Session I-Inside the Mind of Oliver Oken

"It's not my fault I'm here," Were the first words out of his mouth as he sat tightly on the couch, fists balled up beside him. "If my stupid mother only realized what I was doing was in self defense I could be home right now, watching the newest episode of Gossip Girl…" He paused and looked at her. "Y'know, not that I like that show but my best friend does and she makes me watch all the Nate/Blair/Chuck drama-"

"Mr. Oken," She sighed, readjusting herself in her chair. "Your point?"

"Oh, yeah, right," He mumbled but she noticed he was seemingly less hostile looking already. "My mom thinks I'm going to become some domestic violence case because, you know, I hit Lilly…once…in self defense…because she was choking me…and I couldn't breathe…on my own couch."

"You hit a girl?" She'd already known that, his mother had mentioned it when she'd called to schedule his appointment the other night. She'd failed to mention the choking though.

"Just Lilly!" He took her alarmed look as a cue and finished, "Not that it was right, but it isn't like she's never hit me. Like I said, she was almost choking me! And over a skateboard!"

"What happened with said skateboard?" She asked, making a note of Lilly. Clearly she was important, not just for being the girl he hit but because he'd mentioned her twice in the first minute of their session.

"Okay, so my best friend, Lilly," Make that four if she was the same 'best friend' he watched Gossip Girl with. "And I like to skate. We go to the park at least once a week, we'd probably get there more if it wasn't for her friend Miley-"

"She's not your friend?"

He paused, "No, she is. She's one of my best friends, I guess. It's just…we don't have too much in common without Lilly." She nodded, writing this down. "Anyways, Miley likes to drag Lilly to her…I mean, Hannah Montana's concerts with her. And I don't usually go, I kind of feel like a third wheel, y'know?" She nodded again. "I mean, I don't particularly like to watch my best friend gawk over hot famous people-"

"Lilly's a Lesbian?" She said in surprise, going to add it to her notes.

"No!" He shouted, jumping up. He looked down at himself and blushed, returning to his sitting position. "I mean, no, she's not. Sorry. Miley just gets a hold of a lot of backstage passes, because she's rich, and you know, people like Jake Ryan and Jesse McCartney and that tennis player…it's just like, I used to like Hannah. I had this all consuming crush on her, really, but then I started talking to her…and I don't have that much in common with her. She's just a blond wi…witch."

"You know Hannah Montana?" She asked, cocking an eyebrow. Hmm…maybe he could get her daughter concert tickets.

"No," He said a little too quickly. "Lilly and I just stalked her for a while. You know, we'd climb through her dressing room's window and illegally obtain her cell phone number…and once I rode my bike alongside her limo just to throw flowers at her." He laughed, "Boy was I stupid." He looked over at her, and realized she wasn't laughing along with him. "I don't do that anymore, you know. Not since I was thirteen. You know, hormones going crazy and everything," He chuckled nervously. "Right?"

"It's okay, Oliver, I'm not here to judge. Just to prevent you from displaying violence again," She smiled at the boy. "Just keep telling me about your conflict with Lilly."

He groaned, leaning back against the armrest of the couch. "When is there not a conflict with Lilly? If she's not belittling my accomplishments and teasing me, she's not talking." He paused and then as an after thought, "Which probably means she's beating on me."

"Yet she's your best friend?" She asked, writing down the words abusive and condescending.

"Well, duh!" He shouted, looking at her like she was crazy. "You just don't ditch somebody after twelve years of friendship because they aren't pleasant all the time."

"Twelve years?" She asked in surprise.

He nodded, "We met in preschool. She wanted to use my 64-pack of crayons. And then I…I mean, she begged to hold my hand. And I dunno, from then on we've been kind of inseparable. I know most guy/girl friendships don't work because the whole "love" thing gets it the way but we aren't like that. We just get each other, you know? There's never those awkward silences and we don't get jealous of each other's accomplishments or relationships, we support each other. I mean, sure, we make fun, we argue…a lot, but mostly it's a boredom thing. And if she crosses the line, I let her know. The other night… it was an accident, okay? She pinned me to the floor of my living room and started choking me because I said Joanie was prettier than her-"

"Joanie?" She asked, making a note.

