Five page monster on the way!!

1959 words. XDXDXDXD

Last chapter!!!! XDXDXD

W00T!! XDXD

Here we go! XD

I don't own. HP or FMA.

Lots of cussing.

NEVAH GONNA BE M!

Subplot, kinda.

Uh... Warning Boylove?

Anyways!

Secret Chapter. . . The last.

The train from the edge of Xing to Amestris had finally reached Central.

"Wake up brats, we're here," said Roy Mustang, getting the bags off the racks above.

Ed yawned, and stretched. "Uuugh… Jet laggggg-"

"You've had enough time sleeping on the train on the way," snapped Mustang, shrugging on his coat, "get up."

"At least you've had your coffee," grumbled Edward, gently shaking Alphonse awake.

"If you're feeling upset about it, drink it-"

"No thank you," snapped Ed, "that stuff almost tastes like milk," he shivered.

"Drink it without cream then-"

"Shut up."

Edward shook Alphonse harder. He received a limp slap on his cheek.

"Hey Al, wake up, we're here," scowled Edward.

Alphonse cracked open his eyes, then blinked, still not aware of what is going on. "Unh…"

Leaving the seat before his brother collapsed again, he took his own suitcase with a nod from Mustang. "It looks like we've got the whole office…" he commented, looking outside in the station. His eyes widened, "… and Hughes… and Armstrong… and Sheska?"

Mustang looked out at the smiling faces as well. "That's Louise, from the secretariat… and so is Macy, Belle, Catherine, Clarissa-"

Alphonse looked out the window as well, still half asleep.

His eyes snapped up. "Is that the Fuhrer?!"

"WHAT" both Roy and Ed shouted, searching quickly for King Bradley.

There he was.

Walking towards the train.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Alphonse shuddered. "I have a bad feeling about this… what happened?"

Roy shook his head. "I don't remember telling them to- oh."

Ed's eyes turned to Mustang, wide and glaring in accusation. "'Oh'?"

"It's nothing," muttered the man, avoiding the piercing stare.

"'OH'?"

"There was just this newspaper I sent them before the second task," he muttered, still not meeting the stare.

"And?"

Oh how Roy wished he was outside with more means of escape.

"Well, it talked about incest between you two-"

"WHAT?!"

"I knew it was impossible," said Mustang, trying to placate the angry teens, "I just thought it would be funny-"

Ed didn't find it funny at all. "And you sent it to the military?!"

"I only sent it to Maes! But that's it! I swear!"

Ed's frown seemed to consider whether or not to punch his superior officer in the face. He sighed.

"Well we don't have a choice but to get off," said Alphonse, pushing Roy out of the compartment, "whatever it is, it's all your fault, so go first and get rid of them- at least get rid of the fuhrer!!"

And Al slammed close the door.

Mustang sent a withering glare at the compartment, sighed, picked up his suitcase and exited the train.

He waited for the barrage of questioning from his friends and exes, but none came. Expecting the worst, he opened his eyes he didn't know he closed.

Yup, the worst.

He immediately saluted the fuhrer who was smiling and gesturing him to relax.

Roy mentally swore that he'd scorch Maes to the ground for telling this to the whole military.

"On behalf of the military," he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Nice catch, though I must say, there will be many women in Central, if not the whole Amestris, cry over this loss."

Now he was confused. Wasn't this about Ed and Al's incest relationship that he'd broadcasted? "S…Sir?"

"Congratulations!" Bradley barked, laughing. "Though it's banned in the military, I'm sure I could tweak the rules here and there a bit."

Leaving Mustang stunned and confused, Bradley turned and walked away. "I expect good news, Colonel Roy Mustang!"

And then he was flocked by the Gossip Hyenas.

Maes slapped on his back. "Roy, you sly dog!!"

"What?"

"Since when?!" boomed Armstrong.

"Uh-"

"Roy Mustang, you meanie!!" squealed Belle. "How could you lead us all on like that, when you had someone else all along?!"

