Disclaimer: X-Men: Evolution does not belong to me.

This story is a prequel of sorts to All's Fair in Love and War, but I don't think you have to have read that. All you need to know is that Lance and Kitty were friends in Northbrook and he didn't cause the earthquake; it was a natural one. If you want anymore info, it's all in Chapter One of my other story.

Lost

The Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters was dark and silent, its inhabitants deep in the realm of peaceful dreams.

But the lack of light could not be believed, since one person was still awake.

Kitty Pryde sat in the window seat of her room, staring out at the night sky, a lone tear rolling down her cheek.

For the last five months, she had done this, unable to sleep, unable to relax, blaming herself for the tragic conclusion of the Illinois earthquake, which had been responsible for the collapse of part of her school and the death of her best friend.

But now, she was grieving another kind of loss. A loss that should have been a reunion.

To her left, her cell-phone vibrated on her nightstand, signalling the arrival of a new text.

Curiously, she glanced at it, seeing her best friend's number.

Long time, no see.

Fury welled up in her.

How dare he?

How dare he be so casual after five months?!

Five months of grief. Five months of guilt. Five months of…

Hell. Her mind supplied. It has been five months of hell.

And it had been.

What if…?

The question plagued her every night. She knew logically that there was little she could have done when the ceiling began caving in; her powers were only strong enough to save four of their group of five.

But at night, when silence fell and darkness surrounded her, the question returned.

"Hey there, Pretty Kitty; how about a ride on the concrete coaster?"

Her hands clenched into fists, her nails leaving small indentations on her palms. She hated that name; he knew she did.

Maybe it was crazy, but that got at her more than the fact that just seconds later, he had caused an earthquake that threw her through a wall.

He had only ever called her that when he was intentionally trying to make her mad; maybe that was why he used it. Maybe he was trying to get her to remember.

If he was, it was working.

The single tear was followed by two, which was followed by three, and soon, she rested her head against the glass, crying softly as memories came flooding back to her…

She and Torah Willis had been best friends since kindergarten; they told each other everything.

But she wouldn't even tell her about the immense pressure her parents put on her to be the best; about the fact that she had no control over her life.

No, that wasn't true. She had control over what she ate.

Nothing.

If she was honest, it gave her a sense of power. She could convince everyone that she was eating a normal amount, and yet eat nothing at all. And she lost weight as well, which was a bonus. All her mother had said was that it wasn't normal for a nine-year-old to be so worried about her diet. But even she hadn't guessed.

Torah had realised that something was wrong and, as the two sat on the edge of the school playing field, she tried once again to get her to open up. "Come on, Kit; there's something wrong! I haven't seen you eat in weeks."

"Of course I am." Kitty answered habitually. "I'm fine."

"Kitty, you look ill." Torah insisted. "And you're far too thin!"

"She's right." A new voice added.

Kitty glanced up, shielding her eyes to the midday sun, to see the new student from home room. "I'm sorry; I wasn't aware this had anything to do with you."

He shrugged. "Maybe it doesn't. Have you had lunch today?"

"Yeah, have you had lunch today?" Torah asked, clearly glad of the support, whether she knew him or not.

Kitty sighed. "No, but…"

"Here." He interrupted, handing her a sandwich. "Aunt Samantha made too much this morning. Eat before you kill yourself."

Kitty was about to retort, but hesitated. She was hungry…and that did look good… Relenting, she accepted the offered food and took a bite. "Thanks."

Torah stared at her for a second before patting the grass next to her. "Have a seat. Do you have any idea how stubborn this girl is?"

"Er…very?" He guessed.

"Extremely." Torah corrected. "You've just worked miracles, my friend. I'm Torah Willis, by the way, and Miss I'm-Not-Hungry here is better known as Kitty Pryde."

He grinned at them. "Lance Alvers."

By the end of that lunch break, they were chatting like they'd known each other their whole lives; he had moved to Northbrook to stay with his aunt and uncle after his father passed away from a heart attack, his twin sister slipped into a coma and his thirteen-year-old brother was left caring for a mother suffering an emotional breakdown.

He often joked he was the poster child for bad luck.

Kitty had felt a strange sort of connection with him and, for his part, he often knew how she was feeling or what she was thinking at a glance.

One of the downsides of having parents as protective and pushy as hers was that Kitty had a very early curfew, so she was delighted to learn that Lance's house backed on to her own, allowing the two hours of conversation over the garden wall, often while seated in the two trees growing either side.

This was one of the reasons why the two became so close, but the turning point in their friendship came one night about six months later, while her parents were visiting her grandmother in the hospital for the weekend, leaving her in the care of her older cousin, Chris…

She couldn't remember the dream when she woke up, only that it had scared her. Shaking, she got out of bed and hurried to the door, but she froze the second her hand touched the handle.

Her parents were in Chicago.

Chris was only nineteen; it wasn't fair to expect him to deal with it.

For a few seconds, Kitty stood there, fear still pulsing through her, wondering what to do, unable to just go back to bed and forget about it. Then she had an idea.

Carefully, she pushed her window up as high as she could and swung out onto the drainpipe, climbing down to the garden below.

It looked much different in the dark, and every shadow and noise seemed ominous. Finally, she reached the wall and climbed over.

His garden was even harder to negotiate, since she had never tried it in daylight. Nevertheless, she soon reached the house, slipping into the alcove that housed his bedroom window, high above her.

