The only characters I own are Alex, Sonny, Mel, Michael, William, various vamps that die, minor characters. Yes, I do have to lay claim to Marvin "the Martian" Marcellini. All others are not mine though I wish they were ;)

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Reviews are very welcome!

Thanks for the reviews: Lucifella, Master of the Boot

;-)

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I woke to a familiar ceiling.

Hot drat, I'd won. I was home.

How long had I been out?

Mel's joyous emotions filled my mind, almost singing to me.

He must be fondling his guitar again. Upstairs somewhere, distant from me.

There was boredom much closer to me.

My eyes wouldn't open. I tried twice to open my lids, but they refused my efforts.

Cyst.

This was worse than before. I was weaker than a baby. A baby could crawl and see. I doubt I could even do the first.

Footsteps, heavy with foreboding approached my bed from the far side of the room.

I knew those boots quite well.

Alucard.

He stopped above me. I could sense him towering even without my eyes. Well lovely. You'd think he'd get tired of doing that to us short mortals.

I felt his gaze, a tangible weight across my face.

I rasped out between numb lips, "I think you win in looking good after a fight competition."

He laughed, the maniacal sound bouncing around the stone walls.

"You had more fun."

"Only because I'm not invincible," the statement was sour.

"That is something I forget about you."

"Not hard to forget from my end."

"You have survived things only a draculina could have. I feel as if you are already mine."

I turned my head towards his voice, curious, "I'm not. Not even in the ballpark."

"Closer than you know," he paused then purred in an irritating manner, "My master."

"Alucard, have you told her?" Integra's voice sounded as weary as her emotions.

"Not yet, my master."

I heard her steps then, then what might have been my chair being moved.

Cigar smoke tugged on my nose a few seconds latter.

"We secured Brendan's notes. It seems your brother was the reason they pursued you with such abandon."

"Kevin?" oh collective decisions, how had he caused all this?

"No, Jeremy, or J as he was known since he was turned. According to the notes he has shattered a rule that all vampires to date had been subjected to."

She went silent as I was trying to determine what she could mean. Her emotions swirled with disgust and insult.

"Sir Integra?"

She exhaled, the cigar smoke instantly making me want to sneeze, "Your brother was able to father children."

"Child...ren?" horror washed through me, making me dizzy even with closed eyes.

"Vampires no matter if they were dracul or draculina cannot birth children as humans do. At least until J," Integra stated, continuing on with each blow like a blacksmith molding a sword, "He has fathered half human half vampire children. According to the notes he has two female children and ten male ones."

Twelve. Twelve possible little monsters I would have to take out. When would I be free of slaying my own kinsmen? What could they possibly want me for when they had Jeremy?

My mouth opened to ask that last question of Integra when she spoke, "The females couldn't conceive but the male children could with human women. The result was children with more power than a human but not as much as the half vampires."

"Quarter vampires?" even more? Oh cyst. I wished for once I was ignorant again.

So much could go wrong with these new vampires. How many people have they killed? How many more would suffer? How many people had died at the hands of beings that shouldn't exist?

Integra's comment broke my thoughts into millions of pieces, "Yes, diluting the bloodlines until they become human again. Which is why they needed you. J was to be Anderson's successor when he was made a dracul. He had already passed the test that was mis-applied to you."

I knew then, "A regenerator who becomes a dracul or draculina are able to produce children. They needed a female regenerator to produce females able to bear children, children who are fully vampire. I'm the only female they'll get unless Anderson produces another child. They had to get me. I'm the only one who could make their viscous dream real."

Vampires not restricted to virgins. With new abilities, maybe new resistances.

"That is what Brendan's notes bear out. It caused them no little fear when you suddenly vanished from your hometown."

"Because they couldn't guarantee I was a virgin anymore."

"You hold the future of the vampires in your hands, Alex. With you vampires will not be doomed to limited numbers with the sexual freedom the current generations enjoy. You can follow Brendan's plan or you can fight it."

"They have opened Pandora's box," I murmured unhappily, "but this time no hope escapes."

"What is your decision, Alex?"

"In what, Sir Integra?" I was missing something.

"I know the question that Alucard has pestered you with since your arrival at Hellsing. With this information, you must decide your path."

If I'd been standing, I would have slumped like Atlas. I literally bore the weight of the world in my shoulders.

I could drop it, dooming countless people, or shield it from harm with my own body from the mortals posing as the four horsemen.

Integra left with the parting shot, "You'll be back in the field regardless of your decision once you are fully recovered, Alex."

How did one weigh their actions with knowledge and desires? I desired to be with Alucard, to fully understand what a draculina was.

Yet that insanity would lead to the creation of a new monster. A monster capable of destroying humanity, breaking its creative drive like waves upon a sand castle.

But if I stayed human, that presented so many problems to myself and others.

If I remained a virgin, some vamp could in the near future bite me and make me what Brendan and his allies wanted.

