"Hoho…is that what happened?"

Shinigami-sama, principal of Shibusen and grand protector of Death City as well as guardian of the world, stood before Maka, Soul, Blackstar, Tsubaki, Liz, Patty, Crona, Harvar, and Kilik. Hero was not present, as he was in the infirmary getting his wounds treated. He was also unconscious, and would probably be so for the next two days.

Maka hung her head in shame. She was one of the school's top students and best meisters. Soul was a Death Scythe, for crying out loud. Blackstar and Tsubaki were also one of the most powerful teams in Shibusen, and Tsubaki was almost there with her soul collection. Liz and Patty were Shinigami-sama's son's weapons, and they were also nearing Death Scythe status. And now who knew what punishment awaited them? Their souls could very well be confiscated and they'd have to start from scratch again.

She didn't want to think about it. Her father, Spirit, Shinigami-sama's main weapon, was giving her a very disapproving look. And Maka sure as hell didn't want to think of what her mother would say. She'd probably stop sending her postcards, and Maka didn't want that.

"Sir," Sid spoke up. "They destroyed school grounds, school property, and Blackstar crapped in the middle of the front yard."

"I couldn't help it!" Blackstar yelled at him.

"Shut up!"

Shinigami-sama scratched at his head with one of his oversized hands. "We-ell…this is a sorry situation indeed. Getting all that fixed up is going to cost an arm and a leg. I'd understand if you guys tore up the place while fighting an enemy, but you guys were just ganging up on Hero, never mind that he's a bit of a wussy meister and probably had it coming to him." He heaved a big sigh. "This is bad. It looks like I really may have to punish you."

Maka looked up. "Sh-shinigami-sama, we're truly very sorry—"

"It's all that Hero's fault!" Kilik exclaimed. "He was the one who put that medicine in our drinks, and now we're suffering for it."

Shinigami-sama shrugged. "Not that I don't feel bad for you guys, but at least Hero kept that little prank of his outside of school, Kilik-kun."

"You people, on the other hand, brought it to school and destroyed school property," Sid pointed out sternly.

"Are you saying you care more for school property than you do for its students?" Soul demanded.

"No, no, that's not what we're saying at all," Shinigami-sama said quickly, heading off what would have been an angry retort from Spirit and Sid. "I do intend to talk to Hero about this prank he pulled on all of you, but the fact remains that you wrecked part of the school, Soul-kun."

Blackstar folded his arms across his chest. "I'm responsible for most of the damage! If you're going to punish someone, punish me! These guys didn't do anything. Me, the Great Blackstar, can take on whatever punishment you decide to give the entire group!"

"Well, that's very admirable of you, Blackstar-kun," Shinigami-sama complimented him. "But the fact also remains that none of them decided to try and stop you from committing such a rash act. Letting something bad happen is the same as doing the deed itself."

Maka hung her head again. Shinigami-sama was right.

"Still, the circumstance under which this was done…that intrigues me."

Maka's head snapped up again. Beside her, Liz flinched. Patty giggled.

Shinigami-sama remained silent for a while. A long while. His mask made it impossible for them to read his face (which they've never seen before), but it seemed as if he was staring at all of them—and Maka felt that he was staring at HER, especially. She wanted to scream.

And then the Lord of Death clapped his big hands together and said jovially, "Well! I suppose I can overlook this incident just this once! You may go. You'll all be called in some time to help with the reconstruction of the school grounds you destroyed, but for now just relax!"

Spirit looked stunned, and Sid's mouth fell open. "Ah…Shinigami-sama!" Sid sputtered. "A-are you sure?"

"Hai, hai, they're all young and prone to making mistakes, but that's what youth is for anyway, isn't it?" Shinigami-sama waved one hand dismissively. "Go on, get outta here. Soul-kun, Blackstar-kun, Kilik-kun, and Harvar-kun, go home and rest. You're all still rather ill, right? You'll need to get better soon, so we can start on the reconstruction. Tsubaki-chan, take care of Blackstar. Make sure he doesn't sneak out and make a mess elsewhere; having dropped a bomb in the front yard was bad enough. Crona-kun and Ragnarok-kun, you're both dismissed as well, and do try to stay out of trouble. Maka-chan, Liz-chan, and Patty-chan…stay behind please."

