Yes! This is it! The finale to this pain-in-the-arse of a fic that hasn't let me have a moment's peace all summer. Sorry it took so long but this just isn't how I wanted to end it originally but, as usual, I seemed to have no control over this story and I kept nit picking over it.

As long as this took me to finish, I feel like I've rushed some parts and skipped over stuff that I wanted to cover at first but didn't. I may do an epilogue but for the moment this is the official ending, take it or leave it.

Here it is, my lovelies. Hope you enjoy the show.

Howard bolted upright, his lungs immediately seeking air that was received in a panicked gasp as reality swarmed into harsh clarity around him. It took a few moments of scared, confused wheezing before his brain caught up with his eyes and he realized where he now was.

His bedroom.

Not Lance and Harold's bedroom. The photographs tacked to the mirror of Vince's vanity table confirmed that. That must mean, Howard began to conclude, that they existed! They'd never been erased because the Arbiter had never existed to erase them in the first place. Howard exhaled; his plan had worked! Everything was back to normal.

But, in that case, where is Vince? Howard thought, startled.

He sprung forward, off the bed and onto his feet, an almighty head-rush nearly knocking him straight back onto the mattress. As yellow stars blinked in his vision, he failed to notice the scrunched up ball of paper tumble from his open hand and onto the floor, where it rolled to its eternal exile beneath the bed.

Howard rubbed his hands over his weary face. What had they done with Vince? He wasn't sure who 'they' were exactly. Whoever controlled the source of the Arbiter's magic. Or space and time. Or the plot. Either way, he was sick of just sitting around doing nothing. He'd proven tonight that he was capable of so much more than that. And if anything had happened to Vince, if anyone had laid a hand or a claw on his perfect face - then God help them. Howard Moon would show no mercy.

"DUM - DUM - DUUUUUUUUM-"

"AAAH!" Howard screamed like a little girl as the ominous sound echoed from behind his door. His heart remained hammering for a few seconds before recognizing the sound itself.

"DUM - DUM - DUUUUUUUUM! PEACOCK DREAMS!"

That show. That stupid show. There were only two people in that flat who watched that alien programme at near enough every hour.

Howard threw open the bedroom door and raced down the corridor and to the living room. He stopped dead in his tracks as he took in the sight of them, almost unable to believe it was true.

"Bollo!...Naboo!" He breathed each name with its own reserved sigh of relief.

"What've you done now?" Naboo asked, lazily, his eyes still firmly fixed on the bright colours swirling on the T.V, one hand curled around the end of his shisha pipe.

"N-nothing….You're both alive?! Really alive?"

"Well I am. Bollo died a the zoo, remember. Not that you'd know, lookin' at him. Amazing cosmetic surgery you can get for zombies these day- WHAT THE-?!"

Naboo had been shaken from his blasé sentence at the pair of arms sweeping him up off the sofa and literally shaking and swinging him round and round as a ecstatic, almost insane, laugh rang through the flat. Neither wizard nor gorilla had ever heard Howard laugh so hard since…well, ever. It scared the shit out of both of them.

But Howard continued to laugh and sing; "You're alive! You're alive! You're alive!"

"Well, I won't be for much longer if you plan on crushing me, you ball-bag!" Naboo cried out to no avail. He continued struggling and looked to his stumped familiar; "Bollo, get my spell book, Howard's been possessed by the ghost of Jim Carrey."

"But Jim Carrey no dead." Bollo grunted back.

"Then kill him first and then exorcise him, whatever, either way just get this berk off me!"

Bollo stomped up to the crazed Howard and raised his paws. However, as soon as he did, the maverick's attention was immediately swapped to the ape instead. He dropped Naboo like an old potato and opened his arms wide again.

"Bollo, you big ol' furry cushion, get in on this as well!" He grinned before throwing his arms around the ape's neck.

"Naboo - Bollo got many, many bad feelings right now!"

"You ain't the only one." Naboo panted, massaging his neck and rubbing his arms from where Howard had squeezed him a bit too hard. "Howard, you freak, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Naboolio, nothing is wrong with me! Nothing!" Howard exclaimed jovially, pulling away from Bollo, his smile stretched like a Christmas cracker. "I've never felt so good in all my life! I feel like a new man, like I'm on ecstasy, it's INCREDIBLE!"

Bollo quickly waddled towards the hallway, presumably to take a thorough shower.

"Well I am on ecstasy, right now," Naboo replied to Howard; "and I'm no where near wherever you are."

"You're on ecstasy?" Howard asked, a bit taken aback.

"Of course I am. Can't you tell from my all-joyous glow?" Naboo asked, his face deadpan as ever. He then turned to face the invisible fourth wall of their flat; "But seriously kids; don't do drugs. There's a time and a place for everything - and it's called Uni." He turned back to Howard; "Anyway, you were saying how good you felt?"

"That's right, Naboo! I feel GREAT!"

"Right, well the world must be ending. Better start packing. Looks like we're off to Pluto."

Howard held the tiny man's shoulders; "No, Naboo, you don't understand. I was given an epiphany tonight! A revelation of myself! An epic adventure through time and space that changed my whole perspective on reality!"

"What you on about; you haven't left your room all night?" Naboo shot back, switching off the T.V that happened to be sounding a dramatic, gallant choir in the background. "You been eating that cheese made from Bollo's breast milk again?"

"Ew, god, no! I just…Don't you remember? The Arbiter? He kidnapped me and then Vince and then he erased us from time and then he killed you two and then…Wait, a sec, how would he have breast milk, he's a ma…Oh, whatever, it doesn't matter. Don't you remember any of it?!"

Naboo raised his eyebrows at the confused jazz man; "I think we've got an answer. That sounds like some heck of a dream though, I should really try some of that stuff."

