An Ounce of Restraint

By: Karalena Cullen

Rated: NC-17

WARNING: CONTENT MAY BE DISTURBING TO SOME READERS, PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I get paid for the crap that I write.

A/N: As always thanks to DreamCreator for being my best beta, for her amazing edit skills and most importantly, her moral support and faith. I couldn't have gotten this finished without you chipmunk! 3

ALSO: This is a re-loaded chapter. The last chapter that was loaded, sat for months and it just seemed all wrong. I recieved a few reviews to that effect as well, so I know it wasn't just me who thought it was off. I realized what the problem was finally, this story is ending. It was time to say goodnight. *pouts* But no worries my dear readers, there is a sequel on the rise! It will probably be a while. I'm not too sure whether or not to post chapter by chapter, or just the whole thing once it's finished. Let me know which you prefer ;)

And thank you for those of you who have stuck with me to the end of this crazy story! You're reviews and favs mean a lot and keep me going! You're all great! Thank you so much, and I hope to see you all for the next installment, An Ounce of Trust. Stay tuned!

Chapter 18

(Lex's POV)

"Lex." His quiet call rouses me from my uneasy sleep.

"Right here." I reach my hand out to place a palm to his hot, sleep flushed cheek. Patches of late afternoon sunlight dapple the room and dance as the curtain flutters from a gentle breeze whispering through the open window. The air tastes stale on my tongue, the result of the rarely used guest room having spent too much time closed up. There's that strange feeling of displacement one often gets when trying to sleep in an unfamiliar place. Even though this room belongs to me, it isn't mine. I've never used it, and I can't recall if ever since my occupancy anyone has ever stayed in this particular room. Despite the lavish furnishings and priceless artwork hanging ostentatiously from the walls, the room feels empty. Not even an echo of memories or life within these walls.

"What's with all the blankets?!" Clark pulls and tugs and kicks at the massive pile of blankets heaped on top of him. He grumbles and huffs irritably as he flings the blankets to the floor. And a small smile plays at my lips as the room suddenly doesn't feel so lifeless anymore. With another loud huff he flops back onto his pillows, hanging a denim clad calf over the edge of the small bed. His dark hair clings to his sweat damp forehead and I can't resist smoothing it back. His fierce green eyes soften at the touch. "Seriously, what's with all the blankets? And why am I..." He kicks some more at the covers, freeing his other foot from the blankets. His face crinkles in cofusion. "Why am I still in my sneakers? "

I giggle. I can't help it, it just happens. He lifts a dark eyebrow and the look on his face sends me into a mild fit. I clamp my hand over my mouth trying to stifle the tittering laughter bubbling up in me. "Oh Clark! I'm sorry…" I squeak out trying to control myself. "I'm not laughing at you. I promise!" It all just seems so odd and surreal to me at the moment. After the complete nightmare of the night before, I'm positively giddy. Just so thankful that I'm alive, that Clark's alive and we're both here right now, together and safe. Waking up to a very grumpy and irritable Clark Kent beside me and it's just all so…normal. Well normal apart from the fact that Clark is still fully clothed, sneakers and all. Which seems to be a particular point of curiosity for him. Obviously he has no recollection of what happened after he'd gone into shock last night. This really isn't anything to laugh about, it had scared the shit out of me to see him like that. But I can't seem to stop myself. He continues to stare at me as though I've lost my marbles entirely and I have to wipe the tears from eyes as I stop trying to fight it, and simply let it run it's course.

He rolls onto his side, propping himself up with his elbow and regards me with a smirk. "Are you done?" I take in a deep breath and let it out with a whoosh of air. I do this a couple of times and then nod. "Feel better now?" Still not trusting myself to speak for fear of being sent into another fit, I nod again. "Are you gonna tell me what's so funny?"

I shake my head slowly. "I couldn't even explain it. Just...nerves I guess."

