Chapter 1: Introductions All Around!

Axel sat on the bench near the extraordinarily lame casino in front of him. It was multi-complexed, with over 70 sections, each with a different theme. As such, it was extremely easy to get lost in. He had gotten out after getting lost in the Egyptian section, and he was sure as hell not going back in. Demyx and Luxord were in there. They both seemed in their element. Demyx was dancing, and Luxord was gambling. When Axel last saw him, he had filled his third bag of holding.

Roxas and Larxene had a stint in Halloween Town, Marluxia was holding down Castle Oblivion with Saïx and Lexeaus. Axel was glad he wasn't there; it was really bad having those two around, especially in the same room. Everyone else was back at The Castle That Never Was, from here on out referred to as TCNTW. Commit it to memory. Or get it memorized, whatever floats your gummi ship.

Axel decided to get in and destroy something. Xemnas had sent Luxord there with him and Axel, because they were to try a different method of domination: bleed the economy dry. They hadn't counted on each slot machine having a mint. Seeing as the entire multiverse used munny, it only succeeded in making Luxord a very rich man indeed.

He met with Demyx. Demyx spotted him and nodded, then made his way through the dance floor to Axel.

"Hey, Axel! You dancing?" asked Demyx.

Axel thought for a moment, had a sudden vision of making a fool of himself, shuddered, and then replied sarcastically, "Yes, of course I am. I'm such a great dancer after all."

"Hey, no need to do that…" Demyx said, put out.

Luxord came over to them. "Hey guys: I just scammed the Casino out of their 9,000,056th piece of Munny. My Bag of Holding is getting full and these people are beginning to suspect I'm something else. Shall we destroy this world the old fashioned way?"

Axel nodded. "Thank God. I was starting to find this world even tackier than when I came in."

Luxord sighed. "No class indeed. We should open a gambling hall in The Dark City."

Demyx cut in, "Yeah, there's not even a decent place to eat."

"We don't need to eat," Axel replied, "Why would you want to?"

Demyx looked down. "Doesn't mean I don't enjoy a nice steak now and then. Nobody can cook, either."

"What about the Chef Nobodies? Or the Frenchmen Nobodies.?" Luxord joked.

"I don't think those exist in the official canon." Axel said. Luxord smiled.

"I know! Isn't creating things to serve a punchline fun?"

"I didn't think it was that funny," Demyx said. Luxord thought for a moment.

"Yeah. It wasn't." Luxord admitted.

They all shared an awkward laugh, and set about to razing the Casino with much glee and merriment.

HALLOWEEN TOWN…

Roxas looked up, and dodged swiftly out of the way of a thunderbolt that had just struck. Angry, he looked at Larxene and yelled, "What did we discuss about shooting me with lightning!?"

"You're a lower rank than me, shorty. According to the official handbook, I'm allowed to attack you if it'd lead to humor, call you foolish nicknames and just generally do what I do best!"

"…Mine just says, 'Haha, sucker, you're the bottom of the barrel! Have fun getting picked on!'" Roxas mumbled.

"Cheer up that nonexistent heart! I hear rumors there's a new member."

Roxas looked at her while planting a flower. Their mission was to make Halloween Town cheery and sunny. It would cause widespread misery, at least according to Xemnas. The problem was anything that touched the soil withered and died. Xemnas' plans weren't usually the greatest. Roxas and Larxene had resigned to 'planting the friggin' flowers,' as Larxene put it. They were also supposed to move the dreary clouds covering the city, but whenever Roxas summoned Amaterasu for a sunrise, it instantly fell away as soon as she left. They figured they could get Xaldin to do it.

Larxene randomly threw a kunai at Roxas, which he deflected off of his Keyblade. He had gotten very good at quick blocks.

"So, a new member, huh?" Roxas asked.

"Yeah, that's the word from Xigbar. He says a particularly strong soul was Heartless'd."

Roxas planted another sapling, which actually seemed to be doing fine. Then, for comedy, it instantly fell flat on the ground. Roxas sighed. "Well, it'd be nice to have someone slightly lower than me."

Larxene looked at him as though he were an idiot. "Lemme think: How about the Dusks?"