"It wasn't a dream! It all happened, right here, except it wasn't here. It was in some different reality that doesn't exist anymore."

"Because you woke up?"

"Yes..I mean, no!" Howard slipped over his words, confused as either of them; "Look, it really did happen! I can prove it to you, I can…Okay, I can't because I made it so that the alternate reality and the Arbiter was erased but…Why would he even need to milk his breasts? And why for cheese?"

Naboo shook his head, his arms folded; "Look, Howard, it just sounds to me like you had some wacky dream caused by Vince leaving. It was bound to happen, you two are spiritually connected, the more distant you become then the more it's bound to affect your subconscious."

"My god…Vince!" Howard's mind crash-landed on solid ground, ignoring Naboo's completely; "Where is he now? We've gotta find him!"

"He's at Leroy's, ain't he?"

"No, Leroy's gone skiing. And all his other friends are too shallow to let him stay at any of theirs. Oh no, Naboo, he could still be in danger!" Howard's joy and relief became quashed by despair. If everything had returned to normal, meaning before they'd been erased, then that meant Vince had still been left as pray on the streets of London for any savage predator to capture. "Trust me, Naboo, please! We need to find him, we need to make sure he's ok!"

With that frantic thought, Howard turned and ran down the stairs, two at a time. Naboo followed him, his expression hardening at the clear seriousness in Howard's eyes, and his obvious, rare concern for someone other than himself.

When the tiny shaman reached the bottom of the stairs, Howard was already stuffing his feet into his sandals, his jacket clutched in his hand.

"Where are you going?" asked Naboo, almost sounding worried.

"I have to find Vince. After everything we went through tonight, I can't lose him again, not now everything's better." Howard muttered, seemingly having difficulty making his feet fit inside his shoes.

"Everything you went through? I don't wanna know what that means, do I."

"Probably not. I don't have time to go through it anyway," Howard finally succeeded in putting on his shoes. He straightened up to face the shaman, a statue of determination; "All you need to know is that, whether you remember any of it or not, Vince and I went on a true journey in the depths of our souls and our relationship last night, through life-threatening trials and tribulations that nearly left us in pieces, yet we came through it all. And now, Vince is out there. Cold, confused and all alone - my poor little man…He could be being tortured or raped by some sicko. He could be dead, Naboo, dead! The love of my life - DEAD!"

"Alright, dead, I get it." Naboo nodded slowly; "'Kay, maybe you're right."

"Thank you!"

"Or," Naboo then cocked his head to the side; "He could be standing right behind you."

Howard stifled a glare with a mere scoff; "Please, Naboo. I'm not gonna fall for that old trick."

"Fall for what?" asked a lively voice from behind him.

"Naboo thinks I'm gonna fall for the whole 'He's behind you!' thing again." Howard informed him over his shoulder.

"What, that old hat? As if that would happen! Give 'im some credit, Naboo, 'e knows this isn't some silly pantomime."

"Yeah, Vince is right, I know this isn't a…."

Howard span around.

"…Vince?!" he exclaimed in a horse whisper.

The smaller man flinched back as Howard turned on him. He stood frozen, his face blank and waiting as Howard's darting eyes scanned him up and down like some sort of machine. He was still wearing his silver sequin cape with the peacock feathers, which he slowly began to take off as the heat from being indoors again warmed through him. Howard's jaw dropped as he took the imagine in. Surely it was impossible. Two nights living on the streets and there wasn't a single crease on his clothes, nor a single hair out of place on his head, nor any dirt or marks on his skin. Besides the one Howard had given him.

But most importantly of all; he was alive. He was real and he was safe. And he's here!

"Vince…" Howard said again, softly, taking a tentative step forward; "…Oh my Vince! MY VINCE!"

Naboo observed with amusement, though also relief that he wasn't the one receiving one of Howard's show of affections again. He watched, leaning back against the staircase, as Howard sprung forward and wrapped his arms around the stunned Vince, lifting him up off his feet and spinning him around as his laughter shook the place once more. Naboo could now see the possible reason why it was a good thing that Howard wasn't this happy every day.

Vince, on the other hand, didn't seem to have a single clue as to what was going on. Though unlike Naboo and Bollo, he showed no signs in wanting it to stop. His hands clung to Howard's shoulders as the older man hugged him and picked him up, giggling slightly to himself. Just because he was happy. He wasn't sure exactly why he was so happy. Normally he didn't need a reason but this time he knew there was one. Something. Possibly.

Howard eventually stopped the swinging and his movements subsided to merely embracing the life out of Vince, clearly having no intention to let him go easily.

"Oh, Vince! You're back! You're safe and you're back!" Howard rejoiced into the famous black mane.

"Careful, Howard, anyone would think you were glad to see me." he retorted, now mainly dizzy from all the twirling.

"Of course I am!" Howard beamed, pulling back slightly to meet Vince's eyes. He stroked his fingers down the side of a smooth cheek; "I really thought I'd lost you for a moment there, sweetheart. I'm never gonna let that happen again."

"Woah!" Vince reeled back a little; "…Sweetheart? Howard, 'ave you gone wrong…er?"

"Oh, let's not joke anymore, love, ey. Not now. I'm just so happy that you're here!" He moved his lips forward towards Vince's but the smaller man inched back.

Vince frowned; "Yeah, I think I somehow worked that out myself - Naboo, what's 'appened to him?"

"You tell me." Naboo shrugged.

Howard, confused yet reluctant to give up, pulled Vince closer, his hands clasping his tiny waist gently, yet with the promise of not letting go easily. Vince's breath hitched as he looked up to Howard, their face's barely a few inches apart. Howard couldn't understand why Vince looked so lost and scared.