He pulls me flush against his side, and wraps his arms around my torso. "Last night was pretty crazy and intense. But it already feels far away." His tone of voice is that of soft reflection, with perhaps just a whisper of veiled horror behind it. I lay my head on his shoulder and give his arms a squeeze. "It's like it was just a bad dream. I mean, I know it wasn't but it just feels..." He stops, probably unsure of how to explain.

"It doesn't feel like it was you that it happened to. More like you just watching it happen to somebody else." It isn't a question. I know exactly what he's trying to say.

Clark nods slowly, biting down on his lip. "I'm sorry, Lex."

His apology throws me, "Angel, there isn't anything that you need to apologize for." I reach out to pull him tightly into an embrace. My fingers rake through his mass of dark curls as I sigh. "He was my father, Clark. That's true. But he was also a monster. He hurt a lot of people, and I'm not just talking about me or you or your family. There have things he's been involved in that would give you nightmares for the rest of your life. The world is safe now. You are safe. That's all that matters. In the end, that's all that matters." I can hear the crack in my voice. "I know it isn't going to be easy to forget all that's happened, or what I've done. But we can only move forward from here now. We have a bright future Clark, together. And one day... I promise, this will all just seem like a bad dream."

Clark's arms wrapped a little tighter around me. He was silent for a very long time before he said, "I suppose you're going to be taking over Luthorcorp now. You won't be able to do that from Smallville."

I was quick to reassure him, "I'm not going anywhere without you. By the time everything gets straightened out on the legal end, you'll be on your way to Met U. We can go together. We can stay in the penthouse there, or I can find us a little place close to campus. A new start for both of us." I kissed the top of his head, breathing in his scent. My mind went off into daydreams of the future, our future, together. With Clark by my side, there's no doubt in my mind that the future will be bright. There's nothing I can't survive as long as I have my angel by my side.

"So what happens now?"

"The world moves on, Clark. And we will too. One day at a time. I can make arrangement for Lionel's death to be discovered and the ensure that the fingers of guilt are pointed in the right direction. Dad left behind a lot of enemies. It won't be difficult to find somebody."

Clark pushed away, and shot up to look at me. His green eyes incredulous and accusatory, "Lex! You can't do that! You can't let somebody innocent go down for Lionel's murder."

I shook my head, "Trust me, Clark. The person I have in mind isn't exactly what anyone would call 'innocent'. He's every bit as bad as Lionel ever was, perhaps even worse. He's a murderer and it's time he paid for his sins." There was one man in particular I had already thought of. An old business partner of my fathers. I had been wanting to take him down for years, this would be the perfect opportunity. Killing two birds with one stone so to speak.

Clark mashed his lips together, frowning. I could tell he still wasn't sold on the idea, but he would have to accept it eventually. "Who was it you had in mind Lex? It seems to me like this could be a very risky plan. What if it doesn't work out and whoever it is finds out you set him up?" Something almost dangerous flashed behind his eyes as he thought of it. "I don't like it when anybody tries to hurt you."

Part of me felt a warm surge of happiness at his words and that fierce look in his eyes. "Nobody will find out. I'll make sure of it. Trust me, Clark, it's all going to work out in the end."

I could see the muscles tensing and flexing in his jaw. But I also knew there wasn't much more I could say to settle his anxieties. "I'm not exactly as vulnerable as I used to be." I eased in. With everything that had been going on lately, we hadn't really had a chance to talk about this. I knew it was somethng that made Clark feel uncomfortable, and I didn't want to force the issue. Now was a good time to bring it up, in a more positive light. I only wanted him to realize that he didn't have to worry so much about me anymore.

Clark only tensed further though. I could see it in his entire body. It was palpable in the suddenly tight air around us. "You're going to have to learn how to control the powers." The 'we both saw what can happen when you lose control' was left unspoken aloud, but I could read it plainly in his somber eyes.

I reached for his hand and took it in mine. I bowed my head and took in a deep breath to steady myself against the violent and bloody images that flashed behind my eyes. "I wasn't aware of it Clark. The strength... it...took me off guard. That won't happen again. I'm aware of it now, and ..." I chanced a look up at him. Pain and guilt was evident all over his face.