Maka, Liz, and Patty exchanged glances. Maka and Liz were horrified. Uh-oh.

When the others and Sid had gone, Shinigami-sama clapped his hands together again. The sound made Maka and Liz start. "Now then!" Shinigami-sama began jovially, "I noticed that you three kept strangely quiet during the whole time your friends were explaining. Maka-chan, you didn't say anything at all. Liz-chan, you didn't make a single sarcastic comment. And Patty-chan…oh, wait, Patty-chan was being herself." He laughed. "Well, well, this is unusual indeed. Maka-chan, something seems to be bothering you."

Maka swallowed nervously. "Ah…well…it's nothing, really—"

"Now, now, Maka-chan, you know you can tell me anything. And I caught all the inconsistencies Soul-kun was making when he was explaining how all this came about. Seemed like he was protecting someone, or several someones."

Maka cringed. "It…it's just that…"

"I suspect there's more to this than meets the eye," Shinigami-sama went on. "Could it be about my son Kid-kun?"

Maka and Liz froze. Patty laughed. "Wow, good guess, Shinigami-sama!" she cheered.

"Patty!" Liz gasped.

Shinigami-sama chortled, amused. "Hoho! Guess I'm still good at some things, hey?"

"But…but…how did you know…?" Maka asked.

Shinigami-sama raised a finger. "Well, he's not here. I just thought I'd take a blind shot and see if it hits."

Maka sweatdropped and Liz groaned. "He got us good there, didn't he?" Liz sighed.

"So!" Shinigami-sama said. "What's up with Kid-kun? How is he connected to the front of Shibusen getting reduced to rubble?"

Maka and Liz looked at each other again, wondering how to explain it. "W-well…" Maka began.

"Nee-chan and I wanna do it with Kid-kun!" Patty announced.

Maka and Liz lost all their color.

Spirit stared at Patty. "Wh-what??"

Patty threw out her hands and put on her best plaintive look. "Well, we've been partners for such a long time, and everyone else has become a couple, and everyone else is getting' some 'cept me and Nee-chan and Kid-kun. We really loooove Kid-kun, and we just want him to have some fun, that's all. So we went through all this trouble to try and get him into bed with me and Nee-chan, 'coz we knew that he would NEVER, on his honor as a gentleman, do anything to us, and we're tired of waiting!" She blushed prettily and held up her fingers in a V-sign. "Haha, but our plan didn't work! 'Coz Kid-kun's a shinigami, like his Pa, and his resistance to alcohol is insane!"

Maka covered her eyes with her hand. Liz and Spirit continued to gape at Patty.

Shinigami-sama, on the other hand, let out a huge honk of laughter and clapped his hands again. "Ohohoho, very nicely said, Patty-chan! Oh, I never thought I'd see the day when my cute son finally gets his cherry popped. And by two pretty young girls, too! Hoho, this is cause for celebration indeed!"

Maka's, Liz's, and Spirit's heads snapped around to look at him in wide-eyed amazement.

Patty grinned. "So, maybe Shinigami-sama could help us?"

Shinigami-sama beamed. "We-ell, that's a bit difficult. If I interfere, Kid-kun is bound to get cranky, and then you and Liz-chan won't be able to do ANYTHING with him. Hmm…what to do, what to do…? Aha!" He snapped his fingers. "Might I suggest you ask Professor Stein for help?"

Surprised, Maka couldn't help but say "Professor Stein? How could he possibly know what to do?"

"Stein knows a good many things, Maka, even things that he shouldn't really know," Spirit answered. "If anyone knows how to get past a Death God's resiliency and high tolerance for intoxication…it'd be him." He made a face. "Though I'm really not sure what he'd say if he found out the reason behind all this is just to get Kid-kun laid…"

Maka looked at her father. "So…there's still a chance he won't help us?"

"I said I didn't know what he'd SAY," Spirit pointed out with a smile. "But because he's a curious sort…morbidly curious, that is…he'd definitely help you."

Maka's face brightened. "Then we'll go see him! Thank you, Shinigami-sama…and you, too, Papa."

Spirit died and went to heaven.

Shinigami-sama waved a hand. "Well, good luck then! Keep up the good work!"

"Hai!" Maka, Liz, and Patty answered—in Liz's case, she was so shell-shocked that she answered automatically instead of consciously—and then the three girls took their leave.