"What's wrong, little man?" he asked tenderly, raising one hand to stroke his fringe; "You don't need to be like this anymore. It's all over, we won! He won't hurt us anymore. Everything's changed. We can start a fresh now. Us, together! Oh, Vince, I love you so much-"

Howard leaned in for a kiss, again, but was met with a sharp shove in the chest that separated the both of them.

"Okay, Howard, you are really freaking me out here!" said Vince, sounding genuinely annoyed. Or maybe just afraid. Or both.

Howard stared, looking for all words like a lost puppy dog; "…Wh…what d'you mean?"

"Well last time I saw you, you smacked me in the face and said I was dead to you. I've been gone two nights and suddenly you're a human carousel and you….Did you say you loved me?"

"…Yes." Howard admitted shamelessly.

"And what did you call me earlier? The love of your life?" Vince suddenly burst out a laugh; "That was ME?"

A cracked whimper escaped from inside Howard. He wondered if it was the sound of his heart shattering.

Howard blinked, his face falling with each surprise laugh Vince uttered. He should've known. It was foolish to think that anything could've ever really gone right for him.

"You don't remember anything." It wasn't a question. The words dropped from his mouth in cold, final syllables.

"Remember what, Howard?!" Vince asked, semi-amused but also frustrated.

Naboo sighed; "He had some weird dream last night and he thinks it was real."

Vince's expression switched; "What? A dream? What about?"

"Doesn't matter." said Howard.

Both shaman and mod stared at him. It was shocking how the big, bouncing Northerner of yester-minute had shrunken back into the brooding, miserable old Howard in the blink of an eye. His face was suddenly drooped like a bulldogs. The newborn sparkles in his eyes had dimmed.

He shrugged on his coat and avoided the eyes of the two looking at him; "It was just a stupid dream."

He slid past Vince and made his way towards the door.

"Where are you going now?" asked Naboo.

"Just for a walk. I may be gone for some time."

Naboo thought those words sounded a bit familiar but decided not to press on it. Howard could do with more fresh air after always being cooped up in either the flat or the shop. Apparently oxygen was beneficial to humans, so he'd heard.

As Howard's hand touched the doorknob, Vince's hand came down on top; "Howard, wait…" the callous laughter had diminished from his voice; "What you said when I came in…do you still mean all of that?"

Howard sighed, closing his eyes mournfully; "Please let me go, Vince."

He wasn't sure whether he would at first. There was a change to the confused look in Vince's eyes. He was still confused, granted, but there was a shimmer of something else as he looked at Howard. Slowly, he lifted his hands off Howard's and drew it back. Now free, Howard opened the door and wondered out onto the streets.

Naboo bit his lip as he watched Vince stand at the window, staring through the glass long after Howard had disappeared from sight.

"Ain't you gonna go after him? Isn't that what you do?" he asked, noticing how uncharacteristically still Vince was.

The electro boy shook his head; "Not this time."

"Why not?"

Vince faced him with a sour pout; "'Cause I'm sick of it, Naboo. I'm sick of 'is mood swings, always messing me about, making me think white is black and black is…What's black again? See, there 'e goes again! Now 'e's going on about some dream 'e had and thinks he loves me…it's Howard, he doesn't have a clue what he wants. If I bring 'im back 'ere then things will just go back the way they were."

"What if he does something stupid?"

Vince's eyes widened; "You think he might? Why?"

"'Cause he's Howard."

"Good point…But, no," Vince stated, certain; "No, I'm not going after him. 'E always goes on about being able to take care of himself, I'm sure he'll do fine."

* * *

"Possible 'cause of death?" asked the D.C.I as he stood over the corpse on the pavement at his feet.

"Well from the look of him, all we can gather so far is that he was attacked by some mutated, enraged pigeons." informed his colleague; "..But from the smell of him, I'd say he'd been drinking nothing but his own urine for six weeks."

The D.C.I sighed; "What a waste of life. Better zip him up. And I bet he doesn't even have any friends or family who will miss him. Oh, sorry sir, this area is cornered off! You'll have to go to the other entrance."

Howard was ready to utter a moan of annoyance before he spotted the body of the filthy, mauled stranger surrounded by the police. He grimaced, partly with horror and pity that any poor soul could end up that way, though also allowing himself some pride at his end not being quite as undignified as that. No. Howard knew that his fate was in no one's hands but his own. And he knew exactly where it was supposed to lead to. For the greater good.

He turned away from the grotesque scene and walked around on merely a longer road towards his destiny. Luckily his thoughts were already crammed with the events, or non-events, of the previous night to be crashed by the image of a dead body also.

The more Howard thought about it, the more it really did seem like just a dumb dream. Nothing ever did seem as vivid when thinking back on it but everything last night had happened in such a rush that it was too much of a blur to grab one freeze frame. How could he have been so stupid? Him and Vince…It was something that was only meant for the world of dreams. Their 'Night' together. Howard's first. In the end it had all been nothing but a dramatic masturbation fantasy.

So that meant Howard was still a virgin. Another friendly boot to appear to kick him when he's down. Still a virgin. Still unloved. Still worthless.

It may as well have just been another dumb dream. Either that or the Universe had just played some hilarious joke on him. Whichever way meant the same thing; Vince's feelings for him, if they'd even existed, were now nothing more than three words whispered into Howard's ear. That was all that he had left.

* * *

I'm not going to look for Howard. I'm not going to look for Howard. I'm not going to look for Howard.

Vince shrugged on his jacket and stepped out the door of the Nabootique. He wasn't going to look for Howard! No, he was just going for a simple walk to clear his head. He wasn't worried about Howard. Of course not, why should he be?

No, this was just some spare time given on an early Saturday morning in order to organize his thoughts and reflect upon his life so far, allowing himself a moment to come to terms with who he really was and thus gaining a deeper, more meaningful understanding of himself.

- Five seconds later -

He reached the end the street, fully understanding himself and his life. Wow, I really am shallow. He hummed to himself; Maybe I should read more or…oh, look! Something shiny!

