Title: My 0,0,0,0 Thingy

Author: NellyLush

Summary: Alone for the summer Penny has time to think about what the guys, and Sheldon in particular, mean to her.

Rating: T for some suggestive lines

Words: 4483

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, they belong to Chuck Lorre

Notes: I love feedback, good or bad.

My 0,0,0,0 thingy

"Well my mom used to give me sponge bathes"

If he'd been anyone else, I would have figured he was hitting on me. The way he stood up against the door, eyeing me, waiting for an answer. But he's not just some other guy. He's Sheldon and he didn't understand how it I could see it any other way than the earnest way he meant it.

I have the flu. I'm sick, alone and the guys are in the Arctic. It sucks being sick alone. I know that. That's why I stayed with Sheldon when he got sick. I at least knew to get soup delivered.

Sheldon made me stay there all day and tend to him. He owes me so I wrote him a really long email telling him all about how crappy I feel. He emailed me back telling me to stay out of his room until my symptoms had been gone for several days. He also reminded me that Souplantation has takeout.

It's only May, the guys won't be back for months. Sheldon gave me strict instructions about his apartment. He made a color coded schedule that he emailed to be about when I'm supposed to go into their place and open up the windows so it won't get stuffy. There are so many contingencies based on temperature, smog patterns, and precipitation and ideal times for cross winds. I just go in there once a week and open the windows for a few hours.

Leonard told me I was free to watch anything they had on their TiVo, play video games and use the wifi to my heart's content. Sheldon emailed me, told me he saw Leonard's email, and reminded me that I was not to sit in his spot while doing any of the above. I was just shocked that he didn't have a problem with the other stuff.

"I'm not wearing pajama bottoms."

I had to hold back a sly smile as I stood in his bedroom. If he'd been anyone else Sheldon would have been trying to get me into bed with him but he just wanted to get rid of me. My adrenaline was pumping because I was in the midst of some killer Conan. I was so caught up that I didn't even notice just how strange that moment was. Besides, Sheldon has probably never tried to get a girl into bed. He'd never understand that he'd stumbled onto a pickup line a million times better than anything Howard had ever come up with.

It's so hot. The craziest heat wave has hit LA and everything is sticky, hot and lazy. The guys sent me an email telling me how chilly things are. I read it when I want to think of cold places. I've just been wandering around my apartment in a tank top and boy shorts and I'm still way too warm. Across the hall is much cooler in the afternoon. I've spent the past week over there watching Battlestar Galactica season one. I started in the armchair, but it's too crammed a space when everything is so sticky. I moved onto the couch around the time everyone could see Six that one time for no reason. I didn't really mean to be in Sheldon's spot, it just turns out it's the most comfortable, gets the best breeze and has the best view of the TV. Yeah, the heat's turned me into a raging whackadoodle and it's only the middle of June.

"Well then I suggest you get a very long stick and play panty pinata."

I was so mad, but also a bit impressed. I'm not saying that Sheldon was a super-genius but I thought long and hard about ways to get even with him and hanging unmentionables on the phone line outside never even crossed my mind. If he'd been anyone else, I'd think he was flirting. Not in a good way, but flirting. It's like the schoolboy who crushes on the girl so he pulls her hair and makes fun of her because he can't just say that he likes her and wants to talk to her again. Sheldon doesn't really understand that social convention. He doesn't know that I was baiting him because I wanted his attention. I don't like having a friend "banish" me. I don't like being told I can't visit someone or talk to them. He probably spent more time thinking about me after I was banished that any time before or after. Sheldon didn't do it so I'd think of him. He just likes to win. Of course, I like winning too and I did.

It's probably really sad to be doing laundry on a Saturday night that also happens to be the 4th of July but I ended up without plans when my date canceled. He'd broken his arm playing football in the afternoon and I have more dirty clothes than I really should admit to anyone. I've been going between the laundry room and the guys' place. I'm playing Halo to keep my skills up. I'm not going to let Sheldon beat me.

Raj wrote me an email the other day. I was surprised to get it because Raj and I don't talk much but he was going on and on about how they'd made a life for themselves up there and how it wasn't really any different than home, except colder and without new comic books. I shouldn't have been astonished that they'd all get along without me, but it kind of hurt. I don't think Raj meant it that way. Howard emails me all the time telling me how much he misses seeing me or how the white of the ice reminds him of my ivory skin or something. At first I was grossed out, but after reading about how the others don't miss me much I went back and read them all. It turns out that they're still gross.