"Shinigami-sama…" Spirit began when he and Shinigami-sama were the only ones left in the room. "Are…are you sure this is a good idea? Letting them do that to Kid…"

Shinigami had turned around and was facing his mirror. From his position, Spirit could only see his back. After some time, the Death God said, "Spirit-kun…"

"H-hai, Shinigami-sama…"

"I want Kid-kun to be happy, and to experience love. I don't want him to have his offspring sprout from his forehead…like his Dad."

Spirit gasped. "Shi-shinigami-sama!! You mean…you…"

Shinigami-sama remained unnervingly silent for a moment. And then he turned around to face Spirit. "I'm LYIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!"

Spirit blinked. Then he stomped his foot on the ground. "Shinigami-sama! Don't make jokes about your own son like that!"

"Shinigami-CHOP!"

"What…what was…-cough- that for?" Spirit asked as he lay in a pool of his own blood.

"For believing such a ridiculous story! A Death Scythe should know better!"

"Waaaah…"

Shinigami-sama faced the mirror again, chuckling to himself. "Aah, youth! Good luck, Maka-chan, Liz-chan, and Patty-chan. I hope things turn out well."

***

"You three," Blackstar began with a scowl, "had better have a good explanation!"

Maka, Liz, and Patty had exited the school (through the back, since the front had been completely demolished) and were met by Soul, Blackstar, and Tsubaki. Soul and Tsubaki looked resigned, Blackstar looked pissed.

Maka sighed. "I'm sorry, Blackstar, really. I'm really very sorry."

"Damn right you should be! And—wait…you're apologizing? Right away?"

Maka pinched the bridge of her nose. "Hai, hai, please don't rub it in."

Blackstar's angry expression became one of bewilderment. Then he shook his head and glared at her. "What's going on? You're hiding something from me, ME! Your teammate! How could you?"

Tsubaki patted his shoulder. "M-maa…I'm barely aware of what's going on, myself."

"Even Tsubaki doesn't know! And she's your friend!" Blackstar yelled.

Maka winced. "Please don't make me feel even worse! I feel like crap already for having kept you in the dark about our plan."

"What plan?" Blackstar demanded. "And why isn't Kid here? He should know about this, too—"

"NO!" Maka, Liz, and Soul yelled. Patty laughed so hard at their reaction, she sat down on the ground and practically screamed.

Blackstar looked confused. "Why not?"

"Because he's the target!" Maka hissed.

"What?? Why? What did he do to piss you all off?"

"He didn't piss us off," Soul said. "Actually, this is supposed to be a good thing for him."

Blackstar blinked. "How is assassinating him a good thing for him?"

"This isn't an assassination!" Maka exclaimed.

"Eeeeh? What is it then?? The suspense is killing me!"

Maka took in a deep breath and expelled it noisily. "We're trying to get him laid!"

Blackstar's mouth shut itself with a loud snap, and he stared owlishly at Maka. "Y-you're trying to get him laid?"

Maka nodded. "With these two." She pointed at Liz and Patty. Liz was trying not to turn red, and Patty was rolling around in hysterical laughter on the ground.

Blackstar blinked, glanced at Liz, glanced at Patty, then focused his unbelieving gaze at Maka. "You're trying to get Death the Kid LAID with Liz and Patty?"

Maka felt a vein throbbing in her temple. "Yes."

Next thing they knew, Blackstar was rolling around on the ground as well, laughing his ass off. "Wahahaha! Oh, that's rich! You're going to try and get prim-and-proper, stiff, gentlemanly, 'symmetry-is-my-aesthetic' Kid in bed with Liz and Patty?? Good luck!!" he howled, still laughing. "That's like trying to get Kid in bed with a giraffe and a mongoose! Ahahahahaha!"

Maka raised her hand to deliver a Maka-chop but Liz suddenly stepped in. "LIZ-CHOP!!!" she screamed, and whacked him.

While Tsubaki tried to mend the Grand Canyon that had dug itself into Blackstar's skull, Soul turned to Maka. "He has a point, though," he said. "I said it myself, didn't I? In addition to being a stiff and proper guy, Kid's got that symmetry thing going. He probably won't do Liz and Patty one-at-a-time, and if they go for a threesome his OCD's gonna get in the way."

"I know that," Maka told him. "That's why we tried to get him drunk, remember?"

