(Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Torchwood. Also, please do not bust me about this not counting as fanfiction, as it does count- it's fictional, and relates to a fictional TV show)

Janto Flu

This is an urgent message from the TW-NHS.

A deadly new virus has evolved following the recent BBC series Torchwood: Children of Earth. The virus is not contagious, but has appeared in many of the fans who have watched the series. Many Torchwood fans have reported the following symptoms:

- Nausea at the thought of Gwen going after Jack

- Vomiting whenever Gwen actually does try to go after Jack

- Synchronised cries of 'squee' at fluffy moments between Jack and Ianto

- Smiling whenever Ianto appears onscreen

- Random episodes of horror, disgust and fury during recurring realisations that interviews were misleading when it was stated that Jack/Ianto fans would like Children of Earth

- (Very few have reported) depression after watching Day Four

- Remembering Ianto when you see a stopwatch or a mug of coffee

- Cravings for PROPER coffee as opposed to instant

After careful analysis of those who have reported these symptoms, I have discovered the cause of it: during the episode, "Day Four", of Children of Earth, the 456 released a deadly virus which killed the popular character Ianto Jones, which in turn killed the Janto pairing. This has led many Janto fans to believe that Gwen is going to see this as a chance to go after Jack, which has led to the first two symptoms, although the latter may appear during any episode which is suggestive of Gwack.

There have been many fluffy moments between Jack and Ianto, which have, unsurprisingly, caused the 'squee' cries to become almost perfectly synchronised across the country. This is most likely due to the fact that Jack and Ianto are in a homosexual relationship. It has been pointed out by all fans suffering from the above symptoms are annoyed by the fact that a male/male relationship has ended, thus leaving the space to be filled by a feared male/female relationship, which can be seen in many other television series across the world.

In an interview, a producer of Children of Earth stated the following: "Fans of Jack and Ianto will strongly enjoy this series as it examines how the relationship develops."

This causes the feelings of horror and disgust because the death of Ianto meant that the relationship could not develop if half of the pairing was dead and fury because the statement was so misleading.

Some of the fans have reported depression after seeing Day Four. This has been related to the fact that these particular fans have a history of suffering from bipolar disorder and chronic depression.

After much debate, it has been decided that the best course of treatment is plenty of bed rest, regularly reading fanfiction, Torchwood novels where Ianto is prominently mentioned, and watching episodes where the Janto relationship is accented or regularly mentioned/innuendoed/addressed. Treatment is now being administered to the fans who have reported the symptoms. However, campaigns are running for the cure to be developed.

If you have experienced any of the above symptoms or any others which you feel may be related to this virus, then do not hesitate to review this or contact me via a private message so that I can add your name to the list of sufferers and any of your own symptoms so that I can make the leaflet a little bit more convincing.

Thank you for your time.