The Reason Why

By Mannd

This is AU after the fall of Voldemort; I couldn't stand the idea of Remus being dead... I do not own Harry Potter, just the idea.

Remus Lupin looked down from watching his giggling son and Harry to the letter he had received by Owl Post this morning. He recognized the handwriting, and wondered if he should just destroy the letter. The note was from Peter 'The Betrayer' Pettigrew. With a sigh, Remus ran his finger under the edge and broke the seal on the note and paused again. "Daddy, Daddy! look at me!" his little boy squealed with glee as Harry twirled him in a large arch, "look at me!" the boy squealed again, and Remus laughed.

A breeze rustled the paper in his hand, a silent entreat for it not to be ignored and with another heavy sigh, Remus opened the note and began reading:

Remus

I wish I could call you my dear friend, but I know what you think of me, so I won't. I wanted to tell you a reason why I joined the Dark Lord. I did join willingly; there was very little pressure or 'courting' from the Death Eaters for me. Does that shock you? It shouldn't, after all I joined the Marauder's the same way.

Anyway, the reason why, do you remember asking me why I looked so tired and sad on the train going to Hogwarts our last year? Do you remember my answer? Probably not, none of you actually listened to me anyhow. I had been to a funeral four days earlier, the funeral was for my little sister, she would have been a second year Slytherin. Does that surprise you? You see, when I was one my father died in accident and my mother remarried and had Dorcus. She was the perfect little sister, always following me everywhere, getting into my things, and she idolized me. Yes, ME! Little Peter Pettigrew, the shy quiet boy was her favorite person in the whole world, and to me, she was my world.

Every two weeks, I would send her letters, filling her head with wonderful tales of Hogwarts, classes, the pranks we pulled, and most importantly, friends. She was so excited when she got on the Express and the first thing that happened to her was her hair was turned blue. The shock and hurt in her eyes when she looked at me nearly made me vomit. Then she was sorted into Slytherin, and suddenly she became enemy number one to James and Sirius.

The pranks were constant, and at the funeral, one of her roommates told me that she would have panic attacks in the morning because she was so terrified to leave the Slytherin Dorm. There is a fine line between pranking and bullying, and we crossed that line, too many times. Didn't you notice me starting to pull away that year? Why did I have to be the voice of reason, you were the Prefect! You were supposed to keep them in line. Did none of you notice my forced laughter as you hurt people time and time again with your 'jokes'?

It took my sister nearly a month to be weaned off of the calming potions that Slughorn had started dosing her with, and slowly but surely my little sister came back. I hid her second year Hogwarts letter from her and secretly went out and purchased her books. If she could make it through one more year, than she would be okay. But one morning she snuck into my room to tickle me awake (something she use to do when she was younger), but I wasn't tickled awake! No, she was standing next to my bed screaming, her eyes were staring straight at her Hogwarts' second year books! She was hysterical and it took a light stunning spell from my step-father to calm her down. She wouldn't let me any where near her as she held onto my mother when she woke up and she shook and shook, clutching at her robes as if they were her lifeline. Her eyes were so wild. It took a large dose of calming potion before she would let go, but she walked around in a daze.

A week before we were to return from Hogwarts, I found her. She snuck into the kitchen and slit her wrists. She was twelve years old, Remus! Twelve and she was so terrified of US, of ME, that she SLIT HER WRISTS!!! ARE YOU GETTING THIS REMUS? I never knew how badly she was affected by all of the 'jokes' until her roommates came to the funeral and started talking. I was horrified! My own little sister, the blue eye urchin who idolized me had become terrified of me, ME!

When did we go from being role models of bravery and integrity to being things that go bump in the night and terrify young children giving them nightmares? Regulus came up to me that day and sat with me as I wept. He didn't say anything; he didn't need to for there was nothing he could say that could help. You didn't know about the funeral because I DIDN'T WANT YOU THERE. James and Sirius couldn't have been comforting, nor would they have been welcomed.

It was during the funeral among the other Slytherins, that I heard small whisperings of the Death Eaters. Regulus and Severus were trying to decided whether or not to join; they wanted to wait for one more year before making the decision, but on the train… James and Sirius being the arses that they were pushed the three of us, yes us, Regulus, Severus and I, right into their gentle but eager hands. And just like with James and Sirius, the Dark Lord at first was gentle and kind, wooing us, converting us, and entrenching us so deep that there was no way out.

And we did try to back out, all three of us, when we found out what the Dark Lord was really like. Regulus was horrified when he heard that the Dark Lord had made horcruxes, Severus when he learned that his beloved Lily was a target, and me. I had gone from one group of bullies to another, but these guys didn't do things for laughs, they did things to hurt and kill.

Regulus disappeared, now I know why, but at the time… and than Severus heard The Prophesy, and I learned that Lily was pregnant. Severus loved Lily, and I always had had a small crush on her, we didn't want her dead. The two of us tried to come up with a way to keep them safe and we choose one of us going to Dumbledore and becoming a 'known' spy and the other being the 'unknown' spy. Severus 'won' the coin toss, and I watched in my rat form as he came clean with the headmaster.

Can I be honest here? Sure I can, you have already condemned me, I was thrilled when James and Sirius suggested me as their secret keeper. Do you know why? It wasn't to hurt Lily or even hurt Harry, but to play the biggest prank on the two biggest pranksters. After all how many times during school did they do the big switcheroo on people? So James and Sirius were to be humiliated beyond their wildest dreams, and Severus and I were to whisk Lily and Harry away to safety and be the heroes for once. The Dark Lord, however, attacked a day earlier than we had originally planned, and our prank backfired, horribly.

So now you know the reason I joined. I am not asking for forgiveness, nor am I asking you to understand, the reason why I am sending this is for one thing… can you please visit my little sister's gravestone and tell her I am sorry and I love her? Her favorite flowers were daisies.

Wormtail

Remus put the letter down and sighed, "Remus?" He looked up into Harry's green eyes, and handed Harry the letter and got up and walked into the house. Harry stared at the letter in his hand, swallowing hard as he read it. He looked up at a noise and saw Remus had come back out and was gathering a small bunch of daisies and with a nod to Harry, he apparated away.

AN: I always wondered what would make Pettigrew turn away from his friends and become a Death eater. Sure there are probably lots of reasons why out there, protection, going from one group of 'friends' to the next, his family pressured him, but I wondered what would really make him turn and want to kill his best friends. But what if his best friends were the Bullies and he thought that he was getting away from them and ended up in a larger group? And what if his best friends were the final push that put Peter over the edge? To me there is a very very fine line between pranks and bullying. If a prank has been played on you, and you don't laugh, you can't take a joke. Why should I laugh at something that humiliates me or my friends?

Comments and Criticisms Welcome.