If I found someone mortal and settled down, he would constantly be in danger.

Any children we had could, no, would have the same potential as me. How could I make the next generation suffer for one man's delusion of godhood?

They'd be trapped the same as me.

I felt my fingers curl into fists.

My moralities and ideals had trapped me as effectively as chains.

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It took a week before Gary would let me outside my room. On one condition.

I sat near the gun range, wrapped in a blanket and light jacket.

In a wheelchair.

Inside, I was trying my best not to curse this because I was sure if I cursed about this I'd find myself in a worse situation.

My weight and strength was slowly returning under William's tender care, with a side of Gary's idea of modern torture.

Which might be why they let me outside tonight. I had threatened to kick one of them in the nuts and it wasn't the one who brought me food.

I hadn't slept since Sir Integra dropped the two bombs. Work and future.

Desires, needs, and what was right to do argued in my head.

To choose destruction of the world for what I wanted, or be alone forever, a spinster or crazy cat lady for the rest of my life.

In my heart I knew if I choose the path of the draculina, then I'd be a hypocrite. I'd be less than me. I would not be Alex the humanist.

Yet I felt a coward for choosing to ignore my desires, my wants, to deny myself. To subjugate a part of me.

I rubbed my eyes as a breeze played with my hair. Inside I was being torn apart and how those pieces rearranged would determine who I was in the future. The decision was bigger than what I could handle.

I could handle fighting childish vamps, corrupt Vatican agents and CIA equivalents. To fight oneself is the hardest thing to do.

From now on I had to discourage Alucard. To meet every innuendo with fire, to challenge his every query to join him with denial.

Then fight each and every vamp with the fury of the entire human race. To remove them so that my potential would never break upon this world.

It was the only solution. Unless I found some normal man. Then this would all start over again.

"...thinking too much again, Judas Girl."

I blinked, turned my head then tilted my head up to Alucard, "What?"

"You are merely delaying the inevitable. You are thinking too much again, Judas Girl," his voice slightly more lord-to-servant than before.

"Well excuse me for considering the whole impact of this one decision on humanity!" I snapped hurt by that dratted tone of his, "I'm not some...some trollop who will willy-nilly doom our planet. So if you want one, then go find a dunderhead to make as your draculina."

I put my hands on the dratted wheels and whirled my cysting chair around to go back inside.

His hands covered then pinned mine so I couldn't go anywhere.

Cyst.

"Alucard," I started, turning my head to snipe at him over my shoulder.

He took advantage of my open mouth, teasing me with a searing kiss.

I blinked at him when he pulled away.

"That is an unfair weapon," I glared at him even though much of my anger has dissipated.

He smirked, that smart-aleck grin making him look mischievous.

"If I ask you to become my draculina," he started.

"No," I said if firmly with no hesitation.

I had to be strong otherwise I'd kill this world.

He released one hand to pull off his glasses, leaned into my space, leading with his crimson eyes, "Why?"

I sighed, knowing he'd laugh at me later, "I'm not willing to compromise my morals and the safety of my species for what I desire. I've been backed into a corner with walls of the danger I hold, floors of my standards, and ceilings that are of my own binding. The choice to become your draculina is through those walls. I would give up being a person of shelter and protection to become one of destruction and death. I fear that I would open the door to great catastrophe and in doing so would destroy myself. Wreck what I had made to date so that no good shall come evermore."

"Loss of your people and oneself," he murmured.

"I am the Pandora's box of my age. My passion has been swept aside for the shield I must provide to my fellow men and women. If I were to give in to such frailties of flesh and heart, I would give no hope as a draculina," I swallowed hating I had to take back my own words, "I said once I thought I could become a draculina and remain the same. I doubt that now, with this new information."

"You think you are a coward for choosing this way," he pressed into my face, his crimson eyes and black hair blocking out even the stars, "for declining the path Seras and I walk."

He said it far more as a statement of a fact than a question.

"It is cowardly to retreat from my enemies when they have treed me into this decision," I growled, the sick twisting in my stomach sharpening my words.

"Then you should be a draculina."

"What the cyst?" I stared into his swirling crimson eyes in surprise, "Did you take extra strength crazy pills this evening?"

He snorted, straightened, "Do you really think I want a desire-crazed vampire? I would have to kill such a draculina. Those that resist indulgences last through the centuries."

I raised an eyebrow as I felt his emotions spike in amusement, "And you and your indulgences?"

"I indulge as long as the others are kept in line."

"I couldn't do that."

"Which is why you are Judas Girl. No, Alex Jones-Jordan," his grin threatened to split his face, "You would fight to save humanity even if I forced you to become a draculina."

He faded away to my snarl, "I won't let you change me."

I smelled smoke before a rosary was dropped into my lap.

My hands barely snatched it in time to avoid having it roll off my lap.

"So that is your decision, Alex?"

