(Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters they belong to Stephenie Meyer)

Chapter 4

When I woke up in the morning I half expected Ian to be sprawled out on the bed like he usually was, but he had his arm wrapped around me and his head buried in my hair.

"Mmmm, I love the way you smell, your hair always smells like coconut but it's mixed in with another smell...your smell."

I rolled over to see Ian's face and he looked as if he had been awake for a while.

"Good morning" I said with a smile "how long have you been awake?"

"A while, I've been watching you sleep, I didn't wake you did I?"Ian said a little sheepishly as he realised I had just caught him 'smelling' me.

"I've been thinking about what happened last night," he said a little too casually as he brushed the ball of mess that was my hair out of my eyes, although he couldn't look me in the eye. I was suddenly very nervous, embarrassed and excited all at the same time; I started to feel butterflies in my stomach.

Ian hesitated for a moment, he looked as nervous as I did. "Like I said last night, I don't want to rush this; I want you to feel 100% comfortable with me." I was about to protest when he put his finger on my mouth to silence me. "Wait before you say anything just let me finish. We don't have to rush straight into..." he was at a loss for words; it wasn't really like Ian to be this nervous "straight into what?" I smiled at him with encouragement, I didn't know what he was getting at but it was definitely something he wasn't comfortable with talking about. "Straight into........sex." I couldn't help but laugh, well maybe not laugh, this body doesn't really laugh, it giggles like a little five year old. "I'm sorry Ian, I didn't mean to laugh, it's this body, I can't control it sometimes." He laughed as well which made me feel a little better. "It's ok, you have nothing to apologise for Wanda it is a bit hard to keep a straight face when this topic is brought up" he said still laughing. "Well I'm glad you understand, because I don't, this is supposed to be serious," I said trying a little too hard to keep my face as serious as possible, but failing miserably. We both burst out in hysterics. "Ian stop making me laugh and finish what you were trying to say" I had tears running down my cheeks and my stomach hurt from laughing so much." "Ok ok, I'm sorry i'll be serious now, you know it's all your fault, you started it, you're too damn cute for your own good," he said wiping his own tears away.

Ian took a deep breath before he began, "I'm ok now. As I was saying, we don't have to rush into the physical stuff but that doesn't mean we can't do other things. You're not the only one that is still getting used to this body."

I froze...I knew he wasn't attracted to this body, it's too young, he knows it's not old enough, all these horrifying thoughts were running through my head and the sting of rejection was written all over my face. "Wanda I know exactly what you're thinking and it's not how it sounded. I love your body, Jamie hit the nail on the head, you have the face of an angel and it is how I picture you to look like, but it's not the most important thing to me, it may sound sort of cliché but I only care about what's on the inside. I know you didn't believe me when I said I would love you if you were in anyone's body but it is true...even Maggie's body." I couldn't help but smile. "There's that beautiful smile I love." Ian pulled me into his chest and held me so tight that I could barely breathe, but it felt so good.

"What I really meant was, everything is so new. It's a lot to take in. I know I love you with all my heart and there is no one else I'd rather be with, in this whole universe, but that doesn't mean that it's not all very overwhelming and confusing sometimes. You still have your little quirks that I love and you still pull the same faces and well...I mean, you're still a really bad liar...your personality is what I'm in love with, but at the same time you're a stranger to me..Well your body is, and I guess what I really want to say is...well I don't only want to go slow for your sake but for mine too."

I couldn't argue with that, he was right. I always wondered how he could love me in this body when he was so used to loving me in Mel's body. How could this man be human? He had the kindest soul I had ever had the privilege of stumbling upon in all my nine...well ten lives. But he wasn't a soul per say, I mean the definition of a soul is an unseen force that guides the body, I suppose in a sense humans were in their own way "souls" everyone had their own persona which individualized them. Nevertheless, I liked the way humans differed from my kind, I mean, sure, they were barbaric and turned on each other as often as they loved each other, but at least they weren't so, what's the word? Robotic? Monotonous? But then again I also had my own theories on my kind, with all of these impossible emotions ruling our lives, who knows what will happen to the souls somewhere down the track, they could possibly turn on one another just as the humans do. This is the first planet where I have encountered any sort of confrontation so I wouldn't be entirely surprised. Either way I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm somewhat proud to call myself human.

Ian shifted his weight in anticipation for my response. "Thank you for being honest with me Ian, I really appreciate it, and I guess it does sort of make sense. I myself am still getting used to this body so I completely understand how you must be feeling." I said with a weak smile.

Ian smiled my favourite smile and pulled me into his chest again. We didn't need any more words and I was happy to just lie there with the one being that truly understood me, I was blissfully happy and never wanted this moment to end. I did however remember something that Ian had said earlier.

"Ian what did you mean when you said we could do other stuff?" I said turning my head so that I could see his face.

He hesitated before he spoke as if he was a little embarrassed. "Well..." he was definitely embarrassed; his pale cheeks turned a slight shade of pink.

"And I thought I was the only one that blushed!" I said astonished, what could be running through his mind?

"Well...like I said before, we don't have to jump straight into the...uh act. I'm pretty confident that we know each other's minds well enough but maybe we could learn and get to know our...bodies a little better?" he seemed unsure of himself and his pink cheeks were now a deep red.

