Notes: Sorry for the delay between chapters, you guys were awesome with all the suggestions, so thank you to all of you that contributed. My beta gets lots of love for this one, as she was the one that typed out my suggestions for me. Yup, this one is slightly different, but I've got to keep you one your toes!
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Afternoon y'all! I'll b'takin' over this session o' contraband items, since you guys kinda put Prowler outta commission with all yer weird suggestions. Some of 'em were too illogical fer that processor o' his, so while he's out o'it, as third in command, I'll be takin' over th'list duties. Thanks t' 'Jumper, Silverbolt, Hot Spot, Blurr, Chromia, Optimus, Sparkplug, Carly, Spike, Ratchet, Hound, Mirage, Hide, Grimlock 'n Smokes for their info. An' meh course. Strap in, guys!
Carly asked me t'ban Spike, but I somehow doubt I can do that. What I will say is that Hound's not longer allowed t'describe biological cycles in any detail 'o anyone.
I also can't ban Air Raid, Blades 'n Slingshot from seein' each other, but I have t'admit th'fightin' outside th'trainin' rooms is getting' outta hand. I WILL lock 'em in a room together if they don' stop it until they make friends. An' believe me, I will.
Item 4 has been amended t' include Miko Miko Nurse, Watashi no Tamagoyaki, The Doom Song, 18 Wheels on a Big-Rig, Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan, 'Anything' by Hyadain, Caramelldansen, Eva's Polka, the Top Gun theme, Happy Tree Friends, The Numa Numa song, 'Boom Boom Pow' by the Black-Eyed Peas, Never Gonna Give You Up, The Touch, Dare To Be Stupid, Dennis Leary's 'Asshole' song, the James Bond theme and Mission Impossible theme. It's getting' really old fer us Special Ops t'b'walkin' down th'corridors 'n havin' some mech stalkin' us while hummin' those themes.
…..Slag, that's a long list o' songs. He'll b'tryin' t'ban music soon!
Item 10 has been amended to include First Aid's tools as well as Ratchet's. Jus' because he ain't as grouchy as our beloved CMO don't mean he can't nail ya from th'other side o'th'Rec Room! An' believe meh, it's easy fer meh t'find out who did it!
Item 12 has been amended to include paint grenades. Even though they get more mechs when ya throw 'em… Also amended to include glow paint. Mirage's paint was spiked with this 'n now he glows when he turns invisible, which kinda defeats the purpose.
Item 57 has been amended to include t' include Styrofoam cups, since 'Jack can apparently blow 'em up without addin' anythin' t' 'em.
Item 35 has been amended t' include all mechs pokin' the Aerialbots and Powerglide. I suspect Blue 'n Smokescreen'd appreciate yeh not pokin' 'em either, however temptin' it is.
Item 90 has been amended t' include all medieval human weaponry. We have lasers bots, why?
Item 81 has been amended t' include games. I don' care how good Call o' Duty is, we do actually need Teletraan.
Item 97 has been amended t' include blow horns. Gettin' a mech's attention ain't hard with th'comms, 'n horns not only scare th'crap outta most mechs they, unless yeh have implants like meh, can damage yer audio receptors.
Item 16 has been amended t' include oranges. Apparently they can be used t'make napalm. I'll be takin' charge o'the oranges on base. I think they'd make nice presents fer th'Cons, don't you?
Item 17 has been amended t' include signs that say 'wide load' 'n mudflaps with naked women on them. Optimus ain't happy, that's all I'm sayin'. Blurr's also been complainin' 'bout th'Mach 5 'n Flash stickers appearin' on his chassis in various places. They're banned too, which is a shame since I was gonna repaint him while he recharged…. He'd look good in red and yellow, don' yeh think?
Item 56 has been amended to include maple syrup and whipped cream. I really really really don' wanna know.
101. Iron Filings 'n Magnets.
-- Sides, y'ain't "Wooly Willy" 'n Ratchet's told me he ain't repairin' ya if yeh get th'filin's in yer joints. Swoop needs th'practice 'pparently.
