If Things Run Differently

Fandom: Kekkaishi

Genre: Romance-Friendship

Rating: T/15+

Pairing: Gen/Yoshimori

Characters: All possibly

Summary: Having one-sided love isn't nice at all, especially if his crush is an obnoxious, dimwitted, thickheaded, moronic straight boy who already has mind on another girl. Still, for the sake of his smile only, Gen can endure being by his side. No, he needs to be.

Disclaimer: Kekkaishi Tanabe Yellow. Luna only borrows the character to play with

Warning: Semi AU, possible oOC-ness (I hope not really), shounen ai and fluff

A/N: I am getting frustrated because there's not enough fanfic for Kekkaishi, especially Gen/Yoshi pairing. I mean…come on! They're HOT together! Why won't everyone want to ship them!? I want to read so badly, but there's just not enough! DX That's why; I decide to make one myself. I hope this will turn alright ^_^

Edit: fix grammar and spelling errors

If Things Run Differently

© lunaryu~

Smile

Gen doesn't remember when it started. Things has been spiraling out of his control lately.

Is he in hormone turmoil? He isn't particularly sure of that. Well, yeah, he is fourteen, a full-fledged teenager and all, but that only applies if he's a normal boy. Does it happen to ayakashi majiri as well? Or if his animal slash ayakashi instinctis is more dominant, should it be called 'in heat' instead of in hormone turmoil?

Maybe it's a moment of confusion…Ugh, no; Gen refuses to call it as a moment of insanity no matter how other people see it. That will be absurd because Gen is positive that he isn't crazy. Angry and resentful, maybe; crazy?—he scoffs. He is painfully aware that he's emotionally stunted, thank you very much. Still doesn't mean it makes him crazy.

Right… that isn't helping in the slightest—Gen sighs slightly as he sits up and scratches the back of his neck, somehow feeling a strange ache inside his chest that he doesn't really understand.

Today is a fine,bright, normal day and as usual, Gen is on the rooftop, trying to spend his free time napping. Well, if he could actually sleep, it would be called napping, but because he fails to do so, his mind keeps wandering in an uncharted territory that he doesn't even know exists in his head.

Moreover, the most annoying thing is…the source of his frustration is there as well, sleeping peacefully inside a kekkai, blissfully unaware of the bizarre things boiling inside Gen's head while the spiky haired, scary-eyed boy is grudgingly forced to listen to the other boy's faint sound of breathing which repeatedly escaped through between his pink lips in steady shush.

If it was allowed, Gen would strangle the boy to death in order to stop that tickling sound. It's driving him nuts.

He can't help sighing again in exasperation. How come Gen finds the other boy's company bothering him? Since when and how? Gen really should stop thinking or his mind will explode, because no matter how hard he chews over it, he still doesn't get the answer.

It's just…sort of happening before Gen even notices it. When he tries to trace back his memory, it may have…uh, probably, started after that day, when Atora gave them a challenge to test their ability to work as a team.

That day, after Gen, Yoshimori and Yukimura won the challenge, the thing said by Sumimura Yoshimori while strongly holding his hand…

"I won't let go of your hand."

It is a serious statement. There is no doubt in his voice and eyes such that it surprises Gen very much. That time, Gen couldn't name his feeling with anything else but happiness.

Frankly, lately Gen has felt a strange bond forming between him, Yoshimori and that Yukimura girl. It's admittedly close to friendship that he couldn't believe it at first. Still, after that incident with Kaguro, Gen losing his control of his power and the possibility of his withdrawal from Karasumori back to Urakai, Gen finds it really hard to part with them.

It's possibly because that day Yoshimori visited his house, bringing him some sweets he had made himself with effort just for him. Alright, Yoshimori did tell him it was an experiment, but the fact that he tried to get a reaction from Gen afterwards rather intrigued him.

Gen doesn't eat sweets; he kind of hates them, period.

