Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday, here's a new story, Happy Birthday to me.

Sorry, but this is just a really simple story. Only a 2 or 3-shot… I know I should be working on Sonny with a Chance of an Epic Story (btw I'm having a contest to change the title, details later) but I have half of the new chapter done, and you can't fight inspiration.

Disclaimer blah blah blah

Out of Character on an Elevator

Chapter ONE "Revenge"

SM POV

If Chad doesn't shut up for two seconds, I think I'm going to explode.

It started with a phone call this morning.

"Moooooo. Moooooo. Mooo-"

"Hello?" my voice rasped.

"Heeyyy this is, uh, Duke. Yeah Duke from Mackenzie Falls. You drool and we rule. Oh yeah!!"

"Chad, I know it's you. I have one question though."

"Yeeeeeaaaaah?"

"WHY IN THE WORLD ARE YOU CALLING ME AT THREE IN THE MORNING????!!!!!!?????!!!!!!" I screamed.

I heard Chad quickly pull away from the phone.

"Just wanted to make sure you didn't forget" I could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Good night, Chad" I spoke through clenched teeth and hung up the phone.

Every half hour he called back until I saw him at work.

Then he would tell me the same thing in person. Every half hour.

It was now three o'clock in the afternoon. For twelve hours I have been pestered by Chad to the point of pure insanity. I wanted to hurt him.

I was walking down the east hallway when I saw Chad coming in the opposite direction.

He looked down at his watch, grinned, and started running towards me.

This was my chance for revenge.

With a quick side-step and the sticking out of my left foot, I had the pleasure of watching Chad fly through the air as he tripped over my outstretched leg.

However, all of my joy and happiness was quickly replaced with horror and guilt as I saw Chad crash into the ground and hit his head. Hard.

"Chad??" my voice was saturated with fear and panic.

He didn't move.

"OH MY CHEESE CURDS!! Chad!!!! Wake up!!!!! Please!!!!!"

I grabbed his shoulders and started shaking him.

To my relief and guilt, Chad winced and groaned.

"Oh thanks goodness" I sighed.

"Chad, we have to go to the hospital. You hit your head really hard."

"Ugh, five more minutes, Mommy…" Chad groaned.

This wasn't going to work. I needed to get him to the hospital, but I didn't want anyone to know what I just did. Maybe I could schmooze him, somehow.

"Chad, where does it hurt?" I asked gently.

Chad whimpered and gingerly touched the back of his head.

I began to rub around the spot where he had touched. Wow, Chad has really soft hair…

Chad sighed.

"Mmm that feels really good…"

"You don't care that I'm messing up your hair?"

"No, my mommy can recomb it later…"

Oh crud.

Chad must have hit his head really really hard.

"Chad, we have to go to the hospital, NOW."

"I don't want to!!" he whined.

"They have lollipops…"

Chad sat upright, his eyes shining.

"Okay, let's go!"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

(Just as a side note, remember to keep Chad's actual deep voice inside your head so that the story has full effect. Even I keep imagining his voice high-pitched like a child's, but that is not what Chad sounds like, even with head trauma)

"He'll be alright, Ms. Munroe. Just minor head trauma. He'll be better with a good night's rest. Until then, how he acts will be sporadic. One moment he'll be a twelve-year-old, the next moment, he'll be a sixteen-year-old. The next moment, he'll be a chicken. Just keep an eye on him so that he doesn't get into trouble."

Dr. Schwartz moved to a jar in the back of the room.

"This is for you, young man."

He pulled out a bright blue sucker and gave it to Chad.

Chad grinned and stuck it into his mouth.

"Now, do you have any questions before you go?"

Chad raised his hand.

Dr. Schwartz sighed.

"Yes, Mr. Cooper?"

"Can I have a dinosaur band-aid for my boo-boo?"

I groaned.

"No, Chad. Let the nice doctor go back to work now."

I grabbed his hand and towed him out of the office.

Chad giggled. Oh my gosh. Chad giggled.

"Heehee, you're holding my hand."

I rolled my eyes and pressed the down button on the elevator.

The doors rolled open and we stepped inside. I watched Chad's eyes grow wide as he saw the buttons on the wall.

"Chad, don't touch anything."

"Ooooookaaaaaayyyyyy"

I turned to find Chad pressing every single button on the control panel.

"Stop that!"

"NO!" Chad yelled.

The doors on the elevator rolled shut and we began to glide down towards the lobby.

Just twenty minutes from the studio. Just twenty minutes from the studio.

The lights began to flicker.

"What the…" I breathed.

I fell forward as the elevator slammed to a stop.

The lights blipped out, and we were plunged into darkness.