"Oh, my girlfriend. Yeah, I forgot about that." He knew that wasn't good as he watched her write, that he'd spent the last half-hour blabbing about Lilly and forgotten his own girlfriend. "She's awesome. She's pretty, and funny, and athletic, you know? She loves to skate, and play hockey, and play video games…but she can't surf. That kind of bugs me and Lilly. I mean, she does everything else with us but she can't surf? And she won't even try to learn! And it's because of some stupid thing about seeing a shark when she was like six. And then she gets mad when I go with Lilly alone, like I'm betraying her somehow by hanging out with my best friend when I could be sitting on the beach with her. Like, come on, she bosses me around about everything and I just go "Sure, dear" "okay, dear" "Whatever you say, dear" and she can't do this one, teeny thing for me? I mean, she can't even try?" He sighed, burying his face in his hands.

"It sound like you have a lot of unresolved anger towards Joanie," She smiled sympathetically, holding out a bowl of tootsie rolls to him.

He looked up at her, "No, I love her. At least, I think I do." He paused, taking a few chewy chocolates and shoving them all in his mouth at once. "She's just a little overbearing sometimes."

Overbearing, control freak, She added to her list. "And you think she's prettier than Lilly?"

He didn't answer immediately, instead a far off look appeared upon his face as if he was mentally comparing the two girls. He bit his lip, and nodded after a minute. "…well. Yeah."

"How so?" She asked. She might be able to understand the girls he was so drawn towards if he spelled them out for her a little.

"Well, she's really hot. You know, I told you she's good at sports and everything. And she's fit from it in all the right places. She's taller than Lilly, and I like that, but she's also still shorter than me which is good. Her hair is a little greasy though, and it isn't blond. And I know it sounds superficial and all, mostly, well, because I am kind of superficial, but I like blonds. And she smells like sugar all the time, which is kind of annoying."

She made a note: men today don't like smell of sugar. "Why?

"I'm diabetic." She immediately scribbled it back out. "It's like taunting, the fact that I can't even eat as much sweet stuff as she's wearing."

"I'm sorry to hear that," She added the word to the paper. "What about Lilly?"

"Lilly? She always smells like apples. I like apples, I'm still allowed to eat them. Plus, she's like the green kind nice and sweet and ripe-"

She held back an agitated sigh, adding apples to the list none-the-less, "What does she look like?"

He scratched behind his ear and looked around nervously, "You're sure we've got the whole doctor-patient confidentiality thing going on?" She nodded. "So you can't like go and sell Lilly that paper-" He pointed to the clipboard on her lap, "-for like a hundred dollars, right?"

She sighed, "All of this information is restricted to the people inside this room, Mr. Oken."

He looked straight at her, "You can call me, Oliver, you know. Every time you say Mr. Oken I think of my dad."

She shrugged, "Whatever you're more comfortable with."

"And does that mean I can see that paper?" He asked excitedly.

She eyed him for a minute and then exhaled, "Technically yes, but I'd prefer if you waited until I showed it to you at the end of our last session."

He raised an eyebrow, "When will that be?"

"That depends on my evaluation of you, and if you hit anymore girls."

He got defensive of this, "I shoved her by ac-"

"Oliver, I believe you're avoiding my previous question."

He groaned, staring at the ceiling, "I really don't want to answer it."

"Well, I believe you need to."

"Fine." He snapped, looking away from her. "She's beautiful, okay? Wavy blond hair, bright blue eyes, perfect height to weight ratio. She's like a young Carrie Underwood," She wondered if she was supposed to know who that was, but made a note to Google her. "Now thank you for making my life incredibly awkward because if I do in fact get home in time for Secret Life of an American Teenager, I'll be sitting there watching the Ricky/Amy/Ben triangle and she'll be blabbering away and all I'll be able to think is 'she's like a young Carrie Underwood'."

"Describe Miley to me now," She ignored this remark. "Is she gorgeous too?" She found it very hard to believe that all the girls in his life were so model-esque and flawless. If so, he might have serious self-image problems.

"I dunno," He mumbled, fiddling with the sleeve of his blue polo. "She's pretty, I guess. Lots of guys think she's, like, perfect. I don't really see it though."

"Why not?" She inquired and he groaned.

"I don't know, maybe because she's like a sister to me. She's not hard to look at or anything like that, but she kind of does look like the female version of me. She's practically my height, brown hair although she dyes it so it's seemingly lighter, you know? I guess the only real difference is her eyes are blue, and she spray tans." He paused again, then mumbling to himself, "No, that isn't even it."

She waited for him to elaborate but instead he just sat there, playing with his fingers. "Mr.-Ehm, Oliver, what is it than?"

