A/N: I owe you guys another update (an extra one – I had another painting to finish, so I didn't write yesterday). I'll post that later tonight, I think. For now, here's today's. I thought a lot about how to end Buttercup and Enigma, and I decided that the resolution isn't in Justin's 'getting' anything (i.e., partial custody of Kayla), but in 'becoming' something. He started off too paralyzed by social anxiety and trauma to really live, dwelling in his head instead and giving his characters what he wanted but felt he could never have (acceptance, unconditional love, dreams). At this point, he hasn't eradicated his fear, but he's started pushing forward in spite of it, accomplishing previously unimaginable feats and beginning to dream again (of becoming a spoken word artist and a 'legit' writer). He's back to being what he described during "A Less Crappy Life" as 'all potential,' and, even though he had Brian's support, he did it largely on his own. Brian has done some transforming of his own – outing himself as a romantic and allowing himself to believe in the kind of love he's always wanted (the unconditional variety). I hope that makes for a good ending. I'm still learning how to write them. PS: I'm again using music outside the timeline…
A remix of Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" started to play. Justin looked out onto the dance floor. It was filled with half naked (or nearly all naked) men dancing among bubbles floating in the air. Fortunately, except for yellow and purple flashing lights, it was dark. Justin wanted more than anything to be able to dance with Brian, here in front of everyone.
Among alternately drawn out and short bursting synth chords, Katy Perry sang, "You think I'm pretty without any make-up on. You think I'm funny when I tell the punch line wrong. I know you get me, so I let my walls come down, down."
Justin turned to face Brian, extended his hand, and whispered huskily, "Dance with me."
Brian didn't smile back. He couldn't. His chest suddenly ached and tears stung his eyes (thankfully not noticeably so). Justin was – no joke – the most amazing person Brian had ever met. He put his hand in Justin's and let himself be led out to the center of the floor, right beneath the ginormous disco ball.
Justin focused on Brian the whole way, on the feel of his skin, the firmness of his grasp, and the gold and chocolate accents of his eyes, which seemed to shine in the twirling, rolling, and flashing of the lights. Once there, Brian pulled Justin into his arms, sliding his hands around Justin's waist.
Justin felt a little hypnotized. He held Brian's eyes with his own and slid his hands around Brian's neck. Slow and gentle, which caused Brian to experience a rippling electric chill. He smiled in spite of himself, almost involuntarily.
Katy Perry sang, "Before you met me, I was all right. But things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life. Now every February you'll be my valentine, valentine. Let's go all the way tonight. No regrets, just love. We can dance until we die. You and I, will be young forever."
Justin ran his fingers up along the curve of Brian's neck on 'you brought me to life' and teared up a little. That's exactly the way he felt about Brian. Like he'd been a zombie, the walking dead, before Enigma had emailed Buttercup the first time.
Katy Perry sang, "You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream. The way you turn me on, I can't sleep. Let's run away and don't ever look back. Don't ever look back. My heart stops when you look at me. Just one touch, now baby I believe. This is real, so take a chance. And don't ever look back, don't ever look back."
Justin leaned in and brushed his lips against Brian's. That started him to trembling, not unlike the night they'd first met (in person). The whole situation (his just barely staved off panic attack; the thrill of being out in public with Brian – and in front of Brian's friends; the 'hate fuck' – the way Brian had looked at him and kissed him during and after – so worried, so needing; and the way Brian was looking at him now – like Brian was surprised and couldn't breathe) had Justin's body on high alert – was making him feel a little high. Every touch, movement, and sensation was heightened.
Katy Perry sang, "We drove to Cali and got drunk on the beach. Got a motel and built a fort out of sheets. I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece. I'm complete. Let's go all the way tonight. No regrets, just love. We can dance until we die. You and I, we'll be young forever."