"It won't happen again because we're all going to make sure Lex learns how to use these powers and control them. The same way we did with you Clark." I blinked up at Martha's soft voice. She stood with a very tired and worn looking Jonathan beside her in the doorway.

"Mom!" Clark rose from the bed and went over to hug his mother. Both of the Kent elders looked all the worse for wear. It was evident by the deep lines creased in Martha's forehead and the look in her eyes that Jonathan had told her everything.

"Hey sweetheart." She wrapped her arms around him and ran her hand down the back of his dark before pulling away. "Are you alright? You're father told me what happened."

Clark nodded and stepped back. "I'm okay mom."

Jonathan clapped a hand on his son's shoulder and squeezed. "You had me worried, son. I'm glad to see you're feeling better."

"I'm just.. really hungry." Clark admitted with an almost bashful smile that sent my heart to melting.

Martha's gaze came over to linger on me over Clark's shoulder. "Are you both alright? Lex... I'm .. so sorry."

I rose to stand awkwardly and alone in the center of the room. "We're both alright Mrs. Kent." I shoved my hands into my pajama pants pockets. Compared to everyone else in the room, I felt a little underdressed. "Thank you." I lowered my head, I could feel the flush to my cheeks.

Before I knew she had even stepped away from Clark, Martha was beside me and pulling me into her arms. Taken aback, I stiffened at her touch. I wasn't accustomed to being touched, at least by not by anyone other Clark. And I especially wasn't used to such care. Despite my tensing, I didn't pull away, and neither did Martha. Her soft scent wrapped around me, and I could feel the sting of tears threatening in my eyes. How long had it been since I'd felt such maternal tenderness? Even my own mother had seldom shown any physical signs of affection. I knew she loved me very much, but Lionel detested the displays. Finally, my own arms came up to return the embrace. Looking over Martha's shoulder, I could see that Clark was beaming over at us. Jonathan wasn't smiling, but he wasn't scowling as I would have expected.

"I'm glad you're both alright." Martha gave me a squeeze before letting me go. She was smiling too, almost as brightly as Clark. She brushed her palm gently to my cheek, "Both of my boys." I felt my cheeks burn as my heart picked up a beat in my chest. And then she let her hand down and went to usher the other two men from the room. "Let's let Lex get dressed, and then we'll all have a nice, big breakfast. I brought everything over we need. I wasn't sure how well stocked your kitchen was Lex." She seemed almost embarrassed, and I was quick to brush it away.

"That sounds wonderful Mrs. Kent. Thank you."

"Lex...please!" She shook her head almost disapproving.

I blinked at her, worried I had somehow insulted her in some way.

Clark just snorted at the look on my face. "Call her Martha." He explained with a grin.

"I've only asked a dozen or more times." She smiled.

"I'm sorry." I breathed out, feeling a little disoriented. She shot me a look and I couldn't help but smile, "I'm sorry, Martha."

"Good." She nodded, taking Clark and Jonathan on either side of her. "We'll leave you to get dressed."

Clark disentangled himself from Martha's arm, "We'll meet you down there."

Jonathan looked like he wanted to say something, but Martha spoke before he could, "Alright, Clark." And she pulled Jonathan out into the hall, shutting the door behind them.

We both stood there a moment, just looking at each other. Clark was beaming like the sun and rocking on his heels.

"What?!" I asked, striding past him to the closet. I'd transferred over as much as I could the night before from my own closet, knowing it was going to be a while before I'd be able to comfortably access my own room.

"She said, 'my boys'" He was still grinning like a moron.

I felt a fresh wave of heat to my face, "Yes. I heard." I shrugged and pulled my pajama top up over my head. Stepping out of bottoms, I took a pair of charcoal slacks from the hangar and stepped into them. Then turning back to the closet, I mulled over what shirt to wear. I didn't want to appear overly formal just for breakfast with the Kents. I worried that Jonathan might take my choice in wardrobe as some statement of arrogance or something. On the other hand, I didn't want to look like slob either. That would be just as insulting.