"Yeah, but it's impossible to have banter with something that has no mouth. It makes you a little irked after a while."

Larxene punched him on the shoulder. "Deal with it."

Roxas rubbed his shoulder. That punch hurt.

CASTLE OBLIVION…

Lexeaus pondered over his puzzle, and was quickly interrupted by Saïx and Marluxia duelling into the room of the Castle he was in. He had nearly finished his Atlantica puzzle as well, and that was almost as hard as when he stole that piece of modern art and puzzle sliced it. Having his concentration broken caused most of the puzzle to fall apart, seeing as he did it in midair. Lexeaus didn't believe you were being truly challenged any other way.

Marluxia and Saïx were two interesting fellows. Every now and then, they would be in character, or out of character. When out of character, Saïx was a complete imbecile. He was easily swayed and emotional, and for some reason was convinced that he was a K'ey-Blur elf and that his sole purpose in life was to make cookies. When in character, he acted like he was second in command, and everyone knew that was Xaldin's job! He was also under the impression he was given custody of Castle Oblivion. Lexeaus did not like either personality.

Marluxia was an evil, conniving, underhanded little prick when in character and a weak and pretentious git when out of character.

Currently, they were both in character, meaning endless sparring. If they were both out of character, they'd start beating each other up ineffectually, and if only one was in character, that one would order the other to make them tea so they could read the paper and plan world domination.

Lexeaus sighed and pushed them both apart. "Marluxia! Keep track of Naminé! Saïx? Go… be… evil or… something! Gah! Just entertain yourselves!" and as he stormed back to his puzzle, he shouted, "And don't interrupt me!"

Marluxia looked at Saïx and said, "Fight you to see who doesn't have to take care of Naminé?"

Saïx responded by overhead slicing Marluxia who blocked the blow and made a sweeping attack, which Marluxia easily dodged. Marluxia was then punched by Saïx in the nose. Then Marluxia summoned a Reaver out of nowhere. It began to punch Saïx and tear him apart any way possible. The fight raged for around a half an hour more.

At this point, Lexeaus forcibly put them in cells of earth (without breaking concentration on the puzzle, either): Marluxia straight in front of Naminé with a book on gardening he had already read, and Saïx with a deck of cards. Lexeaus congratulated himself on ridding himself of the nuisances and went back to his puzzle.

THE OFFICE OF EVIL…

Xemnas sat in his favourite leather arm-chair, and plotted on what the best way to destroy Wonderland would be. He didn't like blowing up worlds: It was just too predictable for him. Nobody would pay him any attention at the villain conventions if he simply 'blew up' a world. Nope, he needed the most ridiculous ways to make worlds completely miserable or dead. He congratulated himself on his latest victory in Halloween Town: flowers would spread a lot of pain and suffering. He also appreciated his plan for Casino Comet: wrecking the economy would force hundreds of people out of their jobs at the Casino. Yes, he was a self-proclaimed evil genius…

At least he thought that until Xaldin walked in and gave him a status report.

Xaldin pulled out his Notebook of Non-Being® and updated him. "Superior. Axel, Demyx, and Luxord have succeeded in scamming a large portion of

munny out of the economy."

Xemnas smiled. "Excellent. Soon the world shall fall into desp-"

"Yes, but I'm afraid that each slot machine had its own mint inside it, Superior. As Luxord told you during the last meeting, and again just before he-"

Xemnas cursed. "Well, take all the money they won."

"Already on my to-do list."

Xemnas nodded. "What about my plan for Halloween Town? Is that still going according to plan?"

Xaldin flipped through his planner. "Ah, yes. It appears that plan was thwarted because of the magic field which Vexen brought up a million times during our last meeting. I counted."

"…Magic field?"

Xaldin put a palm on his face. "Just forget about it, Superior. It didn't work because everything withers as soon as it touches the ground in that world."

"That makes little sense. What do they eat?"

"They have no need for food," Xaldin responded, "They're Disney characters, same as us."

"Accursed Disney! It makes most of my plans fail!" Xemnas shrieked in fury.