"Ok then, what exactly did you have in mind?" I was curious; I still had no idea what he was getting at.

"We probably have to leave soon and I know that Burns is awake because I heard him moving around while you were still sleeping so he probably wants to use the bathroom." He was definitely stalling.

"Ian just tell me, the suspense is killing me!"

He took a deep breath, "ok I was thinking that maybe we could save some time by...taking a shower together." He covered his face with a pillow and I guessed that his face was probably an even darker shade of red.

"Oh" was all I could say. I don't know why, 8 hours ago I was ready to be intimate with him but now I was petrified. I've imagined Ian naked dozens of times, even when I was still in Mel's body, especially when he took his shirt off when we were working in the fields. I hadn't realised I was smiling when Ian interrupted my little fantasy.

"What are you smiling at?" Ian said mirroring my expression.

"Oh...uh...nothing." now I was the one blushing. Was I ever going to be able to control my emotions in this body? It was starting to really irritate me.

Either Ian figured out what I was thinking about or decided to just leave it; I hope it was the latter.

"it was only a suggestion, if you don't feel comfortable then you can go in first, I'll just go out and see what Burns is up to, I think I can smell pancakes coming from out there!" he had the same expression on his face when I got the pizza for him, and it made my smile grow even bigger. I decided that my fear was flawed, I was merely afraid of the unknown, it was the same feeling I had last night when I thought I was ready for...well you know. I was being silly again; it was just a shower after all.

"No, I think I'd like for you to join me, if that's ok with you." I was convinced that my fear would have come through but I was pleasantly surprised that I sounded quite confident. Ian seemed quite shocked himself though, which made me giggle.

"Well when you put it that way, how can I resist? Cos it's not every day you ask me for something," he said with a chuckle, taking my hand and leading me towards the bathroom. I was glad he attempted to lighten the mood; it made me relax...a little.

He shut the door behind him and when he turned around his smile turned into a frown. I guess all my confidence had run out, I felt like I was hyperventilating.

"Are you sure you wanna do this? You look like your gonna be sick. I didn't think I was that repulsive." He chuckled although there was no humour in his voice.

"No, no of course I'm sure, I guess I'm just nervous that's all." And it was true. The fear had passed I was just insecure about what he would think once I took my clothes off.

"It's normal to feel nervous, I'm nervous as hell, what if I'm not what you imagined me to look like."

I smiled; I knew he only said that to make me feel better. "That would never happen." I suddenly felt the same adrenaline kick in from last night. This was so silly, yet so... human and that realisation brought on all the courage I needed to pull my tank top over my head.

As I stood there with my bare chest for all that was Ian to see, I was still a little self conscious because my breasts were slightly larger than Melanie's and I wasn't sure if that was a bad thing or not but at the same time, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted. Why was I so afraid? Ian was everything to me and if I couldn't do this with him, then what hope did we have? So I just sucked it up.

"That wasn't so bad." I said with relief. Ian's gaze never left my eyes and he closed the gap in between us and cupped my face with both of his hands. I could feel the molten rock where our bare skin touched and I couldn't have asked for a better feeling, the prospect of how I would feel when Ian and I were actually in the act of making love overwhelmed me and I nearly lost my balance.

"Are you sure about that?" he said kissing the tip of my nose.

I giggled again, "I guess there was no reason for me to be so scared after all and it made me a little light headed." We both laughed and Ian turned the shower on.

"Here goes nothing." Ian said almost too low for me to hear as he pulled his shorts down, I assumed that he was talking to mostly himself. Even though he showed me enough respect not to stare, I however could not share the same courtesy, and my mouth fell open.

Insecurity washed over his face as he attempted to hide himself with his hands. "What's wrong?" he was mortified.

"WOW," was all I could say, stupid, stupid Wanda. I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks. I never expected it to be so big, although I only had Melanie's memories for comparison, pet had never been intimate with anyone, so I looked away hoping that he wouldn't realise that I had just compared him to Jared.

When he didn't say anything, I was worried that I might have offended him so I turned to face him again. Ian was grinning from ear to ear and I could see (from the corner of my eye) that he wasn't covering himself anymore and he stepped into the shower.

"So...I'm bigger than Howe eh! That's good to know." He still couldn't wipe the grin off his face. I was still shocked that he figured it out; I froze where I stood ashamed of myself.

"I thought we were gonna have a shower together, although I'd be quite happy for you to stand there and watch," he snickered. I didn't understand, one minute he was insecure and now he was acting so pretentious, was it something I said?

"How did you know I compared you to Jared?"

His carefree laugh averted me from my current state of mind, which made me a little more relaxed.

"It's not hard to guess that you still refer to Melanie's memories when you're in unfamiliar situations, your face just confirmed it...it was priceless!" I had to smile although I did make a mental note to ask Mel to explain it to me. All inhibitions were out the window so I kicked off my underwear and stepped into the shower with Ian.

I'm so so so so so so so so (i could go on forever) sorry its taken me so long to update. I hope no one hasn't given up on this story, because i had a lot of fun writing this chapter! I finally got a new computer so hopefully i'll be updating more often. Please R&R i think i have to read the book again so that im more motivated to write its been a while and i think i need a refresher on all the characters, but anyway please tell me what u think

Shar xx