"All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy"

Like I would ever have thought of cloning Spock! Only Sheldon could have come up with something like that. When he tried to hug me it was so awkward and long. If he'd been anyone else, I'd have figured that he was trying to cop a feel, but Sheldon was just trying to express an emotion, something that he doesn't let himself do very often. The guys always joke around about Sheldon being a robot. I do too sometimes, I'm no saint, but there was no doubt in my mind at Christmas that Sheldon really feels things, almost in a childlike way. I never thought a napkin could make someone so happy. I never though I could make someone so happy. The hug was strange and then it wasn't. He lingered but it felt right to be next to him. I could never be sure with Sheldon that we were actually friends, that he considered me a friend, but right then I knew it.

I had the afternoon off so I went and saw Star Trek. I know it came out a long time ago, but I've been busy and broke. I saw it at a cheap matinee and I hate to say that I liked it, but it was really good. I always figured myself for a Kirk sort of girl, but it's Spock that's really interesting. He's got so much more going on just below the surface. I get why all the guys like him so much.

Leonard sent me an email when I told him about Star Trek warning me not to say a word about it to Sheldon. Like I didn't know that already. I wish the guys could hurry up and come home so they can see it and then I can finally talk about it with someone. My other friends think it's strange that I keep mentioning the Tribble in the one scene.

Sheldon found out somehow that I'd seen it. Those three are so careful around him, I can't imagine who would have slipped up. He also reminded me about his spoiler policy and that I already had a strike for mocking his airing out the apartment schedule. I had to send him a contract with an electronic signature saying that I would not mention the film in any way to him or around him until he had a chance to view it. I agreed. Honestly, I wouldn't want to ruin that excitement for him anyhow. My stipulation was that he'd have to either take me with him if he went to see it at a theatre or invite me over if he ends up renting it. I need to see the look on his face when Nimoy shows up. And it's not a date. Maybe if he was someone else.

"She calls me Moonpie because I'm nummy nummy and she could just eat me up."

Sheldon isn't a great phone person. We'd talked on the phone before but only for like a few seconds at a time. When he called me to get some paper off of his flash drive we ended up talking for hours. It was mostly him giving me instructions as rudely as possible and me ignoring him. Still, we talked longer during that conversation than every other phone call combined.

He adores his Mee Maw. I forget sometimes that his feeling run deep, but having a special box full of letters is pretty cool. No doubt in my mind that he cares. I shouldn't have read the letters, but I did. The first one was a mistake, but once I started reading, I was sucked in. Reading those letters, it was clear that Sheldon wrote back all the time. So sweet. I don't want to imply anything but if he was anyone else caring for his family like that would have been something of a turn on. Even without that interest, it was like getting a peek into Sheldon. He's so guarded sometimes.

Leonard sent me an email giving me a date and time. The guys had access to a phone and they were making time to call me. I'd been giddy for days. I missed them and July 31st wasn't coming soon enough. I wasn't really sure how Raj and I were going to talk and I was pretty sure that Howard would just hit on me, but Leonard and Sheldon live across the hall. I see them everyday and I haven't heard their voices in months.

When the phone rang, I felt a rush. It ended up being a telemarketer and I hung up on him before he got three words out. Two minutes later the phone rang again. Howard started up right away. I didn't tell him what I was wearing. I asked if he'd called his mother yet which made him very grouchy and he passed off to Raj. I'm not sure exactly what happened at the other end of the line, but Leonard's voice greeted me a few minutes later. We talked about my job and the arctic and I told him I missed him and I wanted him to come home soon.

Sheldon's turn was next. He talked to me about the project, which was dull and I told him about the new burger on our menu. He stated calming that he wouldn't try it. I asked him what he missed the most and he answered that he'd adjusted. Then he quietly told me that he missed everything. He missed his spot, he missed his bed, his restaurants, his TV schedule, the comic book store. Then he said he missed me. I don't know exactly when the tears started rolling down my face, if it was when I told him I missed him too or when he told me that he'd been wanting to write me but wasn't sure if I'd be interested in his longer letters. I promised him I'd read every word, even if I didn't understand them and I'd write him back. When we hung up I sat on my couch for a moment. It's not that I care about Sheldon more than the others, it's just to have him say he misses me means so much because that's not something you'd expect Sheldon to say, you know?

