The last scene occurred to me when watching a G1 episode I can't remember the name of. The rest followed.

Disclaimer- this is what would have happened in that episode if I owned Transformers. As it didn't, even my oft-flawed logic tells me I can't own it. Frag it.

Edited 16/4/2012- cosmetics and the occasional grammar. I think it flows better now.

Megatron onlined and groaned, feeling safe enough to show such weakness in the privacy of his quarters. His head felt like slag, and his latest weld, courtesy of Hook (and by extension, injury and Optimus Prime, frag him), itched abominably. Resisting the urge to scratch it, he stretched out his left hand to grab his cannon and reattach it to his arm.

The day went downhill from the moment he realised his fusion cannon was missing. His primary weapon, his immensely powerful symbol of authority (in the form of obey-or-else) had been stolen. Someone had managed to get around his own personal security system, which was no mean feat, and out again, setting all systems back as they were. Without waking him up. And he had no idea who'd done it.

It was not a positive start to the morning.

Arriving on the command deck (he was not reporting for duty; that was for inferior officers, not commanders) he gained the attention of every mech on station. Unsurprisingly, most of them turned back to what they were doing, not daring to comment on their leader's apparent disarmament.

Also unsurprising was that the exceptions to this generalisation were Starscream, who was gaping, and Soundwave, who was being much more discreet in his shock. He focused on his Air Commander, always more deserving of his ire.

"What pathetic excuse have you found to keep your pitiful mind from working this time, Starscream?"

Starscream very obviously looked up and down his leader's form. From nearly every mech but Starscream, that look could have had... possibilities. Megatron ignored the routes that thought dragged his processor down on principle- it was Starscream.

"I'm wondering if the obviously missing fusion cannon was the physical manifestation of your finally losing your CPU and hence, your fitness for leadership. And therefore, from this day forth, I declare that I, Starscream-"

"Will be going to your cell in the brig with a gaping hole in your chassis if you even try to finish that sentence," Megatron growled, drawing a laser pistol from subspace. While less powerful and fear-inspiring than his cannon, it would shatter the jet's golden canopy and some of the delicate components found beneath without difficulty- on the 'stun' setting. Megatron didn't bother with non-fatal weapons like null-rays; who wanted an enemy to be able to fight again, when it was so much more satisfying to kill them?

He always conveniently forgot that his fusion cannon, the most superior weapon on the Nemesis, had never caused permanent damage to his number one enemy, Prime.

"What Starscream was trying to say, I think..." Thundercracker spoke nervously from his post, in an attempt to keep the Screamer out of trouble. It was that, or have him glitch and moan down the trine-bond for days, "Is that your apparent security in your position has never been so pronounced, Lord Megatron." Thundercracker always had been the diplomat of the trine, possibly because as evidenced, he knew when to cut in and how to please his leader with his words.

The blue jet had given Megatron a perfect opening. He'd get another ration of energon that evening. "My loyal followers," he began. The sarcasm was heavy. "Is there any mech in this room who would both move against me and actually be a serious threat?"

Nobody answered, because the 'answer' was obvious (and because Skywarp, also dreading a week-long rant from the Screamer, had teleported behind the red jet and disabled his vocaliser. He was still debating whether he'd repair it).

Drama over, Megatron dismissed the mechs with his gaze and entered his office. Locking the door, he sagged into his chair and resisted the urge to thunk his head down on the desk. Starscream had to be more trouble than he was worth, surely? Nothing that the jet could do on Earth or Cybertron was able to compensate for the amount of slag the decepticons as a whole put up from the scientist.

Scientist. One of the few decepticons with half a working processor (despite the fact that how much of that half was usable was anyone's debate). He had an obvious and sincere hatred of Megatron. Could he have..?

The door chime buzzed. Megatron jumped, then glared at said door for making him do such a thing. Using his desk controls, he unlocked and opened the door, revealing his third in command.

"Soundwave," Megatron drawled, to recollect his tyrant attitude. "What is the purpose of your visit?"

