Author's Notes!

:D

people liked my other story!

i practically jizzed my pants when i read everyone's amazing comments.

THANK ALL OF YOU.

and special thanks to jayzilla for helping me out.

read and review, no flames, enjoy!

Disclaimer!

okay. i don't own Death Note or Another Note or L or B. this story has sex and general angst. it's sad. i mean it. don't sue me, just read and enjoy, si vous plait. c:

-----------------------------------------------

"Beyond Birthday has died."

No.

It couldn't happen.

It...no. There was no way. Not now. No.

"The cause of death?" Lawliet kept his cool as he asked Watari the question, though on the inside, he felt something break. Something snap. He could feel himself starting to fall apart.

"A heart attack."

There was only one explanation for that.

"Kira..."

Now it was personal. Now it called for vengeance. Now it would be a war. It would be a war L guaranteed Kira wouldn't win, even if died in the process.

Nothing mattered anymore.

"Leave, Watari."

The elder man followed his command and once he left, L broke. He couldn't ever remember crying before, but his tears wouldn't stop, wouldn't hesitate even for moment. He was gone. He couldn't be gone. No. This couldn't happen. Not to Beyond. Not to his Beyond.

"Beyond..."

He was gone.

---

Thinking back now, L was really shocked by the way the entire ordeal started.

I mean, it was just meaningless, carefree sex...

Well, for him it was. For Beyond, it never was. He'd always loved L, he'd always said so. Always said he'd do anything for him. That he didn't want to be his backup because he didn't want anything to happen to the original in the first place. That if L ever died, Beyond would kill himself because he juat couldn't bear life without his Lawliet.

It only started out as need. As a way to get out all of their built up frustration, which L definitely had more than his share of. They were both virgins and it just...happened. Yeah. Happened. That's the only way you could really describe it.

L had always been drawn to the boy...

Maybe it was because looking at Beyond was like staring deep into a mirror. They were the same, yet not. One was real, one was fake. One true, one a lie. One was the original, one was the backup. That was his name, after all. B for Backup.

Everything just happened so fast, that first time. Everything was happening in blurs. Everything was so violent, but then again, Beyond always was. That night, he couldn't have been gentle if he tried his hardest.

Their clothing was torn off.

Kissing. Sucking. Biting. Blood.

So, so much blood...L's blood...

L had left himself in such a vulnerable position; B could have easily taken him out right then. But he didn't want to, and L knew this. He knew the way B felt for him, and though B had fallen in love with him, he'd merely fallen in lust for B. Nothing more.

Blood. Pain.

"Scream for me! Scream now! Scream my name! SCREAM!"

"BEYOND!"

There was so much pain, but then again, Beyond was no one's first choice when it came to losing your virginity. He forced L onto his back, pried his legs apart, forcing himself in without any preparation at all. Beyond made Lawliet bleed, and that only pushed him further. Made him more violent, more rough.

Blood. Pain. Blood. Pleasure.

Even Beyond couldn't rape his dear Lawliet. He made sure that the elder detective enjoyed it, made sure he'd be coming back for more. They may have been fumbling virgins, but they knew that they'd only come back to each other. That no one else would stand between them. That when it came to matters of the flesh, they would turn to each other. No one else.

...then again, Beyond swore he'd kill anyone who touched L in the ways that he did. And L knew he would.

How long that affair lasted, L couldn't remember. He would find his excuses to come to Wammy House to see Beyond, to give them both the thing they needed so much.

"Beyond! Harder!"

"Lawliet!"

But then it started becoming less about need and more about want. L wanted to see Beyond. To do more than have a few quick fucks. He just wanted his presence.

That's how L knew it had to stop.

"What?! Lawliet, you can't! YOU CAN'T! I won't...I WON'T ALLOW IT!"

"Goodbye, Beyond..."

L refused to let hiself get caught up over someone. Love made you weak. A man in such a position of power had no time for love and no room for weakness. He had to be flawless. Perfect.

Essentially, he had to be inhuman. Emotionless. He had to void himself of everything.

No matter what the cost.

