Hi. For some reason I felt like writing a oneshot as a sort of break from my other stories. I'm not quite sure how I wrote this, but I sorta went with the flow of it all. Hope you enjoy :)

I don't own FMA - if I did it'd be fluff like this ... perhaps that's a good thing I don't own it...

Thief

Riza Hawkeye rarely woke up in a bad mood but when she did no body was safe. Those with the wisdom either avoided her or had the good sense to do everything she wanted. However the men she worked with had neither wisdom nor good sense. Havoc, Breda, Fuery and Falman rarely did anything right when they were in the mood to mess around. Unfortunately on the rare occasion that the two moods collided there was hell.

The weather had lifted which was a good sign; at least the Colonel wouldn't be moaning repeatedly that day, however, the Colonel was the least of Hawkeye's problems. Hawkeye was normally first in the office unless she was required somewhere else in the morning or if the guys had a night mission. She was exempt from such missions since she was female and worked in a team of five men. The Fuhrer was kind to let off women like Hawkeye from those sorts of missions since most military men were pigs and nine times out of ten would try it on. The last thing the Fuhrer wanted was to be swamped with complaints of sexual harassment.

She thought she was the first to arrive that morning until she noticed the Colonel's coat already hung up but he wasn't in the office at present. Wondering slightly where he was, she sat down at her desk and set herself up for the day. She sat for a few minutes tapping her fingers on the desk while Black Hayate sniffed round the office checking for spiders and other creatures. Insects irritated the Colonel and the guys were all scared of at least one type each. Finally she got to her feet and walked out of the office down to where she had to collect the paper work. She knew the Private that worked there quite well since she was the only one who went there in the morning.

"Good morning, Lieutenant Hawkeye," Private Matheson greeted with her usual cheery tone. Hawkeye smiled back at her in a friendly sort of way, "Are you well?"

"Yes, thank you," Hawkeye replied, "Yourself?"

"I'm great," Matheson said, "It was my boyfriend's and mine anniversary last night. Two years can you believe it?"

"Did you do anything nice?" Hawkeye asked as the brunette as she gathered some papers from a red tray.

"He cooked," Matheson replied shyly, passing Hawkeye a small pile of papers, "He bought me flowers and everything. I was amazed since he'd not really paid attention over the last few days that it was getting even close."

"Some men are like that," Hawkeye said, "You're lucky to have found one of the few like that."

"I'm sure," Matheson agreed, "Well, have a nice day."

"I'll try," Hawkeye said, "I feel a headache coming on."

"Good luck," Matheson laughed.

Hawkeye walked back to the office to find the rest of the guys assembled round Havoc's desk looking at something he was holding. They were giggling like little school children. Hawkeye sighed as she walked over to her desk and placed the papers down. She quickly sorted them out into piles. She then distributed the piles on the desks of whoever the paper work belonged to. She returned to her seat however the guys were still looking at whatever Havoc had got. She glared at them but they weren't paying attention to her. She wondered if they'd even noticed her enter the room. She knew exactly what they had. She got up again and snatched a magazine from Havoc. She didn't even glance down at it because she knew that it would only make her angrier. The guys looked at her in shock and fear.

"Sorry, Lieutenant," Havoc said, "We didn't hear you come in."

"Well men tend to stop listening when they're looking at boobs," she snapped. She opened her top draw, placed the dirty magazine in it and slammed it shut again. The guys quickly rushed to their seats and began reading their paperwork carefully. Hawkeye looked at them and sighed. They were pretending.

After half an hour she got up again and left to go down to the shooting range for her usual morning target practice. This would normally last about forty five minutes, normally by which time the Colonel would've sneaked into the office and would be getting on with his work like he'd been there all the time.

However, when she returned back to the office there was no Colonel. By the time she got back to the office, it didn't look like an office at all. She stood paralyzed at the door looking at the desks on their side, books off the bookshelves and paper scattered everywhere. Fuery was stood on his feet looking for something. Havoc was under the last remaining upright table. Breda was sat on top of the bookshelf yelling at Hayate who was barking at him. Falman was over by the window checking for something behind the curtain. Hawkeye tried to regain her composure by counting to ten. When she reached ten she found that her anger had not subsided and that headache had just come into full force.

"What the hell happened here!" she yelled. The guys jumped. There were a few bangs. One was because Breda had fallen off the bookshelf and the other was Havoc banging his head on the table he was under.

They all slowly got to their feet and faced her with a hasty salute. Hawkeye slammed the door behind her starring at the bomb site which had been a perfectly organised office forty five minutes earlier.