"Future reference: parties inadvisable," the telepath began. And didn't that grating monotone remind Megatron of his headache. At that moment, he was inclined to agree with his officer, no matter how good the energon had tasted at the time. "Energon stores: severely depleted." Fragging Primus. Megatron had a bad feeling of where this was going. "Energon raid: recommended." Soundwave finally fell silent, to his commander's relief.

The reaction was surprising (and although he'd never admit it, embarrassing).

Until today, no mech had heard Megatron whimper and lived to tell the tale. Soundwave shook off his surprise and pretended no noise had been made: self-preservation at its finest.

Red optics eventually focussed and looked straight at his visor.

"You're recommending that I lead the decepticons on an energon raid, today, when Starscream is feeling more traitorous than usual, most of the decepticons must be hungover" because fraggit, he refused to suffer alone "and someone's stolen-"

Megatron abruptly blanched and shut up.

Soundwave was glad for his mask; he knew full well that behind it, his face was nothing like straight. "Autobots: lacking full strength. Previous battle: costly. Result: party. Result: today."

The emphasis was not unnoticed; Megatron just knew that behind the mask, his communications officer was smirking. It was that sort of day. "I will not order a raid today, Soundwave, nor do I need to explain my reasoning to you." He had no reasoning to explain, of course, but decepticon tyrants did not attack their enemies according to gut feeling. It was a ridiculous insinuation. There was plenty of undeniable evidence that today was indisputably a bad day whether you were a decepticon leader or a combiner. Hard evidence, that didn't need the bad feeling in Megatron's tanks to make it stick.

The telepath recognised the dismissal and left immediately. Megatron locked the door behind him, and didn't resist a second time. His head met the desk with an almighty thunk.

Several decepticons looked up from their stations as the sound of a heavy impact echoed throughout the room. On instinct, many of those stares turned to their Air Commander, who glared right back for the implications (Megatron wasn't even in the room, for frag's sake, and he'd like to see anyone else try and throw him around).

(Actually, that was a lie: he'd hate to see anybody else try for fear that they might succeed. A large mech, Starscream was not. Some called his voice overcompensation for something; what they didn't realise was that they were right, even if it wasn't for the cheeky wink they insinuated.)

Megatron cursed. His desk had a dent in it.

Outside, Soundwave blasted static down all of the available commlines, earning himself many glares as he ordered them to get back to work. Most of them had CPU aches as well, he gathered from the sheer number of dirty looks. It He was glad he could section off the part of his CPU that hated himself in the morning after a night's hard drinking. The telepath generally never remembered those sort of nights, but nobody in the decepticons had the bearings to remind him of his actions, and so he generally never regretted them.

At least, that had been the telepath's point of view, until he arrived at his quarters at midmorning for his off-duty shift, and saw the state they were in: walls scuffed and damaged and debris lying everywhere. Some marks looked as though they were from claws, others from dents, and were they fusion detonations?

The thing Soundwave really didn't understand was why Megatron's fusion cannon was lying on the middle of his floor, with Rumble and Frenzy curled up around it like it was some kind of human teddy-bear.

Truthfully, he didn't want to understand. Hurriedly, he shut the door, so no mech passing would see the carnage and incriminating evidence.

Then he gave his creations the equivalent of an acid rain awakening. All of them: the cuddling twins; Ravage, curled up around what looked like one of Starscream's null-rays (and come to think of it, hadn't the air commander been missing one that morning? Was he being especially obnoxious to cover it?); Buzzsaw and Laserbeak who had a wrench apiece, both of which had a conspicuous Autobot symbol on the side; and Ratbat, the only one of his creations sleeping without a 'toy'. In hindsight, it had to be because his youngest creation had yet to be allowed high-grade and as such was the only one out of the lot, including Soundwave, who had been smart (read: sober) enough to do nothing the night before.

He ignored the yelps and cries that heralded his creations' consciousness. All he did was remove his mask and visor and glare steadily at the mechanoid twins until they cracked and explained. It never took long.

"Look, you said we could!" Frenzy whined. "You dared us to do it to prove you wrong. And we did, didn't we? We got it, after all!"

