"It's Jim"
Chapter 1
Disclaimer: Winchesters created by Eric Kripke, Brotherhood created by Ridley. Love them both for letting us play with their boys! Hope you enjoy.

Mid-November in Kentucky can either break records for the temperature being too hot or too cold. But every so often you get what would be considered a perfect fall day. That is what Pastor Jim Murphy woke up to today. The sun rose beautifully through the trees, painting pinks and blues with wisps' of clouds streaked white through the watercolor sky. The air was just this side of cold when he awoke, he liked to have his back door open allowing the air to flow through the house, he liked the cold when it was just comfortable enough that he could wear his favorite sweater that his late wife Emma had given him on their last Christmas together. Some would call him sentimental and he would agree; it had been nearly twenty-five years since his wife passed and he missed her everyday.

Jim took his coffee out to swing on the screened in porch, he could recall mornings when the two of them would drag the handmade quilt that his mother had given them for a wedding gift out there and they would sit, watching the sunrise. They were only married six years before a congenital heart condition took her too soon. They never had children, but they made the most of the time they had. Jim had come back from a war bitter and somehow Emma was able to find the lost man that was still inside the former sniper. It was with her he had found God and through God his calling as a Pastor. That, ironically, led him to the Brotherhood of which he was now the leader, the Guardian.

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It was after Emma's death and his retreat into his bitterness that Jim was 'saved' again by the Senior Pastor of the New Haven church Jim now led. Jim had secluded himself to his farm, away from the church, away from his friends, he had never loved someone as much as he loved Emma, he began feeling like there was nothing left for him to live for. Yes, he was a man of the cloth, a man who, until his wife died, had unwavering faith. However he again became that bitter man who had returned from a war where too many ghost still haunted him, now it was Emma's face that haunted him.

Jim had been a hell raiser in his youth and had never been one to turn down a good time, but with war those good times turned into trying to numb what he was trained to do, what he had done. His wife had changed that man, but once she was gone he returned with a vengeance. Jim would drink himself into unconsciousness only to start over again when he could walk to the kitchen and retrieve another bottle. One night changed that, he had been drinking all day for who knows how many days straight, he had been wondering around the house and farm screaming at God, blaming God. During one of his tirades he had wondered to close to the pond and fell off the small dock, hitting his head as he fell. He awoke hours later, in the middle of the night, soaking wet in the grass next to the dock, as he looked around trying to get his bearings he saw a figure sitting a few feet from him, he inhaled sharply as he realized it was his wife.

"Emma?" Jim struggled to sit up, not sure how he had gotten where he was, running his hand through his hair the hurting man winced, pulling his hand from the tender spot he noticed blood on the tips of his fingers in the moonlight.

"Oh, Jim, what is happening to you?" the figure of his dead wife asked. Tears coming to his eye's as her voice sounded as sweet as the last time he had heard it.

Trying to stand, Jim stumbled his way toward the spot the woman sat. "You left me. God Emma, I've missed you." drunkenly he dropped to his knees in front of her.

"I've missed you too. Jim this is not what I wanted for you, you're stronger than this." tilting her head she took in the disheveled man before her, barely recognizing the man she loved more than anything.

Tears streaming down his face, his voice broke with emotion as he spoke, "You were my strength, I'm lost without you. I don't want to live without you."

"Jim…" The vision of Emma reached for the distraught man before her, gently touching his face. Jim immediately gripped her hand, feeling warmth he hadn't felt for so many months. "You don't mean that, you have always been stronger than you gave yourself credit for, to have survived what you have, your strength was always there, I just helped you find it again, God helped you find it again, don't turn your back on that."

The pain in Jim's voice caused a tear to fall from Emma's eyes, "God shouldn't have taken you from me, what good is He if he gives me an Angel to save me, then cruelly steals her away?"

"God didn't steal me away; we knew all along what could happen." She ran her other hand over his hair, holding his face now with both hands.

"I wasn't ready…" He whispered.

