Carrying a Torch

Disclaimer: Mary and Marshall are not mine. I'm just borrowing them for a little while.

Spoilers: Trojan Horst; Let's Get it Ahn; and possibly other episodes.

A/N: When I heard Marshall's toast for the first time, it made me extremely happy that he'd said those three little words… But, then I watched the scene again (and again) and listened to the lyrics of the wonderfully angsty background music (…carry my torch for you…) – an hour and a half later and I still can't get the scene/episode out of my head.

I had to write this.

This is my first time in this fandom so please be gentle if you leave a review…

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"Here's to the best friend I've ever had…could ever hope to have. A girl for whom no man will ever be good enough. I hope you know that I love you and I wish you nothing but a lifetime of happiness." – Marshall's toast to Mary in Let's Get it Ahn.

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I sit down nearly overcome by it all.

It's over. She's finally chosen someone and it's not me. It's never me.

We've been partners for awhile now. I think I probably loved her from the first moment I met her, but didn't realize it until a few months before Lola's people shot me. I fought to stay alive for her because she didn't want me to leave her. I thought maybe she just might have feelings for me too.

But I was wrong.

I knew she was spending more time with Raph, but never in my wildest dreams would I have expected him to ask her to marry him let alone Mary saying 'yes'.

But I was wrong. I'm always wrong.

Apparently I'd read too much into our relationship. We spend so much time together and tell each other everything, but she hadn't told me about this. If I hadn't noticed the tan on her ring finger, I don't think I would've found out about her engagement until I got the invitation in the mail.

I still can't believe that she didn't tell me – that I had to figure it out for myself. I almost can't decide which hurts more. Almost.

I always seem to fall in love with women who can't ever love me back at least not in the way that I want them to love me. We can be the best of friends but still they won't consider me as anything more. It seems to be the story of my life.

How many times does this make now? All I have to do is fall for someone and at the same time they miraculously find that someone else with whom they want to spend the rest of their lives.

I thought maybe this time would be different. I should've known better.

I still can't believe that I told her that I love her in that toast I made. What really makes me feel ashamed though was that I couldn't even look her in the eye when I said it.

At least I finally said it even though she thought it meant I love her as my best friend and not as something more. It was the first time I had been brave enough to go that far when faced with unrequited love.

I'd meant it when I said that I wanted her to have a lifetime of happiness – even if I have to content myself with forever being the best friend instead of the best man.

I have one tiny spark of hope left.

When I gave her ring back to her she shoved it in her pocket instead of wearing it at her own engagement party. I couldn't help but think that was odd. Why hide her ring when everyone knows about it? And, therein lays the hope that maybe she isn't absolutely sure of her decision.

Even if she does marry Raph, I'll still be there for her – as her friend and her partner.

Though I think I'll be carrying a torch for her for a long time to come.

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The end.

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Thanks for reading!