Namine Sato
Rules to the Teenage Boy
Introduction
Some weeks ago I went into my junior year of high school. It was like every other year of school I had had, I was in fact boyfriendless. So I went in search of the perfect guide to help me get a guy. [Not that I think I needed one, but isn't it nice just to know you can have one? Just for kicks even.] To find said guide I went to every frickin' bookstore on my island, every library, even the one at school, and I got nothing! Frustrated and pissed, I decided well it couldn't be that hard to write one of these guides. I mean, even if I was low in the boyfriend area, I could still go in search of all the answers I needed with the help of my best friend Kairi Nakamura.
"Kairi!" I grabbed a seat next to her at our favorite café.
"Hey Nami!"
"I have the most amazing idea of ideas."
"What now?" she says this partly due to the fact that I usually have hair-brained schemes that don't usually work out for either of us.
"It's a book or guide thing for girls."
"A guide for what darling? I don't know much and I know your blonde hair isn't holding anything all that intelligent," she smiled, I bopped her on the head with my sketchbook.
"Boys. Almost every girl needs help getting a g-"
"Since when do you anything about guys?"
"Well... I actually have nothing thus far but I do know my best friend-"
"Oh no! Not me! You are not bringing me into this."
"Pwease?" I gave her my best puppy-dog look.
"Ugh, keep talking."
"So, the guide/ rule book thing is gonna help girls get the guy they've been wanting or trying to get."
"A guy like Roxas perhaps?" I hit her in the head again with my sketchbook.
Roxas Ochi was, and has been, my worst enemy since the second grade. He pushed me off the swings first time I met him, and it hasn't gone well since. Third grade, he cut my hair "accidentally" with safety scissors. Fourth grade, he ran over my foot with his bike. Fifth grade, Roxas threw gum in my hair and I was forced to cut my long blonde hair down chin length. When we started middle school, he began tearing up my homework, too, getting me detentions. Well one detention but I mean you can understand where my dislike comes from. Since last year I've been able to somewhat avoid his wrath, but Kairi is dead convinced he loves me. Sure, and the heartless love the keyblade. I turned away from Kairi.
"So do you think you'll wanna help your best friend?"
"Ugh, fine let's begin a brainstorm session."
We sat there for at least two hours thinking up a way to get the perfect guy. We had little to nothing. I haven't dated so it's obvious why I didn't have any ideas but Kairi hasn't been as shy. She's dated a new guy every year. Well, so far no one but we still didn't have any good ideas.
"I still have no ideas."
"Same... eww Kai look who's coming in right now."
In some really weird slow motion moment, Roxas Ochi walked in along with his posse. Hanging on both arms was two fan girls, Dumb and Dumber. Just cause he was a soccer star, where did that give him a right to have fan girls? His soccer buddies followed him in suite each with a girl on their arm. I wanted to get out of there before he noticed either of us. I grabbed my jacket and began to walk out, but Kairi grabbed my arm.
"Wait, as you say, I have the most brilliant idea of ideas."
"Can we discuss this at school? I really-"
"Fine, but I just had the coolest plan ever thought up pop into my head."
-&-
"No Kairi!"
"It's brilliant if we could get you the most wanted guy in school, anyone could get a guy!"
"Yeah but you seem to forget a teensy, weensy detail… I HATE ROXAS!"
"Oh psh! I know he likes you and it'll prove once and for all that boys are mean to girls because they like them."
"Kairi this isn't some stupid movie! It's real and he honestly hates my guts!
"You're the one who wanted this dumb guide! If you want my help at least consider it as an amazingly beast plan, okay?"
"Yeah, I'll think about it… but why can't you--?"
"Oh please, that would be way too easy and you know it, " I nodded my head at this because Kairi could charm her way into any guy's heart.
"Ugh, what would I have to do exactly?" Was I actually giving this plan thought?
"Okay so…"
She described in full detail how I could try to get Roxas Ochi- the most popular guy in school- to fall madly in love with me.