Using the drainpipe for leverage and the wall for footholds, she was finally able to tap on the glass.

There was a rustling noise inside and the curtains opened, swiftly followed by the window.

"Kitty?" Lance whispered. "What are you doing here?"

"I had a nightmare." Kitty answered quietly. "Mom and Dad are out of town…this was the only place I could think of."

Without another word, Lance helped her in and pulled her into a hug. Kitty buried her face in his t-shirt, breathing in deeply and a wave of calm washed over her.

"Wanna talk about it?" Lance asked after a few minutes.

Kitty shook her head. "No thanks. I just needed a hug."

Lance nodded understandingly, pulling back so she could see his face. "Alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Kitty glanced back at the window. "Do you mind if I stay here? I don't fancy making that journey in the dark twice."

"I don't blame you." Lance glanced down. "You're covered in mud."

Kitty looked down and groaned. Her pink nightdress was covered in dark splatters.

"Hang on." Lance released her and pulled a t-shirt out of one of his drawers. "Change into this; I'm sure Aunt Sam won't mind washing that for you; your mom will never know."

"Thanks." Kitty raised an eyebrow. "Face the wall please."

Even through her tears, Kitty had to stifle a giggle at scene that had greeted them when they both awoke: Daniel and Samantha Alvers, staring open-mouthed at the two curled up together without a care in the world. Without missing a beat, Lance had scooped up her nightdress from the floor and handed it to his aunt, who recovered her composure and put it with the rest of the laundry, before asking Kitty if she'd like some breakfast.

Chris hadn't even noticed that she'd gone, even when she walked in the front door the next morning.

After that, it became second nature for Kitty to go to Lance after a bad day or a worse night and soon his aunt and uncle weren't surprised when she appeared in the kitchen the next morning.

Kitty now sat, curled up in her window seat, wearing her sleepwear, which had once been a pink nightdress and which was now the same t-shirt he'd given her all those months ago.

It was still a little too big for her, since she'd never really regained the weight she'd lost, and, if she buried her face in it and breathed deeply, it still smelt like him.

For five months, she had prayed that there had been some mistake.

Prayed that his body had never been found because it wasn't there to begin with.

Prayed that she hadn't lost her best friend.

During the day, she could pretend everything was alright. She could play the part of Miss Optimistic, somewhere in between the two female mutants her age that she knew of; not quite as perky as their Jean Grey, but not as negative as their enemy-but-not-quite-sometimes-their-ally Rogue.

But at night, the memories haunted her.

Her cell phone beeped again and she glanced down.

Kitten? Are you mad at me?

Was she mad at him?

He was a member of the Brotherhood, the enemy, and he was asking if she was mad at him?

Before she could stop herself, she had sent a reply.

Duh.

The response came just as quickly.

Okay, stupid question. Sorry. But aside from that I haven't done anything.

That's the point.

Kitty cursed under her breath. Once again, she hadn't intended to reply, but her pain and anger was seething under the surface.

She didn't look down again, even when her phone signalled another message, her mind wandering again, this time to just before she'd left Northbrook…

"I'll come back and visit though. I miss you…" Kitty stopped, the tears coming again, even as she collapsed to the ground.

The autumn breeze lifted her hair, played with the leaves on the trees as though it had nothing to worry about and she envied it.

Her only companion was a large stone, engraved with the words: LANCE DOMONIC ALVERS, TAKEN TOO SOON. Then, below: Beloved son, nephew and friend; may he rest in peace.

Through choking sobs, Samantha had confided in Kitty that she had yet to inform her sister-in-law, worried about her emotional health after the loss of her husband.

Kitty couldn't say she agreed, but didn't argue, unable to articulate words at the time. The worst part, or possibly the most comforting part, she couldn't decide, was that it was an empty casket that lay beneath her.

"When I try to make it make sense in my mind, the only explanation I come to is that heaven was needing a hero like you."

The song echoed around her head, ringing true in her mind.

In the corner of her eye, she could see her parents standing by the car, waiting for her. Wiping her tears away, she kissed her fingertips and pressed them against the stone. "Don't have too much fun without me, Alvers. I expect you to be waiting for me when I get there." She tried to sound stern, but her voice wavered and broke on the last word. "I love you."

Even now, she wasn't sure what the words meant. She had often said it, sometimes as a joke, sometimes more seriously, but they were always said in the same way she would to Torah or one of her cousins.

Now she wasn't so sure.

Now it didn't really matter.

Picking herself off the ground, she breathed a heavy sigh and walked away without a backward glance, feeling a gaping hole inside her that might never heal.

The memory fading away, Kitty followed her own example; resolutely wiping her tears away, she closed her curtains and climbed into bed, burrowing into the covers for some form of comfort.

As she picked up her phone to turn it off, she caught sight of the last message.

Whatever it was, I'm sorry. Forgive me?

Kitty bit her lip, wondering what to say, or even whether she should reply, her memories waging war against her emotions. Finally she tapped out one last message, before turning her phone off.

I can't. Goodbye.

He may not have been dead.

But she had still lost him.

AN: The song Kitty was thinking of was called 'Heaven was Needing a Hero' by Jo Dee Messina, which I obviously do not own, but it's a really beautiful song, so look it up. This fic was completely out of my comfort zone, so please review and tell me what you think.