"Play it off as cool as you want Lex. Just don't think you're fooling me. I know." He came over towards me, and regarded the closet a moment before pulling down a lavender dress shirt.

"Know what? Exactly?" I arched an eyebrow and let him help me into the shirt.

He finished buttoning my shirt and smoothed his palms down the front, smoothing the soft material. Stepping back he took me in, I could feel his eyes on my body almost like a physical caress. I felt a heady rush of warmth through my body that set my fingers and toes to tingling. Then his face broke out into that same bright smile as his sparkling green eyes caught mine. "You're in."

Despite feeling a little breathless, I rolled my eyes, "It's just an expression Clark. She was just being nice."

He shook his head. "Nope." He clapped me on the shoulder, running his other hand over my scalp tenderly. "Welcome to the family Lex." And then I was being smothered into his hard chest as he pulled me in for a bear hug.

I nuzzled into him, letting him hold me a moment. Relishing the solid feel of his body against mine. Needing this to feel grounded against the way my heart beat seemed to swell in something like.. hope. Hope is a frightening emotion. It makes you start to believe that good things will happen. Things that you might have secretly yearned for but never dared to wish aloud. Hope could be one of the most dangerous of emotions. It opens you up, leaving you vulnerable. I knew I was trembling slightly in Clark's arms. When I spoke, my voice betrayed me and trembled as well. "So what happens now?" I repeated Clark's earlier question.

He pulled back, brushing his lips to mine in a chaste but reassuring kiss. It was his turn to reassure me, that everything really was going to be okay. "We go downstairs for breakfast." He smiled and took my hand.

I smiled back at him, feeling lighter than I had ever felt probably in my entire life. "That simple huh?" I teased him.

"Yeah, Lex. It's that simple. One day at a time right?"

"Yes. One day at a time. Let's go have some breakfast." I squeezed his hand in mine as Clark led me downstairs and into our future.

Epilogue

Lionel Luthor was dead. Although there was no solid evidence to attest to the fact, it was a fact nonetheless. A man named Morgan Edge was the one who took the fall. A notorious big time crime boss from Metropolis. There were still those who lived in fear of the day that Lionel Luthor might resurface to wreak hell upon those beneath him. In some circles, the stories of Lionel Luthor's demise had soared to epic proportions. There were those select few who believed it was some sort of inter-planetary conspiracy. Lionel Luthor wasn't dead, he had only been silenced. Sold out by his own nation and handed over with a large red bow to some hostile alien nation with whom our own world wished to avoid annihilation. A sort of, peace offering. Hand the deviant, heartless, yet brilliant businessman over to the hostiles, take out a big time crime boss in the process, and everybody lives happily ever after.

Yet the world moved on. Continuing it's ceaseless rotation of day into night, and the passing of season's in a semblance of peaceable normality. Detective Peters sniffed around off and on for a while, not buying the whole Morgan Edge theory. But there wasn't anything to be found. Who would suspect a good ol' farm boy like Jonathan Kent would utilize his ancient wood-chipper for anything as sinister as turning a multi-billion dollar tycoon into bloodied mulch for his small corn patch. Incidentally, that small patch became a half acre field of the tallest, sweetest corn in all the county. The organic produce business was booming, and the Kent's corn was the hit of the annual Smallville Corn Festival that season, and every season thereafter.