He looked up and scrunched his face for a minute, "She's too into herself. It's like, everything is about her, even when it isn't. Nothing's ever just your business, it's all about her. I mean, my love life, my band, my friendship with Lilly. It's like, the two of us survived for years without her and she comes in and tries to run the place anyways."

Even though she'd been asking for an evaluation of Miley, a physical one, he'd mentioned Lilly again. He knew this was extremely stupid of him and he knew what she was writing down as soon as her pen made contact with the clipboard again. She waited for a moment, just staring at him for what seemed like a long and uncomfortable time. Finally, she cleared her throat, "So was Lilly choking you for the skateboard or over Joanie?"

"I don't know," if he knew, his head would be racing a lot less tonight. His stomach wouldn't feel ready to overturn itself at any moment and spit it's contents up at any moment. He wouldn't be fretting about mentioning Lilly as much, or even comparing her to a young Carrie Underwood. He wouldn't have forgotten about Joannie so long.

"Tell me what happened." How had they avoided that question so long? Oh, that's right, he was a big fat avoider. He could keep his mouth running until it dried up so long as it wasn't about anything important.

"Lilly and I came back from the skate park and we were arguing over who was hotter Chace Crawford or Ed Westwick," He paused, laughing to himself. "Well, Lilly was really just bouncing ideas off me and I was telling her that Ed Westwick was less of a playboy in real life but she was better off going for Penn Badgely because he clearly liked blonds. And half the world might be mad at her because he and Blake are media darlings-"

She stared at him with an amused smile on her lips, "Can I have the English translation of this please?"

"Oh, right," He blushed, "I got on her skateboard and was basically just made Ollies in a circle, which I'd appreciate if you didn't tell my mom. She doesn't like it when I skateboard in the house and I know she hired you-"

"Oliver," She interrupted, motioning for him to go along.

"Right, so she called me a doughnut and shoved me a little. And the skateboard kind of flew into the glass door and snapped. Which is lucky for me because the glass would have usually broke and then I would have owed my mother more money than I had and Lilly has a few skateboards. So she went to hit me and I might have grabbed her hand. And she said "Would you ever pull this with Joanie?" and that might be when I told her "No, but she's prettier than you are."" He stopped and looked at her, "She actually looked sad for a minute, I was afraid she was going to cry. I really was."

"Did she?" She couldn't help really wanting to know now. Did Lilly cry?

"No," He shook his head. "She pushed me backwards and started choking me."

"Oh," She muttered in a mix of disappointment and relief. "And then?"

"I hit her," He shrugged, looking her straight in the face. "I wouldn't even say that, I shoved her, off of me."

"And your mother came in," She clarified, "And saw only this part of the confrontation."

He nodded, "Yeah."

"What do you think she would have done if she'd seen the rest of it?" She asked, looking at the boy across from her who still looked distinctly kind of embarrassed.

"She would have let Lilly choke me a little and then told her to stop," He mumbled. "She would have thought I deserved it for saying Joanie was prettier."

"She doesn't like Joanie?" She smiled at this. Maybe his mother had just sent him to her to reconfirm her own hypotheses.

"No, she got in trouble a few years back for driving without a license and my mom was the cop who pulled her over," He sighed, flipping his hair. He did that a lot. "It took forever for her to actually let me date her, for about a month we had to bring Lilly on all our dates because she didn't trust her to be alone with me."

"Well, Oliver," She smiled, "We've gone fifteen minutes over our session time."

His head swung happily towards the clock behind him, "We have?" He jumped up from the couch with a huge grin upon his face. "Does this mean I don't have to come back next week?"

She smiled back at him, "How about you do, just in case, and we'll let you decide if we have a third session?"

He nodded at her, and skipped out the door. Oh, to be young and at home in time for Gossip Girl. Whatever that was.

AN: So I've seen a lot of these Channys, Seddies, and an infinite number of Chuck/Blair ones and I was offended. What makes Oliver that much less interesting. So I wrote him one because I love him. Even if no-one else does. I started writing it about a month ago and then got distracted by numerous things so hear it is.

There will be a part two but look out for another chapter of Accidents Happen first, because I'm long overdue. And mind you, when he says he didn't really hit Lilly: HE DIDN'T. He just got her off of him is all, she was not hurt nor was she upset. Just Officer Nancy Oken. She was, because she sees Lilly as the daughter she never had.