"Fusion cannon: purposely sought?" Soundwave checked. His monotone couldn't hide his incredulity.

"Well yeah," Rumble chuckled. "We were boasting our hacking skills, and you told us to put our actions where our words were."

Being a communications officer, Soundwave knew an awful lot of languages his creations didn't. So it didn't upset Ratbat when he began cursing their existence to the Well and back, and told them exactly how they could dismantle themselves in the most painful, and demeaning way possible.

:Although they had already taken the grand prize, we, naturally, couldn't bear them being the only ones with a new toy.: Ravage nuzzled the null-ray much like an Earth cat would catnip. :Besides, I don't share my toys. I got this all on my own.: The comment was obviously aimed at the two sets of twins with their own 'toys'.

Oh Primus. He had to sort this out before Megatron found out exactly who had stolen his fusion cannon. What could they do?

The situation caught up with him, and Soundwave simply collapsed as his CPU blanked out, oblivious to the chorus of voices that started speaking in his wake.

:Should we get a medic?: Ratbat asked his brothers.

Buzzsaw looked up momentarily before answering. :No. It serves him right to suffer for how he woke us up. Besides,: and this was quieter in their collective mind, :Me and Beaky aren't giving any medic back our toys.:

Rumble and Frenzy snickered and Ravage purred. Ratbat looked worried for another minute before demanding that next time, they get him a toy as well.

Starscream anxiously patted the empty joint where his second null-ray should have been. Where had it got to? He didn't remember taking it off- but then, neither he or his trine mates really remembered anything from the previous night. And he would not lower himself by asking someone (he had suspicions, and they were black and purple) for it back.

He checked his internal chronometer and sighed; first morning shift had ended, Soundwave was gone (the entire room had relaxed a little) but that meant he had to report to Megatron before completing his next shift. And then, he had to report again. And finally, he had to complete a third shift- wait, no, that wasn't all! He had to make another report- to Megatron, of all mechs!

:Screamer, you're broadcasting down the bond. We know how much you hate him, now shut up already.:

:Don't call me that, Moron.:

:Actually, it's Thundercracker. Apologise for confusing me with Skywarp.:

:I didn't get you confused.:

Starscream smirked at the joint 'Oi!' he got from his trine mates. Sometimes, he loved them. Most of the time, he loved to hate them.

But for now, he had a report to make.

Beep. Beep. Beepbeepbeep.

Megatron was going to shoot whoever came in the door. Right after he shot the speaker set into the wall. He lifted his head from his desk (which he had conveniently molded to fit his head just that morning) and glared balefully at the offending entrance, made all the worse for the seeker silhouette in the way of his view.

Wait. He hadn't opened the door. Starscream must have hacked the code, which meant...

"Starscream!" Megatron yelled. "This is the last time you try my patience!" He withdrew the pistol from subspace and aimed at the air commander. Starscream ducked and rolled forwards, conveniently inside the office. Megatron noticed that at least one thing was now going his way; he slammed the door control to 'close' and paused for a moment, deliberately lowering his voice.

"Where," he demanded, "is my fusion cannon?"

Starscream looked up carefully from the floor, straight into the muzzle of the gun. He gulped, audibly. "My Supreme Lord Megatron-"

"You only grovel when you've done something wrong," the gunformer growled. "Where is it?"

Starscream looked down again. "Oh, my lord, if I only knew! I would return it to you immediately!" Gazing at the floor could be hazardous to his health, but not nearly so much as looking at Megatron as he for once honestly protested his innocence. "But as you can see, the guilty party clearly targeted two of the smartest, most powerful mechs in the Decepticon army-" He gestured with his null-ray-less arm.

"Shut up, Starscream."

Starscream fell silent.

Had he thought something was going right? He still hadn't got his fusion cannon, he'd revealed in a fit of temper that he'd lost said cannon to Starscream, of all mechs (who would never let him forget it) and now he knew that there was another mech far too skilled to remain alive in his army, somewhere, who was able to overcome his defenses and Starscream's alike.

"And I don't suppose," he bit out, "that you remember anything, do you?" It would be too much to ask that the jet be useful.