The shiny thing happened to be a waft of sparkling gold energy that floated around the corner and came to hover in front of Vince at eye level for a few waiting moments. Vince paused in order to stare at it, both intrigued and merely dazzled by its appearance. And, just for a second, he allowed himself to wish that Howard was with him to see it.

"Uhm…Alright?" Vince gave his usual trademark greeting, raising his hand to wave at the shiny spirit thing.

Shiny spirit thing gave a musical twinkle back in response. Vince assumed that meant 'hello'.

He blinked; then opened his eyes to find himself looking at the last thing he expected to see. Mainly because he hadn't brought any full-length mirrors with him (just his usual hand-held and close-up).

"Awright?" the younger him chirped back.

"Uhm…yeah." Vince responded, looking his double up and down from his fitted trousers up to his green zookeeper jacket and feathered, blonde hair; "Wait, I know who you are…Didn't you die?"

"Didn't you?" he smirked back.

"…Touché."

An elderly couple wandering past at the time had to do a double take at overhearing that small exchange. They shuffled off, their footsteps quickening, muttering about 'these damn kids today coming back from the dead.'

"So you do remember it then?" Vince's double challenged.

"…I thought it was just a dream. It felt like a dream. " As Vince spoke the words, the fog began to part to reveal the sneaky memories. And the colder the air felt around him. "Everything's all so fuzzy. Like it's too good to be true."

The younger him smiled, cocking his head; "You weren't supposed to remember. That's why it doesn't feel real. I had to bend a couple of the rules to allow some of it to stay with you. Your friends don't remember, of course, even though your shaman friend channeled his energies across dimensions to help you before after his familiar returned from the Court of Merit - they had to have their memories erased. Apart from Howard, obviously."

"Howard?!" Vince heart suddenly sped up, remembering how his friend was earlier that morning. "He had the same dream?"

"It wasn't a dream. Not like the last 'shared' one you had on that island. Howard remembers because it was his lesson. It wasn't intended to be yours as well but it turned into one. That's why I'm here to tell you that, seeing as you're too stupid to figure it out yourself."

"Hey!"

"..What?"

"Nothin'." Vince shrugged; "Just thought it was worth acting insulted. But how do I know I'm not just imagining you right now, ey?"

SLAP!

"Ouch!" Vince squeaked, holding his stinging cheek. He glared at his younger self; "Surely there was a less painful example than that!"

"What example? I was just slapping some sense into you. Howard needs you right now and you're being even more of an idiot than he is. After everything you two went through last night, he's left believing that it was all for nothing, d'you have any idea how much that hurts?"

"Yes! I do!" Vince shouted back. He knew how it felt to have your hopes raised to skyscraper heights only to be demolished and laid to ruin. He knew the heartache and struggle of crawling out from beneath the rubble and having to heal yourself, even though a part of you wants to just lay there in the debris and suffocate… "Oh."

"Uh huh." the younger him nodded; "D'you really want everything you went through last night to be in vain?"

"No."

"D'you want Howard to be alone; thinking he's got nothing left to fight for?"

"No!"

"D'you want a flying saucer?"

"No! I mean, yeah, ok." Vince relented, digging one out from the small paper bag his double was holding out to him. He needed the sugar rush right now. He bit into its papery texture, squinting as he took in the sour sweetness; "Where am I gonna find Howard though?"

Another twinkle rang through the air; "I'd say 'follow your heart', but I'd hate for you to choke on your saucer. Just find him. And when you do; tell him I…just tell him 'goodbye' from me."

When Vince had swallowed his sweet and opened his eyes; his chubby reflection was gone. And the clouded, vague memories in Vince's head swiftly moved into focus with the rush of an oncoming train. He clutched the wall beside him as his legs juddered like strings of jelly; "…oh, Howard."

* * *

Vince wasn't sure how he managed to find his older friend in under an hour. It was if he'd used honing senses that he wasn't even aware he possessed. Jahooli had once tried giving him lessons on tracking and hunting in the forest, but Vince had been so distracted playing with the wolf cubs that Jahooli gave up trying and took the young orphan to Pizza Hut instead. Maybe a part of those teachings had stayed buried in Vince's subconscious, as he followed the scent of musty tweed and shame, to find his friend.

When he'd bitten into the flying saucer, the world that had been held up by brittle pillars until that moment, had finally come crashing down upon him. And, boy, did it 'cause one hell of a headache. He remembered. He could remember it all. How close he'd came to dying…how he actually had died. He remembered Howard cradling him in his arms as his body had dissolved. He remembered the love shining in those tearful, brown eyes gazing down upon him. Howard did love him. Just as much as Vince had knowingly loved him, supposedly unrequited, since the day they had met. It wasn't a trick or a mind-game. It had all been real. The dream had come true.

And, in true Noir fashion, he'd cut it off with another ironic laugh. Leaving 'the moment' in shatters. Not to mention his and Howard's already fragile relationship. Forget 'borderline', Vince. You really are a simpleton. Then there was Howard…

There was Howard.

He'd found him at last, standing across from him, separated by a small sea resembling a bustling crowd of people, not noticing or caring for the dark cloud hovering so very near to them. He spotted him, standing with his hands in his pockets and his head slightly bowed, his face unreadable from Vince's angle, his feet motionless…standing before some live train tracks.

Vince bolted through the crowd and straight for the suicidal maverick; "Howard…"

The maverick turned, regarding Vince's arrival for a brief moment before turning his head back. Vince's stomach gave a nauseating twinge. He had no idea simply how fragile Howard was. He knew he wasn't the tough-as-steel man of action he made out to be, true, but he'd safely assumed Chinese burns were the limit of Howard's self-deprecation. The thought that his pushing bitchiness had driven him to this seared his gut with guilt.