So Justin burned and trembled, and Brian captured and then consumed him, moving one hand to Justin's face to pull him closer and waiting just a second before plunging his tongue so deeply into Justin's mouth that Justin felt the kiss in his groin and kissed back hungrily, desperately. His trembling also grew more pronounced after that. Brian slid the hand that had been on Justin's waist up Justin's back. He rubbed and massaged and pulled Justin deeper into his arms, holding Justin so tightly Justin kind of felt like crying. No one had ever made him feel more wanted or safe.
Justin and Brian broke apart. Their breathing was ragged, and they remained close, their bodies up against each other's. Brian leaned forward, pressing his forehead gently against Justin's, his lips a couple of millimeters from Justin's. Then they started swaying.
Katy Perry sang, "My heart stops when you look at me. Just one touch, now baby I believe. This is real, so take a chance. And don't ever look back, don't ever look back. I'ma get your heart racing in my skin-tight jeans. Be your teenage dream tonight. Let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans. Be your teenage dream tonight. You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream. The way you turn me on, I can't sleep. Let's runaway and don't ever look back. Don't ever look back."
Neither moved beyond swaying except when Brian slid his hands over Justin's ass on 'Let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans' and squeezed. He felt especially inspired by that lyric.
Then the long-short synth chords from "Teenage Dream" morphed into a heartbeat sounding quick thump-thump. A remix of John Legend's "All of Me" had started to play.
John Legend sang, "What would I do without your smart mouth. Drawing me in, and you kicking me out. You got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down. What's going on in that beautiful mind? I'm on your magical mystery ride. And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright."
Brian started running his hands all over Justin then, even pulling away a bit so he could look at him while doing so. He felt prickly and tingly and even a little dizzy. His chest started aching, and his throat was suddenly dry. He felt happy. So perfectly happy in that moment that he was suddenly scared. Somehow Justin had pushed his way into the center of things. To the center of Brian's universe. Brian could no longer imagine life without Justin. Or rather, he could, but a life like that wasn't life. He wondered then how he'd managed to live such an empty existence for so long (before meeting Justin). There really was no comparison. Justin (or being with Justin) made everything seem possible.
John Legend sang, "My head's underwater. But I'm breathing fine. You're crazy and I'm out of my mind. 'Cause all of me. Loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges. All your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me. I'll give my all to you. You're my end and my beginning. Even when I lose I'm winning. Cause I give you all of me. And you give me all of you, oh."
The quick thump-thump of the synthesizer picked up the pace and deepened then, adding a static-y scratchy feel to the melody and rising, rising, rising into a crescendo before falling and hard, like someone's heart falling into their stomach when that someone tumbles head over heels, falling deeply in love. That had a profound effect on Brian. He almost felt like the music had physically lifted and then dropped him. Brian's chest ached, and he felt like he might cry (though of course he didn't).
John Legend sang, "How many times do I have to tell you? Even when you're crying you're beautiful too. The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood. You're my downfall, you're my muse. My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues. I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you."
Brian found himself pleading then, his voice nearly a rasp, "Don't ever leave."
Justin's eyes widened. Suddenly he couldn't breathe. "What?"
Brian wasn't breathing, either.
John Legend sang, "My head's underwater. But I'm breathing fine. You're crazy and I'm out of my mind. 'Cause all of me. Loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges. All your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me. I'll give my all to you. You're my end and my beginning. Even when I lose I'm winning. Cause I give you all of me. And you give me all of you, oh. Give me all of you, oh oh."
Brian didn't really know what he was doing, how to do what the song, memories of life in the 'before time,' the feel of Justin's body in his arms, and the expression in Justin's eyes were pushing him to do. He cleared his throat and swallowed hard. This was Brian's most desperate wish, his greatest fear. But after the near panic attack outside and the Chris-Justin role play inside, Brian knew like never before that he was all in. He needed Justin healthy and happy and with him, for a LONG LONG time. Forever would be just about right. He stared into Justin's eyes, his mouth open slightly, his own eyes wide, and his body surging with electricity that bordered on the painful. He burst out suddenly, "Marry me." His body (and his grip on Justin) tightened. In his head, he asked himself, "Fuck. What did I just do?" Not because he regretted asking, but because he wasn't sure Justin would say yes.
