients, moving in and out at such intervals that the volume of his music during these times didn't really bother anyone. Some might say he bought this particular home for this reason alone, but that would be an entirely false accusation.

The best route to take, in situations such as these, was to listen. His exotic lioness was angry, practically quivering in her desire to tear something to shreds, and he had no aspirations to be it. So he sat back, listened, and held up an Oreo every so often when it seemed to be in need of something to gnaw on.

Preferably not his new throw pillows. Or his head.

"It was stupid to begin with," she ranted, stomping the ground to punctuate this revelation every couple of steps hard enough that he wondered if his sister up in Colorado could feel the tremors like an earthquake aftershock. He had an older brother too, over in Nevada, but that seemed a little too far for her stomp to reach. 2 states over? Nah. Perhaps he could call his parents later to see if they'd felt anything in Santa Fe. They were only an hour away Northeast…

"Are you even listening to me Marshall?!"

Like a recorder, he played back dutifully in somewhat of a droning voice, "It was stupid to begin with. All we had was sex, nothing more. What was I thinking when I said I'd marry him? It was-"

"OK!" she exclaimed, slapping her hand over his mouth even as he continued talking behind her hand with a grin. "So you were listening. But your head was a hundred miles away. What gives?"

"71 miles actually, give or take. Did you know that-"

"Never mind!" Mary eased down, her hackles settling slightly as she gave him that knowingly exasperated look only a best friend could get away with. "So do you mind?"

"Right this way, mademoiselle." He smiled even despite her dark look, sounding very much like Lumiẻre in Beauty and the Beast. "My home is yours, and I, but your humble serviteur."

"Doofus," she grumbled, but with a smile, and he knew his exotic cat of a partner was OK…for the moment. She would be OK and recover by morning, but right now, she was hurting, and he felt like strangling the ones responsible.

In fairness, it had probably been all innocent like Raph had apparently tried to explain to her before she peeled out of her house in her ancient probe and to his. Lord knows Marshall had seen his own brother do worse to his then-girlfriends back in high school. Kissing. Necking. Groping. It had pissed him off at the time, being a sensitive 16 year old catching his brother necking with HIS girlfriend, but it made Marshall amused and more then a little relieved now in hindsight. One had sapped his brother for all he was worth. The other had given him…well…nothing no self-respecting college sophomore would admit to getting from his younger's brother's ex-girlfriend.

It was an amusing point of their yearly family get together now.

Raph and Brandi had just kissed, but Mary was not him. She was not tightly bound in the way his family was and had trust issues surrounding those close enough to hurt her. That one kiss had effectively slammed an iron wall in between her and her sister, as well as completely severed what little hope Raph had of ever getting Mary to open up to him. By instinct, it also meant she was building walls in front of him and Jinx as well, but Marshall was right there, fighting to keep it from getting more then a foot off the ground with him. Jinx had finalized hers by taking Brandi's side, telling Mary she was over-reacting, and otherwise favoring the younger daughter as she often did – right or wrong – whether she would admit to it or not.

His beautiful, fiery Mary was shutting herself off from everyone…except him. Because he wasn't letting her, sneaking away with each brick she placed between them without looking. When she stopped, confused as to why she couldn't get that needed distance between her and him, she would eye him as if it was his fault (guilty), and he would merely give her his same placid smile and unending patience until she resumed her attempts and, eventually, gave up entirely.

Just tell me what you need.

What she needed was a shower, which he ceded to her with an exaggerated bow, and to not have to deal with the ones who'd hurt her. Again. They always hurt her, Marshall mused with an irritated twitch, but they were family. You couldn't choose your family. And as much as he was sure she wanted to tell them to get out, out, OUT of her home, Marshall also knew she clung to her father's parting words with an irrational tenacity.

Take care of them for me.

"FUCK!"

"Mary?" One word, her name, and his tone conveyed all he wanted to say as he knocked on the locked bathroom door.

"I'm fine," she ground out, agitated, and he imagined a tigress, pacing anxiously with her hackles raised. Tread with caution. "I forgot to grab something clean to sleep in."

"Shirt on the towel rack," he reminded her. "It wasn't hanging there just for show."

She might've said thank you, but that could've been his imagination. When he was satisfied that she was changing, he walked to his room, falling face down into his bed with a sigh.

He didn't move when the mattress shifted either.

"Marshall?" She shook him, and he rolled his head to look up at her through sleep-lidded eyes. "Aren't you going to change?"

Change. Right. He opened his dresser and grabbed the closest pair of pants – Pepe le Pew ones that made Mary snort when she saw them – before eyeing her pointedly. "Turn around?"

The devil was in her eyes and a very predatory look was on her face as she kicked back, smirking. "What, Prudence? You don't have anything I haven't seen on anyone else."

I know. Thinking about it irritated him. "Well you haven't seen mine." She didn't move. Neither did he.

After a five minute standstill, Mary finally gave in, turning herself around to face his window with a huffed, "Fine, Prudence. There. Now change already so we can sleep."

He turned his back to her and was chucking his boxers into his dirty laundry basket when she spoke next, and with an undeniable smirk in her tone.

"I can still see your reflection though." A laugh, free and very much Mary filled the room as he yanked his pants up and spun around to glare at her. "Nice dimple."

It is the Keeper's job to protect the exotic animal from the world and the world from it. What you must realize, however, is that it leaves no one to protect you from it, regardless of home tame it may seem at times.

Show it your back at your own risk.

A/N: And that concludes part 1. Presumably, this is a 10 chapter thing. It is possible to consider them stand alone pieces, but they run together in the order of Marshall X Mary's progressing relationship. So was it satisfactory? Obviously, this has no real plot once so ever and is the product of my fangirlish-ness surrounding Marshall, his relationship with Mary, and the re-watching of IPS S1 Eps 1-4 over and over and over…

So please, leave me a review and tell me what you think.

~SRDempsey