author's note: I love XxXHolic. Even when Tsubasa failed me, XxX stayed true and beautiful. I especially love Watanuki. And Doumeki. And the latest chapter, which, of course, inspired this.

dedication: Little Patch of Heaven, because you gave me a great review on Drum Solo, and good reviews deserve dedications.

spoiler: chapter 185

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"So I too will die. Someday, absolutely. But until then…until I can meet Yuuko-san, for a long, long time, I will be in charge of this shop."

He could have killed the witch for putting him in this situation, for giving him this choice. Half of the time he didn't even know who the hell Watanuki was to him. Why had he gone so far for this loud, rude boy?

Yes, he had been the most pathetic, self-pitying thing he'd ever seen and he'd wanted to prove that tiny existence wrong. He'd wanted to show that boy-stranger, standing in the rain cradling a dead animal as if he were holding onto himself, how utterly wrong he was about life and living and death. Until then, he'd meant nothing to him (which is really what made Doumeki stick with the idiot, because he'd meant nothing to him and he was right, he could have died, alone and useless and Doumeki never would have cared, never would have known and it had pissed him off).

But what now?

Was he a friend? An acquaintance? His ward? (A brother?) It hadn't ever really bothered him until now. After all, he acted first, thought last. His grandfather taught him that his instincts were never to be ignored. Now they were telling him to give up the rest of his life to this boy he knew almost nothing about (which wasn't true because he knew he was a good cook and that his parents were dead and that he could see spirits and that he had a loud mouth and that he would do anything to protect the people around him and that he was good to a fault in a way that made him angry because he never failed to neglect himself).

Standing in the hallway, hands holding on to the biggest choice he'd ever been asked to make in his entire life, Doumeki was angry, and confused, because he knew what choice he was going to make even before he'd made it. He'd always known what his choice would be, despite not knowing why. He was tied to Watanuki in a way that made it impossible for him to imagine life without him. He barely remembered what life was like before him.

For a second, he thought he might not do it. He thought about graduating high school, going to college, marrying, having children, having grandchildren, getting older and older and older. He thought about leaving Watanuki to his choice. But of course, he couldn't. And he sighed with an acceptance so familiar to him that it was almost as if the choice he'd made was as easy as choosing groceries.

He didn't know why he couldn't leave, but if he couldn't trust anything else, he could trust his instincts. So he made his choice, and the egg had glowed so brilliantly that he'd covered his eyes and dropped it. It was as if time had stood still, in that moment, and then crashed into him with the force of the ocean. Time was going through him and past him and was becoming him until, before he knew it, it was over.

Honestly, he hadn't felt much different, but there had been something. He knew it from the top of his head to the tips of his feet that he was different, that life had changed. Honestly, he was still a little annoyed.

Maybe he'd done it because Watanuki was his friend, or maybe because he was his ward, or maybe because he hadn't really ever had a real choice in the matter anyway. He didn't know, and, honestly, it didn't really matter. He'd done it for Watanuki, and that was that. He'd think about his actions later, if he had the time.

So until that time came, he was going to have to ask Watanuki to pour him a glass of sake and fry up some tempura, because if he was going to live as long as he thought he was going to have to live listening to the idiot, then he was going to make sure that he was well fed.