I.

"The sponsorship fees for this show are outrageous!" Martin Smarty declared.

"Maybe, but this is going to be HUGE!" Jimmy Blamhammer boomed.

"It better be," Martin Smarty said. "For what this show is costing me, I could have bought Bueno Nacho and Cow and Chow."

"Or you could buy my studio," Jimmy said, throwing his arms wide in excitement. "That would be MIND-BLOWING!"

"That's one way of describing the situation," Martin said. "Though if it would get you to use an indoor voice …"

"But this IS my indoor voice!" Jimmy said.

"I concur with the Bald One," Warmonga said. "Your audible projection is of an unnecessary and inappropriate volume."

"Indeed," Monkey Fist agreed, his tone dripping with lordly contempt. "You sound like a common football hooligan."

"Word," a grumpy Yono chimed in.

"Wait a minute," Martin said. "Didn't you go to cartoon Valhalla, you become a statue, and you wind up in the Monkey afterworld?"

"They DID!" Jimmy said. "But this show is so huge that they've come out of retirement for this one event. It's going to be EXPLOSIVE!"

"I plan to wreak my vengeance on the girl one," Warmonga said, her once straight hair now a frazzled mess. "When I am done with her, her fate will make that of the thorgoggle slain for me by Warhok look merciful."

"And I will defeat that buffoonish Pretender once and for all," Monkey Fist declared. "Then I will be Supreme Monkey Ruler!"

"And what about you?" Smarty asked Yono. "What's your whacked hope?"

"I get to do show tunes," answered the somber simian.

II.

"I so cannot believe this," Kim grumbled as she read the message on her wrist Kimmunicator. "Not another awards show!"

"Look at it this way," Ron observed as he stuffed a strudel from the Dementor Family Munitions and Strudel Works into his mouth. "It's a break from the whole German thing." (The two teen heroes had taken up residence in the German town of Mittlerestadt after "Graduation" to be closer to the fan-base whose devotion had earned them an extra season of episodes in order to justify a syndication deal and the chance to head to the stars together.)

Kim arched an eyebrow at her boyfriend. "You seem to be doing just fine with the 'German thing.'"

"Well, the food is hearty," he said before he began to wolf down a wiener schnitzel. "And I'm all about you and the Bavarian look …"

Kim was wearing a traditional German folk dress that flattered her comely figure and her hair was in braided dandles. For reasons she found inexplicable but wholly welcome, her goofy boyfriend found this to be the height of babeliciousness.

"… But these lederhosen pinch!" he exclaimed.

She rolled her eyes, then gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Come on, Herr Boyfriend, we'd better be going if we're going to make the show on time."

"Sounds good to the Ronman," he said before he quaffed a root beer brewed in Munich. "By the way, KP, what are these awards called? I know they've had the Fannies and the Fonnies."

Kim sighed. "The Larrys."

"As in your gamer cousin?" Ron asked.

"The one and only," she sighed.

"Coolio!" he enthused, earning a withering look from the redhead.

A moment later, Kim relented. "Sorry, but this sitch gets weirder."

"How so?"

"The judges," she said, pressing a button on her Kimmunicator and showing Ron the names. "At least I can trust and respect one of them …"

III.

"Ugh, I cannot believe this," Bonnie groused as she looked down the table at her fellow committee members: Larry, who was using his index finger to clean wax from his ear, and Rufus, who was sipping from a naked mole rat-sized Slurpster. "Hairless grossness and the ultimate loser. This is, like, so unacceptable!"

"Not really," Larry said. "If it turns out like Scenario 42."

"Hoo boy," Rufus said to himself.

"What are you talking about?" Bonnie demanded.

"Scenario 42 is when the stuck up Queen Bee winds up falling for the underappreciated so-called geek."

Bonnie's jaw dropped. "You? Me?"

"Righteous, no?"

"As if," she said disdainfully. "Total hotness like me dating someone like you?"

"Hey, Cousin Kim is dating Ron Stoppable."

"That's so not the same," Bonnie retorted.

"How so?" Larry asked. "Cousin Kim's pretty, was captain of the cheer squad, and would have been homecoming queen if you hadn't paid Ron Reiger to rig the results."

"Because she's like a total weirdo, just like Stoppable," she said venomously.

Larry leaned back in his chair and smiled "You want me," he said.

"Puh-leeze," Bonnie sneered. "Why would I want you when I have Junior, who's like all pecs, has fab hair, and is worth a bazillion dollars?"

"Because I'm a Dragon Tamer, Galactic Elder, Dungeon Magus, and Level Five Tachyon Warrior."

"So you're like the world's biggest nerd," Bonnie said

"I'm also the Alpha Dog here," Larry said.

"Uh, excuse me, but if there's a food chain, I'm at the top, not you," Bonnie countered.

"Then why are the awards named after me and not you?"

Bonnie's mouth twitched as she fumbled for a reply.

"Score!" Larry chortled as he gave Rufus a high five. Then he snorted.

"This is so not happening," Bonnie said as her head fell to the table.

KP © Disney

Leave a review, receive a packet of Diablo sauce or a response.