"And we know the results of THAT, now, don't we?" Soul retorted. He frowned. "What did Shinigami want to talk to you about?"

Maka sheepishly put a hand to the back of her head. "Well…actually…he figured out what me and Liz-chan and Patty-chan were up to."

Soul's mouth fell open. "He what?? How? What did he say??"

"Eheh…well…he guessed…and then he told us to see Professor Stein."

Soul was incredulous. "Whoa…so…Shinigami didn't get mad or anything?"

"No…he even wished us luck." Maka still couldn't get over that one. "Imagine that."

"He wished you luck??" Soul repeated, gaping at his partner. "As in…good luck with getting Kid laid?"

Maka nodded. "Uh-huh."

"You mean…he's, like, all for it, too?"

"Apparently…yeah…guess he wants grandchildren."

Soul grinned. "That was pretty cool of him."

"Ahaha…I'm still pretty much in shock."

"Ahehe…well, I'm just glad we don't have to pay for any of the damages…guess Kid's good for something other than fighting Kishin-tainted souls."

"Dammit, Blackstar!" Liz yelled. "If you don't stop laughing, I'm going to make sure the next chop splits you right down to your navel!"

"How can I stop laughing?" Blackstar demanded in return, howling his amusement all over Shibusen's backyard. "There's no WAY Kid's EVER gonna sleep with you! I'd say Patty had more of a chance!"

"How DARE you?? Come back here!"

Maka and Soul sweatdropped. "We better break that up before they break something else on school grounds," Maka said.

"Aa. I'm pretty sure even the old man's got his limits." Soul agreed, dryly, "Even if we ARE on Kid's credit line."

***

The group made their way to Stein's peculiar, stitched-up house.

"I guess Shinigami-sama really wants Kid-kun to…ah…" Tsubaki blushed. "You know. Because he suggested we ask help from Stein-hakase."

"But what if he suggests we dissect Kid first, or something?" Blackstar asked, lazily strutting along beside Tsubaki. "If Kid's got his stupid OCD thing, then Stein's got his stupid dissecting thing. And don't think he ain't crazy enough to suggest it."

Maka shook her head. "No way! We have to trust Shinigami-sama's judgment on this. Remember the first time we met Professor Stein? We all thought he was a bad guy, but then it turned out he was on our side."

"Hmph. Guess that's true enough." Blackstar shrugged. "But how can he help us?"

"Whoa, look at that!" Patty exclaimed, pointing.

They had reached Stein's house. It was almost the same as when they had first seen it, except now there were rows upon rows of colorful flowers in all shapes and sizes decorating the front yard. Green vines wound their way around and over the wall and the iron bars of the once-creepy-looking gates. The house itself was still stitched-up and a somber-looking gray, but the gray was obviously a fresh coat of paint, and now there were pink highlights around the roof.

The effect on the little group was to render them all speechless for a good few moments.

"Wow…" Liz finally said. "Are you sure this is Stein's house? It looks more like Raggedy-Ann and Raggedy-Andy's house."

Again, the silence.

"Think he moved out?" Soul wondered, oddly quiet.

Maka shook her head. Slowly. "Um…he'd say if he did…right?"

"Maybe he just got a housekeeper." Blackstar shrugged.

"Or a gardener," Tsubaki said. "Oh, or perhaps he simply decided to take up gardening himself?"

"Stein ain't gonna do that!" Blackstar disagreed. "He'd sooner dissect something than plant flowers and stuff!"

"Then how do you explain that?" Liz demanded, jutting her chin out at the blooming garden.

Maka snapped her fingers. "Ah! Of course! Marie-sensei is probably still living with him!"

There was yet another few moments of complete silence.

"Marie-sensei and Professor Stein…" Liz said.

"Think they're getting it on?" Soul asked with a grin.

"Soul!" Maka gasped.

"Maybe they're just close friends," Tsubaki suggested earnestly.

"And I'm Cinderella," Liz muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Awww," Patty giggled, "the flowers don't have stitches! Guess Marie-sensei doesn't want Stein-hakase fooling around with her flowers!"

Everybody else sweatdropped.

Maka shook herself. "Come on! We came here to ask him something, right? Let's go and ask him!"

The gates weren't padlocked, and so they let themselves in and walked up the brightly-colored path to the front door. Marie had definitely placed her own unique signature on Stein's domicile.

