Abuse … continued

Moving On

"Dean could you take those boxes?" I pointed towards the pile of boxes in the corner of the small room.

"Sure Liz." He said as he lifted three of them and carried them out the door; I sighed and looked around the room.

It would be a lie to say I would miss this bedroom… it had too many bad memories of the countless nights of pain. I was shocked when Mom had told me someone wanted to buy the house-they said they wanted to move away from the big city or something. So Mom, Dean, Edward and I were moving all of our stuff out.

I slowly made my way over to a dent that mocked me on the south wall; Jacob had been proud of that dent. It was the time he slammed my head into it and it made a loud crack, causing the crater to appear. I stroke it gingerly; there was a dried blood stain on it. My fingers ran over it, feeling the little dips.

I walked towards the mirror I had in the corner; I hated that mirror. Jacob would make me look in it after beating me and see how pathetic I was 'stop squirming Lizzy, you have a mirror for a reason-look at yourself. That is who you are and that will never change'. I would have gashes and bruises sprinkled around my arms and face.

I took off the cloth that covered it and glared at it; the dozens of images of me replayed in my mind-each different with injuries in different places, yet they were each the same. I gazed at myself now and saw someone else. I was my own person now, I have something to live for, I'm not the same scared little kid I was not too long ago. The mirror showed me the changes I had been through-and I liked what it showed me.

I sat down on the bed and felt the mattress, feeling the lumps it had and the too thin sheets. This was my sanctuary, the place where I had the best dreams-and also the worst nightmares. This was the place that gave me my strength; the place I would go back to after Jacob was finished. It was small, but I couldn't bring myself to hate it. I didn't have a favorite stuffed animal, I had this place.

I sighed and walked into the middle of the room; I gazed around the entire room. This room felt claustrophobic now. I was a different person; Jacob no longer held me. His arms no longer acted like cuffs. His face no longer was the one of a punisher. Jacob no longer scared me.

Jacob no longer had power over me.

"Liz." Edward called from the doorway. I spun around and faced him, his eyebrows knit together and he came over to me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "Lizzy… are you crying?" He asked.

I reached up and felt wetness on my cheek-I had been crying?

"Yeah… I just thought a little…" I replied.

He didn't seem satisfied. "Alright, we're pretty much done, so you're Mom and I are going to bring the car around." I nodded; he then bent down and kissed my forehead, and then left the room. I wiped the remaining tears from my face and walked to the doorway.

I stole on last glance at the room. It looked different than it used to. Meant something different than it used to.

Goodbye Jacob. I thought to the room. I then clicked the light off and shut the door.

"Dean?" I called down the hallway. He came jogging up to me.

"Something wrong?" He asked me, concerned.

"No, Mom and Edward are going to bring the car around so we gotta wrap it up here." I told him.

"Ok, well I still have to get a few boxes from your Mom's room." He answered. I nodded and we walked toward the Master bedroom.

Dean opened the door and I walked inside and grabbed a box-only to have Dean yank it from me.

"You think I'd make you carry something?" He said with a smug grin, I just stuck my tongue out at him as he carried them out to the car.

I sighed and walked over to where their bed used to be, I stood stagnant in the empty space, digesting it. This room held no meaning to me, so it was nice to think of nothing for once. I stepped over to their walk in closet and opened the door. I waltz inside. I used to think this closet was huge; now it felt so much smaller. Like it wasn't as big and scary as I used to think it.

I looked at the shelves near the ceiling and saw the corner of a box. I thought we'd already gotten them all…

I stood on my tip-toes and reached for it; I pushed the corner and it came tumbling down on my head. I fell to the floor with the contents of the box all around me. Crap… I was going to have to repack it.

I started absently grabbing the things and placing them back in the tiny box. When I looked down at what I was holding, I was surprised. I'd never seen these things.

There was a picture of Mom and Jacob's wedding, they looked so happy together.

There was a tiny, plastic little bracelet, it had numbers on it, and it was so tiny it couldn't fit on any of our wrists. That's when I realized it was the bracelet the hospital had put on my wrist when I was born.

I rifled through the box some more and found, a scribbled picture, it looked like a little kid had drawn this, it was of three people. A little kid, a Mother, and a Father. The father looked kind with his eyes colored blue and his smile colored in red, and the mother looked loving with her eyes colored brown and her mouth colored red as well. The child was smiling a green smile… she looked happy in between her parents. At the bottom right of the paper it read 'Lizzy: 4 years old'. I had drawn this? But that wasn't Mom's handwriting…

"Dean?" I called softly, he came into the room with a worried expression, I smiled up at him. "Could you go get my Mom please?" I asked, he nodded and ran from the room. I sighed and looked back at the box.

Suddenly Mom was right next to me. "What's that honey?" She asked as she down at the box curiously.

"Wait, isn't this your box?" I asked.

"No… I've never seen that before." She said while sitting down next to me, she took out its' contents. "Lizzy, where did you find this?" She asked.

"Up there." I pointed to the shelf.

"Well this wasn't my box; it must have been Jacob's…" She concluded.

"But why would he keep this stuff?" I was so confused.

"What's that?" She pointed to a clump of tissue all lumped together and taped together.

"I don't know." I said picking it up and unraveling it. There was a small carved wolf figurine in the middle of it along with a small piece of folded paper. It had my name on the front.

"I'll let you read this alone…" Mom muttered while leaving the room.

I opened it anxiously.

12/31/98

Lizzy,

I made this wolf a long time ago, I made it the minute I found your mother was pregnant. I knew I couldn't afford anything expensive for you when you came into the world, so I wanted to make something for you. I hope you like it. I am giving this to you on your sixteenth birthday so you can learn to appreciate it, and what it means to your Quileute heritage. Look lately, things have been tough at work and I can tell I haven't been the best father for the first few years of your life… and I don't think things will change, there is a lot of things I will never tell you. You deserve to spared that much. Even if I don't show it sometimes-I love you. You coming into the world was the best day of my life, but I feel something changing within me. I'm not sure if it's a mental thing or not-it very well may be, so I'm writing this now while I still have most of my sense. I don't ever want you to think that I don't love you… but I'm not sure what's happening. I feel my control slipping a lot more lately, and I don't like it Lizzy-I really don't. But I can't control it. You and your Mom are the best things that ever happened to me, but I keep finding it harder to believe. I know you are but it keeps crossing my mind less and less often. I think it is a mental thing. But I need you to know Lizzy, this is not me. You deserve the real me, I love being a father I really do, but you need the part of me that likes it to be a father for you.

Even if I don't show it-

I love you,
Jacob Black

I let my tears make stains on the old piece of paper.

Jacob loved me. 'Even if he didn't show it'. He loved me.

I felt as if my soul was soaring at that point-that's all I've ever wanted.