How Far Can Idiocy Go? Part II Chapter 4: Idiocy VII, a gakuen alice fanfic

A/N: Hi! It's been ages since I last updated this story. Almost two years ago? Yeah. I'm really sorry for making you wait for so long. That's if.. you're waiting. I keep thinking that maybe you have already forgotten about me and my stories. But I still receive much love from some readers, sending me PMs and reviewing on my stories, telling me to update and to get my inspiration back. THANK YOU, guys. This is the last chapter, do tell me if I lost the magic of making you laugh. You'll notice that my writing style has changed a little, but I hope you don't mind. Happy reading! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice but this crazy idea is mine.

-x-

How Far Can Idiocy Go? Part II

by: Euri Scribbles

-x-

The world literally stopped for all the faculty members. It was as if they were rendered incapable of movement and speech. Mikan wondered why her words had this much impact on her teachers, but didn't give it much thought. She looked expectantly at her favorite homeroom teacher and smiled so big.

Narumi recovered a little faster than the rest of his co-teachers. He returned the smile and said in a sing-song voice, "Why are you asking about sex, Mikan-chan? That subject is a bit... unsuitable for you right now."

"Eh? But why?" Mikan pouted. "How could it be unsuitable for me?"

"It's mostly because of your age. And it's kind of dangerous for you." Narumi said, still smiling.

Mikan's face turned indignant. "I don't think so, Narumi-sensei! Since when did making love have an age restriction? It's for everybody!" And then her eyes shone with brillance and her voice became dreamy, "It's the act of expressing your love towards someone. It's considered to be the highest kind of interaction you could do with your beloved."

"Err.. Mikan-chan, where did you get that?" Narumi asked.

"I read it from a magazine!" the brunette happily replied. "I already asked Hotaru to make love with me, but she told me to ask Natsume first. Anyway, I'm inviting you to join me and Natsume in our love-making, Narumi-sensei! Wouldn't it be fun?"

All the color in their faces got washed away the moment they heard these words. Mikan Sakura, 12 years old, said she would make love with Natsume and that she wanted Narumi-the-gay-whatever to join them.

Mikan Sakura. Sex. Natsume Hyuuga. Assist: Narumi.

Images flooded their mind-images they'd rather not see because it was VERY unacceptable. Their stomach churned. Narumi's face was turning blue, he forgot to breathe. He sucked in all the air around him and exhaled like a raging horse. Then, with all his strength, he smiled sweetly and said, "Mikan-chan, I think.. that's a wonderful idea."

Jinno-sensei was so shocked that he forgot he was a teacher with manners. "HOLY CRAP." He spluttered.

-x- Jinno-sensei -x-

I was having a nice day and then all of a sudden I was faced with a nightmare. Mikan Sakura barged in here, asking about sex, and now she was driving me nuts! She caused me to spat coffee all over my masterpiece. Damn. So she was curious about sex. That was alright. But to make love with Natsume and Narumi, hell, that was way overboard! She didn't know what she was talking about, this brat. And look at this stupid Narumi, saying that Sakura's idea was wonderful. What a pervert!

God, I felt like puking a million times.

I couldn't help swearing. I looked at the other teachers and they were speechless, probably contemplating in their minds too. I got to make an action, this silly brat should be stopped spreading world chaos! And I should stop Narumi from taking advantage of... Natsume.

Yes, Natsume. We all knew he's nuts about him and our co-teacher Misaki.

"Narumi, you pervert!" I exclaimed. I could feel the veins popping on my head. "WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU AGREEING TO?"

Narumi looked at me skeptically, "Why are you so angry, Jinno-sensei? Don't get too worked up, I'm not finished talking to Mikan-chan yet." then he looked down at the no-star brat and went sweet and flowery. "As I said, Mikan-chan, it's a wonderful idea. BUT you shouldn't make love just yet."

Oh, so he was going to explain it. Very good. Or so I thought, because his next words were..

"You should bleed first."

I felt like pulling all my hair until I get bald.

-x-

Mikan didn't get it. Bleed? Like, should she offer some blood first and perform a ritual? She looked at her teacher's kind face and asked shamelessly, "Bleed? You mean cut myself? Where?"

Narumi chuckled. "Oh, you don't need to cut yourself, dear. You just have to wait for a few more years. Your.. secret weapon will bleed on its own and then you're going to grow into a beautiful lady."

"Secret weapon? What is that?" The brunette asked, confused.