"Don't you think it would be nice if they did become a couple?" Tsubaki said, with a delighted little smile.

Maka winced. "Erhm…"

"I'd pity Marie-sensei," Liz said.

"Ditto," Blackstar nodded.

"Oh, come on, you guys," Tsubaki insisted. "Stein-hakase isn't so bad at all."

"Huh…no one's answering," Maka suddenly interjected. During the course of their little discussion she'd thought to ring the doorbell.

"Maybe he DID move out," Soul said with a shrug. "He's the type of guy who'd probably do that and not tell anybody."

Maka rang the doorbell several more times, only to get the same result. Nothing. Soul tried the door, but it was locked. The rest of the gang tried finding windows they could look into, but all windows were bolted and the curtains drawn. There was no way to peer into the house.

"Guess he's not home," Maka said, disappointed. "Maybe we can just try again later, or tomorrow."

"No, wait," Blackstar said, holding up a hand. "I think I hear something…"

They all listened. True enough, there was someone moving around inside. There was a muffled thump, followed immediately by something heavy scraping the floor, and a stifled shriek.

Everyone gasped.

"What's going on in there?" Liz demanded.

"What if someone got in and is attacking Marie-sensei?" Tsubaki exclaimed.

Soul bared his fangs. "Then we better get in there and help her!"

Blackstar thumped his chest with his fist. "Allow me! Hya-HOOOO!"

He backed up for a running start, then kicked the door down in one go. It ended up in pieces all over the floor, and the gang rushed in, roaring bloody murder. They expected to see someone, either one of their old enemies or an entirely new foe, cornering Marie and threatening her life. However, what greeted them was completely different.

The first thing they saw was Stein. He was standing by the couch, looking mildly surprised at their intrusion. His glasses were uncharacteristically askew, and his hair was even messier than usual.

The next thing they saw was Marie. She was lying on the couch, having been soul-stitched in by Stein. She looked surprised, too, only her surprise was slowly giving way to horror. There was nobody else in the room, and everything, save for the couch Marie lay on, was undisturbed.

Now, Maka and the others had anticipated they'd find Marie. What they hadn't anticipated was that they'd find her soul-stitched to the couch. They also hadn't anticipated they'd see Stein.

And they certainly had NOT anticipated that the two occupants of the living room would be butt-naked.

For a moment, a long, agonizing moment, nobody moved.

And then Marie screamed.

Maka, Tsubaki, and Liz also screamed.

Soul had a nosebleed.

Blackstar involuntarily let out a blast of steam from his nose.

Patty, for once, didn't laugh. But she DID stare. Hard.

Stein's reaction was eerily calm. He straightened his glasses and looked inquiringly at all of them. "I guess this isn't a social visit," he said mildly. "Else you would have all just gone away when I didn't answer the doorbell."

Maka blushed furiously. "G-g-gomenasai, Professor!"

Tsubaki had hidden her face in her hands. "We—we didn't see anything!"

"Are you kidding?" Liz said, in a voice a couple of octaves higher than her usual. "We saw EVERYTHING!"

It was then that Patty laughed. "Wow, the Professor's big! Marie-sensei's body ain't half-bad either!" She clapped her hands in glee. "Uwaa, so you guys ARE getting it on when nobody's looking!"

Marie started sobbing. "Franken, release me at once! I need to put some clothes on!"

Stein ignored her. "And now that you all know that, perhaps you could go away so that we can, ahem, get it on?"

Soul was in danger of dying from massive blood loss. Blackstar seemed petrified.

"Franken Stein!" Marie screeched from the couch.

Stein continued to ignore his housemate. "Well? Why are you all here? You're not just here to comment on certain anatomical parts, are you?"

Liz nudged Maka, hard. Maka forced herself to concentrate on just Stein's face. "Ah…w-well, it's about Kid-kun."

"I suppose that's why he isn't here." Stein somehow managed to pull a cigarette out from somewhere and light it (with a lighter that he also somehow managed to pull out from somewhere). "What's going on?"

"W-well…" Maka stuttered. "It's…it's a bit…well…private, you know, and…"

Stein's expression was unreadable. "And I'm supposed to grant you privacy after you and nearly all of your cohorts have intruded upon mine?"