102. Barney.
-- Apparently Grimlock's threatened pain t' th'next person who calls him 'Barney'. I ain't gonna stand in a mad Dinobot's way, so don' look at meh.
103. Roleplayin'.
-- While th'roleplays themselves are acceptable 'n damn fun at times, I wouldn't recommend comin' int' battle in costumes as a good idea. It's fine if th'Cons're laughin' they're afts off, it's when th'Autobots are too that we have a problem, meh included. Hard t'sneak around when yer gigglin' too much.
104. Ironhide's Guns.
-- No switchin' 'em out fer ones that spray water 'n fluffy animals everywhere. Not exactly useful in battle! An' no putting popcorn in 'em either. They don't go pop. Yes, it's from personal experience.
105. Plants.
-- Stop fillin' Hound's room with 'em as some're growin' like wildfire 'n others smell really unpleasant.
106. Helium 'n Sulphur Hexafluoride.
-- It's dangerous fer th'humans. Too high a concentration means they can't breath, 'n Ratch'd rather them not faint 'n die on him.
107. Alcohol.
-- Th'one who gave this t'Spike knows full well who they are as Prowler's been in touch, 'n they will b'subject t'my tender punishments.
108. Blanks.
-- When I find whoever's been firin' these 'round Red Alert, I have been told by Prowler there will be no limits fer their punishment. Be warned.
109. Ninja Turtle Masks.
-- While I appreciate bein' thought of as a ninja, it ain't cool t'wake up 'n not be able t'see anythin' because someone's tied a Ninja turtle mask t'my visor. I am not Leonardo 'n never will be. Quit it.
110. Hitchhikers.
-- Bringin' 'em back t'base ain't a good idea. Red fritz's too much, they ain't cleared 'n Blue gets freaked out they might b'phantom travellers.
111. Back To The Future Movies.
-- 'Jack plus this movie equals a HUGE no-no. I shouldn't have t'explain why.
112. Floor Wax.
-- While usin' fer th'floors is fine, over usin' it in large quantities ain't th'brightest idea ever. Nor are banana skins. Sideswipe.
113. Window Pens.
-- Ratch says it's a bitch t'get off 'n the messages he has t'get off ain't exactly orthodox. I really wouldn't if ya value yer chassis. Course, if ya don't, then be ma guest 'n frag The Hatchet off.
114. Jarate Jars.
-- NO, puttin' it simply. I ain't sure how yeh managed t'fill Cybertronian sized ones up with human urine in th'first place, but it's gross 'n smells awful. I'll b'takin' over punishment fer th'next Bot who throws one o'them as well.
115. Coconuts.
-- No, swallows don' bring 'em over, 'n th'song is getting' on m'nerves, however lovely ya claim they are.
116. Chewing Gum.
-- Allowed ONLY in th'human section o'th'Ark 'n it ain't fer stickin' on furniture or sleepin' mechs.
117. Home Alone Films.
-- Prowler's ruined our fun by sayin' we can't booby-trap th'Ark unless we're bein' invaded, 'n that privilege stays with Special Ops, but I gotta respect that.
118. Wii Consoles.
-- Now I ain't bannin' 'em, not with all the effort 'Jack put into out-sizin' 'em for us, but I'm just gonna draw ya attention t' 'em so I can say be fraggin' careful where ya wave the remotes when ya playin'. No more smacked helms or poked optics, 'k?
119. Snow.
-- Inside the Ark, c'mon bots. There's enough of the stuff outside on this planet, ya don't need t' bring it inside 'n let it melt all over the place.
120. Remote Controlled 'Fart' Machines.
-- Now, whoever re-engineered these t' make back firin' noises, I'll give ya 10 outta 10 fer thinkin' outside the box, but after hearin' it 30 times, it gets a little old, so put it away younglin's.
Hopefully Prowler'll be back on his pedes soon. Stop overloading his CPU, ya breakin' rule 20 ya know.