"We never are, but we deal with the challenges life gives us, we grow stronger from them. God doesn't abandon us, we abandon Him. You will find your way back and all you have been through will prepare you for what lies ahead. You will need your faith in God for that. I will always be with you Jim and I will always love you, but greater things are at work that need you. When everything seems to be coming against you, it will be your faith that will save you, that will save others. They need you now Jim, don't deny others because of your pain, it will help you help them." Jim closed his eye's at Emma's words, letting her wisdom filter through his intoxicated mind, to his heart. In his heart he knew she was right, she was always right. He felt her place a gentle kiss on his forehead.

Opening his eye's Jim found himself alone next to the dock, "Emma?" He whispered out as his emotions took over, falling face-first on the cold, wet earth, Jim cried himself into unconsciousness.

Jim awoke to a brighter sky and someone turning him over, placing a hand to his neck, "Jim…are you with me young man?" The younger man knew that voice, blinking cautiously at the brightness, the face of his friend and Senior Pastor Solomon O'Shaughnessy came blurrily into view.

"Solomon?" Jim attempted to sit up, but as soon as he moved bile rose in his throat, turning quickly Jim threw up. Rubbing circles on the younger man's back, Pastor Solomon waited patiently for his young assistant Pastor to regain his composure. Dragging his hand across his mouth Jim looked at the older man, "Sorry."

"Yes you are young man, the sorriest I've seen in quite some time. Let's get you inside and cleaned up, then I'll look at that nasty gash you have on the side of your head." Pastor Solomon helped Jim back to the house, then up the stairs, leaving the hung-over man to clean himself up. The elder pastor then went downstairs and started tossing out the numerous bottles that lay about in the kitchen, finally uncovering the coffeemaker in the mess. Adding an extra scoop, making it strong, Solomon sat at the table awaiting his devastated friend.

Jim descended the back stairs near the kitchen with a monster headache. Entering the kitchen the smell of coffee assaulted his senses, causing his stomach to roll. Making his way to the table Jim sat heavily, his eye's not meeting the Senior Pastor's for fear of seeing disappointment there. With the scoot of a chair the older man got up, retrieving a cup of black coffee and a bottle of aspirin, placing them next to the younger man.

Popping a couple of the pills and taking a drink of the coffee, Jim welcomed the pain as the hot liquid burned his throat on the way down, finally glancing up when his mentor cleared his throat. "You scared me young man and at my age, that isn't a good thing. When I pulled in the drive and saw the state of this place, then seeing you lying out by the pond, I feared the worst."

The older man watched his Junior Pastor, though Jim hadn't been to the church since his wife's death he was still considered the Junior Pastor, Jim looked at his friend through blood-shot eye's, "I'm sorry."

The older man chuckled, "Yes, I think we established that out by the pond, but now what do you plan on doing with yourself?"

Confusion crossed Jim's face as he stared at Solomon, "What?"

Standing the elder Pastor found another half-empty bottle and proceeded to throw it away with the other's he had found. "I said…" turning to lean against the counter, the man continued, "what do you plan on doing with yourself? Are you going to drink yourself to death or are you going to pull yourself out of this despair and continue on the path that God and your Emma helped place you on?"

Jim took another long drink of his coffee then quietly spoke, "Solomon, do you believe in ghost?"

Unnoticed by Jim the slightest flicker of concern overtook the older man, as he looked around the room. "Why do you ask?"

Placing the mug down Jim turned in his chair to face the older man, "I saw Emma last night, out by the pond."

Trying to not give anything away Solomon crossed back to the chair, sitting down. "Jim, by the looks of this place you've been drinking more than anything lately, it was probably some alcohol induced dream."

Shaking his head the younger man ran his hand through his hair as he stood and started pacing, "No…no it wasn't a dream. I saw her, heard her speak…Solomon, I felt her touch, it was Emma, I know it." the pleading in the pale blue eyes' of the hurting man in front of him gave Solomon pause. He could see the pain that the young Pastor had been in the last months, but he saw a spark of hope as well. Jim was, in the apparent spirit of his lost love, finding a light at the end of the long tunnel of grief that had consumed him.