Integra stepped in front of my chair, inhaling deeply of her cigar.

"Yes, sir," I realized I was holding the rosary Sean had given me.

"And it is, Alex?"

"I will not become a draculina by choice. I will remain human as long as I am able, Sir Integra."

"Then keep Father Sean's rosary or Anderson's bible on you at all times. The addition of blessed objects will reduce any attacks," she ordered, "Will you be pursuing the married life?"

"That is not my intention, Sir Integra," who'd want to wed me when I got into trouble practically on a daily basis?

"What will you do once you have your strength back?"

"There will always be monsters, be they vamp or human. There will be victims in need of a shield. I will provide the cover for them to retain their blissful ignorance of these monsters."

She nodded, "During you downtime?"

I frowned at that question but answered, "Play my game, practice my abilities to provide additional tricks in my bag, consider all my decisions."

She gave a small smile, "We could gain many allies if we lure Sister Kate and that village from the Vatican."

I blinked a few times, a tickle growing in my throat.

Then I was laughing hard enough I was afraid I'd break into a coughing fit. I suspected it sounded nasty.

"That would be a great tactical advantage, Sir Integra," I wiped tears from my eyes, "but it will take time and careful maneuvers. Marvin and his peers will oppose such action."

She grinned, "Then we should begin to woo them once you are recovered enough to tempt Sister Kate to our shores."

I smiled back, then looked up to the stars, "We shall see if reason shall persuade them to our path."

"If not your effectiveness in combat without belief will do so," she turned and walked back to the mansion.

In this life all that matters are our decisions and what memories are left to become history.

Whatever the future held, even if it was endless storms, I had choose the path strewn with needles.

I pushed my chair into motion, sending myself back into battle. To protect humanity. Even those who believed so deeply they would kill us all.

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Author's Notes:

When I started this fanfic two years ago I had one goal. To write a story that was consistent the whole way through. At the time I thought the hardest thing to stay consistent with is someone else's universe and characters.

Along the way I think I have accomplished that goal. For those who are wondering what my source material was, it was the manga (before book 9) and the Hellsing Ultimate edition anime. If I had written this from the original anime this would have had a vastly different feel, especially in regards to Father Anderson.

In the course of reading other fanfics and forums I came to have other goals with this story. One is Seras. In many fanfics, she is portrayed as dumb, clumsy, naive or more bloodthirsty than Alucard. She was a police officer. She may have been slow on the uptake in the anime/manga in being a vampire, but as a person she is not dumb. She wouldn't have been a police officer in the first place if she lacked the brains to do it. In addition, I doubt Alucard would stand for a dumb draculina. Imagine spending years with someone who you had to explain everything to? That would be pretty boring. That is why in this story I showed Seras as a real strong person. She is smart. She just needs the right situation, one where she can shine.

Another goal was to write a solid mystery, one with twists and moments where readers feel for the characters and wonder where they are going. I loved seeing comments on scenes where people enjoyed the byplay, or connections between certain characters (several have mentioned the hug between Seras and Alex) or fear that Alex would die, or those who wanted her to rise as a draculina.

I will admit that I made this a Mary Sue. I thank those people who brought the term to my notice as I didn't know what it meant. In the course of researching this term I have been given better understanding of myself and hopefully a way to make characters that are not based on, well, myself. Though I have to admit, I think a lot of us really want our characters to be Mary Sues in our favorite worlds. ;)

When I got to chapter 34 I started thinking of how I would end this, especially in light of my character being a Mary Sue. There were a few options. One, Alex dies (as in permanently). She accomplished her goals and could peacefully go into nonexistence. I even entertained the notion of Alucard consuming her so she became a shade as a sub ending under this category. She would no longer exist but a part of her would go on, even if it was in a crazy homicidal vampire. The second type of ending was her becoming a draculina. This would have been an interesting end, but it would break what I felt was the core of Alex's character once she knew what she could do. Plus, she'd be with Alucard...hmmm that might be more torture because she'd have to learn fast and he isn't too patient with Seras right now. This would have opened a whole can of worms to end a story with, though would provide plenty of material for further stories which will not give me even one chance of earning a few extra bucks. Or to end it with her still human, still Alex, still being tempted by Alucard to become a vampire, still in the middle of a cold war between Hellsing, the Vatican and all other forces in the world.

The last of course allows other fanfic writers to take what I have started and write their own stories with endless possibilities.

I would like to also thank those who commented on their religious views. I hope that you enjoyed reading about Alex and maybe have some thoughts about how you'd see this situation or one in which you meet a non-believer. Please remember that not everyone is of the same faith and calm discourse where both sides listen and talk will go much further than yelling at others that they are wrong. And yes, I have been yelled at by those who identify themselves as Christians and Catholics. I know each person will respond differently even when they are in the same sub sect of a particular religion. I hope to make many more friends who are of a belief system but don't hold my lack of belief against me as a person.