Maka suddenly felt her knees turn into jelly. "Ah…ahem…wh-when you put it that way…"

"Nee-chan and I wanna do Kid-kun," Patty said. Evenly. In a quiet tone.

The professor stared at her. A single brow shot up to the stitched ceiling. "I…see. By 'do', I suppose you mean it in the…lascivious sense?"

"Wazzat?" Blackstar crinkled his nose. "Las…lasshiv…"

"He means lustful." Maka said, absently.

"Oooh. Well, why didn't he just say 'lustful'?"

"Blackstar?"

"Yeah?"

"Shh."

Stein puffed on his cigarette and began blowing out skull-shaped clouds of smoke. "Hmm…why not just up and invite him to bed, then?"

"Professor," Maka said with some exasperation, "it's Kid-kun we're talking about. He's…rather…"

"Prudish?" Stein supplied, with a small but evil smirk.

"Er…yeah."

Marie had stopped yelling at Stein and was now trying to break free from Soul Stitch. To his credit, Stein had very subtly moved to stand between her and his students, thereby at least partially blocking their view of her. To Soul's credit, he had turned around and was trying to staunch the flow of blood from his nose. Blackstar was busy turning over his newly-learned word in his head, and wasn't really looking. The girls, however, still had full visual access to the still very naked Stein.

"Have you tried getting him drunk?" Stein asked after a while.

"Yeah," Maka nodded. "But I think you know what happened to THAT idea."

Stein smirked again. "You should've known better than to try and get a Shinigami drunk, even one as young as Kid. His skin doesn't burn, he doesn't get cold in winter, and he's resistant to poison. Alcohol doesn't even count as poison. Absinthe's a different story, I suppose, but, well, it probably won't affect him."

Liz rolled her eyes. "Well, what do you suggest we do, then, eh Prof?"

Stein looked amused. "Ask for his hand in marriage?" he suggested with a shrug.

Liz couldn't help it. She glared. Stein chuckled.

"Frankeeeeeeeeeen!" Marie growled at him. Maka and the others could hear the stitches ripping through the fabric of the couch. Stein would have a torn-up couch and quite possibly a beating if Marie managed to break free.

"Uh…Professor Stein?" Maka prompted.

But Stein either didn't hear or didn't care. He simply continued to smoke his cigarette and stare off into space. Once or twice he reached up to twist the big screw on his head clockwise.

Then he brought his gaze back down to them, making them all snap to attention. Stein had that effect. "You can use Soul Solvent," he said.

"Soul…Solvent?" Liz repeated.

"It's that stuff he made Blackstar use," Maka told her. "You know, the one that made him look like a zombie?"

"Oh, THAT."

Blackstar snorted. "Ha! I drank that thing, remember? If all it did was make me sleepy, it's not gonna do anything to Kid!"

Stein was unfazed. "That's why you're going to use a stronger Soul Solvent."

Everyone stared at him. Even Marie had gone still.

"A stronger Soul Solvent?" Maka asked.

Stein nodded. "I've been working on one for a while now. I was actually planning on using…I mean, asking Blackstar to test it." He extinguished his cigarette (using an ashtray he'd miraculously pulled out of somewhere) and, without warning, walked into the adjoining room, which had all of his lab equipment. Marie screamed again, fresh blood spurted from Soul's nose, and Blackstar's eyes were just about ready to explore the world ten feet away from their sockets. The girls had a very good view of Stein's buttocks.

Liz groaned and rubbed at her temples. "I hate today."

"Suck it up, baka," Blackstar said, regaining possession of his eyeballs. "You're the ones who want to do Kid."

"Oh, shut up! If you were in our position, you'd be this desperate, too!"

"Ahaha, me? The Great Blackstar is NEVER desperate!"

"But you ARE dumb," Patty chortled.

"Say that again!!"

"Leave my sister alone!" Liz leapt to her sister's defense.

"She started it!"

"And I'll end it if you don't shut up!"

"Don't fight, you two," Tsubaki implored. "You're upsetting Marie-sensei."

"She's naked and Soul-Stitched to the couch," Liz drawled. "If we were in her position, we wouldn't need any other reason to be upset."

"Please don't look at me," Marie wailed. "Now I'm never going to get married!"

"But you're banging Stein," Blackstar said, genuinely befuddled. "Isn't that good enough?"