Narumi didn't know how to answer this one. "Just... a private part of your body. Oh, I know! It's your flower!"

There were murmurs around the room. Jinno-sensei gritted his teeth. He didn't like the way this was turning out. Flower was way too obvious! He looked at Mikan and saw she was frowning.

"My flower? But that's my..." then she looked horrified. "You mean my flower would bleed? OUCH."

Narumi gave her a comforting smile. "Well, it's called menstruation and if you started bleeding every month, it means you could get pregnant. It happens to every girl."

Mikan was so shocked that she missed the pregnant part. If it happened to every girl, did that mean Hotaru would bleed too? And Misaki-senpai? Also Anna-chan and Nonoko-chan? What would she do if she started bleeding down there? Would it hurt so much? Was there a way to stop this curse? Could she save her friends from this suffering? If she bled so much, would she..?

"Err, Mikan-chan?" Narumi hesitantly called, seeing how the brunette froze. "Don't worry about it for now..."

And to everyone's surprise, Mikan shouted. "SENSEI! WHAT DO I DO? OH MY GOD, I DON'T WANT TO BLEED. I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" She ran around the faculty room, clutching her hair, screaming and wailing while repeatedly saying the words 'I don't want to die'.

The other teachers called her name many times to get her attention, to calm her down, but she wasn't listening. She went over to the far corner of the room and started crying so loud, her tears falling like two gigantic waterfalls.

"Hotaru would die too, and Anna-chan and Nonoko-chan. We would all die from bleeding so much!" She kept talking to herself. "A curse! We're doomed!"

Everybody around her was stunned. Menstruation must be really a shock for her. But why was she talking about dying? If not for the sensitive situation, Jinno-sensei would have used his alice on her right now. But he took pity on her stupidity, though he was really annoyed by all her crying and wailing.

"Stop crying, Sakura! Nobody said anything about dying!" Jinno-sensei exclaimed, exasperated.

Mikan Sakura looked at him with frightened eyes. "Jin-jin," she sniffed. "What if we bled so much? What if we lost blood? Why does it happen to every girl? Who cast this curse upon us?"

Jinno shot Narumi a this-is-your-fault look. Then he turned to the brunette and said, "You won't lose too much blood. Menstruation is part of growing up..." he stopped, irritated. "Why do I have to talk about this kind of stuff? You tell her about this, Narumi! You started it!"

"I didn't start this...!" Narumi quivered upon the look Jinno gave him. "Err, okay." He walked to the little spot where Mikan was. "Don't cry, Mikan-chan. As Jinno-sensei said, you won't lose too much blood. You and your friends won't die from menstruation. It's part of growing up. It's necessary."

"Is that true?" Mikan sniffed again. "We really won't die? But it sounds really scary."

Narumi smiled. "It's scary at first but you'll get used to it."

"Will it hurt?" Mikan asked in a small voice.

"Hmm.. Maybe just a little." Narumi answered. "I really don't know how much it hurts, Mikan-chan. I haven't experienced it, though I don't mind having menstr-" he caught himself and forced a silly laugh. His co-teachers were looking at him like he was a freak or something. He gave himself away, he knew it. "I said nothing, HAHA. I just got carried away. So, back to what I'm saying. There's no need to cry, Mikan-chan. It's perfectly normal." Then he reached for the brunette and hugged her.

Mikan felt comforted. She took a deep breath and smiled. "You're right, Narumi-sense. I shouldn't cry."

Narumi nodded encouragingly. They broke the hug. There was a moment of silence and then Mikan scratched her head.

"I still don't get it," she said. "So I can't make love without bleeding first? And you still haven't answered my question, Narumi-sensei. What is sex?"

They couldn't believe their ears. She was still asking about sex! One moment she was crying about menstruation and the next she was painfully curious again. Boy, did she recover fast.

Narumi didn't expect this. He was having a hard time but he didn't dare show it. "Well, sex is... the key to make babies."

Mikan's eyes sparkled. "Oooh! Babies! I LOVE BABIES. So Hotaru and I can make babies?"

Narumi face-palmed on his mind. "Err, no, Mikan-chan. You see, babies can only be made by a boy and a girl. Since you and Hotaru are both girls, you won't be able to make babies. Though you can still-"

"NARUMI!" Misaki warned. He knew Narumi was about to slip. There were still lots of things girls could do...

"Oh, right." Narumi said, laughing nervously.

Mikan didn't miss that warning exchange so she asked, "Though we can still what, Narumi-sensei?"