Xaldin nodded, and said, "If you wouldn't mind, Zexion and Vexen's collaboration project you told them to make isn't going as well as it should be. They've asked me to mediate their argument, and I kindly request to do just that."

Xemnas looked up from his book, 101 Ways to Cause Misery, and said, "Eh? Oh, yeah. Do that, definitely," then promptly returned to his book.

Xaldin sighed. "I really should consolidate power one of these days," he muttered, exiting the room. He walked through the Hallway of 3000 Lockers and past the Pit of Eternal Falling to the Third Tallest Tower in The World That Never Was (from now on referred to as TWTNW), from which he descended into the Crypt of Our Enemies to the Bakery of Cookies, and from there he entered Vexen's Lab. There were around twelve ways to get anywhere in this labyrinth of a castle, and Xaldin knew each and every one of them. He knocked on the door.

Vexen's voice called back, "Xaldin?"

Xaldin responded, "Yes, this is Xaldin."

Zexion's voice ringed back: "What's the password?"

"Zexion, you're an obnoxious twit. Let the good man in," Vexen snapped.

Zexion miserably got up and let Xaldin in. Xaldin apprehended his now-mopey attitude for a short time, and then got down to business. "So? What have you two been working on?"

Vexen began his pitch. "It's called a Servitude Collar. It allows, when placed around someone's neck, anyone programmed as the owner of this collar may order the wearer around as much as they please."

Xaldin looked somewhat impressed. "This is quite handy. We could use this."

Vexen cleared his throat. "Ahem. I'll get a chip programmed in, just in case. We're working on a way to wipe their personality as well, that was Zexion's idea."

"Dollhouse is frakking awesome!" Zexion said, fingers in the rock-on sign. Xaldin stared at him blankly.

"Yeah. Whatever." Xaldin said. "Vexen. Is there a piece of lab equipment you'd like in exchange for this great invention?"

"Ion Spatializer," was his immediate reply.

"Aw, what do I get?" Zexion whined.

Xaldin looked at him harshly. "You get to go to Tashi Station to pick up some power converters. Vexen will probably need some."

Zexion swore under his breath.

Xaldin exited the room to the Supreme Roomway Express. Each of the thirteen rooms was on a different floor in the fourth tallest tower in TWTNW. They had a sophisticated elevator system designed by Vexen to use. "Level 3," he stated clearly for the elevator.

"Yes. Please hold on to your- glprtlz glrb…"

Xaldin was confused. This hadn't happened before.

"6r33t1N6s 1gn0R4nT uz0rs. 1 4m t3h 1337 MCP. 1 4m uR n3w357 d1g1t4L rU13R. B0w D()\/\/n b3f0Re mE."

Xaldin shook his head. "What on TWTNW?" He stormed back into the lab. Zexion was busy communicating with the program, and Vexen was standing back and looking on. The chemistry and the research was more of his field. Xaldin slammed his fist on a table. "What's going on Zexion!?" he demanded.

Vexen responded. "It appears a program is trying to worm its way into our system. It finally succeeded."

Xaldin looked at the screen. Zexion and the program were talking with eachoter. "Zexion can speak that language?"

Zexion looked at him. "0f c()Ur53." He shook his head. "Sorry, hard going between languages. The MCP- that's what he's called- is trying to destroy our programs, essentially. He's already gotten to my save files on Bioshock, little…"

As predicted, the MCP had swiftly deleted every save on Bioshock.

Zexion furiously messaged to the MPC, 'You jerk! You deleted my save on Bioshock! I nearly beat that game!' only a little more colourfully.

The MCP had messaged, "Hh4h! 1 w1(( n0\/\/ d357r0y j005 54\/3 f13ls!"

Xaldin sighed after Zexion translated that through tears. "Phew. And here I thought this was a major menace."

Zexion looked at him as though he were psychotic. "Are you out of your frakking mind!? I've gotten so many achievements on Team Fortress 2! To know they're all lost…"

"Zexion, it isn't that important."

He spun around in his chair. "IT IS IMPORTANT!" he sat back in his chair. "And I refuse to do anything more until the program is deleted."

The message box beeped. '4nI) n0W 1 w1LL 3r453 y0U fr0M t3H 3th3rn3t!'

