A/N: I'm back! Just for my three lovely reviewers! Three! I feel so accomplished!
I just haven't had the drive to write in a LONG time... I posted some of my old crap, that Kickball thing and the Four-Swords drabbles, but nothing NEW. And I've been watching an absolutely hilarious series called How I Met Your Mother (totally not plugging this awesomewonderfulamazing show), so I do believe I am ready to write this chapter. I don't know anyone my age who likes that show. It's because I'm not old (yet). There are four How I Met Your Mother references in this chapter. Find them all, win my horse named Wingjammer! He's in my stable, and he can be yours- if you get the references, gentlemen. And this isn't one of them.
Anyway. I hope you enjoy.
WINGJAMMER!
---AvinxMile---
Stan scowled. He was tired, he was missing the second half of his family's movie-marathon, and he was cold. Stan had assumed the place would have internal heating (wrong) or that someone would have felt the courtesy to inform him otherwise (also wrong.)
"Why, you look an awful lot like a wet kitty cat, Stan!" Butters chirped from his chair. The irritating blonde was having a grand ol' time, chewing away on the free pretzels he had somehow obtained. He chewed like he was fucking Chewbacca or something. The pretzels had just magically appeared in his hands five minutes ago but Stan hadn't bothered to ask. Mostly because he didn't care. But damn, that was some loud chewing!
"I'm aware of that, Butters," He ground out, sliding his eyes towards the large friendly sign that said 'EXIT.' "What I'm not aware of is why you had to point that out. Have you ever heard of something called 'tact'?" His eyes slid back towards the ever-cheerful Stotch boy, who'd put down the pretzels.
Stan watched him ponder this for a moment, and scowled when the brat shook his head. Tipping back in his chair, Butters peeked curiously at Stan... upside-down. Just looking at him was enough to make Stan ill. He felt like he might barf all over the annoying pest, which really wouldn't bother him all that much. In fact- Stan suppressed a smirk- it would be like, Karma or something.
Butters didn't realize this, and leaned back even inhumanely farther. His hair flopped into the diet root beer Stan had ordered earlier in the night. It was kind of gross. Who knew how often Butters bathed? (Every day, in fact.) Part of Stan didn't want it anymore... but it was root beer. The nectar of the gods! And Stan would be damned to Hell if he was going to let root beer go to waste!
He snatched it up and drank it all in one chug. Butters looked mildly horrified and was about to protest when the lights dimmed.
"Oooh, goody!" The blonde squealed. "It's Jimmy's first major comedy act!!" He jumped up and joined most of the audience in clapping as an announcer welcomed 'Jimmy Vulner, from right here in South Park!'
"Major Comedy Act!" Stan muttered, and saluted. Nobody else had heard him, but they wouldn't have gotten the joke anyway. It was something only he and Kenny did. Only they found it funny.
As the applause died down, Jimmy opened his mouth and the comedy act began.
---AvinxMile---
"'S-s-so she said, Muh-muh-merry S-slapsgiving, y-you j-jerk!' and s-slapped huh-him! Have a n-nice night, f-f-folks, and make sure y-y-y-you don't wind up l-like poor old him!" The teenage comedian called as the curtain lowered to a huge round of applause. Butters immediately grabbed his friend/charge's arm and pulled.
"Fuck, Butters!" Stan yelped. "Fucking hurts!" The other boy let go right away, but signaled that he was going to congratulate Jimmy on a job well done. Mouthing, 'You should come too,' he pointed to a door marked Stay The Hell Out. Stan nodded and followed. Butters breezed through the door without being looked at twice. It seemed like he had been here before.
Stan, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky. Because he's Stan, and because he has come to realize that the Universe fucking hates him. Why, if the Universe were to slap him across the face right now, he would be expecting it! Bring it on, he wanted to scream! But there was one thing he wasn't ready for- a three-hundred pound man grabbing his arm. So he did the only sane thing to do in that situation.
He screamed like a little girl.
---AvinxMile---
Dark Rose; I was worried about Butters, mostly over-selling his voice. Then I realized you can't really over-sell Butters as long as you don't use it every sentence.. And I've seen Every. Single. Episode. With. Butters. Because I love him so. ...I wonder if they make Butters action figures?
Lady Venamisa; Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews. I'll get right on fixing the chapter error, as soon as I post this! And Kyle's death is important... I think. My StanMuse is being pissy. But he's also sarcastic, which makes me grin. Kind of like me, he is...?
Caturday; Really? This was the first story you ever read..? ...I feel special now. And I'm so not sniffling. I don't sniffle. Or cry at all, for that matter. I have granted you all another chapter, which I hope is worthy of the wonderful South Park fandom.