"Yeah," Liz agreed, suddenly shifting gears and siding with Blackstar. "I mean, you guys are pretty close, you know how to give each other space, everyone says you're a good influence on him…heck, you guys are practically married already."

"And he is pretty big…" Tsubaki, of all people, said in as comforting a tone as she could manage. Maka choked on her own saliva.

"He's not that big!" Blackstar fumed. "I'm easily twice his size!"

Tsubaki sweatdropped. "G-gomen…"

"If you were twice his size, Tsubaki-chan would be dead," Liz muttered. She'd shifted gears again in a heartbeat and was back to arguing with the Star clan survivor.

Blackstar glared at her. "You don't believe me, eh? Fine! I'll show you just how great I am!" He grabbed his pants and, to everyone's mutual horror, pulled them down.

Tsubaki paled. "Blackstar!"

Blackstar waggled his front at Liz. "There! See? Bear witness to the awesomeness that is Blackstar!"

Liz had a horrified look on her face. "Get that thing away from me!"

Patty was laughing hysterically now. "You're not bigger than the Prof! You're not even as big as the Prof! If ding-dongs were sausages then you're a canned one next to Stein-hakase's Hungarian! Ahahahahahahaha!"

"Urusai!" Blackstar yelled at her.

"Not bad, though," Liz said to Tsubaki. Tsubaki blushed.

Stein returned to the living room with a very small bottle and a dropper. "Here we are," he said, sounding rather pleased with himself. He was still naked.

"Couldn't he have put on something, at least?" Soul grumbled. "Him waving his 'ding-dong' around is kind of…annoying."

Maka suppressed a smirk. "Male jealousy's a bad thing, Soul."

Soul sputtered indignantly. "J-jealous? Me? Of him?

"What is that, Professor?" Tsubaki asked politely, trying to steer the conversation away from pointlessness.

Stein held up the tiny bottle. "It's a stronger version of Soul Solvent. I call it Soul Extract."

"Sounds wicked," Liz commented.

Stein nodded. "It is. I was a little disappointed when Blackstar said all my Solvent did was make him a bit sleepy, so I worked for weeks on a proper replacement for it." He smiled. "You didn't think I'd make training THAT easy for you, did you, Blackstar?"

Blackstar thumped his chest. "Hah! That thing's probably not even going to pass for training! Bet I can down that whole bottle and still stay on my feet!"

Stein suddenly turned serious. "No. There's a reason I brought out this dropper. You get to try one drop. That's it."

Blackstar was incredulous. "What? Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"No way! Come on! Who do you think I am?"

Stein dipped the dropper into the bottle. "Fine then, a drop and a half. But don't blame me if you die, or something."

"Die?" Tsubaki gasped, covering her mouth with her hands.

"Or something?" Patty repeated. She sounded amused. "That sounds interesting! Think he'll turn into a girl?"

Liz lost it and started sputtering with laughter. "Yeah, Patty, I'd say that'd count as an 'or something'."

"It'd count as a 'something else'," Soul added, snickering.

"It's a good suggestion…" Stein murmured thoughtfully. Maka shuddered, knowing somehow that he was already thinking of an entirely new concoction.

Blackstar snorted loudly and derisively. "Fine, but don't blame me either if you end up getting humiliated for overestimating your invention, Prof!"

Stein's glasses gleamed. "I never overestimate myself. That extends to whatever it is I create."

Blackstar glared at him. "Then let's see what you got, old man!"

"He's not old!" Marie protested. "Not that old, anyway. And you gotta admit, he's still pretty virile."

"Oh, YOU can talk," Blackstar said sarcastically. "You were about to get it on before we busted in on you!"

"Don't say it like you should be proud of it!" Soul exclaimed. "It's not like we did them any favors, you know!"

"Says you!" Blackstar retorted. "I'd say we did Marie-sensei a favor and stopped Stein from putting his stitched-up snake in her pit!"

"Stitched-up??" Maka gasped.

"Pit?" Marie muttered, her face sour.

"Yeah!" Blackstar pointed right at the 'snake' in question. "Take a good look!"

Maka turned bright red and shut her eyes. "I don't wanna!"

"I so do not appreciate having my va-jay-jay being referred to as a 'pit'!" Marie was indignant. "Franken, you wouldn't ever call it a 'pit', would you?"

