Chapter 5

When they go, its rather comical in a sad sort of way because Emily like puts her hair up and doesn't wear any makeup and for a second Katie wonders if maybe she's trying to look like someone other than herself.

At first when Katie opens the door, Emily flinches and Katie's afraid that they're actually not going to go through with this but then Emily takes a deep breath and walks through the door all on her own and Katie's reminded again of just howdeceptively strong Emily can be sometimes.

Emily sits down in one of those horrible plastic chairs while Katie goes to give the nurse her name. When Katie turns back around, Emily's looking through one of the magazines on motherhood that's like just laying about in the same place that people come to have abortions and it's so fucking stupid of them to do that.

Katie sits down next to Emily and snatches the magazine from her fingers, "You don't need to be looking at that, okay?" Because honestly on the cover there's some skinny bitch like holding a baby in the air and they're both laughing so happily together, Katie feels she might be sick for Emily.

Emily nods sadly next to her and then grips her hand, hard. Katie winces and almost tells Emily to let go but then she just grips back because Emily is her sister and that never fails to mean something in the long run. Because they might fuck each other off most of the time but at the end of the day, Emily is the one person who she feels ridiculously protective over.

When Katie looks up she sees that some woman across from them is glaring at them both rather accusingly. Her stomach is rather large already and Katie imagines if she were walking around it would look more like waddling. And apparently it's a bit obvious why Katie and Emily are here but so fuck her and her self-righteousness because Emily is looking paler by the second and the last thing she needs is some whale making angry eyes at her.

Katie wants to like subtly give the woman the finger but she's not really sure on how to do it subtly or even like…if it's a no goer—doing that to a pregnant woman.

Before she can make up her mind, the nurse calls Emily's name and Katie makes as if to stand up but Emily stays seated. She's staring off into space and her eyes are tearing up a bit.

"Ems," Katie says and rubs her shoulder a bit, "Ems, we gotta go, she's calling your name."

Emily shrugs off her hand and then stands so quickly, Katie rocks back to get out of her way.

"I can't do it," Emily says quickly and she's starting to cry.

"Emily," Katie starts but Emily interrupts her.

"No, I don't think its wrong or anything and I understand it okay? I'm just saying…I can't go through with this."

With that Emily lets out a huge sob and runs out the door. Katie is aware of all the eyes in the waiting room on them and the nurse gives her a really put out look.

"Well, is she coming back or not?"

Katie rolls her eyes. "Fuck do you think," she asks and then grabs her bag, rushing off after Emily.

--

Emily only really knows one place to run. She knocks hastily and then struggles to compose herself because if she's going to come here, she can't do it in tears.

Naomi opens the door, hair fucked up quite a bit and she's obviously just woken up. She smiles when she sees its Emily and then stretches with a huge yawn. Her shirt rides up a bit and Emily can't help but perve just a bit.

"What's up," Naomi says when her mouth is finally closed.

"Just…needed to see you," Emily responds and pushes Naomi back into the house and wraps both of her short arms around her.

Naomi makes a sort of startled sound deep in her throat but she wraps her arms around Emily and pulls her in tight. Emily just lets herself sink into Naomi, into her smell and the way that she softens but just for Emily…not for anyone else.

After a few moments Naomi kisses the top of Emily's hair and then whispers, "Ems, are you ever going to tell me what's wrong?"

Emily tightens her grip just a bit, "What if I can't?"

Naomi pushes her away and looks into her eyes and it's a bit too much and Emily can't help but look away.

"Look, Ems, when I said I loved you outside of the love ball and like every day since then…I meant it ok? So if something's up, I'd like to know about it. I mean, you're not breaking up with me or anything are you?"

Naomi's voice sounds so unsure that Emily shakes her head quickly and tilts up to kiss Naomi a bit fiercely. Naomi pulls her in tighter, gripping the back of her neck as their lips slip past each others again and again until Emily is slowly pushing up Naomi's shirt with her free hand and tangling the other in Naomi's hair.

With a gentle push, Naomi forces them to detach, "Fucks sake, Ems. You can't just like…kiss it away you know?"

Emily blinks twice and tries to keep herself together, "Please Naomi, please just…lets leave it okay?"

Naomi shakes her head sharply from side to side, "No, I don't think we can, Ems. If you're going to be with me, you have to be with me, okay? That means sharing stuff with me, even if it's not pretty or whatever."

Emily starts crying despite herself, "Look, Naomi I really can't okay?"

Naomi bites down on her bottom lip and grimaces, "Fine well, I'm going to go back to bed…"

Emily reaches out for her hand and she knows that she's posturing but she really could give a fuck right now, "No, Naomi please, I still love you, that hasn't changed but I just need you to be here for me right now. Please?"

Naomi grips Emily's hand hard, "I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me. I don't understand you right now and to be honest it hurts me quite a bit that you won't be straight with me about whatever is bothering you. But if you say that you love me and that isn't going to change anytime soon, I guess I'll have to trust you. You're just making it hard for me to, that's all."

Once they're upstairs, Naomi holds Emily while she cries, rubbing her back and pushing aside her messy hair.

"I love you, Emily Fitch," she says quietly, "I just wish you'd believe in that…in us."

Emily wants to tell her that she does, that she's never been surer or anything in her life but she can't. Not when she has a secret that will eventually tear them apart.