His stained silver boots stepped hesitantly closer the edge where Howard was perched so near. He didn't want to rush to close unless he merely encouraged Howard to jump straight onto the tracks. He didn't have a clue when the next train would be along.

"D'you remember when were kids; we used to go playing on the old rail tracks?" Howard asked in an eerily calm and un-Howardy tone; "When we'd always play Heroes and Damsels on the line."

"Yeah." Vince replied, slightly breathless; "'Cause I looked like the girl, I always had to be the damsel. And you being my hero."

"Even though every time, I'd get my shoe caught on the tracks and would start panicking and you'd have to get it out for me." Howard stifled a bitter laugh; "Even then, the world wanted rid of me."

"Howard, they were disused tracks. No trains were ever gonna come. But these ones are real…" For once, he began to find it difficult to keep his infallible resolve; "Can we get away from them, please? The next train is gonna be coming soon."

"In just a couple o' minutes, maybe more. I've been waiting here for a while."

"Look, Howard, I don't completely understand what happened last night." explained Vince, shakily, scared by how readily Howard seemed to end his life; "But that guy, the Arbiter, the one who was hunting you or something."

"He wasn't hunting me," Howard cut in; "He was teaching me."

Vince frowned; "Teaching you?"

"About the twat I am."

"The twat you were. You said things had changed."

Howard scoffed; "Things will never change. I thought they would but they're just exactly the same, they always will be, unless one of us does something about it. Well that's what I'm doing now."

"What; some power-crazed alien wearing Voldemort-chic turns up to tell you you're worthless and you say 'alright mate'? That's just running away!"

"And isn't that what I'm best at? Running away? Getting into trouble and dragging everyone down with me and then just trying to save my own neck?!"

Vince could've easily agreed to that and made a light mocking joke out of it. But even he could tell that it wasn't time for jokes anymore. Howard's self-esteem had hit rock bottom and he couldn't help but feel partly responsible. It was his job, his purpose as Best Friend, to save Howard. Only, this time, he didn't have a single clue exactly how to do it.

"…Howard, please, just come back with me." begged Vince again, expecting a train to come shuttling over the horizon at any second.

"He made me want to hurt you. He waited until everything was perfect and then he tore us apart. He wanted me to be like him." Howard muttered disgustingly whilst looking at Vince. The mod didn't need telling on who 'he' was.

"But you're not like him." Vince tried to reassure; "I know what he did, I had the same…But I just thought it was a dream, it's so fuzzy to me, I didn't think it could possibly…I'm sorry."

Howard shook his head; "Don't be sorry. That's all it may've well been. Just a dream."

"But…we both remember. What else matters?"

"Because it wasn't just a dream to me! Because every little thing was real!" Howard practically yelled, causing some of the crowd to stop and stare. It was only Vince's shocked visage that made Howard lower his voice again; "I fell in love with you. I made love to you and I know it wasn't real like it was for me, and I just can't handle having been through all that and none of it being anything but a 'dream' to you. I can't be around you knowing that. Look, I'm pathetic; you know this better than anyone. It's all I'll ever be. And you're better off away from me."

"Ok, so you're pissed off. Anyone would be. I would be." Vince replied, fearful yet firm; "That doesn't make you a bad person and it doesn't make you pathetic. Maybe this Arbiter guy did pick you to teach you a lesson - but you're the one who defeated him in the end. You stood up to him and made that epic speech; was that just some heroic one-off lapse you're gonna turn your back on now?"

Howard didn't reply. He merely looked back to face the tracks. But Vince wasn't giving up.

"Howard, you're so much more than what you give yourself credit for. I've seen what you can be, in spite of every bit of crap you've been put through, and it's amazing. But if you end this now then you'll have just lived your whole life as a coward!"

A bleeping noise sounded overhead and an automatic feminine voice filled the air;

"The next train to arrive at platform two does not stop here. So if you're trying to stop a potential boyfriend from doing something stupid; now would be a good time."

Time was about to run out. And Howard still wasn't moving. Tears of frustration brewed in Vince's eyes as he bit down on his cherry glossed lip;

"For fuck's sake, Howard, the train is gonna come soon!" he berated, fiercely.

"Just go, Vince."

"I ain't budgin!"

"D'you think this is easy for me?" Howard fully turned on him this time; "You really think that after everything that happened that I wanna just take the easy way out? Vince, trust me when I say this is for the best. Now go home!"

"Don't talk to me like I'm a kid! I ain't letting you do this!" He grabbed at the front of Howard's coat and tried to tug him roughly away from the platform. Howard struggled, restraining Vince's tiny wrists in his talons as if trying to restrain a small child having a tantrum.

More passers-by began to stop and stare at the scene. Fingers prodded their companions for attention and pointed to the street-theatre like dance being performed by the two men.

"Vince, stop it, you're making a scene!" Howard berated, noticing the unwanted attention.

"I don't care, they can watch all they want. You are not gonna do this to me!" Vince continued, savagely.

He scratched and clawed at the bigger man as he attempted to drag him away from the edge. It didn't take long for Howard's short temper to burn its fuse as the whispers and hisses from the strangers semi-circling them reached his ears. He fumed, releasing the smaller man's wrists and shoving him back hard in the chest.

"I SAID LEAVE!" He yelled, watching as Vince stumbled back in his heels.

When he managed to stop himself from falling onto his backside, Vince straightened up, eyes wide and hair wild with fury. He sprung forward, pulling his arm back to slap Howard hard around the face. Without a second to waste, Howard reacted back the way he always did. The way he couldn't stop himself from doing. His hand flew out from his control and back-handed Vince across the jaw.