Narumi racked his brains for a safe answer. "You can still be really great best friends even without a baby, right?"

Mikan bought it. "Oh, I see! I remember Natsume saying that you can't make love to someone who has the same gender as you. So Hotaru and I can't make love. That's sad.. But Natsume and I can?"

There was an evil glint in Narumi's eyes. "Of course, you can make love with Natsume. But-" He wasn't able to finish because Mikan was already thanking him.

"Thank you, Narumi-sensei! I know what sex is now!" And then she ran out of the room, looking so excited.

The faculty members all looked at each other in horror. Mikan's expression clearly stated that she didn't understand sex at all. Narumi continued the words that should have been said in order to make things right, saying it to the wind because the brunette was no longer there to listen.

"But you should become his girlfriend first and get married. You shouldn't think about having sex with him just yet, Mikan-chan. There's plenty of time..."

Suddenly, he was being electrified.

"IDIOT!" Jinno-sensei shouted.

They could all tell that it was going to be a disaster.

-x-

Mikan dashed towards his best friend's room, but there was no sign of the ice princess there. She went to the laboratory instead. Pinned on the front metal door was a sticky note with the words, "Looking for me, baka? I'm at Central Park." Without a moment's hesitation, she looked for a bus and jumped in. She would tell Hotaru everything she learned today. She was still a little confused, but that didn't matter. She was able to put the pieces together.

The magazine said that making love was the ultimate way of showing affection. Natsume said she couldn't make love with the same gender and it had to be done naked... She remembered that Natsume tried to explain some more to her, but he was stuttering and her mind was floating elsewhere so she wasn't able to get much of it. If she remembered it right, he said something about kissing and getting married. Wait, Narumi-sensei said she should bleed first. Did Narumi-sensei mention the word pregnant? Or was it just her imagination? And there was the thing about babies... Mikan's face was lined so hard in concentration.

WAIT.

Affection.

Only a boy and a girl could do it. A couple.

The girl should bleed first. Menstruation.

Kiss.

Naked.

Pregnant.

Baby.

Mikan's face got so white as realization dawned upon her. Making love is sex. Sex is... She was having a problem with breathing. She stood up so abruptly that everybody on the bus looked at her, but she didn't notice that. She was too absorbed with her thoughts until she couldn't keep them in her head anymore.

"OH MY GOD! SEX IS... SEX IS...!" She exclaimed, panic written all over her face. She remembered everything she did, everything she said, all those people who heard her declaration/invitation and their reaction. It all made sense now. Mikan wanted to scream, she was so embarrassed. She humiliated herself and she didn't know it until now!

She asked Hotaru, Natsume, Tsubasa-senpai, and Narumi-sensei to make love with her. She said she would like to do it in an open area, and that anyone could make love with her. She said all these in front of other people-her classmates, schoolmates, and teachers! And Natsume... he knew all along and yet he publicly agreed! Mikan's hands grew cold and clammy. She was sweating really hard. She mentally scolded herself for being stupid.

Her disbelief was so great that she shouted, "SEX IS FOR MARRIED COUPLES! Why on earth did I ask Hotaru and Natsume and Tsubasa-senpai and Narumi-sensei to do it with me? MOU!"

Gasps.

Passengers were shocked. Did this pig-tailed kid really ask one girl, one heartthrob, one senpai, and one gay teacher to have -toot!- with her? They started whispering among themselves.

"Who's that?"

"I don't know."

"Did she really ask so many people to make love with her?"

"Maybe she's a sex maniac..."

"But she's too young!"

"Kids these days are liberated."

"Oi, I'm a kid but I'm not like that!"

"If she asked Hyuuga, why didn't she turn to ashes?"

"Maybe Hyuuga wanted to have sex with her too."

"I know that arrogant jerk is a pervert."

"SHUT UP! Natsume-kun isn't like that."

"Oh yeah? Why are you defending him? Are you gay?"

The brunette heard it all but she wasn't able to react. She was still too devastated by her idiocy. She just let them talk about her.

"Hey, isn't she the girl on the screen?"

"Huh? What screen?"

"Look out the window."

Mikan saw the passengers looking out the window. She wondered why, but when she was about to do it too, the bus stopped and the driver said they were in Central Park already. She left the bus faster than any of them. She wanted to escape and find her best friend to get some comfort. But when she took a step outside the bus, she heard something that made her heart stop.