Zexion yelped. He busily set up firewalls around the computer he was using.

Xaldin sighed. "I suppose we can spare some troops."

Zexion thanked him, literally crying. "THANKYOU!"

"Um… if you would get off my leg?" Xaldin muttered. "Xigbar and the Newbie will accompany you to the room where you will be digitized. From there, you will make your way to the MPC. Once there, you will contain it (for zany antics later) or simply destroy it, do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal," said Zexion, getting up. A steely glare formed in his eye as he pulled rank on Axel who had literally just gotten back. Axel was swiftly building firewalls around the MPC to keep it from destroying everything. He considered calling it a firewall blasphemy. There was nothing flamey about computers. Except his, which was powered by lava.

Zexion grabbed Xigbar forcibly by the ear and dragged him towards the newbie's room.

Xigbar did not respond calmly to this. "Dude, what the hell? You're totally killing my cool. If you don't let go I'll pull rank on you."

"These are Xaldin's orders."

Xigbar looked at his smaller oppressor, standing up. "Y'mean, like, he actually told you to grab me by the ear?"

"It was in the intonation," Zexion replied, rapping on the newbie's door.

It opened. "Hello?" said the new member.

"Yes, we're looking for you. Get a move on, my files are probably getting deleted as we speak."

"Don't you want to know my name or something?" she responded, following Zexion.

"Sure, I'll entertain that thought. What's your name?"

"Xion," came her reply.

Zexion stopped straight, somehow steering Xigbar into a wall. "Huh. Well that's just weird," he muttered as he continued walking, "My name is Zexion."

"Your name is Zexion? The writers must have been running out of ideas…"

"D'you guys, like, care about my name at all?"

"Nope. Keep walking, Xiggy."

AT HALLOWEEN TOWN…

"Well, that could have gone better," Roxas said, holding a medal of honor for trying to aid in the attempt of making this Halloween the most frightening ever. The flowers they had planted had eventually grew fangs and tried to eat them alive.

Larxene had a black eye. "Well, I was all for the 'killing them' plan, but yours had its merits."

"Eh? Like?"

She shrugged. "I wouldn't have this friggin' shiner. It's a little annoying. Also, none of Xaldin's wrath."

Roxas nodded. "I did like the bit where the mayor shook your hand. You looked like you were ready to die."

"You're never breathing a word of this to anyone, right?"

Roxas sighed. "I texted Axel a while back, does that count for anything?"

Larxene yelped, and teleported back to TCTNW in a hurry.

Roxas snickered. "I never said I texted Axel about this, you idiot. Heh."

AT CASTLE OBLIVION…

Lexeaus looked on his puzzle. After two hours of work again, it was complete. He set it back on the ground gingerly. He then stuck it together with the power of the Earth and framed it. That was a hard puzzle.

Demyx, Xaldin and Luxord teleported into the room.

Xaldin glanced at Lexeaus. "You the only one competent now?"

Lexeaus nodded. "Yes. Marluxia slipped out of character and is happily reading his magazine over and over, and Saïx is busy pounding on the walls of his cell in an attempt to escape."

Demyx put an arm around his shoulder. "I should take you for drinks sometime. It'd totally take your mind off of all this awfulness. Drawing lots with Marluxia and Saïx, ugh! I would sooner kill myself."

Luxord tapped Demyx on the shoulder. "Poker?"

Xaldin was busy using his laptop and attempting to catch up with the latest plays and such. He looked up. "Demyx, you aren't actually fool enough to accept his chall-"

Demyx nodded. "Definitely! I've got to get better luck one of these days."

Lexeaus gave up his seat to Luxord, who conjured a table and another chair out of nothing.

Demyx nodded, sure he would win this time. Lexeaus knew Demyx was an idiot, just never that he was this much of an idiot. "Right, I'll leave now."

Xaldin looked up once more. "Zexion's files are being crashed by some program, don't go anywhere near him or his room if you can help it."

The Silent Hero nodded and snapped, teleporting out.

"Pfft. Show off." Demyx muttered.

Luxord shuffled the cards in all exotic manners. "Let's play!"

