Things weren't getting better with Fang. If anything, it felt as if they'd gotten worse. He'd adopted a sort of weird, cheerful (well for him anyway) tone of voice every time I saw him between classes. It seemed like he thought that if he acted like it wasn't awkward, it wouldn't be. Except, he clearly felt uncomfortable. If he weren't trying so hard to be "normal", it would actually be normal, but his effort was filling up all of the air with unease.

Sitting next to him in the lunch room felt as though I was trying to breathe in and out of a balloon. Laboring to get a full breath in, and then having to push the air back out into the real world while fighting the laws of physics. It was made worse by the fact that he kept meeting my eyes for a split second before looking away, like we were playing some kind of weird game of tag.

I took a long drink of my chocolate milk. The rest of the table was silent, either because everyone was absorbed in eating the toast that was hard like a rock or because they were feeling uncomfortable too. I'd thought about whether or not I wanted to start talking to everyone again, about whether or not I was ready.

Talking to Fang had made me feel a lot more confident, but how do you go from being silent for two years back to talking. Should I just say, "Hey guys, sorry I got all weird and quiet but I'm ready to be over that now"? There weren't really words that I could think of, that would properly explain how I felt. I didn't really want to make a big deal out of things, but I didn't want to stay quiet from now on just because that's what I'd been doing.

Originally, I wanted to show Fang that I was trying to find the old me. I was doing it more for him than myself. Thinking about it last night though, I realized that I wanted to find the old me for myself too. I wanted my sisters to hear from my own voice that I loved them. Besides, after the initial weirdness, everything would bounce back to normal, right? As long as no one else at the table kissed me for it, and I found that possibility highly unlikely.

I looked over at my sisters. Ella was working on her math homework, glancing at Iggy every few problems. She seemed oblivious to the awkwardness in the room. Camy on the other hand, seemed really uncertain as to what she should do. She kept glancing around the table, waiting for someone to talk. She'd tried, unsuccessfully to start a new conversation a few times, only to realize that no one really felt like talking. Now she was tapping her fork on the side of her tray, trying to fill the silence somehow.

Angel was poking at her weird looking soup. She seemed so young and innocent when our dad died, but now she looked older. It didn't seem fair. She seemed to feel me looking at her, and met my eyes across the table. She smiled sweetly. I hadn't been able to tell her that I love her with my own voice in so long, and even though I knew that she knew it, I wanted her to hear it from me. I wanted her to know without a shadow of a doubt that I cared about her. I wanted all of them to know.

I took another deep breath in. I just needed to rip it off like a band-aid. I'd done this before, with Fang, and I could do it again. A second time should be easier than the first time.

"Oh my gosh, Camy, please stop tapping your tray! You're driving me crazy!" Ella snapped, glaring at her.

"Well sorry, I just tap sometimes. You know that!" Camy said, setting her fork on the table with a plop.

"I know, but I'm trying to concentrate and you're making it really difficult for me." Ella was more frustrated than mad, but the argument caused everyone at the table to begin shuffling.

"Who studies at lunch, in the cafeteria?" Camy argued. "Why don't you try doing your homework, ya know, at home?"

They began to bicker, and Angel tried to cut in and create a peace, but nothing seemed to be working. Iggy leaned over to Fang and whispered to him, asking if he was uncomfortable too. Fang nodded, tearing at his rock-toast. My moment seemed ruined.

Who said I needed a special moment though? I just wanted to start talking to them and get this over with. They continued to bicker, and Angel continued to try and intercede. I took another deep breath, I should just do this. Like a band-aid.

"I love you guys, you know that right?" I said it in a bit of a rush, trying to get all of the words out before I could chicken out. By the end of my sentence, I'm sure my face was beet-red, but I felt so proud of myself. I finally told them how much I love them!

I looked around. The table had fallen silent again. All around me were shocked faces. Angel let her spoonful of soup drop and clatter onto her tray, splashing chunks of it everywhere, but no one seemed to notice. All eyes were on me, and I suddenly wanted to sink into the floor. Several moments passed, but I didn't have the courage to try and speak again.

"We love you too, Max!" Angel practically shouted, causing me to wince at her volume. She leapt up from her seat at the table and threw herself at me, wrapping me into the tightest hug she'd ever given me. Camy and Ella jumped up too, making their way over to join in the hug. Tears streamed down Angel's face, and I could see Ella holding back tears of her own.

I hugged them back as best I could while still seated, slightly embarrassed at their reaction. It was just talking, it's wasn't like I came back from the dead or anything. I could feel my face continuing to burn bright red, but I happily hugged my sisters, glad that they were glad. They hugged me for a few more seconds, before sitting back down.

"I'm glad you love us and all, but what prompted this?" Iggy asked after the moment had passed. I rolled my eyes. It wasn't that I didn't think Iggy was cool, but he obviously knew I was talking to my sisters. I knew he was being sarcastic though, so I let him have it.

"I just want to be myself again." I answered honestly, before taking another bite of my rock-toast.

"Well, we couldn't be happier!" Ella said, enthusiastically shoving her math homework into her backpack.

I didn't say anything else during our lunch, but I didn't have to. Everyone seemed energized, and conversation went back to the way it normally was. No one made me feel like I had to talk again, for which I was grateful. I was glad to start talking again, but I wasn't quite ready to be the main event during lunchtime conversation.

Can I be honest with you all? I can't believe people still review this story…I am terrible at updating it, and honestly when I go back and read it I can't help but be a little embarrassed. I started this story like 4 or 5 years ago, and I don't feel like it's very good. That said, I don't want to just leave people hanging if they really enjoy reading it. So, I will try and actually wrap it up and finish it soon. As in, not YEARS between updates. It's just been a little difficult to talk myself into working on it when I feel like it's so bad. Anyway, thank you all for your support and kind words over the years, and for sticking around! I know it doesn't seem like I'm getting them, but I am, and it means a lot to me!

YourMoosyFate