And Beyond? He couldn't take it. He hoped, he even prayed that it was just a joke. That L would change his mind in the end. That he'd come back. Beyond needed him. Not the sex, but he needed -him-. Beyond loved him, loved him so much it hurt. He couldn't stand it. Couldn't stand being ignored.

He fled. He'd make L notice him, no matter the cost.

And so began his obsession. His planning.

So began the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases.

When L found out he fled, he couldn't stifle a sense of panic. He knew exactly what Beyond was capable of. Knew exactly what he'd do, how he could hurt. That he would hurt. That he would have no choice but to bring Beyond to justice if it all came down to it.

So, to protect the boy, he claimed he never knew his real name.

He couldn't put him to justice. He couldn't make himself do it. Not to Beyond. Not until Los Angeles.

Everything got out of hand. He'd gotten too out of control. Maybe he could save him. Pull him back. L couldn't deny his feelings any longer, even though they were probably the only emotions that ever ran through the man's hollow shell of a body.

L loved him, goddammit. And he'd found him in time. He hadn't died.

Naomi Misora was a wise choice.

For Beyond, however, the years had done too much damage. Life without L hurt too much, and he'd gotten to desperation. This would make L notice. Make him take action.

And he'd off himself in the process. He didn't have anything to live for, anyways.

That goddamn Misora. She ruined it all.

He wanted to prove to L he was better. That he was important. That he wasn't someone you could just shove aside and forget. Most of all, he wanted to show L that he couldn't live without him.

He knew L would know who he was, yet continue the search for the missing B for the rest of his life.

But he failed.

He fucking failed.

It only made him long for death so much more.

L was quite appalled when he heard how Beyond almost killed himself. Fire was brutal. But he saw the man's desperation. Saw his need. Saw everything.

He saw he couldn't resist him any longer.

He waited until his injuries had healed, for he knew that not only could he not bear seeing Beyond in such a gruesome state, but that Beyond would also be quite upset if he let his Lawliet see him in such a flawed manner. He waited until he heard he was fine, and then he went.

He paid him a visit. A private visit. L was only the greatest detective in the world. His connections got him far. Got him so he could see Beyond anytime he wanted.

But when L came to visit, Beyond was shocked. His black-lined eyes went wide in a stare as he pulled his thumb away from his mouth.

"L-Lawliet?" It was barely a whisper.

Beyond was scarred. His skin was so scarred from the burns, but he hid it as much as he could. Beyond hated it too, L knew. At least before when he looked in the mirror, he could see L, albeit s copy, but L nonetheless. Now he saw scars. Just a scarred, flawed version of his love, of someone so utterly perfect. It only brought Beyond more pain.

Beyond clung to him and shook. Shook with such a fury, L didn't know what to do. This man, this killer, had become so weak, all because of him.

"Never leave again! Please! Lawliet, stay with me! Forever!"

Beyond screamed those words every time L came to visit, and every time he did, L wished he could. He didn't want to leave him. Didn't want to leave Beyond. This man he loved so much, the man, though through so much hardship, he had allowed himself to love after all.

"Please," He'd beg, "Please, stay here. Make them let you stay with me! You can still do your work and everything! Please!"

But that simply was not possible. The life they could of had was not possible. So now they had to settle for this. Settle for visits that neither knew when would happen, settle for scarce moments, scarce kisses, sometimes a time limit so small they barely had time to make love.

And everytime Lawliet had to leave, it broke both of their hearts.

But it was better than nothing. They had their love. At least it existed.

---

But no longer.

Kira took it away.

L cried. He didn't know what else to do. He cried, cried so hard. He'd seen him only the day before, when they'd gotten a longer visit. He'd been fine. So alive. And now he was gone.

"I wish I could get out," He whispered to L as he held him, "Because I'd take you and we'd get married. I'd give you everything you ever wanted."

"You were all I ever did want, Beyond."

L swore revenge.

Kira would pay.

Even if it was the last thing L ever did. And it was, but that was just fine.

It wasn't as if he had anything to live for, anyways.

-fin-