But then, when Yoshimori was looking at him with those wide innocent, expectant eyes, Gen couldn't help feeling guilty if he wasted his effort. So, after Gen test-tasted the chocolate cake, he just commented"It's not bad," and he briefly thought that his answer was unsatisfactory for Yoshimori's curiosity. However then, a wide, happy smile slowly bloomed on Yoshimori's face. It was so radiant that it almost threw Gen overboard getting a sudden assault from such amazing expression.

Gen couldn't help widening his eyes, before he felt the need to avert his gaze, focusing on anywhere else but Yoshimori to keep his own expression in check.

Honestly, Gen doesn't think his general comment will get such a reaction from the other boy. His smile at that time was genuine satisfaction, but right until this moment Gen still can't comprehend what had made Yoshimori so happy. Was his commentary really that great? Gen is pretty sure that he said it with flat tone, though.

Then, Atora just had to barge in and told Yoshimori that Gen hated sweets. He looked really guilty and crestfallen afterwards for forcing Gen to eat the cake. Gen had coolly convinced him that his chocolate cake was fine even though he didn't like sweets, but then Yoshimori just smiled again and promised to make another sweet which was less sweet for him.

Gen can't help thinking that Yoshimori is trying hard to know him more…as a friend. It's really…strange in Gen's opinion, but he doesn't dislike the sentiment. If he thinks it hard enough, he can almost feel pleasant.

And then…and then…things just become weirder and weirder after that. Of course the three of them, Yoshimori, Yukimura girl and he, still do their job protecting Karasumori from ayakashi and Kokuborou. It's not easy, but they manage to do it with their combination attacks. Unfortunately (or fortunately, actually, for Gen at least), the thing that turns weird doesn't appear visibly like a cat starting having period or something like that, more like…Gen's mind is the one which gradually goes odd.

He starts to notice small things about Yoshimori that he usually ignores. Things like how good he looks when he is fighting under the moonlight or how pale his skin is compared to his own. Things like how he will blush while scrunching his nose and furrowing his brows when he is praised so suddenly and how soft his gaze is whenever he is serenely watching over the night view of Karasumori land from his kekkai up in free air.

Then Gen starts wondering how the boy will look if he is in that kind of situation. Ahem, if you're marveling about what kind of situation running inside Gen's head, you need to be at least 18 year old to take a peek.

Gen doesn't know why he's suddenly so curious about it. Heck, he has never even thought about that even though he has the hottest girl offer him her body before, so why the heck will he start to get interested now, especially when the object of his interest is a boy in his age, who happens to be his friend and teammate and is obviously as straight as an arrow.

Gen barely considers him a friend before, so why does it suddenly leap into something else as significantly as it is now? Could it be? He even almost believes in an idea that he may have been possessed whenever his mind starts picking up Yoshimori's images getting involved in many-many inappropriate state of affairs.

Worse, without knowing the direction of Gen's mind when he is thinking, Yoshimori, that dimwitted asshole, is not considerate at all to help with Gen's complicated feeling and condition. Damn his obliviousness! Yoshimori keeps approaching Gen and making the sharp-eyed guy more miserable. He will do things that stir Gen's heart. They are considerably insignificant and nothing more than friendly gestures, but it almost rises the other boy to heaven whenever Yoshimori smiles at him and touches him. Okay, 'touch' is exaggerating; he merely brushes him on his hand or pats him on his shoulder, sometimes leans his back against Gen's when they are fighting together back to back.

And each time it happens, Gen realizes that it is very improper to imagine such… such things and keeps berating himself inwardly to knock it off already. He is afraid that his feeling will turn into obsession that will end up with him being hated by the other boy. Yoshimori has admitted that he deems Gen as a friend and he needs him as one, no more, no less. If he finds out about Gen's feeling, Yoshimori will be disgusted and will definitely scorn him.

Gen doesn't want to lose the bond that's finally formed between them. Anyway, Yoshimori likes that Yukimura girl, so it is hopeless to begin with. He ponders why his feeling doesn't go for Yukimura instead of Yoshimori. Is there any difference in how they treat Gen? Normally, a guy will be attracted to a girl, right? So why the hell is he more attracted to Yoshimori rather than Yukimura? It doesn't make any sense at all.