Vince was unable to stop himself this time from falling back onto the ground as the appalled gasps whirled in a verbal hurricane around him. Howard gritted his teeth as he looked down at him again. Ok, so Vince had thrown the first punch this time, but it didn't change anything. What was wrong with him? Why did he keep doing this?! After everything that had happened, everything he'd learned, he still couldn't stop himself… Tears poisoned with self-loathing sprung to his eyes as he knelt down and picked the smaller man up and into his arms.

He faced his awaiting crowd with the disoriented Vince held against him, his back against his chest, so that his bruised face was on show for all the gossiping vipers to see. Vince struggled against his hold. If someone took a photo of him now, no doubt it would end up in Cheekbone within the hour, a thought that made him want to vomit.

"Go on! Let everyone see what I already did to you!" Howard seethed, pinning Vince against him.

"Howard, no…" Vince whined. Forget Cheekbone, he was surprised no one had called for the police or the platform guards yet. Then he spotted a couple of officers in the crowd - enjoying the show. Wankers.

"Huh! Everyone take a good look!" Howard spoke out to the stunned public; "Is that something a deserving man does, is it? Is that the mark from someone who's worthy of Vince Noir?"

No one replied. A lot of people edged further back, staring at Howard open-mouthed with revulsion, some mothers scooping their children up and leading them away from the crazy man and into safety. Everyone else seemed content in their idiotic stupor to believe they were watching a performance.

Howard turned Vince around to face him. The now limp mod looked up at him with watery, broken eyes.

"…Howard, please." He whispered on a fragile breath.

"D'you see that, Vince? They all see it, why can't you? Everyone. They don't want me here."

He let go of Vince, taking one fleeting glance at his life-long best friend, before turning away. Turning to face his fate.

"…What about me?"

Howard froze, his heart melting at the innocent, child-like squeak of a question.

"I want…I need you. I love you." Vince cried softly; "More than anything in the world. And don't think after all these years that I haven't wished that I didn't at times. I made you hate me and I still felt the same." He walked up and grabbed Howard's shoulder, tugging him around to face his crumbling grimace; "Why?! Why do you have to make it so bloody hard? I wanted to hate you so much but…You can't justify yourself to me, Howard. Because I know you. And I shouldn't wanna be with you…But I do. I always will." His angry frown fell into a pitiful wobbling of chapped lips.

Howard sighed, wanting nothing more than to pull Vince into his arms and promise that everything was gonna be alright. But he knew it just wasn't that easy; "Please, little man. I have to do this. I need to be brave for once."

"Brave isn't stupid, Howard." Vince lectured back; "I know, I've got the two of them mixed up enough times. This isn't brave. Brave was what I saw when you stood up to the Arbiter. When you faught for your life and stood up for yourself. That was bravery. And it wasn't so hard, was it? And when it does get difficult, at least we'll be together."

Howard's responding silence as his emotions waged a silent yet almighty battle inside him seemed to speak for itself as far as Vince was concerned.

"Well fine then." Vince spat, reaching the end of his tether; "If you're too much of a wuss to even want to be with me, then do it! If I don't mean as much to you for you to wanna stay with me then I can't think what else is. But I ain't gonna try and stop you! And I'm not gonna save your arse again!"

Howard's conflicting expression stilled. He looked at Vince as if only having just realized he was standing there; "What d'you mean, 'save my arse'?"

"Save you from being splattered into blood purée and delivered to Birmingham or wherever!"

Howard shook his head; "Vince, what are you talking about?"

"You! Throwing yourself in front of the train. Killing yourself." Vince exclaimed simply.

"Killing myself?!" Howard half-laughed; "What on earth makes you think I'm gonna do that?"

Vince frowned; "Uh, 'cause you're all depressed and Howard-y. And you're standing very close to some rail road tracks."

"Yes, Vince. Because it's a train station. Do you know what else people do here apart from try and kill themselves?"

Vince thought hard on that; "…Film Emo music videos?"

Howard merely looked at Vince, raising an eyebrow at his failed conclusion. The crowd watching around exchanged amused mutterings whilst the electro boy's dim mind worked out exactly what had just been said. He felt the blood rush to his cheeks as the truth dawned upon him. He looked straight at Howard, his stomach hallow and a penny hovering in the zero gravity of his mind.

He glanced around properly at his surroundings. He'd seen all of it as he'd rushed it but had been in too much of a panic to take in exactly where he was, or do anything other than follow his sugar enhanced senses to find where Howard was. He vaguely remembered seeing some guy asleep in a glass-shielded kiosk as he'd passed through the large entrance. And then there where those metal barrier things he'd climbed over with ease as the guard was chatted up by a familiar large transvestite prostitute. Not to mention the televisions everywhere with lists of places and times on them instead of any kind of viewing entertainment…Seriously, Vince groaned, Any clue that I'd been in a train station at all would've spared us all this drama!

The train that had been promised not to stop at the station rocketed passed them. The wind whistled teasingly through Vince's hair.

He examined the taller man before him again, his boiling blood cooling to a bemused stillness; "You mean…you're just getting on a train? Where's your luggage?"

"Some of us don't need to pack eight racks of clothing to carry with us whenever we go anywhere."

Vince blinked; "So…you're not gonna kill yourself?"

"Of course not!" Howard struggled against a grin; "Why would I wanna after everything that happened last night? Whether it was a dream or not, it taught me something I'll never forget."

"What's that?"

"That life is precious. I could continue being miserable and taking out my frustrations on the people around me but then I would be like him. The Arbiter. And I'm not gonna let that happen. It doesn't matter if the Universe doesn't want me, it's stuck with me. It's its problem, not mine."

Vince shook his head, more confused than ever; "So why are you running away to…Where are you going?"

"Wakefield. Visit the decent members of my family. And I ain't running away. I'm starting a fresh. I don't care if I'm unwanted here…it's only 'cause I know you're better off without me. You're the only one I care about hurting again. But I have to leave London. 'Get away from everything I've been blaming so I can sort myself out-"

"But you're not gonna kill yourself?" Vince cut in.