"There was a mouse, ma'am," Fuery offered gingerly.

"A mouse?" she asked, "A mouse? You up turned the office for a mouse?"

"Well," Havoc said, "We're not sure if there was a mouse or not."

Hawkeye felt her entire body tense. She breathed in slowly and breathed out again. "Get it tidied up."

"Well we're still looking for the mouse," Breda said.

"Yeah," Falman agreed, "It could still be here scurrying around."

"Yeah and mice spread diseases," Fuery added, "What if we get the plague?"

Before Hawkeye could answer the door opened. She moved quickly out of the way hoping it wasn't the Fuhrer doing a surprise inspection. Luckily it was Colonel Mustang looking quite pensive as he read a file in his hands. He didn't seem to notice the state of the office until he tripped over his chair that was laid on its back a few metres from where it would normally be. He fell flat on his face. He got up slowly rubbing his nose. He gazed over the state of the room. His face dropped.

"This wasn't always like this was it?" he asked.

"No, sir," Hawkeye replied.

"Then how come it looks like there's been a grenade thrown in here?" he asked looking suspiciously at the four guys who were now whistling like it wasn't their fault.

"I'm not sure," Hawkeye replied feeling slightly stupid that she was the one being questioned and not being able to answer. The Colonel didn't seem angry. He put his chair back upright and sat down reading the file he had brought with him. No body else moved. No one else dared to make a sound.

"Have you heard the latest?" The Colonel asked suddenly, "We've just received a hot tip on a theft from General Mason. Apparently he was robbed last night of some very expensive valuables. He's saying that who ever gets these items back gets to have an entire night with his daughter."

"Daughter?" Havoc said. He walked flakily over to the Colonel's desk. "General Mason's daughter is the super model, right?"

That did it. All the guys were soon crowded round the Colonel's desk asking questions and for information. Hawkeye sighed. Her head was pounding. She went to put her desk back on its feet but found it was too heavy for her to move.

"That's why I was late," the Colonel was explaining, "Our new orders are to get these items back."

"This is the best mission ever!" the guys roared. The Colonel stopped.

"Who said it was your mission?" he asked with a cruel grin, "I was talking to Hawkeye."

"Why Hawkeye?" Fuery asked.

"Because the only mission you have is to tidy up this room," the Colonel replied, "Let's go, Lieutenant."

The guys glared at Hawkeye as she left the room with the Colonel. She couldn't help but smile was she closed the door behind her.

"Maybe this will teach them not to mess things up they can't handle," Mustang remarked.

***

They arrived at the crime scene in a matter of minutes. It was already swarming with military personnel. Mustang didn't look best impressed. Hawkeye couldn't believe the power of a beautiful woman. She never considered herself as beautiful but rather as plain. The guys in the office would surely agree with her because none of them had ever shown any interest in her. The Colonel, on the other hand, would tell her off for thinking she was plain. He'd had that attitude with her since he was a student of her father's. After all he was quite handsome so of course he would think that people should be happy with their looks.

"Can you believe this?" the Colonel said suddenly, "Half of these guys don't even have a clue where to start."

"Where will we start, sir?" she asked. The Colonel grinned at her. He pulled out a small notebook from his jacket pocket. Hawkeye eyed it carefully.

"I got all my info last night when I was called to the scene," he replied. Hawkeye smirked back. Trust the Colonel to have got out of bed for the likes of General Mason's daughter. "I was on my way back home and bumped into the General when he was perusing the thief."

"Did you get any sleep last night, sir?" Hawkeye asked.

"Nope," the Colonel replied, "I went straight back to head quarters with the General's family to make sure they were alright."

"How kind," she remarked coldly, "I take it you've already talked with Miss Mason?"

"Of course," he replied. He smiled again.

"So our first stop?" Hawkeye asked. The Colonel turned on his heel and walked towards the car they had arrived in. Hawkeye followed him wondering how she could use sleep deprivation in the future to her advantage since he was working so well. Although she guessed that there were other reasons why he was so keen to get hold of the missing items.

She drove towards the city centre. It was always busy no matter what time of day or what time of year it was. The Colonel told her to stop outside a shop. It was a pawn shop. He got out and casually walked into the shop signalling Hawkeye to stay in the car. She groaned inwardly. Did that mean that he wanted a quick get away? She hoped he wasn't going to rob the place.

He returned a few minutes later with a crafty smile on his face. He climbed in the car.

"I've got all I've wanted from there," he stated, "I think we should go towards the out skirts for a quick scout around. What do you think?"