Chapter One
The Right Subject
To begin finding yourself the right boyfriend, you must start with a few ground rules. There are some boys that may seem amazing the moment you meet them, but the real issue is what's inside.
Off-Limits
Bad Boys are so off limits, you can't even see the limit anymore. They have a tendency to break a girls heart and leave her lying in the dust. They may be appealing short term, but in the long run "if you can't train 'em gotta let 'em go".
Jocks tend to be quite into their sports be it softball, baseball, basketball, tennis, soccer etc. If they are part of a good team, more likely they will have a following of fan girls that will try to constantly hook up with them. He will have a very good tendency to cheat with said fan girls.
Popular Guys also have a tendency to have a large fan girl base as well as very large egos. They may use you, they may hurt you, it is unknown what goes on in their heads. Try to also avoid.
The one thing all these guys above have in common is a large fan girl base. Which would be a group of girls who want to "hook up" or date the hot guy. They will defend their right to be near their man to the death. Many have a tendency to attack if they feel their position is threatened as a fan girl.
APPROACH WITH CAUTION!
All in all, choosing the right guy can be a tough decision. To avoid disaster trying to avoid any of the three subjects above can be helpful. Good luck!
I had been thinking about Kairi's plan and I sort of loved it. If he fell for me it'd be the perfect opportunity to crush him after so many years of torture. I would make him crazy about me and then in front of all of his friends, I break his stupid little heart. I liked it… I liked it a lot. I would do Kairi's plan but I'd do it on my own terms.
-&-
"Okay, I'll do it," she squealed and squeezed me.
"Let's get started. I knew you had to give in eventually so let's begin with the hate thing."
"Why? That just so happens to be my favorite part."
"Silly girl," she ruffled my hair, "Now start going to his games and try to at least be his buddy or buddies with his buddies. I know it'll be hard but I will definitely be there to help get his attention towards you. Oh and try to talk to him over Facebook or something, that'll catch his attention."
Namine Sato and Roxas Ochi are now friends.
Namine Sato is going to today's soccer game.
Comments:
Kairi Nakamura likes this.
Kairi Nakamura yay I'm excited!!!
Namine Sato I swear if you don't show up I will eat you!
Kairi Nakamura I would never leave you like that
Namine Sato sure…
Kairi Nakamura lol :D
Namine Sato so not funny
5 more comments.
Roxas Ochi is goalie in today's game. Woo…
Comments:
Namine Sato good luck Roxas
Roxas Ochi …why are you commenting my status?
Namine Sato because I was wishing you good luck
Roxas Ochi w/e
54 more comments. All from fan girls no doubt
We arrived at the game not realizing how big a fan base soccer had at our school. The stands were packed with home team fans clad in blue and gold and chanting the team name. From what we could tell Roxas even had his own cheering section of girls. Four or five of them were bundled near each other holding a large sign that said "we love you Roxie". They honestly make me sick. After an hour or so the game was easily won with an unbreakable defense on our part and a dreadful offense on the opposing team's.
When we were leaving I caught Sora, Roxas' best friend and brother, who was also on the team. Thankfully he was actually the nice brother to me for the last few years. He also didn't have as much of a following as Roxas did. I congratulated him.
"Good job Sora!"
"It's really no big deal, Hayner did most of the work."
"Yeah, but you got the winning goal!"
"Well it wasn't hard with the goalie half asleep from losing so much!" he laughed.
"Hey you remember Kairi, right?" Kairi had been silent [surprise] at my side.
"Yeah, hey Kai!"
"Hi," her face flushed a slight pinkish color.
"Umm, well I'm gonna catch up with Roxas in his dorm. Text me , maybe we could hang out sometime," I felt like that last statement wasn't directed towards me.
He backed away waving and nearly tripping over a child's soccer ball.
"Wow, I didn't think you'd catch a guy that quickly Kai. Kai?" she was off daydreaming in her own world face as red as a cherry.
I grabbed her arm and dragged her back to our dorm. If this was all the help I had for this plan, I'm so screwed.