"No. I thought we'd established-"

"Oh, thank Jagger!" Vince's concoction of emotions exploded at long last. He launched himself at Howard, wrapping his arms tight around his neck, nearly knocking the stunned maverick off the platform anyway.

"Whoa now! Easy there, little man." Howard's hands hovered unsure and lamely above Vince's back.

"You twatface! You utter twatty McTwatface, you got me so scared!" Vince seethed, tearfully, pulling back to growl the words in Howard's face before crushing his lips against his own in a brief yet fierce snog. He then pulled back, seething; "…Why did you make me 'cause that scene? They must think I'm some crazy bitch from a Richard Curtis film. I'm not, by the way!" He added to the crowd.

Every member of the doubtful audience, in unison, raised an eyebrow.

"I just thought you were mad at me leaving." Howard explained, face flushing from the kiss as well as everything else; "And you've always been a drama queen."

"Look who's talking!" Vince gaped back, his arms remaining tangled around Howard's neck.

Howard's eyes narrowed; "So you're not mad?"

"Yeah, 'course I'm mad, but compared to you killing yourself…" Vince's giddy, overactive resolve broke once again as tears showered from his eyes. He went to wipe them away only to have Howard's gentle thumb beat him to it.

"Sorry..." Howard half-laughed, half-soothed, placing his hands upon Vince's back and pulling him closer to him. Seeing the younger man show such fear at the thought of Howard dying began to regain the self-worth and hope he'd had in those final moments in the cellar after he'd destroyed the Arbiter. "I'm sorry for scaring you, sweetheart."

"You gonna keep up with calling me that?" Vince sniffed, smiling up at him.

Howard winced; "Again - sorry."

"Don't be. I like it." Vince said softly. He raised a hand to stroke over Howard's cheek; "…I like you. I really, really like you."

"You...You're not just saying that?" Howard clasped Vince's slender arms before him. How could reality be this beautiful?

"It was real, Howard. All of it. I wasn't sure of it at first but…then I ran into your little lovesick mini-me."

"There's a…dwarf who looks like me and has a crush on me?"

Vince tutted, sniffing back the last of his quick downpour of tears; "How you've managed to survive this long is a mystery to me."

"Not to me it ain't. You're always there to save me." Howard smiled, truly grateful that he'd lived as long to be in this moment; " But you saw my Defendant? Alive?"

"I think so. He wanted me to tell you he said 'goodbye'."

"Oh…" Howard couldn't help but feel a bit cheated; "Anything else?"

"Yeah. That last night shouldn't have been for nothing. He said it was a lesson for both of us. And that it shouldn't be wasted. And that you should take me out on a date tonight."

Howard's eyes twinkled, suspiciously; "He said that last part?"

"You weren't there, you can't know either way." Vince smirked cheekily.

Howard sighed, knowing that he was well and truly done for; "Vince…I need to get on that train. It's not to do with you. I mean, it is, I thought I needed to leave you for your own good. But it's this place. London. It's just not me. And I know it's you. You're a cockney bitch.

"No I'm not, I'm a French prince!" Vince protested; "You said so."

"I said you were a duke."

"You've demoted me?"

"You know what 'demoting' means?" Howard chided playfully.

"D'you know what 'patronising tit' means?"

"Oh for God's sake, are you two gonna kiss or we gonna have to resume our normal business?" A girl with cropped jet-black hair from the watching crowd heckled. They all murmured in agreement with her.

Howard and Vince merely laughed, blanking them all out once more to gaze at each other.

"I really am gonna leave, Vince. Maybe not forever. I was gonna come back for you someday... But this is something I have to do." Howard said, hating that he had to say it but knowing he had to stick by his decision.

"I get ya. Which is why I'm coming with you."

Howard's mouth gaped, startled; "Vince, you can't. What about your stuff?"

"I don't need it. All I need is you." Vince grinned, clinging to Howard like a limpet; "…And my hair straighteners. But I'll get Naboo to post them to me."

"But you're so…London. This city revolves around you. It's your home."

Vince shook his head; "No it ain't. You're my home."

"Aww!" the audience chimed together at the sickly sweet line.

"Now are you gonna kiss?" the girl with the cropped hair asked.

Vince sneered at her before turning back to Howard with his mega-watt smile; "Let's shut them up, ey."

"Happy to."

Howard brought his hands up to cup Vince's face and brought his lips up to meet his own. They met in the softest, most tender kiss that Vince had ever experienced. As he pulled himself closer, he slipped his tongue past Howard's teeth and it crossed to embrace Howard's, whilst his hands slipped around the back of Howard's head to tangle in his curls, his blood rushing as Howard's hands moved down to his back and held him. So close. So possessive.

Wolf whistles and gushing bubbled in the sea around their invisible private island. They'd've been happy to stay there forever. Before they began to realize just how perverted it was to have the whole whole world watching them in their intimate moment. They slowly pulled back, the taste of each other lingering on their tongues, eyes pouring irrevocable devotion into the other's irises. Vince stuck his tongue in his cheek and turned to their heckler.

"Satisfied now? Don't we get an applause or do we have to bum each other right now?" He asked sarcastically.

"Well actually-" the girl began but was cut off by her taller friend elbowing her in the stomach.

Instead she rolled her eyes and began the single clap that soon spread, in true rom-com fashon, throughout the small sea of people, until they were a ravenous applause surrounded Howard and Vince. They grinned stupidly at each other, caught between pride and plain foolishness at their cheesy conclusion. Oh well, Howard thought, Blame the writer.

A Virgin train pulled up onto the platform in front of them. Vince felt the relief cool pleasantly inside him at the fact that it hadn't crashed into any stupid Northerner with a death wish.