Demyx narrowed his eyes. "Get your game on!"

"That's your pre-poker taunt? Have I been playing with you or not? Hades…"

SPACE PARANOIDS…

Xigbar was rather unimpressed with the scenery, Xion was busy checking out her new digital threads, and Zexion was on a mission.

A mission from God.

All references aside, he walked straight towards the main computer unit. "Come on, guys! You're so zetta slow today!" he yelled.

Xigbar shrugged at Xion. "Ya kinda learn to live with it," Xigbar said.

Xion shrugged and moved onward. They moved on the lift and continued onwards. Zexion was anxious through the entire lift, and after it reached the destination he bolted for the central processing unit. There, the MPC was being erratically held off by firewalls.

The MPC turned to face them. "0. 17'5 j00," it said, "601n6 70 h\/3 fu/\/ p14y1/\/G +/-/r0u6H B10s/-/0Ck 641/\/?"

"1'/\/\ 601/\/6 +0 K1LL j00 /\/D 734R ()u+ Y0uR Pr0c3550R!" Zexion said.

Xion looked at Xigbar, hoping for an explanation. Xigbar leaned over to Xion and whispered, "Computer humor." Xion opened her mouth in an 'ah' and nodded.

Zexion angrily opened his book and summoned numerous nobodies to attack the MCP.

The MCP snorted. "j00 t/-/1nK +/-/+ \/\/1LL /-/3LP?"

"Yeah, I was kinda hoping!" Zexion yelled. "You two, hold him off!"

Xigbar and Xion readied their weapons. Xigbar lowered his weapons and shot everything that moved. Xion conjured her Keyblade and used it to conjure magic through. Zexion hurried over to the Central Processing Unit and hacked it. He quickly installed three anti-virus programs.

The anti-viruses arrived. "Hey, we're the new programs you installed? Where's the virus?"

Zexion pointed to where the MPC was.

They nodded. "Let's get to work…" said Program 1. (Yeah, I bet you thought they were gonna be pop culture references, right?)

Xion moved straight out of the way of the anti-viruses. They immediately signed on with the MCP. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" shrieked Zexion.

"Well, he's not actually a virus. He's a program…" explained Program 3.

CASTLE OBLIVION…

Luxord and Demyx were playing poker. Luxord was clearly winning. Of course, the big chips could end up actually end up counting as less munny than the small chips, but that would just be somewhat dumb. After all, that could never happen, even in a video game.

…Wait a minute…

Anyways, Xaldin was booking tickets for the nearest plays, and Luxord was beating the pants off of Demyx. They were all so involved in what they were doing, they didn't even notice Naminé running away.

Naminé escaped out the window. It was a fairly impressive dive, and since she rolled after she jumped, she took no fall damage at all. She ran. Xaldin stretched out. "Hey, either of you wanna go to Wicked with me?"

"What's that?" Demyx asked.

Xaldin answered, "Essentially it's showing that the villains are actually good guys or something along those lines."

Luxord messed with his poker hand. "Hmm, sounds vaguely familiar."

They all exchanged glances. Then they shrugged. Luxord laid down his hand, a flush, to Demyx's two pairs of kings and queens.

"I thought I had you that time for sure!" Demyx said.

Luxord smiled. "Double or nothing?"

"That's what, the eighteenth time you've done that now? Demyx, you're being an imbecile, you'd owe him 524,288 times what you'd have owed him originally!" Xaldin said. "Luxord, when are you going to stop?"

He shrugged. "No real idea. He's bound to win sometime."

"No he's not…" Xaldin muttered.

Demyx nodded. "I'll take your offer, definitely! This time I'm gonna win!"

Xaldin sighed. He watched the two play their game disinterestedly, and wasn't at all surprised when he heard Demyx being astounded he lost again. "1,048,576," he muttered.

THE ENTRANCE THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN…

Roxas returned. "Hey guys, I'm back!" he called.

Xemnas hurried past him.

Lexeaus explained. "There's a program that's been attempting to destroy Zexion's save files. Apparently, from there, it could weasel its way into Xemnas's computer, so he's ordered us all to build firewalls. He also mentioned something about villain competency training. I'm not sure what he meant by that."