"You're the one with the information, sir," Hawkeye replied. She drove out of the centre towards the outskirts where there were very few houses and more greenery. She stopped in a lay-by when the Colonel decided this seemed like the right place. They both got out of the car and began walking across country.

Hawkeye wasn't best pleased as her commanding officer led her over numerous fields. After a few hours of endless walking the weather changed suddenly. It began spitting at first and then bombed* it down. She felt the rain soak through her uniform. The Colonel seemed un-phased by the sudden downpour as he continued to walk. This woman was definitely worth something to him. Maybe it was the opportunity to rub it in the guys' faces or to get in the good books of General Mason.

"Ah," he said suddenly, "Here we are."

Hawkeye stopped suddenly. She gazed round her. There was nothing but trees and a lake. She shivered suddenly realising how cold it was out in the rain.

"What do you think?" Mustang went on.

"What do you mean?" Hawkeye asked. She felt the headache in the back of her head slowly returning. The Colonel only continued to smile like a Cheshire cat. Hawkeye sighed. The Colonel was weird sometimes.

"I've been meaning to drag you out here for ages but never had the time," he said. Hawkeye stopped.

"Is this anything to do with the mission?" she asked. The Colonel turned round to her looking slightly confused.

"Mission?" he asked, "Oh, General Mason? The baby ate it."

"The baby?" Hawkeye snapped, "What baby?"

"Miss Mason's," the Colonel replied like he was no longer interested in the conversation.

"So you dragged me out here in office time so you could take in a nice view?" Hawkeye snapped. The guys were all the same: stupid, dirty minded, lazy men. They all made her angry.

"Hmm?" The Colonel said, "Well with the state of the office you couldn't do any work anyway and this is better than propping up book cases, isn't it?"

"I suppose," Hawkeye agreed. The Colonel smiled at her. He went reaching into his jacket pocket again and pulled out a parcel of some sort. It looked like a long thin box. He casually tossed it over to Hawkeye.

"I want you to wear that, tomorrow night," Mustang said. Hawkeye looked confused as she carefully unwrapped the box and opened it. Inside there was a bracelet. She looked at it.

"Wait a minute," she said suddenly realising what the colonel had said, "Tomorrow night?"

"Yeah," he replied that cocky smile working its way onto his face, "For when we go on our date."

"Date?" Hawkeye asked. When did she agree to go out with the Colonel?

"Well I thought that you'd never say yes so I just thought arranging it and telling you to get there was the only way to get a date with you," he replied calmly. Hawkeye blushed slightly. She glared at the Colonel before sighing to herself.

"Alright," she said, "I'll play along with this."

"This is no evil plot you know," the Colonel reassured, "Truth be told Maes told me to ask you out ages ago but I never really got the opportunity. He's been pestering me since he got married cos he's known how madly in love I've been with you since Ishval."

"Ishval?" Hawkeye asked, still in her confused state. She shook her head. "One minute. What about the other guys? When they find out they'll be on our tail like flies."

"Maybe not," Mustang replied.

Mustang later that day returned to the office telling General Mason that the baby had simply eaten the items he'd lost, which turned out to be a few rare pennies, and would find their way out of the baby's body within a few days. Of course the General offered Mustang the chance to go out with his daughter, however Mustang passed up the opportunity.

***

Riza Hawkeye rarely let her hair down but it wasn't everyday that she went on a date with Roy Mustang. It wasn't every day that the guys at work who would normally be on their tails watching their every move would also preoccupied also.

As the couple made their way back to her apartment later that night Hawkeye pondered what the guys were doing. Mustang was walking with his arm round her shoulder like it had always belonged there. He wasn't paying much attention to anything else apart from her. He was also wondering about the guys but he had more of an idea what they had been in for.

Breda, Havoc, Falman and Fuery were all sat on a sofa in Miss Mason's house. She'd gone upstairs to take her newborn baby girl upstairs to bed. The guys had had a very unusual night. All four of them had gone out with Miss Mason and her daughter and helped Miss Mason look after the baby. None of them realised how hard looking after a baby was. While Miss Mason was upstairs all of them had fallen to sleep on the sofa, huddled together. Their commanding officer had allowed them all to go out with the hottest woman in Central, however they all had slept through half the night with her when he was enjoying himself with his First Lieutenant and would probably get little sleep in the night. How cruel Mustang could be...

* Bombed it down - I dunno if this is simply a Rotherham term but it just means sudden heavy rain if people are a little confused (I can't help it, I'm Yorkshire)

Hope you enjoyed this :) I will be working on It's Not What You Think as soon as I get time tomorrow so plz don't shout at me for wasting time T_T Bye bye :)