"Are you and Leonard friends with benefits?"

Okay, he's hitting on me. His keys are in his pocket and all of this is some scheme to hook up with me. He's gotten into my place, gotten us to have dinner together and now is trying to get me into bed. But that look on his face says otherwise. He doesn't even understand the question. He's curious, he wants to learn something but this conversation is so horrible and embarrassing. Someone else should have to explain this to him. But I do my best without blushing too much and we move on. If he as anyone else, he would have tried to kiss me, but Sheldon is so put out in having to stay at my place that he doesn't even realize he's alone with a pretty girl, that he's spending the night with a pretty girl. He's homesick, not horny. He's just not that sort of guy. We he calls me to his side and commands me to "Sing soft kitty" a very small part of me wants to slip into the bed with him and whisper "Make me" in his ear. But that passes as quickly as it hits when I remember its Sheldon and he has no idea just how dirty those three words are. He's sweet when he thanks me but he brushes me off before I can even process all of my emotions. That's for the best. It's not that I have romantic feelings for Sheldon but sometimes when we fight or talk there is the smallest spark. It would be wrong to pursue it. Leonard would be crushed and honestly, Sheldon would have no idea what to do. So I slip back to the couch and try to sleep while thinking of anything else.

I had a callback for a movie. It's a small part, a secretary in some romantic comedy. Two scenes, one with Jason Segal. I really wanted the part. When I got to the callback it was very clear very quickly that the part was mine, as long as I slept with the casting director. He was all too happy to chat with me about my life and ask me if I wanted dinner. He slid his hand too low on my back as he showed me out of the room and I snapped right there. I told him I wasn't interested in the part anymore and I already had dinner plans. I sat in my car and cried for twenty minutes before I even drove home. People joke about the casting couch and I always knew that it existed in some places, but I had really hoped that he'd liked me for my talent. I wanted a real job.

I felt so horrible when I got home. I wanted to talk to someone and started to call friend after friend but never could finish dialing the number. All my friends are actresses and I love them but there's a certain level of competition there and I just didn't want to admit that my callback had been more of a booty call. I pulled out my laptop and started typing furiously. As I recounted the event, I began to cry again. I meant it to be an email to Leonard but about halfway through typing I realized that I was actually writing it to Sheldon. The way I explained things, the fact that I wanted someone to listen but not try to fix the problem, it was a Sheldon thing. Leonard always wants to fix things. I went back to the start and added two warnings. The first was that I needed the letter to be a secret and if Sheldon didn't want to keep my secret that he should delete the rest and email me back to let me know he knew nothing. The second warning was that the email was long and about my boring life which I know, because he's told me, doesn't really interest him, but as a friend I hoped he'd accept that commiserating was a social convention and he wouldn't be too annoyed by my letter. I felt nervous when I hit send. And I still felt like crap and I still felt alone so I went over to the guys place, crawled into Sheldon's bed and went to sleep. Leonard's bed would have been strange because of the stuff between us, Sheldon's bed made me feel like I was near a friend.

Knock, knock, knock

"Penny"

Knock, knock, knock

"Penny"

Knock, knock, knock

"Penny"

He's so consistent. The last time he knocked on my door, I knocked back. Even through the door I could hear his mounting frustration. It was a fun little game I'd been planning for a while. But when I finally opened it, I was quickly punched in the gut. He was going to the arctic. They all were for three months. I was going to be without them for three months. I don't know anything about living in the arctic. Where would they live? Do they have phones? Can they email? I had all the questions but all Sheldon wanted to know was if I could let him into the freezer at work. Leonard hadn't told me. It's strange that Sheldon was the one to break the news to me. I eventually got Leonard to answer some of my questions and I bought him a going away gift. I wanted to get something for Sheldon too, but I had a hard time picking something out. Plus he's not much for gift giving so I figured it was for the best.

When the guys left in the morning only Leonard came to talk to me. There's something there between us and I figure Raj and Howard kept their distance so that we could have a moment. Sheldon stayed away too, I guess for the same reason though I can't imagine he'd care about that aspect of social convention. I always felt that if he wanted to talk to me he'd have come over. He never came and said goodbye so I guess it didn't really matter to him. And then they were gone and the knocking stopped, everything went away and I was all alone on the fourth floor.