Clark remained with me at the castle, and after having made up a couple of summer classes, he graduated Smallville High that summer with almost perfect marks. That fall he started classes at Metropolis University as an undergrad in the astrophysics program with a solid concentration in astronomy. The board had unanimously voted me to head LuthorCorp in Lionel's absence, and so we moved to the Penthouse of Luthor tower in Metropolis. We still made it back to Smallville every Sunday night for dinner with Kents on the farm. None of us ever spoke of that night. The dark memories of it remained only in our nightmares. After a while, those too started to fade away, along with the strange powers that Clark had inadvertently endowed to me. I can't say that I wasn't relieved to see them go. The x-ray vision certainly came in handy a couple of times during emergencies, and the heat vision had a million and one uses. The super-strength was never something I could accustom myself to. It was the root source of much anxiety. And when Clark's early morning flotations began taking him even further than the bedroom ceiling, (and one particularly frightening incident that had me jetting off to Panama to recover my not so little, lost alien) well it was a relief to know that this was one particular ability that I would never personally have to learn to control. My poor angel, however, had always been terrified of heights. It was a good six months and thousands of dollars worth of second hand therapy before he felt comfortable enough to sleep with any of the penthouse windows open.

Life moved on as it has a habit of doing. There were ups and downs, but as long as my angel was beside me, nothing else mattered. And he was my angel. He had saved me in more ways than he could ever realize. Would Lex Luthor live happily ever after, after all? Ever after is a very long time. But as the great Friedrich Nietzsche once said, "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." In the end, it isn't the how that creates your happily ever after, but the why. My why came in the form of a veritable Adonis. An Adonis hidden behind bashful black lashes, and the most breathtakingly gorgeous, glittering green eyes of an awkward farm-boy. But it was Juliet who said: "So long as love hast been known and I known to love, my story shall not end, but wake anew each day. This dagger I layeth down to rust forevermore at thy feet."

"Lex! Juliet never said that!" Clark had finished reading my story, and this was his only response? I chuckled as his brows shot to his forehead and his wide, green eyes regarded me from beneath thick, black rimmed glasses. The light of the laptop flickered from his lenses, giving his face an almost comical look.

I smirk over at him, "You're absolutely right. She never did say that, but that's how the story should have ended."

He rolled his eyes, "I'm sure Shakespeare would have something to say about that. The whole point of that play is that it was tragedy, my love. If you take away the tragic ending, all you've got is a bunch of guys in fluffy pants and tights running around using each other as pin-cushions. Not to mention, had Romeo lived, he never would have stayed with Juliet. He would have thrown her over just as he had thrown over that Rosaline girl."

"That is a completely unfounded and unproven hypothesis, Clark. What's more, I stand that the star-crossed lovers would have surely lived happily ever after. This can never be disproven, and according to the laws of science, that makes it true."

"And according to the rule of Kent, I declare you both a nerd and a hopeless romantic."

"Who are you calling a nerd star-boy?"

"Clark, stop teasing Alexi!" Neither one of us had seen her appear in the bedroom doorway. Her posture was defiant and amusingly threatening, despite the fuzzy purple and white tiger striped footie pajamas. "I like his ending. It's lots nicer than everybody dying in old, creepy tombs with spiders and other bugs."

Clark threw his palms up in surrender, "Well, I can't argue that! It is a much nicer ending, and I think old Bill could learn a thing or two from the great Alexander Luthor."

"Why, thank you, Clark. What a sweet and so very true thing of you say." I held my chin smugly in the air and this elicited a titter of giggles from the doorway.

"Oh dear, now we swelled his head even bigger than normal." Clark joined her giggling and soon they were both out and out laughing.

I arched a brow, "Isn't somebody supposed to be in bed?"

Fighting to stop her giggles, she brandished a ratty, old, stuffed bear from behind her back. "Paddington woke me up. He was thirsty."

"Well we can't have any thirsty bears in this house, now can we?!" I couldn't help the smile that stretched my face as I slid out of bed.

"Oh no!" She shook her head, and reached her little hand out to lay in mine as I approached.

"We must remedy that at once my lady."

"We must! With hot chocolate and whipped cream and lots of chocolate sprinkles I think."

"I suppose the fair princess requires a cherry on top as well?"

"If it isn't too much trouble."

"Did somebody say hot chocolate?" Clark was up from the bed in a flash. The three of us walked down the stairs towards the kitchen. One little hand holding tight to mine, and one little hand holding tight to Clark's. And this, right here, was my happily ever after.