"Certainly not," Stein said, conversationally. "I'd call it the man-eating version of the Venus Fly Trap, but not a 'pit'."

"FRANKEN!"

"Stop it, you guys!" Tsubaki wailed, covering her ears.

"Who knows if THAT'LL fall apart once it's in there!" Blackstar went on, pointing at Stein's member. "With all the experiments this crazy doc's done to himself, I'm just surprised Junior doesn't have a screw in his head, too!"

"Blackstar, don't be rude," Tsubaki implored.

"Besides, how can we tell he didn't make himself that big on purpose?" Blackstar insisted. "I mean, he might've added something there!"

Stein remained impassive. "I can assure you, this is one thing I tampered only minimally with."

Blackstar whirled on him. "You still tampered with it! And who cares if you only tampered with it once? That one time could've been the time you upsized it! You—"

Stein chose that precise moment to shove the dropper into Blackstar's mouth.

"Uwo, right on target." Soul sounded impressed.

"He's a doctor, what do you expect?" Maka said.

For a while, no one moved. Even Marie had stopped struggling. What would the effect of the Soul Extract be on the great Blackstar?

Then Stein withdrew the dropper and stepped back. "There. How do you feel?" he asked mildly.

Blackstar blinked. "I feel…fine! Absolutely fine!" he drew himself up and planted his hands proudly on his hips. "See? I told you. Your Soul Extract thingamajig ain't working. Hah! You gotta come up with something stronger to get to Kid—"

And then he toppled over like a pole-axed cow.

Tsubaki screamed. "Blackstar!"

"Whoa!" Soul exclaimed, his normally cool composure broken.

"He—he just went down! Just like that!" Maka gasped.

"Sugoi!" Patty started clapping. "Sugoi, Hakase!"

"That was awesome…" Liz's eyes were wide with astonishment.

Stein smiled. "What did I tell you?" He held out the bottle to Maka. "This will weaken Kid's defenses. It probably won't knock him out, but it'll make him woozy. Liz and Patty should be able to handle him then."

Maka accepted the bottle and smiled up at Stein gratefully. "Thank you, Professor!"

Liz pumped a fist into the air. "Yes! Hear that, Patty?"

Patty grinned. Almost maniacally. "Kid-kun won't know what hit him!"

Soul was bending over Blackstar. "Blackstar sure didn't know what hit him." He grinned as well and looked up at the Thompson sisters. "Yeah, looks like you and Liz have got some hope."

"Ano…" Marie began, still stuck to the couch and still very much naked. "I'm so glad that Stein was able to help you…but…could you please leave now?"

Everyone—except Patty—blushed. "Ah…hai…" Maka said. "G-gomen ne, Marie-sensei…"

Soul scratched his head. "I guess I gotta carry this idiot out, eh?"

"Unless you'd rather leave him here," Stein said, his glasses fogging up and hiding his eyes again. "But I can't guarantee what condition he'll be in when he wakes up."

"Err…" Maka laughed nervously. "Right…Soul will bring him. Ne, Soul?"

"Hai, hai, wakatta…" Soul began to lift Blackstar onto his shoulders when he noticed something. He immediately dropped Blackstar again. "Uwooo!!!" he yelled, surprised.

"What is it?" Tsubaki cried.

Soul pointed towards Blackstar's nether regions. "It's…it's…"

Everyone looked.

"Oh, my God…" Liz muttered. "It's ERECT."

Tsubaki grew red.

Patty was oddly quiet again. "Wow. NOW he's as big as the Prof."

They turned to look at Stein.

Stein shrugged. "Must be a side-effect."

His students continued to stare at him. Then, almost as if they couldn't help it, they looked down.

Stein blinked. His glasses grew opaque again. "Sorry. This is just me."

The girls looked away immediately.

Soul glanced at Blackstar again. "Damn. Say, Prof, you wouldn't mind giving me some of that, would you?"

Maka slapped him. "A-anyway, we're sorry for taking up your time, Professor," she stammered quickly. "We'll be going now. Thanks for all your help, we really appreciate it!"

"Glad to have been of service," Stein said, with a faint smile. He said it in such a silky tone that Maka was sure they were going to catch holy hell from him next time they were in class. She winced inwardly and promised herself she would definitely call in THIS favor from Liz and Patty one day.