"Say, Natsume. Can we make love?"

It was her voice. Her sing-song voice greatly magnified by four enormous speakers. There was a huge rectangular thingy elevated by a big monkey robot and on the screen was a familiar scene: the cafeteria, the fan girls, Ruka's choking moment, Natsume's ghostly white face, and the worst thing of all was her very own smile radiantly flashing. All around the busy street of Central part were interested people. There was a freaking great amount of audience to watch and on the right side of the screen, there was a banner saying, "MikanXNatsume Scandal Video for only 50 rabbits!"

Scandal.

Scandal?

Mikan was so flabbergasted that she couldn't move even a finger. She stood rooted and helpless on the spot, gaping at the screen like everybody else.

"Sure, darling. Where do you want to do it?"

"In an open area!"

"Oh? Why in a place like that?"

"Because I like the sun! It will give us energy!"

Silence.

"Oh, c'mon Natsume! I'm sure it'll be fun!"

Mikan couldn't take it anymore. She was so embarrassed that she wanted to vanish. But she couldn't vanish, she had to stop this. And she knew who was behind it. She looked around for the raven-haired girl, but she didn't find her. Instead, she found her co-star in the video standing motionless two feet behind her. His eyes were wide, his mouth was hanging open, and he was smoking with anger.

Natsume looked like he was going to turn into a fiery demon.

-x- Natsume -x-

I received a mysterious note from an owl robot, saying that Polka was in danger and that I had to come to Central Park as fast as I could. I didn't want Ruka to worry, so I told him to go back to civilization and get some good sleep. But what I found here wasn't Polka in danger. When I saw the screen, all I could say was...

"Fuck."

There was a lot of people watching the damn video, and it felt like my dignity was being robbed off of me every second. What the heck was going on? Why was my face on the damn screen? Polka was in front of me, still as statue. She looked absolutely stunned. She didn't know about this either. I bet she realized how stupid she was. If she didn't ask me that freaking question, this wouldn't happen!

My head began pounding painfully.

Fuck.

Fuck!

What a mess! I felt like I would die from all the shame. This had to be stop. I activated my alice and tried to burn the damn equipments, but it was not working. Then an ice-cold laugh came from the speakers, a laugh that didn't come from the video.

"It's fireproof, Hyuuga." Hotaru Imai said, her voice loud and clear. "You can't burn it just like that."

Everybody turned around and looked at me.

"Oi, it's Hyuuga..."

"He made love with Sakura, right?"

"Pervert."

"Don't make him upset! We're not fireproof!"

"Oh, right. I'm shutting up!"

I glared at them so hard that I saw their hair rise. Damn these people. If only it was legal to commit murder, I would have ended so many lives by now. But I couldn't kill them. Too bad, it would have been nice to see them turn into ashes. For a moment they were all silent, but expect the idiot to ruin it.

She opened her big mouth and shouted, "HOOTAARUU! STOP THIS, PLEASE! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND!" and then she started crying like a baby.

Oh great. She just drew attention to herself. Her crying was so loud, it made me sick. I could practically feel my eardrums thudding. As expected, everybody turned to her and started talking all at the same time. The questions kept coming that she wasn't able to open her mouth even once.

"Sakura, did you and Hyuuga really make love?"

"I can't believe you asked him so boldly!"

"Is he a great performer?"

What the fuck. Performer, he said?

"How long is his...?"

And now they were asking about the length of my...! FOOLS!

"Did it feel good? How many times did you guys do it?"

"Did you really do it in an open area?"

"What about your positions?"

POSITIONS? I clutched my knuckles. These guys are really driving me to the ends of my patience! Polka kept shaking her head, stuttering as she said, "N-No. What performer? And what's long? What do you mean by p-position? That's not it, it's a misunderstanding!"

But nobody heard her clearly, there was too much noise. Damn, why did I always have to deal with her mess? I went near her and gave her a mighty smack in the head.

"Ouch!" she exclaimed, turning around to look at me. "MEANIE, THAT HURTS!"

"You deserved it, idiot." I growled.

"What did you say? What made me deserve this? I didn't know any of this would happen so why are you looking at me as if it's all my fault?" She said, touching the spot where I hit her.

"If you weren't so stupid, this wouldn't happen." I answered.

She glared at me. "If you didn't agree when I asked you, this wouldn't be much of a big deal!"

I heard everybody gasping. Damn, another misunderstanding. Her words were misinterpreted again. People started murmuring.

