Connor,

Here I am sitting on an uncomfortable trunk writing to you. If you ever get this the first thing you will wonder is "why is she writing to me of all people." Well Connor, I am a StaHo girl. I have no family to write to. Sure I could write to Mr. Durkin, my piano instructor, but if I somehow die, I don't want him to read my last words. Don't get me wrong, I don't want you to read this either, but I need to write to someone. Not because Sonia is making me, but because I need to tell you everything that I am afraid of saying out loud. You see, the second I found out that I was a being sent to be unwound, I wasn't very scared of leaving this world. I was terrified of leaving this world without ever caring about someone. You are probably smiling right now, well stop. I don't love you Connor. Hell, I think love is just a silly illusion we as people make to hide our true hatred towards each other, well; I thought that before I met you. Connor, you make me reconsider how I used to see life. Before I met you, my life revolved around the piano and perfection. But how can I do that now, as I hide in an antique shop? Connor, you are by far the most intriguing person I have ever met. And by far the most infuriating. I guess you have a right to know why I feel this way, well, let's start from the beginning.

Firsts of all, if you didn't exists I would be in a Harvest camp… or worst. But let's not think of suck things. It all started when you and Lev fought in the street and made the bus swerve off the road. At first I was enraged that you made that bus crash. But when I realized that that same crash just saved my life, hell I was very grateful for you making it happen. Then when I saw you in the woods. That ingenious plan you devised. When you jumped onto that Juvey-cop and turned his tranquilizer against him, a rush of emotion flew through my body. You scared me Connor. But it was a good scare. At that moment I realized that you would protect me, no matter what. And then came the time at the bus station. God Connor, when you walked towards that storked baby, hell I was afraid of what you would do next. Then, when that nasty woman found you near the child and thought you were the father. Well Connor, I was literally seconds away from killing you. I was going to kill you, no, I was going to find a way to turn you into the Juvey-cops without turning myself in. Connor. I was so infuriated at you for bringing that child into our life, that I was going to kick you out of the group. But after hearing the story of the young child that was storked in your neighborhood, after hearing the torment in your voice, I was no longer angry. I sympathized with you. And I understood why you did it. Then, next thing you know, I can't take the little girl out of my arms. At first, a baby in the group was a stupid and potentially dangerous thing to bring in, but she turned out to be hope. Connor, you brought hope into our desperate lives. And I am eternally grateful for that.

When Lev turned on us… I saw so much wrath in your eyes. More than I will ever want to see. I don't know why Lev did it, and I honestly don't care. But Connor, you need to forgive him. If it wasn't for him we never would have found this place. For now, living in the basement with four other people will be rough, but I promise you Connor, things will get better. And if we see Lev again, I know that he will be a changed boy. You can't expect him to change his way of thinking in just a few days time. Give Lev time to realize what is happening. I promise that he will come around.

And now I come to what is happening today. Trust me Connor, I see the way Roland looks at me, I am not blind. But there is nothing to worry about, for all he knows, we are a couple, and Didi is our daughter. Kind of a strange thought to linger on, isn't it? Anyway, I don't want you to lose sight of why we are here. We are here to survive Connor, and in doing that, you can't make enemies. Especially with someone like Roland. I know that you have a short fuse, and at any moment you will snap, but you need to know, I don't like Roland. I never will. He is revolting. I know that you are better than him Connor, so show everyone that you are better than him. All he wants to do is make someone start a fight. He is too much of a coward to start a fight himself, so he will make you start. That way, he won't look bad, you will. Even though you won't read this until far after this all blows over, promise me you won't attack Roland.

I guess I should just wrap this all up. I guess I should just say everything that I need to say. First of all, thank you. Thank you for saving my life Connor. Thank you for bringing Didi into our life. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for giving me someone to care about. Thank you for everything Connor. You are the only person I really care enough to actually write to. I know that you won't write to me. I know that you have family to write to. And I understand. I guess I just want to say, Connor, if you are reading this and I'm gone… please don't give up. Don't stop fighting the Juvey-cops. Don't give up on my behalf. Keep on living. And never forget this, Connor, you saved my life, in more ways than one. I promise you Connor, things will get better as we travel down the road. Maybe one day we will be able to live in peace and harmony… together.

Never give up hope Connor.

Love,

Risa Ward