Notes: This is based off a very long conversation I had with Rae, during which time we cosplayed as Jazz and Prowl (I was Prowl). If anyone wishes to add to the list, do so as a member of Autobot forces!

Contraband List (including activities that should not be undertaken).

1. High Grade. (Exempt under orders)

-- Specifically home brewed high grade made by Sideswipe or Sunstreaker. I do not expect to see it used as betting material either. Anyone caught in possession faces cleaning duty or extended monitor duty.

2. Duct Tape.

-- See incident report from Indian Ambassador's trip and Huffer's medical report. Ratchet does not appreciate removing duct tape from minibots.

3. Wool.

-- The Decepticon are not sheep, despite how they act. Please refrain from trying to make them look like them Wheeljack. Animal rights protestors do not enjoy the sight of 'sheep' getting blow up.

4. Music.

-- Specifically loud enough music to damage audios or to be heard clearly through any of the Ark's bulkheads. Jazz, Blaster this includes you.

5. Mud.

-- Autobots will head straight to wash racks if excessively dirty, unless other important duties prevent it. Cleaning is a foremost priority after duties have been attended to.

6. Skunks - Amended to included skunks, porcupines, jack rabbits and bears.

-- All wildlife must be first cleared, by either myself or Red Alert, before it is brought onto base, Hound. Wheeljack does not want anymore nesting in his lab.

7. P.S. Notes.

-- These are not conducive to reports, especially if they read 'I've stuck a note to your back'.

-- This also includes any of the Special Operations team sticking the same notes to Decepticon backs whilst undercover. Whilst the pictures taken as proof are great moral boosters, the endangerment to operatives is too great.

8. All Jackass Movies.

-- The pranks do not need encouragement or further ideas adding to the pot.

9. Pink, fluffly frou-frou's.

-- Whatever these are, Ratchet never wants to see one again.

10. Ratchet's tools.

-- These are strictly off limits to everyone. Replacing his wrenches with rubber ones may save dented helms, but our CMO is not a mech to be trifled with. Any punishment will come straight from him.

11. Cameras.

-- These are now banned from personal use since Sideswipe used them to gain blackmail material.

12. Paint.

-- Paint is to be stored only in Hoist and Grapple's work area. Anyone wanting a repaint will see them. Sunstreaker this includes you.

-- Paint ball guns are strictly forbidden.

-- Anyone wishing to keep their limbs attached to their chassis would be advised to note when Sunstreaker has a repaint and not to scratch it. I will deal with his actions after such incidents.

13. Cannabis Amended to include all human drugs.

-- We need no repeats of Beachcomber's 'testing'.

14. Dodgeball with minibots.

-- Spike has now agreed to teach no more sports.

15. Worms.

-- This computer game is now banned after the incident with Ironhide's cannons and the 'carpet bomb'.

16. Nitro-glyercine.

-- Wheeljack is never allowed this substance.

17. Bumper stickers.

-- They do not present the right image to the humans. This includes 'Quit staring at my aft' ones.

18. Attempts to make Red Alert call Immediate Lock Down are forbidden. Our Security Director is merely doing his job, do not take advantage of his paranoia.

19. Any attempt to apologise via tape from a long distance away is not appreciated. The punishment will still stand.

20. Attempts to fry my CPU are forbidden. I do not appreciate it. Neither does Ratchet.

21. To All Senior Staff – No one is to go to Jazz on advice about how to reprimand those who break the rules. His methods are not within regulations.

22. Do not write or say 'With love from Prowl' on any report on my behalf under any circumstance. Jazz.

23. Wheeljack has requested that the 'Beam me up Scotty' jokes cease.

24. Valentine's Day.

-- Whilst this is not strictly banned, there are restrictions in place on the giving of presents. See Red Alert or myself.

25. April's Fool.

-- This is not a free for all prank day designated by Primus.

26. Ratchet has banned Jet Judo, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker.

-- Amended to include Optimus Prime. Sorry sir, Ratchet out ranks you on medical matters.

27. Fender Bending with Stunticons is strictly off limits.

-- Ratchet refuses to mend anyone caught doing this. You will be passed to First Aid or Swoop.

28. Hacking personal files is utterly forbidden.

-- Jazz has hacker morals. Do not attempt to bribe him.

29. Halloween.

-- Only those off duty may go 'Trick or Treating' and not on base.

30. Jazz's Personal Equipment.

-- This is not for general use. Anyone caught attempting to find, use or steal it will be left to his punishment.

31. The word 'Duck' is now to be reconsidered in the field. A more descriptive term is advised since Hound used it to describe a real animal and the whole Aerialbot team ended up in a canyon.

32. Pornography.

-- The humans do not need to see the Cybertronian version of this and I do not need to see the human version of this.

33. Human television and internet.

-- Not to be used whilst on duty.

34. Gorilla Glue.

-- It is not to be used to stick furniture to the ceiling.

-- Nor are gorillas to be tested to see if they 'produce' it.

35. Monty Python.

-- Ministry of Silly Walks, Killer Rabbits, French accents and crucifixions are banned.

36. To Jazz – On a personal note, refrain from poking my doorwings and sirens in public, however tempted you are.

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My thanks to Jazz for his input. If any of the other members of staff which to add to this list, please contact me.

Prowl.