"What did she say?" Solomon asked.

"She told me I was stronger than this. She said to stop being angry with God, that God doesn't abandon us, we abandon Him…" Taking a breath he continued, "She told me this would make me stronger for what lies ahead. What did she mean by that?"

Solomon did his best to hold his expression neutral, what Jim was saying sounded so familiar as he recalled a conversation that the older man had with a dear friend of his. Clearing his throat Solomon spoke, "I can only guess, but it could mean that with every trial we go through we become stronger for it. Your life experiences will help you to help others. Jim you must remember, with everything that Emma ever went through, even toward the end, she never once blamed God for what was happening. She spoke to me a few weeks before and she told me her only fear was leaving you." Jim met his friends eye's as he felt tears invade his own, "She always knew you were a strong man, even when you didn't think it yourself, she had faith in you, she knew that you could and would make it through this time and that it would make you stronger. For such a young woman she had an old soul, she could see beyond what was happening, she could see the bigger picture. You will overcome this, you are not alone Jim, you never have been and you will be able to use your experience, your pains, fears and doubts to help so many others and she knew that and if it was her that you saw, then she just needed to remind you of that."

Jim rubbed his hands over his face, taking a shaking breath, "I miss her so much…"

Solomon stepped near the younger man, "You always will Jim, but it will get easier. It will never go away, but it will get easier and always remember how much she loved you, that will help." taking the last step the elder Pastor wrapped his arms around the broken man before him and again Jim cried for his loss.

After a few minutes the younger man pulled back, walking over to the sink, splashing water in his face. Solomon handed him a towel. Taking a deep breath Jim looked at his mentor, "Well, do I still have a position?"

Smiling slightly the Senior Pastor spoke, "Well, first I think you need a few nights of good rest, then…" Solomon motioned around the room, "I'm not the best housekeeper, but I don't think a Junior Pastor's house should smell like a bar." Jim ducked his head, "I've had several inquiries about your wellbeing, I believe a few of the older woman of our congregation would be willing to offer their services if you need some help getting this place back into some order."

"I don't think it would give a good impression." Jim was now clearly becoming embarrassed by the state he had let his home, Emma's home, fall into.

"Trust me Jim, they would understand, but the offer is still there. Then I want you to take a few days, get your head on straight. I have a friend I'd like to introduce you too, he may be able to help you get through some of this and to help you get some understanding behind the timing of Emma's visit." Solomon watched as Jim looked a little taken aback.

"You want me to see a shrink first?" The older Pastor saw hurt flash in the younger man's eyes.

"He's not a shrink, but he is someone who can relate to some of what you're going through. Trust me Jim I think you could learn a lot from him." Resolve crossed the young Pastor's face.

If it would help him get his feet under him again Jim would take his Senior Pastor's advice. "What's this friend's name?"

"Julian Smith."

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Recalling the memory from so many years ago, knowing where the initial meeting of Julian Smith, who turned out to be the Guardian of the Brotherhood, had brought him and knowing from experiences since then it wasn't Emma he had seen that night, but the Lady who is counsel to the Guardian. It was ironic how everything had worked out. Loosing Emma had broken his heart, but had led him to a place where he had met people who helped put that shattered heart back together, though there would always be a portion that would never be whole and that solely belonged to his beloved Emma.

Jim finished his coffee then grabbed his coat from the hook near the door. He did have a farm to take care of, a couple of horses that still resided in the barn, a few ducks that were permanent residents of the place as well as getting enough wood chopped to get through the winter. With Thanksgiving a week and a half away Jim also started planning his meal. As he moved about the farm, Scout his faithful canine companion following, he thought about who would and wouldn't be coming to the farm for Thanksgiving. Mackland had promised to be there, he had been unable to visit as much as he would have liked, with his neurosurgeon status as well as his Scholar responsibilities, travel to Kentucky had been limited the last several months.