"Alas my lord, but no! Not after you proclaimed yourself the most powerful Cybertronian since Primus himself, with your grand victory over that upstart Prime." Starscream grovelled and began to hope that he'd get out of the office online. It was a rare occurrence.

"Get out of my sight, worm. And breathe a word of what has been said here-"

"And I'll wake up in my cell in the brig in so many pieces that my trinemates won't be able to tell what goes where!" Starscream recited the threat from memory and scrambled out of the door.

It slammed closed behind him.

Starscream heard what sounded suspiciously like electronics frying, and stepped away from the controls hurriedly.

In the back of his CPU, Megatron's accusation was mulled over. Someone had stolen his fusion cannon. It smacked of a genius that Starscream could appreciate, pledge loyalty to, and eventually backstab and usurp. Skywarp therefore, couldn't be behind the theft of his null-ray: it stood to reason that the same mech was responsible for both crimes. Now he just had to find out who was responsible, and negotiate the return of his weapon (and perhaps a future alliance). It was a more interesting job than monitor duty.

Soundwave onlined and took stock of his location and functionality. His sensors replied sluggishly: floor, and 87% respectively.

He sat up. The twins (both sets) and Ratbat had gone, leaving the fusion cannon lying on the floor, and the door open so anyone could see it. Soundwave's quarters were off the beaten track as far as rooms in the Nemesis went, but on the principle of the thing- did his fragging prideful creations not possess even a nanobyte of sense?

:The answer is apparent, Creator,: Ravage stressed the title. :A simple 'no' suffices.:

As his eldest snarked, Soundwave came up with the beginnings of a plan. But would it work?

"Ravage: excluded. Prize: inferior." He wondered if the cat would catch on, and refuse.

:The frag it is. I got this on my own.: The panther's mood swung dangerously close to simmering. Good.

"Starscream: inferior. Defenses: easily passable."

:He is the most paranoid mech in existence, second only to the Autobot's security director. You call that easy? I'd like to see you try.:

"Megatron: greater test."

:The twins already took any prize worth having. I'm not going there for no reward.: Ravage was adamant on that point.

"Cannon: returned. Twins: upstaged."

:Oh?: Now the cat began to purr. :I can see the advantages. I am keeping my null-ray, however.: Yes, he would keep his toy, and deprive his infernal brothers of their own.

"Suggestion: agreeable."

:Agreed. Strap the cannon to my back, and I'll be done in an hour.:

Soundwave did so, feeling relieved he'd given his eldest such a large dose of pride. He just had to check, though. "Megatron: kept ignorant?"

:Is your CPU still damaged from the high-grade, Creator?:

It was Ravage's version of, 'well, duh.' He let the cat go, immensely reassured.

Infiltrating the Ark, the enemy, was one thing. Infiltrating your own leader's quarters, with a much desired (and much missed, he gathered) weapon strapped to one's back was not a highly intelligent plan.

It was these situations in which it was most apparent that yes, he was actually related to his brothers. The insanity, he had long ago decided, was a family trait.

Megatron's quarters were set up like a fortress. Ravage had scouted out the front door, and quickly decided against it. But further investigation showed no feasible alternatives, so the door it was.

He sat back on his hind legs and glared at the access panel, placed at a convenient height for Megatron. It was not the same height that would have been convenient for a much smaller mech, say a panther. Or for that matter, a cassette twin. How had they done it?

He studied the lower wall. Anything would be enough. A small scratch, a panel-

A bolt. That once unscrewed, left a hole in the wall. Which- did it? Yes!- left certain wires vulnerable.

Brilliant. Ravage set to work on the security system, recognising that he had a very limited amount of time.

It was the end of the second shift; all Megatron wanted to do was return to his quarters and grab a cube of energon. When in his right mind, he would only take cubes from his own private dispenser.

His pounding head, which had not improved over the morning (Megatron blamed Starscream for his mid-morning begging) reminded him that when not in his right mind, he took energon from just about anywhere. Or anyone.

He needed something to do. If he had his cannon, he would have taken Soundwave up on his plan, and made another raid. Pummeling the Prime a little further into the dust would do his temper wonders.