Though, it's futile even though he tries to think a reasonable explanation for his weird emotion. He hates not understanding things, but yeah… He still doesn't know the answers. It is too complicated; his head can't come up with any good excuse. He likes Yoshimori as more than a friend, so what? Anyway, he only has to hide it. Gen is trained to be emotionless, so he is confident that his lack of expression will help him conceal his feeling just fine.

As it may be…if you see your crush hitting on another girl in front of your eyes every damned day, of course at some point you will feel jealous. Gen tries; heaven knows he does. But it is still too much for him. So… he begins to withdraw bit by bit from Yoshimori, putting a wall so as to spare his own heart from the blow of suffering his one-sided feeling causes, and Yoshimori, curse him, seems aware of his change of attitude at some degrees.

It gets worse very fast after that because that suspicious ayakashi, Kaguro, suddenly appears before Gen and offers him to join him or more like…to turn Gen into full ayakashi. He even gives him a strange egg that somehow knows whatever it is inside his heart and his head. It starts taunting him with his recent weakness: Yoshimori.

Horrible images of Gen turning into a beast someday that will hurt Yoshimori and Yukimura are agonizing. And yet, he can't just throw away the nightmarish egg because it is the only thing that knows about his feeling for Yoshimori; the ultimate evidence that he is indeed conscious and is not imagining things. His mind becomes unstable, erratic, and he feels so furious. He is disgusted with himself because he has such weakness, such fear, and he can't tell anybody else because he has nobody to tell. Of course he can't exactly bring up a subject as sensitive as that to both Yoshimori and Yukimura. It is too shameful even for himself.

Then…because of the repressed stress and unreleased frustration which are becoming more and more unbearable, he snaps in front of Yoshimori just because the boy won't stop pestering him, asking whether he is alright or not, most likely because Gen is pissed off about everything these days. Gen almost slashes him with his own claws, just like that day…when he clawed his sister. It sickens and shocks Gen very much because he is still capable of using his power which he has sworn to use only to protect people, to hurt the most important person in his life. He is immediately convinced that he is indeed a monster that causes nothing but calamity and misfortune to the people he loved.

Of course, Yoshimori isn't really hurt, apparently just surprised and thinks that he has made Gen angry again. He even apologizes first, but it causes Gen to fall into the worst self-loathing he has ever had. It isn't Yoshimori's fault, but Gen has snapped at him and almost hurt him. Gen is the one wounded most by his own animalistic behavior. He feels that if he stays beside Yoshimori any longer, he will definitely hurt him later.

Thus…when Kokuborou decides to attack Karasumori fully that night, when an ayakashi called Gagin comes down from the sky to eliminate the kekkaishis, Gen stands between him and Yoshimori and Yukimura to protect his team. He fights as hard as he could, using all of his strength to the extent of getting Karasumori blessing to draw out his full ayakashi power while still maintaining his human side.

Then, when Kaguro slashes Gen's chest with his katana and his world slowly turns into darkness after he falls, Gen is glad. He doesn't feel any pain at all. He is satisfied that he can die protecting the one he loves, the one he cherishes most in this world.

Yoshimori…I am glad…that I was able to meet you….

When he thinks he wants to die and Karasumori begins to assist his will, a hand grabs his own. Faint distressed voice cries out his name. In the midst of losing his consciousness and his life, he can see Yoshimori shouting his name worriedly over and over, and something… like beads of water starts dripping, drop by drop, on to his face.

Is it raining?

Gen can't help but reflect absently as he tries to focus his sight. It isn't the rain, though. It's…Yoshimori's tears. He is sobbing while yelling out his name. Crying…looking so upset and distraught; and he's saying something…something…

"Don't you dare die on me, Shishio Gen! I need you here, you bastard! Don't die!" He is practically screaming desperately; clutching Gen's hand so hard it's painful. "Did you hear me!? Come back to me, Shishio! I need you!"