"I do?"

"It was in your mail, Roy," smiled Riza.

"There was?"

"I know, I never expected it, not when you two fought like cat and dog every second of the day," laughed Maes.

"What?"

Clarissa giggled. "You two look so cute together!!"

"We do? Wait, who-"

Havoc patted him on the shoulder, and suddenly turned serious. "If you hurt him in any way, I will make your life as miserable as possible until I shoot you in the crotch."

"Wha-wait-wa-wha-him?"

Maes loomed in as well. "Yes, him! And if you tell me you were just playing with him, I swear by Gracia's Apple Pie that I will never speak to you, ever. Again."

"But-"

"So, have you popped his cherry yet?"

"Who-!"

"Are you saving it for the wedding?"

"WHAT"

"Awww, Chief!! That's SO CUTE!!!"

"HAVOC"

"So it's only third base?"

"GODDAMNIT BREDA!!"

"Oh come on, you can't ditch him like that after you've come out on us?!"

"Wait, I don't-"

"And you've left him behind!" Maes shouted at the Elric brothers, who were just leaving the train by angry people behind them. "Hey Ed!"

"Whatever you've read about me and-"

"We know all about it already!" They all squealed.

"It's not true!! Mustang sent that article as a joke!!"

"You mean, you and he are not-"

"No!"

"But we thought…"

"Me and Al are just normal brothers!! I thought you guys, of all people, would know it was bogus!"

The crowd silenced. Roy Mustang didn't understand wasn't it what they were about?

"We weren't talking about that, Ed," said Maes, turning serious.

"Huh?"

The secretaries turned to him with accusing watery eyes.

"Oh my goodness Roy, he doesn't know?"

"Then it was true! You were leading him on!!"

"What?!" Why was he the bad guy?!

Click

Bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang

Snap

KABOOM

"That was uncalled for, Havoc!!" he yelled, panting wide-eyed at the hole right next to his foot. With Riza he could trust not to shoot him, but Havoc?

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"This!" Maes thrust in his face.

---

THE NEW 'IN' ELRIC BROTHERS: INCEST? OR JUST OVER-PROTECTION?

All NEW information about the brothers and …

---

Yes, it was the article he sent.

"…What about it?" asked Mustang, dubious as to what it could possibly mean for him.

Maes ignored his question and flipped a few pages in the newspaper before thrusting it back into Roy's hands.

---

THE NEW 'IN' ELRIC BROTHERS: INCEST? OR JUST OVER-PROTECTION?

The debated Elric 'brothers' face other potential lovers?

Candidate 1-

"What does this have to do with me?" asked Roy irritatedly.

"Just keep on reading the sub-headings, Roy," answered Maes.

Candidate 1: Gryffindor 'Cutie' Ronald Weasley

Roy's eyes went wide.

"What- that was during that class-" Then looked up at the crowd. "This still doesn't have anything to do with-"

"Keep reading," said Riza, placing the mouth of he gun at Roy's forehead.

He did.

Candidate 2: Slytherin 'Prince' Draco Malfoy

Candidate 3: Staff's 'Hottie'-

"WHAT THE FUCK?!!" Roy's eyes bugged out, as did Ed's, who was watching Roy's reaction.

"What?! What is it?!"

Roy strained his arms to get the newspaper out of Ed's reach, trying to read all the way so he could find out who the fuck wrote the article.

"It said something very interesting in it, Roy," said Maes, his glasses twinkling.

Oh no.

"-And I couldn't help but research a bit more…"

Oh no.

Another newspaper was thrust in his face.

---

?!

EXCLUSIVE FLIRTING SCENE CAPTURED IN PHOTOGRAPH!!

Love polygon?

---

Roy's hands lost their grip, and the article fluttered down. Ed picked it up right away.

Alphonse looked over Ed's shoulder, his eyes getting colder by each line and ignoring Ed's indignant squawk.