But not now, on this day. Primus was having enough fun with him as it was; he did not plan to give the deity more ammunition. With a grumble, he grabbed the nearest datapad and denied every request Starscream had made.

His mood had improved ever so slightly after three more similar files.

Megatron entered his quarters at the end of the third shift, mid-afternoon by local time (he didn't care for local time. It was his mechs that had shifted to the meatbag time system, not him).

He stared at his berth, uncomprehending. Was that..?

"Oh thank Primus," he breathed. With something approaching awe, he picked up the fusion cannon and reattached it to his arm, feeling once again complete. All aches and pains seemed to fade away. He frowned at a new scratch on the surface, wondering just what had happened to it.

Then the anger set back in. Who had dared do this to him?

He needed to get out, pummel an Autobot or two.

Megatron immediately accessed the Nemesis's comm system. :Soundwave! Command deck, now!:

Soundwave paced in his quarters as he waited for Ravage to return. What if he got caught?

:Soundwave!:

Oh Primus.

:Command deck, now!:

Had- had Ravage been caught? And Megatron wanted to go over this- incident- in public? That made- perfect sense, actually. Public demonstrations of power were what the tyrant thrived on.

With the air of one marching to the brig (if he was fortunate in his punishment, he would be soon enough), Soundwave donned visor and mask and left his quarters, as per the orders.

He stumbled over his eldest creation as he left the room. Ravage hissed and bit his calf.

:Is that how you thank me? I have fulfilled your incredibly foolhardy and unsubtle plan, I have gloating privileges for the next five years, and that is how you thank me?:

He picked the cat up, ignoring a growl of protest, and dropped him on the berth. "Ravage: undetected?"

:I'm still here, aren't I?:

Soundwave sighed, relieved. "Primus: owed gratitude."

:No, I'm just that good. The twins have nothing on me. But, weren't you summoned by our lord some minutes ago?:

Soundwave cursed, and ran to make the summons before he made his lord wait. Very few mechs survived that, even when they'd just dodged the proverbial fusion detonation.

He entered the command deck seconds after his lord, fusion cannon included. Starscream was staring again. Did the seeker ever make it off the punishment duty list?

"Just the mechs I wanted to see." Megatron began.

There was only one conclusion to be made. "Proposition: raid?" Soundwave asked. Considering the gunformer's temperament, that made sense.

Megatron chuckled. It wasn't a pleasant sound. "Indeed, Soundwave. He turned his attention to the other mech. "Starscream! Where is the nearest energon source to the Ark? We attack there."

"Mighty Megatron-"

"Proposal: not entirely logical." Soundwave cut the seeker off.

"It is not your place to question me!" Megatron raised his cannon, taking joy in the simple move. "One more protest, Starscream, and I will not give you a warning!"

Starscream shot Soundwave a very dark look.

"Megatron: better plan." Soundwave spoke up again. It wasn't his CPU on the line, after all.

Starscream continued to glare, but remained mute.

"Then enlighten us." Megatron bit out.

"Privacy: requested?"

Megatron considered the request. "Very well."

Once inside the office, Soundwave began explaining. "Decepticons: diversion at proposed source. Creations: proficient with security systems. Buzzsaw, Frenzy: sent to alternate source. Security: hacked. Alarm: silenced. Energon: harvested during distraction."

Megatron cocked his head to the side. "That's actually vaguely intelligent. But how good are your creations with security systems? I have little evidence..." Megatron trailed off. Not Soundwave. Not his most loyal officer- it couldn't have been him, could it?

"Starscream: missing null-ray. Twins, Ravage: responsible." And Soundwave made two plans into one: hide the evidence and shift the blame. Megatron would draw his incorrect conclusions, and hopefully never work out the truth behind it all.

The glitch had lied to him! Starscream must have thought Megatron had taken his null-ray, and stolen his cannon in revenge. And it was like the coward to back down and return it when his life was threatened.

Megatron realised Soundwave was awaiting approval. "The plan is acceptable. We move out in five minutes. But Soundwave," he called the mech back, for his third had begun to leave. "It stays between the two of us. I want no one else to know what your creations are up to."