He needs me? I…the filthy ayakashi majiri who almost killed his own sister and almost hurt him with his claws…. Does he really…?

"You love him don't you?"—part of Gen's mind whispers to him from the back of his head.

Yes…I love him…more than anyone else…

"Then…how could you make him cry like that?"—Wait, it can't be Gen's mind speaking. It's…what? Who? Gen doesn't really understand, but the voice is calming and soothing; it feels really comfortable listening to it.

Cry…?

"You will upset him even more if you die right now, leaving him behind like that."

He will be…sad?

"Would you still wish to die knowing your death will hurt him most?"

"Shishio!" Gen can still hear Yoshimori's fearful cry, calling for him. He can see Yoshimori's tearful eyes and face and feel his shaky hands… Yoshimori's expression…it's so heart-wrenching such that he almost cries himself.

Don't cry…. I don't wish…to make you cry….

"Your wish then…?"

I…want to see Yoshimori smile…. I want him…to smile…always…always….

When Gen finally closes his eyes losing his consciousness completely, he indistinctly hears the soft voice answers "Your wish…is granted."

The next thing Gen knows, all his pain is gone; and when he opens his eyes, he is on a futon beneath a warm blanket under a wooden ceiling, with Yoshimori sleeping beside him, his hand still holding Gen's loosely.

"What…?" Gen can't really grasp the situation. He thought he had died. With his free hand, he tries to pinch his own cheek, to check whether he is dreaming or something. Still, the action hurts, so he can safely assume he is still pretty much alive and isn't actually dreaming or hallucinating.

Gen glances beside him at the sleeping Yoshimori. He is sound asleep, looking very innocent and content. Does he find my company comfortable for him?—Unconsciously, Gen's hand reaches out Yoshimori's hair that covers his forehead and strokes it lightly, moving a few strands of hair to get a better look on Yoshimori's face. There are still visible tears-streaks on his cheeks. He must have tired himself out crying. He looks just like a child like this.

Gen closes his eyes and leans more closely into Yoshimori's head. "Forgive me, for making you cry…" he whispers lightly and promptly plants a feather light kiss on Yoshimori's forehead.

"Nnh…" Yoshimori moans a little as a response, and he tosses his hand slightly aside only to find Shisio's arm and then hugs it tightly while forming a small relieved smile on his face.

Gen can't help blushing at that. No, no, no! Scratch that! He is Shishio Gen and he doesn't blush! Oh well…Yoshimori looks so adorable then, such that he can't really make a right expression in response. Okay, maybe it is close to blush but…Damn him for being this CUTE!—Gen can't help feeling sorry for himself, falling more and more for this little devil's trap.

Yeah, Yoshimori cares about Gen, and before…he said it over and over again that he needed Gen. Yoshimori needs him and he doesn't let go off Gen's hand whatever happens. He is…still holding on to him even now. He cares a lot…even though it is not love, not the kind of affection that Gen hopes from him, well, that's alright. It's nice enough. He can bear with it; can survive with it. As long as Yoshimori smiles at him, as long as he needs him, Gen can live for that.

"As long as you're beside me and I can be by your side… I feel…whole." Gen closes his eyes once again. He still feels a little bit sleepy. Maybe he can take a longer nap today before tomorrow comes, and then…

And then… Yoshimori will still be there when Gen wakes up, say 'good morning' to him and smile at him again with his lovely, cheery expression.

~Fin~

A/N: Eheheh, now I tried to make Kekkaishi fanfic. I know it's probably lame, but I really want to make one. It's supposed to be one shoot, but let me know if you want me to make it into series. I still have some ideas to put in this story, but because the theme would be different, it will be better to make it into separate chapters. Anyway, if you read it and find it worthy, please comment, ne? Criticism and suggestion are welcome, but don't flame please? Anyway, thanks for reading beforehand. See you at next story or at next project.

With Love,

Lunaryu~~~