"So they really did it. It came from her own mouth."

"I never expected these kids could do it already."

"Puberty is frightening."

"No, hormones are frightening!"

"Do you think they watched porn?"

"Of course! Maybe that's where they got the idea."

"Hyuuga must have been a great performer, he's hot."

"Aww, I envy Sakura."

I gritted my teeth. They all have dirty-fucking-minds! Polka started explaining again but of course she wasn't heard. Then out of the blue, a floating microphone made its way to the idiot. She grabbed it without a moment's hesitation and drew a lungful of air.

"I SAID THAT'S NOT IT!" She shouted, her voice echoing throughout the place. Every single person shut their mouth and looked at her. "Me and Natsume... It's not what you think! I'm going to tell you what really happened if you want!"

An elementary boy suddenly raised his hand and said, "Please don't give us details, Sakura-san. It hurts."

What is this boy talking about? What hurts? Polka must be thinking along the same lines so she asked, "Huh? What hurts?"

"You see, Sakura-san," he drew a deep breath. "I'm in love with you and it hurts to hear that you.. made love with Hyuuga-kun."

WHAT THE FUCK. A confession? Right here, right now? Was he insane? DID HE WANT TO DIE?

And to my bewilderment, other guys raised their hands and confessed their feelings for Polka.

"Me too, Sakura-san. I really like you but... God, why did this happen?"

"This may not be the coolest confession, Mikan-chan, but I still want you to be my girlfriend even if you're.. even if you're not pure anymore!"

"It doesn't look as if you and Hyuuga have a special relationship. So what if you really did it? I could offer you love, Sakura-sama. Love and not sex!"

"Mikan-chan, be miiine!"

My vision grew dark and there was this intense, destructive feeling boiling inside me. So Polka got confessed by so many guys. Should that concern me? I just didn't like that they asked her right in the middle of this mess. And what did the fool say, that we had no special relationship? Did we really look plain? Polka and I... I clutched my knuckles harder to control the trembling of my body. I looked at the idiot, and to my dismay, she was smiling. She seemed flattered. And that was when I lost it. I grabbed the microphone from her hand and said the thing that nobody would like.

"Whatever I do to her doesn't concern any of you." I growled.

"Natsume!" Polka exclaimed. "What are you saying? They'll misinterpret that!"

Tch. And she actually had the nerve to talk about being misinterpreted?

I looked at the fools who confessed to this idiot, smirking as I said, "She's mine, and she's going to be my wife. So fuck off, bastards." and without giving them a chance to breathe and take that in, I grabbed Polka and crashed my lips on hers.

The feeling of her lips.. of owning her, it was overwhelming. It was the grandest feeling in the world and it was the first time I ever felt this way. When I broke the kiss, she was completely dumbfounded. Her eyes were wide with disbelief.

"W-What just happened?" She asked in a small, quivering voice.

I smirked and snaked my arms around her waist. "You just became my girl, idiot."

Her eyes became wider. "WHAT?" She exclaimed.

"Do you want me to kiss you again to make you understand?" I said, and I watched in enjoyment as realization hit her. Her face became so red and I could feel her breath hitching.

I looked up at the screen and spoke. "Oi, Imai. I'm going to buy all of our videos so quit selling it to other people."

A victorious voice answered, "That's what I've been waiting to hear. Meet me later at the laboratory and be sure to pay me a little extra. It's for helping you confess and own my stupid best friend." and then the screen folded many times until it became a small black box.

"What are you going to do with all those videos?" Polka asked, disbelief still visible in her eyes.

I smiled evilly. "Personal collection."

I glanced at the shocked faces of people around us and I couldn't help feeling triumphant. With Polka's hand in mine, I turned around and walked toward a quiet place. As we walked, I thought of how crazy my world had been these past few days. Damn this idiot, she could really turn everything upside down. To think her idiocy would drive me to that kind of situation, to think that she could make me confess in front of other people...

"Really, just how far can your idiocy go?" I rounded on her.

The idiot just gave me a silly smile. Tch. I knew the answer. It would take me a long time to measure that.

And I'd be more than willing to spend a lifetime trying to figure it out.

-x- THE END -x-

A/N: Finally, it's complete! What do you think? Did you like how this story ended? I'm just so relieved that I finished it. I didn't proofread it so if you noticed errors, bear in mind that my grammar isn't perfect and that I didn't check it for typos. Reviews are welcome, people. Thanks for reading. :)

-Eurice-