Soundwave nodded, and left the office. Who knew it was possible to get one over the Decepticon lord?

The message came onto the specified commline not a minute too soon; he was lying on his back, in the dirt, with Prime standing over him.

Megatron quickly regained his feet, but had no desire to re-engage Prime in battle now. Instead, he lit his thrusters and yelled out to his forces, "Decepticons! Retreat!" He kicked Prime in the face to distract him and quickly followed his own order.

There was the obligatory grumbling and cursing, none as vocal as Starscream, but even he shut up when Megatron commed the rendezvous coordinates. For once, they weren't going back to the Nemesis.

The decepticons landed, looking in awe at the mountain of cubes in front of them, complete with a smug looking Frenzy and Buzzsaw seated on the point. "'Bout time, boss." Frenzy hopped to the ground. "Thought you'd got lost in your li'l diversion an' forgot 'bout Buzz an' me."

"But..." Starscream, secondly a scientist but ever curious, wanted answers. "The security system- how'd you bypass it without tripping the alarm?"

"Buzzsaw. Frenzy. Return." Soundwave collected his cassettes before they said anything incriminating. Like exactly how they had convinced Megatron that the cassettes were capable of slipping past top-notch security. At its root, it involved a high-grade challenge, a too-drunk-to-know-better telepath, and a fusion cannon. The incident was over by mid-afternoon and by agreement of Soundwave and all his creations, would never be mentioned again. He hoped that Megatron would never work out the entirety of it.

Starscream frowned, probably sensing the story there. "Mighty Megatron-"

And frag it, but Megatron was amused. The day had been too long, probably. It was hard to believe it had been so bad at the start, when his plan had fallen into place so neatly. "Please continue, my humble subordinate."

Thundercracker and Skywarp quickly moved up to flank Starscream. To stop him or support him, Megatron didn't care. "What Starscream is trying to say, I think," the sky blue mech interjected smoothly, "is how awed he is by this show of planning and success."

Suppressing his smile, Megatron graciously nodded. Then he looked back at his forces. "Load up and back to base!" he commanded. They hurried to obey, muttering excitedly: for once, they had ample energon to go around.

Most of the decepticons had left. Only Megatron, his first trine, and his third in command remained. "And now," he intoned, "to secure the Autobots' ignorance on this matter," he carefully aimed his fusion cannon, so grateful to have it back on his arm, "I will destroy this drained energy source!"

It appeared his ability for carefully considered plans had already exhausted itself that day. Megatron and his commanders were standing on the roof of the energy storage building, because that was where Frenzy had set himself and Buzzsaw up. Anyone in their right mind would think of the fact that roofs became weak when fired upon.

But it was that sort of day, after all: Megatron didn't consider it. He didn't even pause.

He happily blasted away at the building until the roof collapsed under him.

One part of his CPU was surprised. Another part was swearing up a storm. The third was saying well, what did you expect, today?

Adding insult to injury (of pride more than body), the split second warning was enough for everyone else. Starcream, his trine and Soundwave had cleared the roof before it sunk underfoot and even now hung suspended in the evening sky, waiting for a signal from their illustrious leader.

It became too much for Skywarp. He burst out laughing after the first minute.

Thundercracker grinned a minute later, grateful for the tension breaker.

Starscream was flying small circles around the building by this point, crowing his superiority for anyone in audio-sensor range to hear.

Soundwave twitched violently. The stationary jets assumed he was trying not to show his amusement to them.

And in his own inferno, surrounded by flame and smoke (and potentially explosive objects, not that he gave a frag at that moment), Megatron groaned, and wondered why, on a day that seemed set to spite him even in his moment of triumph, he had thought it a good idea to get out of his berth that morning.

A/N: the original scene was Megatron in gun form, transforming into root mode and landing on the roof of a burning building, which my mind immediately protested- 'don't roofs get weak when they're on fire? He's a huge, hulking, metal robot, how the frag is that roof intact with him landing so heavily on it?' And thus this was born.