Eighth day

Finishing

"Hey Lavi!"

"Yes?"

"Would you kindly get the milk from the microwave?"

"No?"

"Pleaaaase?"

"No! I'm busy!"

"Doing what?"

"Reading nudy magazines."

"What?"

"Being a great parent."

"Oh, okay then! But could you give me milk?"

"But you already got a lot of that this morning! And last night. In bed. From my pe-"

"I will not give my babies the milk you magically produced from your reproductive organ."

"Your babies?"

"Our babies. That totally came out wrong. Now don't give me that look, Lavi."

"I... I work my ass off to be able to feed all of your whore-ass children, and you-"

"Excuse me? Those are your whore-ass children. I was just accidentally in the same room."

"Right! That! What you said!"

"And you do not work your butt off, you randomly hacked some celebrity's bank account and we're living off the massive amount of magical Fairyland money that guy had!"

"You never even used your package!"

"No, you used my package!"

"We are not using package in the way it's meant to be."

"No, Lavi. But you're uttering nonsense."

"You are now just going to take care of our eighteen babies, while I be a good daddy and sit on my ass reading nudy magazines invested with badly censored boobs."

"Wait. What?"

"I will stare at your sexy ass while you are feeding our love-children."

"Okay then!"

--+

"I'm sorry I hit you."

"I'm sorry I called you a flaming gay pants."

"That did not make any sense though."

"You throwing the coffeepot at my leg didn't either."

"No. You actually deserved that."

"For-"

"For staring at female boobies while you actually can have my handsome, flat, muscled, manly, shiny, under-aged, innocent, sexy, beautiful, wonderful, erotic, erection-inducing, hunky, gay, non-big breasted chest."

"You wear cup-A!"

"...Do not!"

"I had to buy them for you!"

"That was for during my pregnancy! I had really saggy breasts!"

"You do not have breasts!"

'You're just jealous because you don't have any."

"..."

"We had argument."

"Hmph."

"D'aw! I just can't stay mad at you!"

"I can."

"But... look at my cutesy, green-ish, sparkly, tearing, strawberry-scented, begging, beady-eyed, loving, caring, puppydog eye."

"You're forgiven."

"I knew it!"

"Wait. What?"

"I am so lucky to be forgiven by you, master. I love you."

"I love you too, Lavi."

"Are you up for another round of sweaty wallsex?"

"No! Dude, Lavi! We have bratlings!"

"So... no sex then?"

"Oh hell yes. You prepare the bath."

--+

"Allen."

"Yes?"

"Bom chicka waw waw."

"Wait. What?"

"Twenty-first century, Al, my love, my sweetheart, my cupcake, sugar, sweetums, honeybear, honeybunches, cutiepie."

"Oh, right."

"No, David, you do not suck mommy's nipple. Mommy does not have the correct body parts to make food come out of there."

"How did I manage to get eighteen children without a uterus anyway?"

"Magic. I totally want to suck on something else and try for some milk."

"Ooh, that was so dirty."

"I know."

"And the kids are listening."

"Eh, they won't understand anyway."

"Their eyes are widening."

"They are innocent and do not yet know what we are talking about."

"But... Jesse saw us earlier."

"...You mean in the bathtub?"

"No, after that."

"In the buggy?"

"No! Never mind. If you don't even remember our sweaty, passionate, amorous, ardent, aroused, concupiscent, desirous, erotic, heavy, hot, lascivious, libidinous, loving, lustful, prurient, romantic, sexy, steamy, stimulated, sultry, turned-on, wanton, wistful mansex, then I am now going to be mad at you."

"What? Of course I remember!"

"No you don't!"

"Yes I do!"

"Well, then when was it?"

"Ehr... it was that time in the swing?"

"I am sick of this!"

"Wait! Allen!"

"I am moving in with my parents!"

"...You don't have those."

"Yes I do!"

"No you do-"

"Twenty-first century, Lavi!"

"Oh, right- NO! Allen! Don't leave!"

"And have fun taking care of the kids."

"But how am I supposed to-"

"Half of them'd better be dead by the time I get home."

"Wait. What?"

"I meant... ehr... We're not getting any new kids."

"Well, then... maybe we should try wearing condoms."

"They never wear condoms in Yaoi anime."

"No, they don't, bu-"

"So then we don't either. I will leave you all alone in a nest full of young, screaming, whining, hair-pulling, mean, dangerously-flailing two year-olds."

"Wait, Allen-"

Smash.

--+

"Honey! I'm back!"

"Hooray!"

"Did you take care of the babies?"

"No, not at all! They all died of hunger and illness."

"Hooray! I love you, Lavi."

"I love you too, Allen."

And they lived happily ever after.

--+

...That was it. The end of the fanfic. I.. re-read it, and wondered what crack I had been smoking lately, until I remembered I do not do drugs and therefore am just sleep-deprived. Yes, Ann. Still all your fault. Still calling. :'D