Caleb had called last week to let him know that both he and Dean would be making it. The two best friends had been hunting together since Sam had left for college. Sadly that was one person Jim knew wouldn't be coming for the holidays. When the youngest Winchester had defied his father and left for school it caused a break in the close family which included Jim, Mackland and Caleb. However it was the affect on his older brother Dean that had worried everyone. Well everyone except the boys father John, who, lost in his own despair of rejection, had overlooked the pain his eldest was in. Sam had been Dean's life, since the night the boys father placed the baby Sam into four-year old Dean's arms, ordering him out of their burning home, Dean had practically raised his little brother while their father sought vengeance for his wife's death.

It was after Dean had gotten hurt in a hunt neither Winchester had a right to be on, Jim used his Guardian authority and brought Dean to the farm to recoup, then Jim paired Caleb and Dean up on hunts, allowing those who could see the young man's pain to watch out for him.

John was another person Jim didn't see coming to the farm, John, though being the Knight of the Brotherhood, had nearly dropped off the map. He had called a few times, checking in with the Guardian, as he would say. Jim knew John was pissed with him for stepping in to 'protect' Dean from his father. The elder Winchester had a strict command and didn't like anyone telling him what to do, especially when it came to his children. What John didn't see was that his children weren't 'children' anymore, but grown men and where John had a near iron-clad control over Dean; Sam had walked away from it, sending the older man into a tailspin that he had yet recovered from.

The Pastor thought of a few other's who might make an appearance; Bobby Singer, mechanic/hunter who worked closely with the Triad. And Joshua Sawyer, a crafter, as he liked to be called, a wizard according to what Caleb and Dean who liked to annoy the older man. Through Joshua's youth his involvement with the Triad was limited by his status seeking father, but as Joshua grew older he had begun working closer with the current Triad as well as with Caleb and Dean. A relationship that Jim knew in the long run would benefit the younger generation of hunters.

It was around noon when Jim finished the chores he had designated for himself that day, he went in for a quick lunch and to check to see if he had any messages either from members of his congregation or from the hunters he was responsible for. Surprisingly it was turning out to be a very rare day where Jim would possible have the entire day completely to himself. After cleaning up the few dishes he had left from the morning, Jim decided he would do something he had wanted to do for a while, but hadn't had the time. He would take a walk to the little ridge where he had planted a tree for Emma on the one year anniversary of her death. It was a little area they had discovered after buying the property, one day while they were exploring the woods that encompassed it, he and Emma had come upon a ridge that overlooked a small valley. She had fallen in love with the spot the moment she had seen it. They would take many picnics at that spot and sadly it was there she had asked him to take her when she felt her time was short.

After his months of his alcohol hazed grief, Jim had gone and planted a Maple tree at the spot and on the rare occasion he would get the chance he would head out there, to think and remember. He had a few hours before it started to get dark and knew it wouldn't be an issue being back before then, so with Scout by his side, carrying a thermos of coffee and his hunting rifle over his shoulder, the area was known for coyotes, he set off on his walk.

A/N: As you may have guessed this story will focus around Pastor Jim Murphy as he is known in the Brotherhood AU. There are a couple of the stories I pulled past references about Jim from. Hope the authors don't mind, a few others are just ones I thought might add a little more to Jim's past without taking away from the man we've come to know and love in the Brotherhood.
-Solomon O'Shaughnessy was referenced from Ridley's-Gone but Not Forgotten story. It's been a while since I read that one, but took a chance that Solomon knew Julian Smith, thus the introduction.
-Julian Smith, former Guardian before Jim, referenced in Ridley's-Paper Tiger
-the idea that Jim may have been a military sniper also came from a Ridley story-On the Wings of a Phoenix
I took Jim's wife's name from the many references in different stories to Miss Emma's china, when someone would bang on the kitchen table and rattle the dishes.
This was the stage setter, story will start picking up, it's still a WIP, but I know what I want to do, so please bear with me and I hope you enjoy.-Montez