A/N:

So it's Cork and Spazzkitty! Bringing you our 'Collab of Kick Assedness!' We're uber excited to bring this to ya, and we hope you enjoy it! We don't own Hetalia, the song lyrics, Hercules, or the characters. NO SUING FOR YOU.

Prologue

You walk down a dusty hall; brushing your hand across the walls as you go, so as not to trip. Soon you find yourself drawn to a large vase. You pick it up, gently brushing the dust off to get a better look at what was painted on years ago.

"Well hello there! What brings you to our humble abode stranger?" A cheery voice asks. You blink once, then twice, but the image doesn't change. The vase has five figures painted on it, varying in height and appearance, and you could've sworn the one farthest to the right just spoke to you. "You haven't answered my question," the voice gently teases, and you're shocked to see the figure shift position so he's sitting cross-legged on absolutely nothing. "It's not often we find someone in these parts."

"Not often indeed," another voice echoes. The person to his left stretches as if he hasn't moved in a long time, then begins to swing his feet back and forth idly.

"Shut up, Sealand," pipes up a voice from near the back. The respective person turns and sticks out his tongue immaturely at the blonde lurking near the back.

"I'm rubber and you're glue-" Sealand begins before he too is interrupted.

"Ah, Switzerland! There you are! I knew you hadn't left me. You would have made me so lonely," He began, slowly turning around to talk to another in the very back trying to sneak off inconspicuously. "I don't like being lonely….. It makes me sad. Bad things happen when I'm sad." A smile still on his face, he didn't seem too upset by Switzerland trying to leave. "You don't want me sad, do you?"

At that moment Switzerland, obviously afraid of what 'bad things' would happen, turned around and begrudgingly walked back towards the other four. The figure in the middle stands up, coming alive slowly as well.

"You guys are so energetic, aren't you?" He says cheerfully. Sealand looks around, confused.

"Did you hear something, Spain?" He asks.

"Nothing," says the one furthest to the left. He seems to be the leader. He turns to you, smiling sunnily. "Hello, traveler. We are the muses, gods of the arts."

"I thought the muses were all girls," you remark, then instantly wish you hadn't said anything.

"A COMMON MISCONCEPTION!" Switzerland remarks loudly causing you to jump back, almost dropping the vase.
"Don't drop us now!" Spain chides, slowly covering Switzerland's mouth with his hand from behind. "Would you like to hear a story?" He asks, completely ignoring Switzerland flailing about, trying to push Spain away.

"I could tell it!" Sealand shouts, raising his hand excitedly. Russia slowly turns his head, smiling at Sealand with that same blank face.

"You don't want to tell it. Do you, Sealand?" He asks getting a small, timid, 'Yes, Russia' in compliance.

"Why don't I tell it?" Spain said, dropping Switzerland in his joy. "We don't get to tell the tale of the 'Greatest Hero of All Time' often enough!"

"That's because nobody ever comes here," Switzerland remarks dryly, rubbing the back of his head.

"Can I help tell it?" The blonde in the middle pipes up timidly.

"Has anyone seen Canada?" asks Sealand, not even hearing the 'I'm right here'.

"Canada can join us later," Spain says, eager to tell his tale.

"I'm right HERE!" Canada repeats. You're not sure whether to try to point him out, as nobody else seems to notice him. You smile sympathetically at him, which seems to cheer him up.

"Alright, well, our story takes place a long, long time ago…" Spain begins.

"Before indoor plumbing!" Sealand adds with an immature giggle. "There were no toilets or anything!" He shuts his mouth meeting with two irritated glares, a creepy smile, and a wave from Canada he doesn't even notice.

"A long, long time ago," Spain repeats. "Back when the world was new and the earth was inhibited by titans and the gods."

"They couldn't use the bathroom EVER, because there were no toilets," adds Sealand again, with a knowing nod. Switzerland gives him a wedgie, which will probably end the bathroom talk.

"Thank you, Switzerland. As I was saying…" Spain says, giving the other muses a warning glare.

"Back when the world was new

The planet Earth was down on its luck

And everywhere gigantic brutes

called Titans ran amok!" Spain sang, smiling.
"Oh just great! We have to sing now?!" Switzerland snaps, taking a breath to protest further but was cut off by Russia and Sealand continue to the next verse with Spain.
"It was a nasty place

There was a mess

whereever you stepped

Where chaos reigned and

earthquakes and volcanoes never slept!" Russia then looks over at

Switzerland.

"You do want to sing Switzerland, don't you?" He asked indirectly forcing Switzerland to join in on the next verse.

"And then along came Austria

He hurled his thunderbolt

He zapped

Locked those suckers in a vault

They're trapped

And on his own stopped

chaos in its tracks

And that's the gospel truth

The guy was too type A to just relax!"

"He sure as hell is," grumbled Switzerland, but Spain shoved him roughly (still with his grin on) into the next lines of the song.

"And that's the world's first dish

Austria tamed the globe

while still in his youth

Though, honey, it may seem imposs'ble

That's the gospel truth!"

"Why does Spain get so many solos?" complains Sealand in the middle of the song.

"Because he's the best singer!"

"Why isn't anybody answering me?"

"But- But I just did!"

Russia steps forward, beaming, and finishes the song himself.

"On Mt. Olympus life was neat and

Smooth as sweet vermough

Though, honey, it may seem imposs'ble

That's the gospel truth!"

The five muses bow and you place the vase on the floor so you can applaud.

"Thank you kindly, my friend!" says Spain delightedly.

"Why don't I ever get any solos?" whines Sealand, but he is ignored again.

"Anyway, now we need to get into our story. It starts on Mount Olympus, the home of the gods, on a very important day…"