Roxas rolled up his sleeves. "Okay, when can I get coding?"

"He gave us a basic instruction of steer it away," said Lexeaus. "Have you ever light-cycled before?"

"No…"

Lexeaus sighed. "What is SeeD teaching these days?"

Roxas looked at him, abashed. "You knew I was taking those courses?"

"Pfft. So does the competent half of the Organization," Lexeaus dismissed. "We're not worried, it's not as though you're a good guy."

Roxas looked to the left. "Um, no, definitely not," he said.

Lexeaus ran his finger down a list. "Right, you're protecting the network system. You're good at this stuff?"

The younger one nodded. "Top of my class," he replied.

Lexeaus breathed a sigh of relief. "Good, the third best programmer is busy protecting Zexion's files. I'm not sure why Xaldin hasn't reassigned him yet."

ZEXION'S ROOM…

Axel looked at the screen. "Man, Half-Life is really entertaining! It's a shame to know all of these beautiful 100%s will be erased in a matter of seconds." He looked at his keyboard. "Nah, that last firewall was enough to hold him for around 30 seconds. I have 14 left."

THE ENTRANCE THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN…

Roxas sighed. "I think Xaldin wants Zexion to do more work, and deleting his files will get him to do more work." He nodded. "That makes sense, right?"

Lexeaus sighed back. "Well, Zexion will be 100%ing all his games again. That'll take him how many months?"

"Two."

"That's really short."

"He goes really fast."

SPACE PARANOIDS…

Zexion and his crew were caught back to back to back in between three digitizers (guns) after a fight that was far too exciting for me to write about.

"Y'know, I don't think this could get any worse," Xigbar muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

Both Zexion and Xion hit their foreheads with their palms, just as a tank rolled in, blowing up the main computer. Zexion cried a little. "You know this is your fault, you California surfer person whose name I don't actually know yet!" Xion yelled.

However, the MCP and his lackeys seemed shocked as well. The tank's hatch opened and out popped Sora, Donald and Goofy.

"Woo!" Sora yelled, jumping out of the tank. "Dynamic entrance for the win!"

"Gawrsh, don't ya think that was little harsh?" Goofy asked.

Sora shrugged. "Meh, they're villains."

"And they need to be destroyed for peace and justice!" Donald squawked.

Xion mimed retching. Xigbar attempted a little PR. "Y'know, canonically we don't blow too much up… In fact, we're kinda ineffectual…"

Zexion nodded. "Yeah, you do more blowing up than us! Just look at this frakking computer! This was two years pay!"

"You had all the latest releases?" Sora asked.

Zexion nodded. "And a pre-release copy of The Old Republic! It was a little boring since instances were hard since I was the only player and all, but you know what I mean!"

Sora laughed at him. "Nerd!"

Zexion looked ready to kill. He readied his book. Sora continued his mockery of Zexion. "And you use a book to fight! Who uses a book!? Idiots, that's who! Also, your hair is emo and stupid!"

"…You are dead, Sora." Zexion flew at him, book poised for an epic fight…

And Sora simply smacked him out of the way. "Yeah, I'm level 99. Aren't most people who've beat Paradox Hades cup? Zeus, that thing was a pain." Then his eyes met Xion's. "Hey, you look familiar… It couldn't possibly be because you look almost exactly like Kairi only slightly more emo?"

Zexion picked himself up from the wall. "Ugh- we don't just brood all day you know? We aren't all emo…"

Donald cast fire on him. "You might as well be!" he sputtered.

Zexion was knocked into the wall again. "I'm being beaten by a lackey… Sora's supposed to kill me! You're just a… a… lackey…"

Xigbar peered around Sora who was busy posing for the press that had randomly shown up. "Dude, ya ain't dead…"

"I'm quoting, shut up."

Xion sighed. "The fact I have a Keyblade doesn't shock you at all?" she asked Sora.

"Not really. Most everyone has one. If you're a main character you're sure as all get out gonna have one."

"73H MCP /-/45 /-/4I) 3N0U6/-/ 0F 7H15!" yelled the briefly forgotten program.