In fact, Brian had a painful lump in chest that grew in size every second Justin hesitated. And for some reason, Justin WAS hesitating. Brian started to panic, but played it cool, managing to appear somewhat nonchalant. It took everything in him NOT to withdraw the question. For better or worse, he was all in.
John Legend sang, "Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts. Risking it all though it's hard. Cause all of me. Loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges. All your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me. I'll give my all to you. You're my end and my beginning. Even when I lose I'm winning. Cause I give you all of me. And you give me all of you. I give you all of me. And you give me all, of you, oh oh oh."
Justin was floored. He'd started fantasizing about Brian's proposing, which was why he'd had Aidan and James alternately doing the same, but it never occurred to Justin that Brian might actually do it. So he asked, in a sad childlike voice, "You … you want to marry me, Brian?"
Brian nodded and tried to answer in words, but he barely managed a word. He rasped, "Yes."
Justin just stared at Brian for a long moment, frozen with surprise and terror (Brian continued to give Justin so much, but that meant so much to lose), and his eyes welled up, but then finally, he stood up on his tip toes and threw himself into Brian's arms, holding onto him like he'd fly apart otherwise. He whispered in Brian's ear, over and over, "Yes, yes, yes, yes!"
Brian's heart and lungs restarted, pumping blood and taking in air. He clung (yes clung) to Justin then.
Emmett and Mikey approached then. Emmett tapped Justin on the shoulder and asked excitedly, "What are we celebrating?"
Justin smiled a trillion-watt smile and answered a bit breathlessly (and loudly – he expected to be competing with the music), "Brian proposed!"
Unfortunately for Brian, they'd hit the lowest part of the song (in volume and beat), so everyone in a twenty-foot radius heard. Including the DJ. The DJ was so shocked in fact that he neglected to press the button to switch players (where he had the next song queued up). The result was complete silence and a labyrinth full of people gawking.
Justin turned bright red. A cold flush washed through him.
Emmett's eyes widened to the size of saucers and glanced around. He wondered, "Oh God! What's Brian going to say?" Everyone in the club expected Brian to respond, confirming or denying, explaining.
Brian slid his arm around Justin's shoulders and pulled him closer, even squeezing his shoulder. Then he did something no one present (except Justin) ever would have expected, ever would have believed. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath. Then he kissed Justin's temple and said, "That's right. This is Justin, my fiancé." Then Brian plastered a fake smile on his face and quipped, "PS: Get a fucking life."
The DJ shrugged and hit the button. The squeaky organ chords and slow bass of Estelle's "American Boy" swelled.
"Just the number one champion sound. Yeah me and Estelle are about to get down. Who's the hottest in the world right now? Just touched down from London Town."
The nameless faceless club goers returned to their dancing, drugging, and fucking.
Emmett giggled and started popping his right shoulder. "This is my jam!" He walked slowly forward toward Justin, took his hand, and pulled Justin in his direction. Then he started both shoulders going (alternately) and wiggled. Justin laughed and started bopping his head (side to side) and swiveling his hips. Brian stepped behind Justin and began swaying with him, hands on Justin's waist.
Emmett started pointing, waggling his eye brows suggestively (even winking at Justin), and singing with Estelle, "Just met this five foot seven guy who's just my type. I like the way he's speaking. His confidence is peaking. Don't like his baggy jeans but I'ma like what's underneath em. … Take me on a trip. I'd like to go someday. Take me to New York, I'd like to see LA. I'd really like to come kick it with you. Won't you be my American boy?"
Brian glared at Emmett and started sucking on and biting Justin's neck, right at the pulse point. Justin moaned softly.
Mikey stared in horror for a long moment. Then he threw his hands up and stomped off to the bar. "I need a drink or three."
A/N two: Kurt and Blaine fans (Glee) might recognize this particular line-up of songs. I guess I have Klaine on the brain due to their impending reunion tonight…sorry