"This is our train." Howard stated. He met Vince's eyes sternly; "You sure you wanna come with me? What about…Rachelle? And your kid?"

Vince's euphoria wavered slightly. He gulped, holding his worries at bay; "You said you were gonna be with me all the way."

"I…I will…If you want me to." Howard reaffirmed his promise. The memories from his brief visit to the future would scar him forever.

"Then I've got nothing to fear, 'ave I? And there's nine months left before we have to fret about all that. Until then, I just wanna spend every waking moment with you…I love you, Howard."

"I love you too." said Howard, tucking a lock of Vince's mane behind his ear.

The smaller man's sapphire eyes sparkled once more; "…So yeah. I'm sure."

Howard beamed. He'd taken the hint by now that there really was no getting rid of the annoying, beautiful titbox. Not that he'd ever really wanted to. He held his hand out, palm facing up, to Vince. The smaller man landed his in Howard's and was clutched tightly as they practically infused together. As the crowd around them finally began to continue going about to wherever they originally planned to go, Howard and Vince turned and made their way up onto the train.

Just as Howard pulled Vince up off the platform and onto the carriage, an elderly train master awaited them to take their tickets. Howard handed in his, before they both looked awaiting to a ticket-less Vince. The electro boy gave the train master his best pair of puppy dog eyes and nodded down to his and Howard's hand's entwined together.

The train master's face softened in a second; "Aww, go on through, you lucky kids."

Vince grinned and thanked the old man kindly. Howard rolled his eyes, unable to suppress a chuckle at his partner's never-ending luck, before leading Vince off to find a couple of seats.

The train master watched them go with a sunny smile on his worn face. In all his forty years on the job, he'd never seen any two strangers who, in spite of their polarities, looked so suited to each other before. It had made his aging, bitter heart melt with unyielding generosity and joy.

An elderly woman climbed onto the train and tried to pass the dazed train master. He immediately snapped back to reality and held his arm in front of her; "Ticket, bitch!"

Meanwhile, at the other end of the carriage, Howard sat looking out of the window to his side. The sun was still climbing up high into the sky as the morning neared to noon. London was now in the thrall of yet another of its usual, tedious, routines. And it filled him with an invigorating buzz that he was ready to escape that. Naboo would be checking their many clocks, wondering where on Earth they'd disappeared to and who was gonna mind the shop. Leroy and the rest of Camden's Elite would be putting up 'Missing' posters for their vanishing Prince. None of which was Howard's concern anymore. He'd been given a second chance. A chance to take away the lessons given to him and make his life something worth waking up to each day.

A skinny figure shuffled against him, held under his left arm, feathered hair brushing against his cheek. Howard looked down to meet Vince's eyes looking up at him from where his head lay against his chest. This 'touching' thing was still a strange sensation but it wasn't one that Howard would give up for the world. Instead he held Vince closer, feeling him fit perfectly against him as if he'd been moulded to hold him and him alone. The little man really didn't seem to have any problem with leaving his friends, his town and everything he knew. Not as long as Howard was holding him. His heart swelled. That alone was enough to make Howard believe just how wrong the Arbiter had been about him.

Eventually their train pulled out and soon Howard was watching the city skyline pass away from him. He knew it wouldn't be the last time he'd see it. It was just the last time he'd be seeing it with his old, bitter eyes. London would have to prepare itself for a new and improved Howard Moon when he returned. Before Howard could continue his proud inner-monologue, he was distracted by the unrelenting repeating of his name coming from the love of his life.

"Yes, sweetheart?" He replied after the thirtieth 'Howard' from Vince's lips.

The electro boy's eyes shone at having gained his rightful attention; "Thanks for saving me."

Howard couldn't help visibly blushing; "Well…ditto. Times god-knows how much."

He inhaled the sweet scent of Vince's hair as the younger man's fingers toyed with the collar of his Hawaiin shirt.

"…Howard?"

"Mmm, little man?"

"Wanna find out what the train equivalent of the Mile High club is?"

Credits

Disclaimer:

All respective characters, themes and creations of the Mighty Boosh belong its brilliant, wacky, charming and oh-so-gorgeous creators; Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding. Credit also to the BBC, Baby Cow Productions, Steve Coogan, Paul King and anyone else for giving us such an amazing show to inspire so many wonderful fics from fans such as myself. Credit also to Grant Naylor Productions and Red Dwarf for a lot of the plot was inspired by said perfect sci-fi comedy. This was written purely for good, (almost) innocent fun and non-profit perposes. No copyright infringement intended. Please don't sue! All I own is the falty plot, the lame jokes and any original characters.

Thanks to:

All my reviewers on here; BrieStarWarsQueen, swisstony, InconspiciousBunny, AnitaLife, Demactica, Watcha, bookends999, xelectrogirlx, HMC, beck1990, poesumo, Flicksy, kbchick, noirxheart, VirendraLione, Torahamutaro-chan, Mama Lazarou, Thrif, VampiresBaby, Jael Noir, Rai Vinn and anyone else who wants to review this fic after I've posted this.

Also thanks to my wonderful, loving, if a little bit insane LiveJournal family and everyone who reviewed this fic on my LJ and BSH (from what I've posted thus far). You know who you are and your enthusiasm for this story inspired me to keep going so quickly. This has been my first ever epic that I've managed to complete and I wouldn't have bothered with if it wasn't for you girls. It's been a year now since I joined LJ and in that year I've met the best friends a girl could ask for and had some of the funnest moments of my life in places I never would've gone if it wasn't for you lot. I love you all.

So. That's it folks! Until next time. Not sure when that will be, whenever I get an idea to write anything again, god knows when that will be. But until then;

Stoke me a clipper. I'll be back for Christmas.....Whatever :P

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