Xigbar nodded. "Oh, we were supposed to contain you, right?"

Sora had already done just that by snapping. "Heheh! That was fun!"

Xion used her overdrive, A Miracle Occurred! and Sora was teleported to a field in the middle of nowhere. Xion nodded to Xigbar who dialled in some co-ordinates. "Xaldin, we are ready for launch."

The viewpoint cut to Xaldin. "Copy that, Fighter 2. Launching in three… two… one… now."

The viewpoint abruptly cut to Sora. "Hey, where am I?" Dusks appeared to keep him occupied. He fought them and destroyed most, and looked up. "Why am I fighting in the sha- OH SH-"

He exploded violently.

Back at base, Xaldin nodded, happy. "I agree, Larxene. We should have nuked him a long time ago."

Saïx glared at Larxene. "Did we not need his Keyblade for collecting hearts?"

Axel shrugged. "We have two."

In the Space Paranoids, Zexion had gotten up and created a data cluster. "This should neutralize this program," he said, throwing it at the MCP. Its data stream faded out and then reappeared in blue and as a holographic smiley face. "Hello, Zexion! 'Sup?"

"I installed a helpfulness module. It should be downright amiable."

"Yeah, I am! I've never felt better! Hey, Zexion, you wanna play through Bioshock again? I can hack myself into the game as a helper!" said the newly rechristened Extremely Handy Program.

Zexion shook his head. "The game might be a little too easy…"

"I'll triple the enemies," said the EHP.

Zexion nodded excitedly. "Man! You're going to be my newest best friend!" He looked at Xigbar. "Hey, tell Xemnas I should be in my room? I'll be back in about a month, maybe two."

Xion looked on his teleporting figure. "Why is it being harder that exciting to him?"

Xigbar shot a glance at her. "This chapter may as well have centred on him, are ya saying ya can't, like, take a wild guess?"

"No, I can, it was just rhetorical. Let's go."

THE CASTLE THAT NEVER WAS…

"So, the mission was a success?" Xemnas asked the two Organization members.

Xion nodded. "We've contained the MCP. It's now the Extremely Helpful Program and it's running most of our systems."

"Yeah, 's kinda gotten in my stereo. It's nice havin' it, I can switch between my tunes easier," Xigbar mentioned off hand.

Xaldin looked at Xion. "And you're the new member? Nice to meet you, the name's Xaldin."

Xion shook his hand. "Also, as you know, we nuked Sora-"

Xemnas did a spit-take of his coffee. "Bwwhat!? We need his Keyblade for collecting hearts!"

"He ain't dead, y'know. We stuck him in something Larxene called the most horrible torture," commented Xigbar, "Also, dude! Nice spit-take!"

"How'd he survive a nuke!?" Xemnas cried, confused.

"Second Chance," Xion replied.

Xemnas leaned back in his chair and, with emphatic hand gestures, asked, "So… what is this 'Most Horrible Torture?'"

SOMEWHERE IN THE CASTLE THAT NEVER WAS...

"Ugh… I knew taking that Bloated Head Potion would lead to comedy… I didn't know it would make me a complete jerk…" said the spiky haired youth. He picked himself up off the ground. "Where am I?" he looked around. A few hundred feet above him, Larxene turned on the lights to the pit he was in.

"Behold," she said, malevolent glee in her voice, "The pit of X fangirls."

Sora's screams tore through the sky and reached all the way to Destiny Islands somehow.

"Notice: X is a number anywhere from one to 3,000,000 fangirls. They may need to eat, after all." Larxene smirked, walking out of the room.

DESTINY ISLANDS…

Riku was enjoying his day. It was a rather nice day, sun shining, ocean churning and all of that. And then the scream of his best friend rent the heavens. Riku moaned. "Didn't I tell him those Potions of Big-Headedness caused bad things to happen to the drinker…?" he muttered.

"Riku, did you hear that?" Kairi asked.

"I did. It looks like Sora needs me to save him from the darkness this time."

Kairi stopped suddenly. "That was really cheesy."

"Yeah, I know. It wasn't my best line."

CHAPTER END

Grey: Well, I think that was pretty good! Remember the 1337 MCP? I did!