The first morning I wasn't surprised not to get some sort of email back from Sheldon. They were working and they don't spend all their time online after all. The second day I was more concerned. That was a lot of emotion in one little letter and there was a tightness in my chest that wouldn't go away. The third day I had mail from Leonard. I read it over and over again looking for some sign or clue that he knew. There wasn't any. The fourth day I felt so crappy that I slept over in the guys' apartment again. When I woke up in the morning my inbox was still empty. I cried, went back to my place and nearly poured myself a drink. I stopped when I realized that it wasn't even noon. I picked up my laptop and dove right into Conan. I played for more hours that I realized and when I finally shut the game off there was an email sitting in my inbox. It was Sheldon.

Dear Penny,

I must begin by apologizing for the delay in responding to your previous letter. First I must let you know that I will keep your confidence and that I did read the entirety of your letter. I struggled for a way to respond because I could tell from your description as well as your many typos that you were emotionally distraught as a result of this incident. I could not ask Leonard for assistance in composing my response and as a result it may be inadequate.

The casting director most certainly treated you poorly and behaved in an unprofessional manner. You deserve better and if you have any doubts, you certainly made the correct decision in brushing him off. While I was not there to witness your audition, I can imagine that your acting was more that sufficient to gain the role.

I am not good at judging emotions as you well know. I do sense an underlying sense of shame in your letter. I must assure you that you have no reason to feel such a thing. You are an exceptional woman who behaved with integrity where many others would have chosen otherwise. Choices such as that are the reasons I consider you a friend and hold you in high regard.

While it is common sentiment to say I'm sorry, I too know that I have done nothing wrong in this matter to have caused you grief. I am sorry, however, that I am not there to reassure you in person. There have been many times during this expedition that I have missed home. This pain I feel now is by far the most acute. While I do not understand many aspects of friendship, I can feel that I should be with you now to provide some small comfort.

-Sheldon

I exhaled and felt the tightness in my chest melt away. I didn't even know that I felt ashamed until Sheldon put it into words. For someone so dense, he managed to get that exactly right. A weight had been lifted off of me and I felt a composure that I'd been missing since that sleezeball copped a feel. I looked over at the Kitty Calendar on my wall and saw circled in bright red a day now only two weeks away. I hit reply and began typing away. Afterwards I went back into their apartment, into Sheldon's room and straightened up. Then I broke open the Green Lantern and took out his mad money, wandered into their kitchen and started to make a grocery list. I'd go shopping for them just before they got home. My boys were coming home soon. I didn't know you could be homesick when you were still in your own place.

Knock, knock, knock

"Penny"

Knock, knock, knock

"Penny"

Knock, knock, knock

"Penny"

I'd been dreaming about that sound for weeks and while I was napping on my couch it made its way into my head again. Only I realized that it wasn't a dream. I threw open my door and Sheldon was there on the other side. Leonard was in the hall with gear everywhere. They couldn't find their key in all they luggage. I threw my arms around Sheldon so happy to see him again. I felt his arms pull up around me, as awkward a hugger as ever, but it felt so perfect. I pulled away and grabbed my spare out of the bowl on my coffee table. I saw Sheldon take note of that. I'd meant to put it out of sight before he came back. I gave Leonard a quick hug and they opened their apartment. Sheldon wandered around, inspecting the place and then told me that I'd done a more that adequate job in keeping the place fresh. I confessed to entering his room for grocery money which he quickly forgave when he saw three cereal boxes above the fridge organized by fiber content. I looked at them both standing in their kitchen and began to cry. Leonard took a step forward but before he could reach me, Sheldon was by my side, patting my back and saying "There, there." I told them that I had missed them both so much and Sheldon caught my eye and sort of nodded at me as a response. I wanted to let them unpack so I went back to my place and told them to come get me when Howard and Raj came over. I'd barely sat back down on my couch when Sheldon knocked again. I opened it and he reached out and hugged me again. He then whispered to me that he could tell that I'd been sitting in his spot. I laughed and he just looked at me. "If he'd been anyone else,"
I began to think but pushed it away and told him that his suitcases wouldn't unpack themselves. I watched him go back into his apartment savoring the moment of normalcy. The guys were just across the hall again and everything felt right. This was my 0,0,0,0 thingy.