"This had me really worried, Roy…" Maes shook his head. "But this showed us you really did care about him!!"

---

ASSISTANT-PROFESSOR ASSISTS ALMOST-DROWNED!!

The passion – seen by other students

What about professors?

---

"And Ed thinks so too!!!"

---

SECOND TASK REVEALS THE ONE-AND-ONLY!!!

Roy Mustang x Edward Elric = OFFICIAL?!?!

Viktor Krum x Hermione Granger?!

---

Roy was shocked.

He was shell-shocked.

"After all this, are you sure you didn't do anything to him?" asked Maes.

"What about the quote: 'I would call Edward, in one sentence, an angel personified'?" gushed Belle, swooning and giggling.

"It says that you've kissed!"

"Seen him half-naked in the changing room?!"

"Getting, for the first time I may say, envious stares from both boys and girls?!"

"You were Ed's 'special someone' in the second task!!"

"Ed blushed talking about you-"

"WHAT-" Ed interrupted, "I DON'T BLUSH!!"

"About the exchange of valentine sweets-"

"WE DIDN'T!!" shouted Roy.

"But you talked about it!" exclaimed Breda. "In PUBLIC! It SAID SO!"

Roy felt a migraine coming. "This is not happening…"

Alphonse, who was reading the first article with an eerie calmness, gestured for the rest. "Can I see the newspapers?"

Roy felt his self-preservation alarm go off. "No Alphonse, this is-"

"You SHUT THE HELL UP!" shouted Alphonse, surprising everyone with his viciousness. "I'll see you after I read about this, Roy." He turned towards Maes, leaving a cowering Roy Mustang bewildered on the floor. "Hand them over."

Maes Hughes did as he was told.

Ed felt very worried about his brother. "Alphonse-"

"You're grounded, Edward."

Ed gaped. "You can't ground your older brother-!!"

"When you obviously can't stay away from that pervert, yes I can." Al glared at Edward with such venom, it burned. "One month."

"Al-!!"

"I-I swear to whatever deity you believe in, that I have ab-so-lutely no relationship with the shrimp," defended Roy, getting up on his trembling feet.

"I AM NOT SHORT!!"

"I can not believe that I trusted you with brother." Al frowned at the article at his hand. "Why did you go to his room to shower, anyways?!"

"ALPHONSE!!"

"Alphonse, please, believe me. I prefer curves, not marinated shrimps," Roy begged.

"SHUT UP, YOU BASTARD!!" yelled Edward at the top of his lungs. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HIS BODY IS SQUASHED SO MUCH THAT IT ALMOST LOOKS BAGGY AND FAT?!"

"Shut up, Bastard Colonel! How could you do this to Ed?!" shouted Alphonse. "I oppose of this relationship!!"

"THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP!!!"

Roy looked at the fuming brothers. "Just… just… argh!!"

He started to walk away quickly, planning to go straight to his house and drowning himself in alcohol.

Edward followed shortly behind. "STOP RIGHT THERE!!! YOU SOLVE THIS PROBLEM ONCE AND FOR ALL!!"

Alphonse ran after the two. "You are not going anywhere within 50 feet from him without me, brother!!"

"ALPHONSE!!!"

"Leave me alone!!"

"You get back here!!"

"You don't go anywhere near him, Brother!! Don't make me take off your limbs!!!"

The military crowd stood silently, unsure what to do now that both Roy and Ed ran off.

"So… the bets are off?" asked Fuery tentatively.

No one answered.

"… No, actually, just keep them for now," said Maes suddenly.

Everyone stared at him.

"What? Ed didn't say no yet," he grinned.

Yes, ED didn't.

WOOT!

I'm done!! XD Reviews are thanks!!

Mrawgirl09

Next up will be OPFMA One Piece and FMA.

After that will be me and my twisted sense of sadistic-ness, where I will go out of my way to make Ed's life as miserable as possible!! XD Will be AU.

After that will start of Dragonna's defi...... should... would... I really should...