Chapter 9 – Interview with a friend of a vampire

"He's here, Hassiri."

"Who's here, Urjabhi?"

"Eh…you're interview for the next issue of the Black Horse Courier."

"Oh, I don't have anyone in my diary?"

"He refuses to fully identify himself brother, but he says he has 'the interview of a lifetime' for you."

"Even better than the last interviewee you brought me, Urjabhi?"

"Yes, well...me...well, mistakes were made…and...well, anyone would of..."

"Yes of course, anyone would of believed a random beggar you claimed he was behind the assassination of Uriel Septim."

"Yes, well he did sound convincing at the..."

"Except, when the afore-mentioned beggar started mentioning he was aided and abetted by garden gnomes!"

"It wasn't implausible though…"

"Garden gnomes have been extinct for over six hundred years, Urjabhi! It's well documented by the mage's guild that leprechauns wiped them all out."

"Anyways Hassiri, do you want to know about this guy or not?"

"What's he all about then?"

"Well, he's dressed all in black, admitted to practicing rituals, calls everyone 'my child', has a habit of telling people what to do…"

"And why do I want to interview a priest?"

"No, no, no brother, I think he may be a ranking member of the Dark Brotherhood."

"This could be the interview of a lifetime!"

"That's what I've been try…"

"Tell him I'll be with him directly."

5 MINS LATER

"Good evening, Sir. My Brother tells me that you just want to be known as…"

"Lucky Chance…"

"…Lucky, em yes."

"Redundancy is a horrible word, isn't it child?"

"Indeed it is Lucky, have you recently been made redundant due to the downturn in world economics?"

"No, my child. Someone younger has taken my place."

"But you've given it the boot?"

"I think it would be fairer to say that it's given me the boot but no…I don't miss it, my child."

"Must be hard to let go of a job where you're so senior."

"Yes, child. Don't get me wrong, even now when I wake up in the morning and I've had my first bottle of mead I would love nothing more than to hand out a contract, listen to the Night Mother or even just something simple…."

"Something simple, like?"

"….like murder someone, but no! Those days are behind me now."

"How did it all end for you?"

"Well I kept wanting the person's job above me. Too much power can corrupt anyone."

"How did it corrupt you, Lucky?"

"Well child, I had to make numerous sacrifices when I was traveling around Cyrodil."

"You were taken away from you're family?"

"What? No, I literally had to make numerous sacrifices."

"Oh."

"I wasn't eating that well either."

"No?"

"No, just cabbages and sweetrolls for a while there."

"Just cabbages and sweetrolls? Dear, oh dear."

"Indeed, child. With great power comes great opportunity."

"How much power were you doing, Lucky?"

"As much as I wanted, dear child."

"Ah."

"Indeed."

"Brother, brother…."

"What is it Urjabhi, can't you see I'm in the middle of an interview…"

"There's an Argonian female outside who's insisting on coming in Hassiri!"

"That would be Ocheeva, gentlemen. She's probably been sent to deal with me by the Fan."

"Master, what are you doing?"

"I'm telling my story dear child and after that I have a job interview with an estate agent."

"No Master, you don't understand the Fan is gone. The Night Mother sent him back to the Shivering Isles."

"What? Why?"

"He stopped all contracts and ordered us to start looking for invisible cows!"

"INVISIBLE COWS?!?"

"Yes Master, he couldn't understand where all the beef in Cyrodil was coming from!"

"And now he's gone."

"Yes Master, he's definitely gone."

"At last, Ocheeva."

"Yes Master."

"I have to be Listener again Ocheeva."

"Yes Master."

"Numerous uno, Ocheeva."

"Yes Master".

"I can appoint contracts, Ocheeva."

"Yes Master."

"I can appoint Murderers, Ocheeva."

"Yes Master."

"I can appoint Eliminators, Ocheeva."

"Yes Master."

"And I can….disappoint, Ocheeva."

"You're back, Master."

"Excuse me Lucky and Ocheeva could I ask you to slow down I'm having a bit of trouble writing all this down."

"Writing all this down? Oh yes, of course my child. Ocheeva?"

"Yes Master?"

"Why don't you stay here and…'finish' the interview for me."

"I understand, Master."

"I'm going back to Cheydinhal to re-open the old sanctuary."

"Why Master? Don't you want to stay at the vile lair?"

"No, my child. It's time for more fun and games in the Cheydinhal sanctuary."